Secrets and Lies

I'm sitting outside enjoying a glass of shandy in the warm April sunshine. As I sit here enjoying the morning air my scar starts to itch. It is not a large scar, about three inches long, just above the waist on the left side of my back. As I start to scratch the itch it all comes flooding back to remind me where a lie can get you.

Susan and I have been married for seventeen years and for the most part we have been happy. She has blessed me with three wonderful children, Alex, Maddy and Jacob. Susan is four years older than me and I always joked that I was her toy boy. She's attractive, not drop dead gorgeous but most men would give her a second look. She has a nice figure, great legs and a personality that could warm any room. One of the things that really attracted me to Susan was her love of children. Although I often made jokes to the contrary, I really wanted to be a dad.

When we married I was twenty one and Susan was twenty five. Her biological clock was ticking. In those days it was thought if you hadn't started a family by the time you were thirty then you considered adoption. After eighteen months of trying, Susan still hadn't conceived so we started consulting specialists. During this time all our friends were producing offspring and they were all younger than Susan. One of my friends, Gary Dawson, had made his teenage girlfriend pregnant and had to marry her. Susan had all the tests done and everything came back normal. Then it was my turn and here comes the hammer blow, good old Harry Anderson who loves children, had a very low sperm count and it was doubtful that he would ever produce offspring. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't give the woman I loved, the one thing she wanted more than anything else in this world. I would have understood if she had left me but my Susan wasn't like that. She'd made a promise for better or worse and she would see it through.

Whether someone had said something or whether it was just because we'd been trying so long I will never know but my friends started teasing about the lack of children. Gary Dawson was particularly cruel, his wife Sarah was now expecting their second child. Whenever I saw him the topic would come up and he would boast

"I only have to look at a woman and she's pregnant. If you need any help there Harry, give me a call. I mean your Susan is no Sarah but I wouldn't climb over her to get to you. Eh"

I came close to filling that smirking mouth of his with my fist on numerous occasions.

We investigated AID (artificial insemination by donor) and became resigned to that or adoption and we decided to set the wheels in motion. Then one day a miracle happened. Susan rang me at work to tell me she'd just come from the doctor and she was definitely pregnant. Of course, we were overjoyed and Susan was a radiant prospective mother. I worked all the extra hours I could and by the time Alex was born we'd already fitted out a nursery for him.

What is it they say about buses? You wait forever for one then three come along together. So it was with our children. Within two years we had Maddy and a year later Jacob. It seemed old Harry Anderson wasn't shooting blanks after all. We were as happy as people could be. After Jacob we decided three was enough. We'd never bothered about birth control before but now Susan decided to go on the pill. We had ups and down but it's true to say more ups than downs.

This sort of happiness couldn't last and just after Alex turned fourteen our world fell apart. On the way home from school one day he stepped off the kerb and into the path of a large SUV. He was taken to hospital and we were told that he had a few broken ribs, a bad crack on the head and severe bruising around the kidneys. It could've been a lot worse and Susan and I supported each other through the worrying times. I was now self employed designing control systems and doing consultancy work for the telecoms industry. I had a tight deadline coming up so we worked out a shift system for being at the hospital. Susan would do the days so I could work at home, I would take over at 4pm and stay until midnight when she'd come back to spend the night in the hospital. Meanwhile her mother would look after the younger children.

After a couple of days I realised something was wrong. Susan was only giving me sketchy details of what the doctors had said and I sensed she was keeping something from me. When I next came in for my shift I asked her point blank what was wrong with our son. It turned out following the impact from the bull bars on the SUV both kidneys had ceased to function. They'd tried to stimulate them but there were no encouraging signs. Dialysis was an option but not everyone could be helped that way. The hospital had put Alex's name on the transplant waiting list. I thought no more about it.

"Problem solved, he can have one of mine".

Susan burst into tears and said through the sobbing, "Oh Harry, I just knew you'd say that but it's not that simple"

I did my best to calm her down then she explained to me that they had to do tests for tissue type to ensure the new kidney was not rejected. She'd already had a test done and was awaiting the result.

