Sex, Power and Respect

There are critics of Madonna who say that she shocks for the sake of shock, that she has little substance other than a good sense of fashion. There are some critics who lay blame on her for Britney and Christina, and a fashion that pushes raunchiness rather than classiness. Those critics who level that blow are forgetting one of Madonna's biggest and important singles, Express Yourself. This song and accompanying video did more for my politics and my sexuality than any other piece of art or any mentor, other than my mother, my Stabat mater dolorosa. It started me on the path to my bisexuality, my gender curiosity and my feminism. This single video, which I shall begin this essay by describing, helped shape me into the person that now writes this essay.

The single was written by Madonna and Stephen Bray and released to the world on May 9th, in the year of 1989. It was in the top-five spot on the charts all over the world, going to number one in Italy, Switzerland and the general market dubbed "Europe". In the US, it reached the number two spot, only thwarted by Martika's Toy Soldiers (an apparent influence on Marshall Mathers) and If You Don't Know Me By Now by Simply Red (a massive hit and now a delectable cliché for those who have seen the UK's The Office). In Canada, where this author was born and raised, it reached the top spot of number 4. The album from which is came, Like A Prayer, was certified 5x platinum in Canada and 4x platinum in the US. The album is considered one of the two best from Madonna (Ray of Light being the other).

Express Yourself is as straight-forward as songs come. The lyrics speak openly of women avoiding "second best" and reaching for what they deserve in life, that is, a strong man, "big strong hand[s] to lift you to your higher ground". Madonna advises putting "your love to the test" and have your partner "express how he feels" to know "your love is real". It's all very simple, really. Material things are secondary to a partner who can make you feel important because he feels that you are important. If he's honest and willing to express his feelings for you, then he's worth keeping around. Parallel to this is the importance of expressing yourself to him, making sure he knows what he has to do in order to keep you. And of course, my favourite line from the song, "express yourself so you can respect yourself". This is sex from mutual power and communication. Therein lies the key to the song.

In communicating your desires openly and honestly, you inspire honesty in your partner. Openess, honesty and trust lead to intimacy and the most sensuous sex two people can have. It creates an emotional connection between the two partners other than pure animalistic and instinctual practices, such as wanton fornicating. But trust, trust is what creates love-making. If you love your partner, the sex is more satisfying.

The video, as important as the lyrics, was directed by the acclaimed David Fincher, who went on to direct Fight Club, Seven, and Panic Room. Clearly inspired by Fritz Lang's Metropolis, the video depicts working men toiling away, and the embodiment of femininity, Madonna, who carries a cat with her. All the while, an older man watches over all of this. Madonna stays in the buildings, far above the world of steam, oil and work, as symbolized by the male workers. Eventually, Madonna comes out of the tower dressed in a man's suit, with a bra underneath. In this part, she does the famous exposure of bra and crotch-grab.

Madonna grips her suit jacket and pulls it open to reveal the bra, a very important scene for the video and for me. Symbolically, I suppose, this act is to mean that while she wears a man's suit, underneath she is female. She is exposing herself, exposing her emotions. The character in the suit is the male and the female together, a bridge between the steamy toiling man's world and the soft satin sexy sphere of the female.

Confusingly, there exists a nude scene in the video in which Madonna is chained to the bed. She is supposedly protected by the watchful older man, and chained for her protection. This may seem to be jumbled by the aforementioned man's suit, but there exists logic for it. First of all, she's chained to a bed, where the meeting of the two sexes is destined to happen. It's fortuitous that she's already there. This is counter to the bursting from the tower in the man's suit, where she is more active than passive. Also, the symbol of the man's suit and bra is designed to be powerful, to be dominating. The chains and the nudity represent the other side of the coin. This is her raw emotion. This is Madonna's inner being while the man's suit character is the outer being. She wants to have that "big strong hand" to lift her up and she's going to do what it takes to get it, which means bursting from the building.

In exiting the tower and meeting the men, she is expressing her desire for sex, which she is chained to. She meets the sexy young worker who caught a glimpse of her, who is played by Cameron, a Guess jeans model from that time. He and Madonna fall to the floor and kiss, finally having sex and bridging the two worlds of steam and satin.

The video was a target for criticism from feminists, as the lyrics announce that women need men, need "big strong hands". Some feminists (not all) subscribe to the fish and bicycle rule of men, that they are not needed in the slightest. Practically speaking, women need men just like men need women, for the advancement of the human race, but that's beside the point.

Whether or not the video pushed feminism forwards or backwards is of no consequence to me personally. For me, this video (and my mother) created feminism in me. For a women to say openly that she wanted sex and that it wasn't going to be simply sex but love was mind-altering for me. Before this video, the female was The Other, a mysterious other being to be treated differently and not of the same species. This concept of The Other is important to certain branches of feminism. We must strive to avoid "Othering" people, races, sexes, religions. We must recognize differences but not allow them to become alien. As a child, girls were girls: strange creatures of different temperament. This did not last long. Around the time of Madonna, I began to accumulate female friends, while I was still in the "cooties" stage of development. Contrary to my friends of the same gender, I was not afraid or disgusted by females. My closest friends in elementary were female.

