Seen On National TV

Win or lose, Lenny "quadzilla" Gallagher thinks tonight is the night he will propose to Bethany Alexandra Ritzer. He'll be competing on national TV in an episode of American Ninja Warrior. She doesn't know it yet. In fact, no one knows there will even be a proposal except the jeweler where he bought that near flawless two-carat rock, now sitting in a velvet-lined case in Lenny's equipment bag in a zip tight compartment. Bethany holds the bag for him, but she has no idea what's inside.

He can picture it now, getting down on one knee in front of his beloved Bethany, in front of the whole damn country, saying those immortal words, "will you marry me?" He can picture Bethany crying tears of joy, accepting, of course, amid the cheers of the audience. Oh how happy she will be—they will be, walking off into the sunset, making a life together, happily ever after. He's even got a honeymoon picked out, Acapulco, romantic getaway for VIPs and plain folk alike.

Okay, so they've only known each other a few months. Engagements happen on less time. Hell, marriages happen on less time. When it's right you know it, and Lenny knows it, and so does Bethany. Doesn't she? Of course she does. He has no doubt, wouldn't have dropped a few grand on that huge rock if he did.

He's waiting on deck to take his run at the obstacle course. Bethany and his parents stand at his side. The crowd's going wild, cheering on a lithe female ninja trying to make it up the warped wall, one of the most daunting obstacles on the course. She gives it her best shot. However, after three valiant attempts, she's out.

Now it's Lenny's turn. It's time to drop thoughts about the upcoming proposal and focus on the task at hand. He stands at the start line, shirtless and wearing shorts, his washboard six-pack and granite-like quadriceps flexing. The two announcers, Akbar and Matt, give colorful commentary as Lenny works the course, jumping, climbing, running, pulling and swinging through these impossible looking obstacles—Jumping Spider, Salmon Ladder, Log Grip, Half-Pipe Attack and others, including Warped Wall, the final obstacle which he conquers on his first try. Standing victorious on the platform, he pumps his fists into the air, and then blows kisses to his soon to be fiancé.

He runs up to Kristine Leahy, the comely blond sideline reporter holding a microphone. As usual, she's all bubbly and smiling. "Terrific run, Len, you made it look so easy. What's next for you?"

"Well, I have a little something planned for Bethany Ritzer, my beautiful girlfriend over there." He points her out.

Cameras pan to a smiling Bethany, beautiful indeed, with her wavy brown tresses and her ballerina-like figure. Lenny jogs over to the sidelines, supremely confident. And why not? After all, he just completed an obstacle course that thus far tonight had tripped up all but a few of the contestants that tried it. Now he goes for the icing on the cake, his own personal Mount Midoriyama.

The crowd cheers louder as they watch Lenny pull out the small white case from his bag and then drop to one knee. He bathes in the adulation, the celebratory whistles and cheers that fill the air. This is his moment, the most special moment of his life, proposing to this incredibly special woman he both loves and adores. The crowd noise is so loud that viewers can barely hear him pose the question. Not that they need to, for anybody that doesn't know what he's doing is either too young to understand or brain dead.

He looks up into Bethany's eyes, big and brown and as beautiful as the rest of her. He sees those eyes flash wide as she cups her hands over her mouth and slowly shakes her head, no doubt in joyful surprise. He waits on bended knee, holding the open case in front of her, watching her stare at the big gleaming stone, symbolic testament of his love and devotion and future plans. He waits as the seconds tick by and the crowd continues to cheer. He's barely conscious of the noise, though, or anything else, so focused is he on his fiancé to be, silent and paralytic. He nods, as if helping her to accept so he can finally stand up, so he can finally hug and kiss the future Mrs. Gallagher in front of all these cheering people and the millions watching at home.

He waits for the affirmative, the big Yes that will seal their future together. He waits and waits, seemingly for a long time. In fact, only about 20 seconds elapse between his dropping to his knee and her response. She utters not one word but four: "I'm sorry, I can't."

Her words fly clear through him like a supersonic missile. Still on one knee, still holding the case, he thinks he might not have heard her right. He stares at her in curious disbelief. His stomach knots up. His mouth goes dry. His head begins to hurt. Reflexively, he says, "Come on, Bethany. What do you mean you can't?"

Her response is the same, though slightly more detailed. "I'm so sorry, Len, this won't work. I can't do this." She shakes her head, looks like she's on the verge of tears. Then she takes off. She jogs down the aisle, looks back a couple times and then jogs on until she's out of camera range.

Lenny stands up, scratches his head, and then slams shut the ring case amid the crowd's sympathetic howls, their collective aw. His parents shrug and embrace him. Akbar and Matt make some light remarks before they and the cameras focus on the next ninja contestant.

Lenny stuffs the case back into his equipment bag, hands it over to his parents, and then takes off after whom he assumed would be his fiancé by now. Only briefly does a camera pan in his direction, catching his broad back until he's out of sight. Then the show goes on, leaving those who care to ponder why Lenny Gallagher's "beautiful girlfriend" ruined so golden a moment.