"Fair enough" I said "Who do I see to get my test done?"

"They screen you first "she said "and the best chances of a match come from maternal blood relatives. I've already had my test, Maddy and Jacob are too young."

For the first time in seventeen years I felt Susan was lying to me and I didn't know why. Susan went home to get some rest and I settled in to sit with Alex. He wasn't looking good his body seemed to be puffed up with all the fluids they put into him and he was only conscious for short periods.

That evening they had a medical emergency on the ward and I saw one of the Doctors rushing in. I decided to wait for him and find out more of what was going on. To be fair he looked like he hadn't had a good night's sleep in days so when I confronted him as he left he was, to say the least a little short with me. He told me he had explained all this to my wife, Alex really needed a transplant and the best likelihood of a match came from a blood relation..

"Your wife has already been tested and I asked her to get the boy's father to come in for testing"

"Well that's me Doc, I'm Alex's father"

"Oh No" he said "I mean it's great that you look on him that way, but we need his biological father from your wife's first marriage."

I was so shocked that I just let him walk away. I tried to call Susan several times that night but each time there was no reply. By the time she turned up for the night shift I'd made up my mind not to broach the subject yet. I mentioned that I'd tried to call her and she told me that she was out in the garden and then went round to her mother's. Another lie I'd already called there.

I went home but I didn't get much sleep. The question kept coming up "why would she lie about a previous marriage?" The only answer I could think of was that Alex was not mine and she knew it. The following day I finished the project I had been working on and sent the report down the line to the customer. I rang them and told them I couldn't do a presentation for at least a week but to go ahead and show what I'd done to their techies so they could be ready with questions at the presentation. That left me free during the day.

That afternoon I was back at the hospital by 4pm. Susan was distraught, Her test had come back negative. That only leaves the boy's father I thought, is that where she was last night? I comforted her as best I could and told her to go home and get some rest. I knew in my heart she wouldn't be going home. I waved her off at the hospital door then made a sprint for my car. In the state she was in she wouldn't have noticed me if I'd been right on her bumper.

I was right about her not going home. Instead she drove out to an estate of new houses on the outskirts of town. She pulled up outside one of the houses and just sat in her car. I pulled up about 200 metres behind her and watched. For over an hour she sat there. Just as I was starting to believe nothing was going to happen a black pick up swung into the drive of the house. Susan got out of her car and marched up the drive. I recognised the driver as soon as he got out. I hadn't seen him for a good few years and those years hadn't been kind but as he stood there I could see it was Gary bloody Dawson. I started to feel sick, of all the people to do it with why him?

Susan was now up to the truck and was talking to Gary. I could see him repeatedly shaking his head. Susan dropped to her knees, My God she was begging him. He tried to walk away but she was holding his trousers. That's when I saw him raise his hand. I was out of my car and running full tilt, closing the distance between us. He never did strike Susan, someone appeared at the side door, called to him and he turned and left Susan kneeling in the driveway. Slowly she got up and walked back to her car and I walked back to mine. She must have sat there a good ten minutes before she started the car and drove off. I followed long enough to be sure she was headed home then made my way back to the hospital. I sat with Alex talking to him when he was awake and just thinking when he slept. One thing was sure he wasn't getting any better.

When Susan got back to the hospital she looked awful, as if she'd been crying all evening and all hope taken from her. Even knowing what I knew I still couldn't resist giving her a cuddle and telling her it would be all right. I stayed with her for much of the night. We sat just holding each other and talking about the options. I left the hospital around 3am and went home. I realised that night, whatever I decided to do couldn't be done while Alex was still in the Hospital.