This is due to my mother and Madonna (which I admit is funny for its coincidence). My mother instilled feminism in me at an early age. While other parents would say, "You can't hit girls because they're girls," my mother would ask if the girl hit back. I have to stop here and add a disclaimer. My mother never told me to hit girls or boys, but she was concerned that people would defend themselves. I was taught to be neither victim nor aggressor. I only use the hitting example because this poor logic of gender difference was apparent to me even as a child. Why can't I hit a girl? Just because she's a girl? That was bunk even as a child. Regardless, my phase of hitting girls (or boys) did not last very long.

My mother is a huge fan of Madonna. She was also recently out of adolescence when Madonna hit it big. In our household, music was constant. I was sang to as I fell asleep (a behavioral trait that causes to me have to listen to music as I fall asleep now) and MuchMusic played constantly in my house. The Canadian version of MTV appeared in 1984, the year I was born. By the time 1989 rolled around, I was absorbing language and knowledge like a sponge. One of the phrases I learned quickly was "Respect Yourself". I heard it from the TV (via Madonna) and from my mother. Respect was important. The other phrase was "Express Yourself", again from my two Madonnas.

As I become older and wiser, I experimented with different fields of academia, culminating in my degree in English. While I was in university, I took feminism in two different courses. I learned about Helene Cixous' ecriture feminine. I learned about "The Other".

As well as other dry topics, I also learned about sexuality and the continuum of hetero, homo, bi and even pansexual. All of these things had their root in Madonna, in my mind. Everything stemmed from her emerging from those doors wearing that exquisite outfit. She showed me that genders don't have to be polar opposites. One can dabble in the other. Stereotypes carried no weight in Madonna's world and neither in mine.

I could be attracted to a woman in a suit or a man in overalls, the video told me. Combined with the sexual images, the mantra of "Respect Yourself" told me that I could express myself, my inner feelings. I could understand that I could be attracted to Cameron, that sexy worker who ultimately makes love to Madonna. I could be attracted to both of them. I could be attracted to anything honest and emotional.

As I construct pornography or erotica, or even the private fantasies, all of them feature the same emotional connection and communication of Madonna's lyrics. Anything intimate and heated and hushed and private turns me on. She urges us to express ourselves, and in my fiction, my pornography or my literature, each love develops with communication. And as all literature is derived from conflict, my characters yell and snarl and throw insults at each other, not communicating with each other, or saying the wrong thing, or denying that which is obvious. My characters don't express themselves and therefore never fully love. True love, Madonna and my fiction says, comes from that spark of emotional connection, a dialogue between two partners, whether that dialogue be verbal or physical.

My own politics, other than feminism, is also informed by Madonna's Express Yourself. I believe in nothing greater than the freedom of speech. There's nothing more powerful than the word. In expressing your desires, your politics, your perversions, your fetishes, your allegiances, your enemies, you give power to yourself. To articulate, to pontificate, we give power to our imagination. Whether or not I might agree with your politics, you must agree that there is nothing more important than the right to express that viewpoint. Freedom of speech is important to me because of Madonna and because of my imagination.

The best pornography comes from the intimacy of two (or more) loving partners. Or at least that's how I express my preferences. Humans develop a plethora of associations, subconscious or practical, and it's the ones with the most communicative ability that sustain us. To transfer information, or memes, we must express them. If we are going to transfer specific information, such as, "I want you to make love to me," we have to express that. That example includes both participants as they create a bond. That's what Madonna's video showed me as a child and as an adult. We must talk.

While it may not be my absolute favourite Madonna song (that's Like A Prayer), it's certainly the most important song for my feelings and my politics. The message is obvious: to respect ourselves we must express ourselves to respect ourselves. Madonna may not have been the first to say it, but I heard it from her first. I am the person that I am today because of numerous influences, just like any person, but the one that I most proud of is my mother followed by my other mother, Madonna and her song Express Yourself. It helped to shape a writer of fiction, a feminist, a supporter of Freedom of Speech, a bisexual, and a man who respects himself by expressing himself.

Some quotes to leave you, "For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals. Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination. We learned to talk and we learned to listen. Speech has allowed the communication of ideas, enabling human beings to work together to build the impossible. Mankind's greatest achievements have come about by talking, and its greatest failures by not talking. It doesn't have to be like this. Our greatest hopes could become reality in the future. With the technology at our disposal, the possibilities are unbounded. All we need to do is make sure we keep talking" -Stephen Hawking

"In a time when political correctness is valued over honesty, I would also like to say: ride on motherfuckers...!"

and of course,

"Come on girls! Do you believe in love? Cause I got something to say about it." -Madonna