Shane and Carmen: The Novelization Ch. 10

Shane shook her head no.

"So even if you had feelings for Cherie, it was never going to become a true, out-in-the-open relationship, and so it really didn't threaten this idea you have about love killing you."

Shane saw the point.

"So this woman you might be in love with now, was she one of the girls we had dinner with the other night?"

Shane nodded.

"Which one?"

"Carmen. She's the one--"

"Oh, yes, I remember her, believe me. She's stunning. You've got excellent taste in women. A few thoughts crossed my mind about her, if you don't mind my saying so. But she seemed to be involved with that other girl. The cute, petite one."

"That's Jenny. Yes, they're sleeping together. That's why things are weird in my stateroom. Jenny's my roommate, we have a house together. In the last year or so, she's become my best friend. And ... Jenny and Carmen started seeing each other and sleeping together."

"But you saw Carmen first, and it was love at first sight?"

"Yeah."

"Did you fuck?"

Shane nodded.

"But then Carmen switched to Jenny?"

"I ... I was shitty to Carmen. I ... pushed her away, and kind of ... pushed her toward Jenny."

"Why did you push Carmen away?"

Shane looked out over the ocean.

"It was because you were falling in love with her, right? And you didn't want to do that, because love hurts, and you're a player, and players don't want to get hurt. But you didn't want to get rid of her, you found away to keep her nearby, didn't you? And now Carmen is with Jenny instead of you."

"It gets worse," Shane said.

"Really? This I got to hear. C'mon, tell Auntie Phoebe."

"Jenny's been acting really weird lately. She's been trying to push me and Carmen back together, or maybe into having a threesome. In fact, she's the one who asked you about threesomes at the first panel discussion."

"Hmmm. Well, which is it? Is Jenny trying to push you and Carmen back together, or does she want both of you?"

"There's nothing sexual between Jenny and me. I think ... she's pushing me and Carmen. I don't think Jenny is really into threesomes, even though she keeps hinting. And I'm pretty sure Carmen isn't. Carmen's pretty traditional that way. She's not a player at all. She falls in love, and follows her heart."

"I see. It really is a mess, isn't it?"

"And then the other night ... " Shane blurted out without thinking, then caught herself.

"Whoa! Don't stop there, girlfriend! What happened the other night?"

"At the mixer. We were all dancing, everybody was, just, at random, dancing with each other, ya know? And next thing I know Jenny grabs my arm and pulls me over and pushes me right into Carmen. We're face to face, and then next thing I know I'm kissing Carmen, and she's kissing me ... ."

"Oh, wow. And then you could no longer hide the fact you were in love with Carmen, and she was still in love with you. So Jenny pushing you two together, that's not just a metaphor. She actually did it. Because Jenny knew there was still this thing between you and Carmen. What was Jenny's reaction to you kissing Carmen?"

"She just stood there smiling and grinning at us. Almost laughing. Like she'd accomplished something."

"Well, I suppose she had. Right?"

Shane nodded and sighed. "I'm so fucked up."

"Well, maybe a little bit fucked up, but a whole lot very unhappy. Let me ask you something, a variation of what I asked you before. Have you ever had a straight-forward romantic relationship with anyone?"

"I don't understand."

"Have you ever found out you liked somebody, and wanted to go out with her, and called her up, and said, 'Hello, Patty? This is Shane. Would you like to go out with me to the movies on Saturday night?' You've fucked nine hundred women, but have you ever asked a girl out on a date?"

"Uh ... "

"Okay, that's a 'No.' So do you really want to get back together with this Carmen? Do you want to have a relationship with her, not just fuck her on yet another meaningless one-night stand? You say she's a pretty traditional girl in a lot of ways. So treat her like that. Ask her out on a date. Take her to the movies, or a concert, or out to dinner, or something. Then when the date's over, take her home, walk her to her doorstep, and then say goodnight, one chaste kiss on the cheek, and then go home, alone. Treat her like someone you want to have a relationship with. Buy her flowers. Open her car door for her."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"No, Shane, I'm not. I'm completely serious. Go after her. Woo her. Win her. You're not after her pussy, you've already had that. You're after her heart. Believe me, it's a completely different organ, and requires different tactics. But the real problem isn't with Carmen's heart, it's with yours. You've got to figure out what it wants, and you have to deal with this notion that love is lethal. Yes, it often hurts. But no, Shane, love won't kill you."