Sexual Disorientation

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Can two virgins' love overcome "sexual disorientation"?
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Tim and Susan had both made it to college with virginity intact. Neither planned it that way, it just happened.

Tim dated the same girl throughout high school, a young lady determined to hang on to her maidenhead until marriage. Tim, being a true gentleman respected her wishes. But she chose a college on the other side of the country, and they drifted apart. Tim was now more than willing to lose his embarrassing virginal state. Like most guys his age, he had plenty of hormones to keep his interest level at a fever pitch. Two things kept Tim a virgin. The first thing was his natural shyness. It took Tim a long time to feel comfortable enough around someone to get his nerve up to ask them out. The girl in question had usually decided he wasn't interested, or even worse, had made him a "friend." And it's a well know fact, that once you are a friend, you're never going to get laid. The second problem is that Tim was that rare creature, the genuine nice guy; he really wasn't interested in one night stands or casual sex. He only was interested in a physical relationship with someone that he really cared for. Consequently, Tim's sex life in college had been limited to Rosy Palm and her five sisters.

Susan hadn't even had to plan to stay a virgin, because her parents had planned for her. Until she got out from under their control by going to college, her parents made sure she had no real opportunity to commit fornication, as they would have called it. The irony was that their Gestapo like approach to parenting only succeeded in preventing real communication. If they had just talked to her instead, they would have discovered that their daughter was a remarkably level headed young woman. Not that Susan was a prude, far from it, she liked the idea of getting physical, and she craved being touched. She just had no patience for anyone who didn't show a genuine interest in what was between her ears before trying to investigate what was between her legs. She'd rather stick with her trusty and well used vibrator which she called Silver Stallion. Any young man who tried to get his hand up her skirt, before first taking time to find out about her plans and dreams for the future, quickly learned that he had no future with her. And so far, that pretty well described all of her dates in college.

Tim and Susan both worked evenings in the college library to earn extra money and it didn't take long for them to be attracted to one another. Given Susan's old fashioned rule of waiting for the man to ask, and Tim's natural shyness, they might never have gotten anywhere. Fortunately, they discovered that they lived near each other, and since they got off work at the same time, and it was after dark, it was only polite of Tim to offer to walk her home. They both really looked forward to this time together. They quickly discovered they had much in common, and they really enjoyed each other's company. Some nights they would stop and get a cappuccino and biscotti. Susan soon was hoping that Tim would ask her out on a real date, because she really liked him a lot. Tim was slowly gathering his courage, and thought that very soon he would ask Susan for a real date. His roommate and best friend Barry was encouraging him. Finally, Barry just grabbed Tim and said. "Do it man, you're crazy about this girl, she seems to like you, what the hell are you waiting for? Do it today." Tim really couldn't think of a good argument not to, so he went to work that evening determined that on the walk home, he was going to ask her out.

He was very nervous at the library that night and wanted someone to talk to, so he cornered Larry, who worked there also. Larry wasn't a particular friend, but they had always gotten along and Tim was desperate to talk to someone. He knew that Larry was aware that he had been walking Susan home. "Hey Larry," he said, "I'm planning to ask Susan for a date tonight. You think she'd go out with me?"

Larry looked genuinely pained. "Hey Tim, buddy, geez, I hate to be the one to tell you this. God. But before you go and embarrass yourself and Susan, I guess I better tell you...Oh shit man, I hate this, and you're such a nice guy too."

Tim went white as a ghost. "Well yeah Larry, tell me, whatever it is, damn, I don't want to screw up and embarrass her, I really like her, you gotta level with me."

"Ok man, look, you'd never know it to look at her, I mean Susan's really nice and all, but she's not into men, you know what I mean?"

"No Larry, I don't understand, what are you trying to say?"

"Gay, lesbo, digs chicks, rug muncher, clear enough?"

Tim looked like he'd been slapped. "Larry are you sure about this, I mean really sure, how do you know?"

"Sorry man, I really am, yeah I'm sure, I know because she told me herself."

