Slut Wife - One Woman's Guide Pt. 03

So now you are hot wife and cuckold. Hopefully you have both taken the time to adjust to this new reality, but there is still much to be done to establish a true paradigm shift.

My previous guides talked about how to lead your husband to this point by establishing the necessary understanding and acceptance as well as providing some thoughts for him and how he should regard his new role. This guide will talk more about how to unwind deeply ingrained assumptions and conditioning in order to settle into a new equilibrium where you can both achieve happiness and pleasure.

Think of training in three phases:

1. Basic Training - is required to make permanent the rebalancing of the sexual roles central to a hot wife/cuckold marriage

2. Advanced Training - is for couples who seek a deeper expression of cuckold devotion and preparation for the third phase

3. Fetish Training - is where you build on your newfound perspectives to explore a variety of previously unimagined pleasures

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Why is Training Necessary?

We are all conditioned to accept a limited and distorted view of human sexuality, especially female sexuality. These views are repeated to us over and over again. When women and their mates do not comply in word and deed we are punished with shame and rejection or worse. The message and pressure to comply are so pervasive that we internalize it and accept it as truth. We have even constructed an elaborate web of circular logic and flawed assumptions to explain away behaviour and urges that do not comply with our entrenched preconceptions.

For example, one of the most effective tools society uses is to build on a grain of truth or valid observations to lend credibility to a spurious conclusion. Consider the statement "Most women prefer sex with a man with whom they have an emotional connection."

I think that is a fair statement if the words are taken at their true meaning. But we are encouraged to read...

..."most women" as being "normal women" or "decent women" thereby invalidating or denigrating those that don't feel this way.

..."prefer" as "only like" thereby precluding the possibility that a "normal" woman might knowingly enjoy a purely casual sexual encounter.

..."man with whom they have an emotional connection" as "man with whom they are in an exclusive loving relationship" thereby establishing committed monogamy as the de facto standard or correct way.

In reality the original statement applies to a polyamorous woman who prefers to have relationships (of varying natures) with her multiple partners as much as it does to a woman who prefers monogamy. The statement is valid. The inferred conclusion is not.

All this is channelled into the oppression tools of shame and judgment. Even if you are strong enough to dismiss the opinion of others they will use your husband as the vehicle to control your actions. He has been trained his whole life to alter "unacceptable" aspects of your behaviour or reject you. Unless he is trained to a new way of thinking he will be unable to embrace your true sexuality and trying to reconcile himself to it will be a source of stress and pain for him.

We are hard-wired to a narrative that goes something like this. Fidelity to one's partner is a defining feature of a loving relationship. Love cannot exist without sexual exclusivity (expressed as "if you loved him you wouldn't..."). The height of sexual enjoyment for women is restricted to men they love. A woman truly in love will never desire other men. Female promiscuity is a by-product of insecurity or desire for attention. Therefore non-monogamy represents a defect in a woman's make-up or relationship. A married woman who has interest in other men is: a) not in love with her husband; b) evil; c) vain; d) married to a man who is inadequate; e) neglected by her husband. Women are not eligible for any of the exceptions available to men. He is conditioned to a closed selection of possible reasons for your extra-marital sexual activity all of which reflect negatively on you or him or both and compel him to action.

When it comes to things that we feel very strongly about - like sexual fidelity - bias and conditioning define our perceptions regardless of the specific circumstances. A barrier is created that prevents him from understanding your sexuality and cannot be penetrated by logic or nuance. More aggressive action is required.

Even if your cuckold is an enthusiastic supporter of your extra-marital sexual activities he still deals with his own urges and the expectations imposed upon him to do something about it or control/indulge it as his own perversion rather than acceptance of your sexual prerogative and superiority. Dealing with those urges may form part of the excitement for him or it may be something he suppresses. Either way, don't ignore them or assume them away.

Your cuckold's training should link back to the basic premises and elements of the hot wife/cuckold lifestyle.

