Sex Myths Unmasked: Penis Size

Myth: Secretly, women all really want an enormously endowed man and only pretend not to so as not to hurt men’s feelings. Men, how many times have you heard women say that it doesn’t matter--and how many of other times have you heard comedians make jokes about what a lie this is? Which do you believe, or do you not knowwhat to think anymore? Women, surely you’ve noticed that men seem to worry a great deal about the size of their cocks, right? In all likelihood, you’ve even measured at least one hard-on for a partner who was “just curious.” Ever wonder what causes that anxiety? Well, no wonder they’re confused and evenscared about how their equipment “measures up”--with all the mixed messages out there, it’s a wonder men aren’tmore obsessed with the size question. It’s tough enough to get naked in front of another person and open onesself to body judgement, let alone taking that risk when you can’t even tell what’s attractive to the opposite sex, much less whether or not you fit the bill.

Reality: Penis size doesn’t (really) matter. The truth is that there’s no simple, always true for all women, standard answer as to what’s the best size, for a variety of reasons. Pussies are differently sized, for one thing, and are thus optimally stimulated by different sizes and shapes of cock. Also, there’s a great deal of truth to the old adage that “it’s not the size of the wave, but the motion of the ocean.” While among ourselves, most women will admit that penis size does have some impact on sexual satisfaction, there’s a lot of wrong ideas (especially among men) about what that really means. For one thing, while most men seem to focus their size-anxieties on it, most womendon’t really care about length--the average vagina is only 4-5 inches deep, and the average erection is slightly over five inches, so that all works out just fine the majority of the time. Circumference, on the other hand, can seriously affect the experience of intercourse. Women, by and large, enjoy the sensation of fullness that can only come from girth--it’s the flip side to men’s enjoyment of a tight, clenching pussy.

And, even if a man has limited endowment--in both length and girth--he can be a skilled and fully satisfying sexual partner for most women. A smaller than average erection doesn’t equate to a bad lover because attentive foreplay and technical proficiency go a long way; rather than sweat the issue or do silly things like buy products which claim to increase size, you’d be better off accepting your body and learning to make optimal use of the equipment you were dealt by the hand of Fate. In fact,regardless of penis size, every man has the potential to be a good lover--and the best way to start is by taking the focus off of genital measurements and redirecting it toward a much broader idea of eroticism and sex appeal. Learning to use the whole body and mind during the sexual experience, rather than relying upon erection size as the barometer of sexual prowess, makes for amuch better lover.

Corollary myth: a big cock makes for a good lover. First, I’m not denying that some women really are size queens--they truly do prefer, or even insist upon, sexual partners with larger (sometimes significantly so) than average organs. Let’s address the size-focused minority first and get it out of the way: there are three principle groups of female size queens and size-fantasists. Some see it as exotic, often associating cock size with race or some other way in which the ideal partner is different from the woman--much the same way a man might eroticize Asian women based on stereotypical images of the submissive “Lotus Flower” or the sexually voracious bitch-goddess known as the “Dragon Lady.” For this group of women, penis size is often occupying the place of the real turn-on because the implications of the fantasy are uncomfortable; for example, given U.S. cultural history, what does itmean for a white woman to fantasize about being fucked senseless by a big, well muscled and hugely endowed black man? And who wants to think about history, racist stereotypes, and cultural role reversal taboos when they’re trying to get off anyway? Other women actually like a plus-sized erection because it’s tougher to have satisfying sex with than average-sized equipment--think of it as a scaled-down version of the attraction to Mt. Everest.

Corollary reality: a larger than average penis can actually make sex much more difficult, frustrating, and even painful. And some women actually sexually desire oversized phallusesbecause the sexual experience might be difficult due to size. Particularly for women who consider themselves skilled and experienced in bed, taking pride in this image of themselves, encountering a particularly daunting erection is a challenge to their self-image that cannot go unanswered, and having “been there and done that” will add another notch to their accumulation of diverse sexual experiences. Also, sexual masochism is more prevalent among women than men, which means that some women actually desire to be penetrated by uncomfortably or even painfully large phalluses--while heterosexual men are the least likely to understand this, because they’re statistically the least likely to find pleasure in masochism.

Even if a particular woman really and truly only wants to have sex with jumbo-sized members, a big erection doesn’t automatically equate to a good sexual experience. Much like the prettiest girl in high school tended to get away with being a bitch to everyone else, well-endowed men often seem to consider the size of their package a license for laziness in bed, treating it as the reincarnation of cavemen’s clubs...as though women will simply fall at their feet in a swoon of sexual frenzy from the mere sight of the thing. Having a big one means a whole lot more to men than it does to most women, and it does absolutely nothing to make a man better in bed--in fact, a man with a truly large penis who lacks skill is often actively worse than an average sized man of the same skill because a large erection is difficult to manipulate, a challenge to perform oral sex on, andhurts to fuck if it’s done badly.