In the clear light of day away from the emotional wrenching I felt I was thinking more clearly. I went up to the attic and searched through all the old photos that we had. After a while I found some of the old crowd we had mixed with in our youth. Sure enough there were some with Gary. I also found a school photo of Alex and compared the two. Same eyes, similar nose and eyebrows, he had Susan's mouth but a sharper chin than either of them. To my untrained eye it looked pretty conclusive. I also found a picture of Susan from just before she was first pregnant she was wearing a bikini and it was obviously a holiday picture. As I looked at the picture I got a warm feeling in my chest. God she was lovely, not catwalk beautiful but had the look that made you want to hold her and protect her from any of life's troubles. I took the photos downstairs and put them under the lid of my scanner for later use. I sat down at my desk and called my brother Bob. He and his wife had a spare room and I was hoping to move into it on a temporary basis. I told him that Susan and I were going through a rough patch and I wanted to give her some space once Alex came out of Hospital. He seemed to swallow it and said he'd talk to his wife but he was sure she would agree.

When I arrived at the hospital both Alex and Susan were looking remarkably brighter. He'd been given his first round of Dialysis and things were looking up.

She looked at me and said "We need to talk, fancy taking me for a coffee?"

I thought, this is it she is going to make a clean breast of it and tell me the whole sordid story. I was wrong. As we sat and drank our coffee she started telling me all about dialysis and how once a patient had settled down and was capable of doing it themselves they frequently installed the machines at home. But it needed a separate room. She wanted to know if I was prepared to give up my office. I was disappointed, she was still going on with the lie.

"Yes, No problem" I said, knowing full well that I would be out by then.

That evening passed well, Alex had perked up no end. He was still strapped up because of the broken ribs and it still hurt him to laugh but he was more like the son I knew. He was asleep by ten so I got out my laptop and made a list of things to do. Set up personal bank account, get new phone, talk to solicitor, move stuff out, Kill Gary.

Susan was late that night and didn't arrive until 1.00 am. She looked better than she had for a week and had obviously been sleeping. I went home and slept well for the first time in three days. I was awakened by the telephone at half past nine It was my brother, yes they would be happy for me to stay and was there anything they could do to help Susan and I get over our problems. I thanked him and asked if I could start bringing my stuff over at about five that evening. He agreed and I let him get back to work. By the time the day was over I'd set up a personal bank account and transferred a third of the funds from our joint accounts into it. I had bought a new phone and started copying my contacts across to it. I'd also set up an appointment with a solicitor for the following day. When I arrived at my brothers house and started unloading he was a bit surprised.

"Whoa Harry. This looks like a lot of stuff for just a few days. You are planning on going back aren't you?"

"I don't know Bob. I just don't know but I am going to have to work out of here for a while, if that is O.K.?".

He said it would be and I set off for the hospital.

Susan and Alex were both in fine fettle when I got there and didn't even complain about me being late. Alex was so much better that Susan had decided to spend the night at home in our own bed.

"Harry when he drops off to sleep come home, you really look exhausted".

I got home around eleven and, using the excuse she had already given me, went straight to bed and slept. I was awakened by the smell of bacon and the news that it was on the table. When I reached the table Susan was quite her old self, bright, happy and buzzing. Over breakfast she told me all about how Alex was due for dialysis today then again on Monday and if they went well he could come home and just go in three times a week for dialysis until we got a machine at home. She thanked me for giving up my office, finished her coffee and dashed off to the hospital. I got out the laptop and looked again at my to do list. Only two items left, talk to solicitor and kill Gary.

Well the first one was in hand so I might as well make a start on the other. I had no idea whether I could actually kill him. I'd never even wanted someone dead before, but then again I'd never been in this frame of mind before. It seemed to me, my whole life had been taken from me and none of that would have happened without Gary Dawson. I wanted to take his life away the way he'd taken mine.

Now I have no experience in killing people but from the films I'd seen you started by studying their movements. With this in mind I drove out to Gary's house. As I pulled up outside I saw his pick up in the drive. All of my calm abandoned me. The bastard had impregnated my wife then turned his back on my son in his hour of need. He deserved what was coming to him and there was no time like the present. I got out of my car and strode up to the front door. I rang the bell and the door was quickly opened. What I saw took my breath away. She was about five foot eight curves in all the right places brunette with blue eyes. She wore figure hugging ice blue jeans and a cotton check shirt tied at the bottom exposing some of her midriff.