Tim slumped down behind a shelf of books. He was crushed. He liked her so much and he really thought she liked him. He felt like a complete idiot. He went by Susan's desk; he couldn't look her in the eye. "I'm sorry Susan, I'm not feeling well. I'm going home early. I won't be able to walk you home this evening. Goodbye." And he practically ran out of the library. Susan was so startled she didn't even get a word out, but she thought that something was wrong, other than an illness. Why hadn't he been able to look at her? What was going on? Just when she thought the relationship was going so well. She really thought he was just about to ask her out.

Tim walked a long time and then he went back to his apartment and just lay in bed staring at the ceiling. His first reaction was just to have nothing more to do with Susan, but the problem was he really enjoyed her company. He'd really miss her a lot. For hours he went back and forth, but finally, he knew, painful as it was, there was only one answer.

Barry came home. "Hey, Tim, buddy, how'd it go? Gotta date with Susan right? Just like I told you."

"Not exactly Barry," replied Tim ruefully, "there's a small problem."

"Like what, she's got a boyfriend?"

"More likely a girlfriend, she's gay."

"You're shitting me"

"Wish the hell I was Barry, God, I wish I was."

"Man, I'm sorry, I really am. That sucks. But this campus is full of good looking chicks, you gotta just let her go and try again."

"No Barry, I've really thought about it, I think I'm gonna just keep hanging out with Susan, I really like her."

"Yeah buddy, but what's the point, I mean you're not one of those idiots that think you can convert her are you?"

"No Barry, I know that you don't just convert someone back from being gay. If you mean I'll never have sex with Susan, I know. I guess Rosy Palm and her sisters will still be my constant companions, but I'll have to live with that. I really enjoy her company; I want to be with her, sex or no sex."

"Ok, man, your choice, my hat's off to you. It makes me feel as shallow as a mud puddle. But if that's the way you feel, you gotta follow your heart."

So Tim followed his heart, and he walked Susan home every day and they continued to enjoy each others company. But Susan was getting puzzled and rather frustrated. She'd always wanted a man to get to know her first, before getting physical, but enough already, dammit. No one had ever gotten to know her this well, and now she was ready to get physical, really physical. In fact she had already decided that she would like to give her virginity to Tim but so far, Tim hadn't touched her. She turned to her roommate Carol for help. "Carol, what's wrong with me that a man wouldn't like me? Am I ugly?"

Carol laughed. "You, ugly honey? I wish I had your body and your looks. You've got a great figure, nice ass, fantastic tits, all the nice bits that guys like. You're cute as a bug. Honey, I don't see any problem. You could maybe dress a little sexier, but overall I can't see you having any trouble attracting guys. It's not like it's even all that hard to attract them."

"Well why won't Tim touch me, or ask me out? He spends all this time with me, and he really seems to like me. I give him every chance. I brush his hand when we're walking, hoping he'll hold mine. I put my lips in handy kissing range if we're sitting on a bench. Nothing! I'm going crazy. I'm coming home every night with wet panties. I could go broke buying batteries for the Silver Stallion"

"I don't know what to tell you. I never met a guy that hard to get. Come to think of it, I never met a guy hard to get at all. Maybe he's just mega-shy. If it was me, I'd probably just yank down his zipper and pull out Willey the one eyed wonder worm. That always gets their undivided attention. But Honey, I know that's not your style. So why don't you just ask him?"

"You know Carol, I think you're right. It won't be easy, but I'm about to go bananas."

So that night on the way home from the library Susan asked Tim if they could sit on a quiet bench under an oak tree. She looked him right in his clear baby blue eyes. "Tim, I need to ask you something, about us."

"Sure Susan, ask me anything."

"Well, you treat me differently than any man I've ever known, and I like that, but I wonder why?"

"Susan, I've given our relationship a great deal of thought, and I've just decided that a man and a woman can still be very close friends even if one of them is gay." Tim noticed that Susan colored and seemed startled. "Oh, I'm sorry Susan, I hope I haven't been indiscrete, I thought that was common knowledge."

Susan tied to cover, but she was obviously flustered. "Well of course, Tim it is, I was momentarily startled, that's all. Because it's the first time we have actually discussed it openly. But no reason why we shouldn't" Now her voice took on a forced tone of almost gaiety. "I couldn't agree more, no reason why it should affect our friendship, not at all, and no reason why we shouldn't be totally open with each other. Well I'm glad we had this little talk. But look at the time. I really need to get home now. I have scads of homework." Susan practically ran off, leaving a puzzled Tim in her wake, wondering what the conversation had really been about.