"Can I help you?"

My anger returned and I demanded to see Gary

"Well I'm afraid you can't. He's not here" Then before I could dispute that she looked at me again and said "Just a minute, it's Harry isn't it? You are Harry Anderson? My it has been a long time Harry, please come in."

"I'm sorry you have me at a disadvantage. You are?"

"Sarah Harry. Gary's wife"

"Sarah. - I am sorry I didn't recognise you, the last time I saw you, you were just out of your teens and now you're..."

"All growed up" she said before I could finish "tell me Harry" she continued spinning around with her arms held up "You like?"

"Oh I like, very much" I said truthfully

"Good. Sit down I'll make some coffee"

I sat on the sofa with the wind taken completely out of my sails. I wanted to kill Gary not harm this vision of loveliness. She came back with a tray with coffee, cream, sugar and biscuits. She sat opposite me on the Sofa with one leg tucked up under her, and looking straight at me. As she poured the coffee she asked

"Harry, has Gary done something very bad to you?"

"What makes you ask that?"

"When I answered the door the man outside had real hatred in his eyes. That's why I didn't recognise you straight off. The Harry Anderson I knew was a kind and gentle man who never hated anyone. Why did you come here Harry?"

"I came to kill him" I said in a matter of fact manner.

"Wow! You must hate him even more than I do. What has he done to you Harry?"

I saw a chance to side step the question.

"Why do you hate him? Does he beat you?"

"Used to Harry, but not any more. Not since Daddy found me with a black eye and sent someone to have a chat with Gary. He has not laid a finger on me since"

"That must've been quite some chat"

"Oh it was, the kind that left his right hand in plaster for six weeks. Now he's the one that's afraid."

She returned to the question

"What's he done to you Harry"

Her eyes were not those of an inquisitor but soft and tender and full of sympathy. I broke down in tears and told her the whole story. As I did so she moved closer and pulled my head to her chest and held it there. When I got to the part where Susan was obviously begging him to have a tissue test she interrupted me.

"That was Susan? I never would've recognised her. I thought it was one of his little lady friends"

"If he'd hit her I would have killed him there and then."

"If he'd hit her Harry darling, I would be wearing his balls as ear rings today. Like I said I am not the one who's afraid these days"

I sobbed and she hugged me to her breast and it was only as I started to calm that I began to relish the pleasure of having my head cradled there. When I stopped crying she pulled my head up held it between her two hands and looked at me. I remember thinking "God she is beautiful"

"You have to start thinking like Harry Anderson. You were always the smartest man in our little group, that's why you didn't fit in. Killing Gary isn't going to help you is it? It'll only make it worse. What are Susan and the children going to do with you locked up in prison?"

The truth of her words stuck home and I realised she was right. This was the girl that the blokes in our little group of friends had called an air head and Gary's bimbo all those years ago, how wrong they were.

She made some fresh coffee and we talked some more when I looked at my watch I saw that it was almost time for my solicitor's appointment.

As I got up to leave and she followed me to the door. "Harry, Gary is home all weekend and the children will be home from school. Will you promise me that you will come back on Monday morning, we can make a plan?"

Then she kissed me, not hard and passionate but soft and kindly. Of course I promised I would come back, what man wouldn't? As I got to the door she pulled my head down and kissed me again. This one was warm , passionate and full of fire. She pulled her body in close to mine our lips parted and our tongues were doing the Tango. As we broke the kiss she looked at me and smiled.

"That was to make sure you come back on Monday"

The solicitor thought the case was straightforward if I went for adultery then I'd have to get DNA tests done to prove that I wasn't the father of the children. Otherwise we could use the information Susan had given the doctors to show that she didn't think I was Alex's father and discovering the deception led to irreconcilable breakdown. I told him the latter sounded like the best option. I had no desire to blacken Susan's name and certainly didn't want the children to think badly of her. I also told him I wasn't ready to act yet and would wait until Alex was out of Hospital.