Susan ran home to her apartment and threw herself on her bed and cried like a baby. Carol came home and found her, and held her until she could talk. "What happened, baby," she asked gently, "it's Tim isn't it?" Susan nodded. "He's married?" Susan shook her head. "He's got a girlfriend?" Susan shook her head again. "Well what is it baby?"

"He's gay" sobbed Susan.

"Oh shit, honey, that hurts, I'm sorry."

"I'm in love with a homosexual; I was going to give him my cherry!"

"Ouch, I don't know what to say. Except, well you know you just gotta dump him and try again"

"All the other men on this campus are pigs, I love him. I know I can't change him. I'm just going to spend time with him anyway. It'll have to be me and Silver Stallion for the sex."

"Susan, are you sure, I think you're just setting yourself up for frustration and heartbreak."

"Maybe Carol, but he's the first man in my life that really talks to me, and understands me, and seems to really care about me, and I'm just not willing to give him up. Not for some asshole who just wants to get his hand up my skirt. Tell me Carol, is it true what they say, are all the really good men either gay or married?"

"Susan, I don't know, but damned if sometimes it doesn't seem that way."

So thus evolved a bizarre relationship where two people, natural soul mates, in an almost perfect relationship gradually fell deeper in love. And each became physically more frustrated because the object of their emotional love was not, they thought, possibly an object of their physical love. To most people they just seemed like another attractive young couple in love. In most ways they were. They walked together, talked together, laughed together and were practically inseparable. Only a really sharp eyed observer would have noticed that they never held hands and they never kissed. Only their roommates knew their real pain. Carol knew how many nights she heard the quiet buzz of Susan's Silver Stallion trying to mollify the worst of her physical frustrations. Worse were the nights that she heard Susan crying herself to sleep, over her emotional frustrations. Carol kept urging her to give up on this hopeless dead-end relationship but Susan refused. She just wasn't willing to give him up. Carol once asked Susan what she would do if and when Tim got involved in an active homosexual relationship, and didn't have time for her any more. Susan stormed off to her room, slammed the door, cried for three hours, and didn't speak to Carol for almost a week. Carol didn't bring that subject up again. Barry likewise had to deal with an often unhappy and frustrated roommate, who spent a lot of time behind closed doors trying to deal with his physical frustration. Barry gave his friend similar advice, and with similar success. Despite all advice to the contrary, despite all frustration, their close but celibate relationship seemed destined to go on forever.

It's strange that once human beings get an idea in their head, they can be blind to all evidence to the contrary. Thus, two normally bright young people ignored a lot of evidence that something was wrong with their basic assumptions. For one thing, if they were so damn gay, why weren't they ever seen with, or ogling, anyone of their own sex. Susan wasn't dating any girls, Tim wasn't chasing after cute guys, they actually spent all their time together. If Tim had understood female body language, he would have known that her closeness and her little touches were female courting signs. But let's face it, men are generally clueless. On the other hand, it is harder to explain how Susan missed noticing Tim's frequent erections when he was around her. But once an idea is planted, it's hard to change.

Who knows how long this unhappy state might have lasted. But one day an accident happened that changed everything. It was a Saturday morning, and Tim and Susan had met at their favorite coffee shop. The weather had warmed up, so Tim had decided to go swimming. He asked Susan if she would like to go along. Susan thought it was a great idea, if Tim would take her by her apartment to get her swim suit.

She invited Tim to come on in to keep her company. She took him in her bedroom. He was sitting on her bed while she went in her drawers and took out two suits. One was a turquoise two piece, slightly conservative in cut, the other was a fairly racy coral bikini. Susan asked him which he preferred, and being a typical guy, he went for the skimpy model. Tim figured at this point she'd either chase him out, or change in the bathroom. To his amazement, she did neither, thinking he was not interested in women, she proceeded to undress in front of him, as though he were a girlfriend. She removed her blouse and skirt and soon was standing in just a sheer bra and matching panties. Tim was mesmerized; here was the woman of his dreams, stripping right before him. He had an erection that threatened to pop his zipper. He watched as she removed her bra, and he saw in the dresser mirror, two glorious golden orbs surmounted with large rigid nipples that begged for attention. He felt like he might cum in his trousers, which reminded him that watching this was only going to make him more miserable.

He ran from her bedroom to the living room, practically trembling in frustration. He thought about driving home where he could masturbate. He was also angry and confused. Why had she done this to him. Even a lesbian must know the effect her beautiful body would have on a normal male. Was she teasing him, as some kind of a man hating gesture? Maybe he didn't know Susan as well as he thought he did. He felt a gentle touch on his shoulder. Susan pulled his face around to her. "Tim, what's wrong? I didn't mean to upset you. What did I do?"

"Susan, I've tried very hard to respect you and be sensitive to you. But I think undressing in front of me like that was very thoughtless, insensitive and mean."

"Tim, I'm sorry, I am truly sorry, I didn't think it would bother you. I mean, it's not like you're interested in women or find them attractive."

"What ever gave you the idea that I'm not interested in women, especially you?"

"Well, because you're gay, Tim."

"Susan, I'm NOT gay. What made you think I was? Does this look like I'm not interested" He pointed towards his lap where a rather conspicuous and unmistakable sign of interest was bulging through his trousers.

Susan was stunned. She reached out and touched his erection as though she had to have some tangible proof. "You're not gay?... But what about that whole we can be friends even though one of us is gay speech you gave me?"

"Because Susan, I was told YOU were a Lesbian, so... you're NOT gay?

"No Tim, I'm a pure hetero female, a rather horny pure hetero female at the moment, now tell me, WHO told you I was a lesbian?"

"Larry, at work, I was talking to him about asking you out, and he said you were a lesbian, that you told him so yourself."

Susan threw her arms about Tim's neck "Oh my God," she cried, "I don't know whether to laugh or cry. What a fuck up. Tim, I dated Larry one time, he's an animal, he kept trying to grope me, and so I demanded he take me home. He got mad and asked me if I was a lesbian or something and I told him yes I was and it was guys like him that made me one. I just meant it as a putdown, but he has such a huge ego, he took it seriously. In his little testosterone soaked pea-brain, any one that doesn't want to fuck him must be a lesbian. So ever since Larry actually believes I am gay."

Tim looked at her. "Now that we know that neither of us is gay, where exactly does that leave us?"

For an answer, Susan took his face in both hands and kissed him with softness, yet an intensity that he had never experienced. Tim felt her sucking on his lower lip while her tongue started demanding entrance to his mouth. He tasted the freshness of her mouth for the first time. Then Susan opened the light robe she had thrown on when Tim had run away. She reached and took his hand and placed it on her breast with her hand covering it. Tim felt her nipple press into his hand. She finally broke the kiss and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "OK, now that we have that little misunderstanding out of the way. Tim, I'm crazy about you. I think I'm in love with you. I am a virgin. I have been waiting for the right man to give my virginity to. You are that man. I want you to make me a complete woman."

Tim looked lovingly into the crystal green pools of her eyes. "Susan, I have loved you since I first saw you. I loved you so much, that I was going to accept a life without sex to be with you. But I much prefer having sex with you. I too am a virgin, and you are the woman I want to be my first as well. I think it's important that we have a time and place to make love the first time, without hurrying or distraction. And I'd really like it to be as soon as possible."

Susan smiled. "It's Saturday morning. My roommate is gone until Monday. If you don't have any plans this weekend."

"If I had any plans, consider them cancelled."

"Well then Tim, if you'd like to step back into my boudoir, I think we can continue this discussion there."

Tim and Susan returned to the bedroom where Tim removed her robe. Susan was now naked except for her panties; an oversight that Tim immediately addressed, as he knelt in front of her and gently removed this last article of clothing. He ran his hands lightly down the contours of the outside of her legs and back on the inside. When he got to her inner thighs, he slowed to enjoy the softest skin he had ever felt. He looked up into her eyes adoringly. "You skin is so soft here." It was a simple statement of discovery from a young man getting the free run of a woman's body for the first time. She liked being the subject of his loving exploration, so she opened her legs to him.