Sexual superiority - You are sexually superior to your husband. Whether or not you agree that this applies to all women and men, if you have come this far it applies to you as a couple. Fairness lies in you having the latitude to exercise your sexual superiority not in being obliged to suppress to comply with your husband's expectations. Sexually speaking you need more, can enjoy more and it is available to you. Fairness lies in him accepting your potential and his limitations and encouraging your sexual fulfillment.

Expectation reset (for him) - No matter how much he believes he is ready to embrace the hot wife cuckold lifestyle, resistance to it is deeply ingrained in him. It takes time and aggressive measures to change that. If you do not do so you will not be free to reach your potential and he will not be able to accept his place. Some men overestimate their own sexual prowess but the bigger challenge is teaching him that your sexual desires are more expansive than he has been conditioned to believe.

Expectation reset (for you) - Likewise you have some deeply ingrained expectations of your sexuality. You have been conditioned to feel shame and to connect a lot of emotional baggage to your desires. You may have been taught to see every man as either a long-term partner or a one-time fling. You may feel obliged to fulfill your husband's expectations regardless of whether they are realistic or fulfill your needs. Even the women who encourage you to be more adventurous are pre-disposed to telling you what that means. For a hot wife, fucking a guy with a big cock is neither a necessity to your liberation nor evidence of shallowness - it is just one possibility on the menu for you to choose or not solely as you see fit.

His place - Putting your cuckold in his place is not about diminishing him as a person. It is about getting him to accept reality and not expect you to suppress your sexuality so that he can maintain a distorted perception of his own relative sexual capacity and adequacy or your sexual appetites. He may be a wonderful lover but you simply want more. Or he may be a tiny dick pre-mature ejaculator who cannot satisfy you at all. Either way, he must be trained to see himself honestly but still have a real place in your life. You are not rejecting him. You are rejecting the misperceptions that have been used to suppress your sexuality.

Your Place (Control) - Your cuckold cannot reasonably be expected to make the necessary changes on his own. He will often not even fully comprehend the nature and extent of his own misperceptions. You have much to learn as well but you will be more objective and have a clearer view of your needs and desires. You must be very much in control of yourself and it is often best that you lead him. Harshness is not required but there will be times that you must be uncompromising. Accepting your absolute authority over yourself and potentially submitting to your authority over him will make the transition easier for him by removing his need to justify things. It may also be something he enjoys in its own right.

His sexual satisfaction - This should be an increased priority for you. Redirecting his sexual urges is not, in my opinion, about denying them. It is about compelling him to be realistic about his sexual capacity and inclinations and your needs. You cannot go down this path and ask him to remain stereotypical and vanilla. You must embrace what you find and resist the urge to judge him.

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Phase 1 - Basic Training

Teaching and reinforcing key elements of the hot wife/cuckold lifestyle is done in a variety of ways.

Humiliation as a by-product - The practice of humiliating your cuckold as a by-product of resetting his expectations simply amounts to exposing him to truths. Reject the premise that refusing to shelter him from those truths by suppressing your sexuality makes you the source of his humiliation. You must force him to see and accept the reality of your sexuality. Don't diminish his feelings but make it clear that they are his to accept and understand. You must not facilitate his denial.

Putting Your Pleasure First - There is no one formula for seeking sexual pleasure and fulfillment. Some women find it in monogamous relations. Some women don't seek it. Some women find it in non-monogamy. Being a hot wife involves recognizing that your personal, individual sexual pleasure and fulfillment is in direct conflict with society's view of relationships and gendered sexuality. The two cannot co-exist. Either you suppress your desires to comply or you break free. If you have chosen the latter it is best to do it as directly and effectively as possible. And you must explore and discover your own to pleasure first otherwise it will always be subservient to the expectations and approval of others.

Control - The starting place is to exercise control over yourself and your sex life and compel his acceptance. You are teaching him to defer to your sexuality, not to accept your sexual deference to another man or men. So he must know that it is you - not another man - who is in charge of your sexuality. And you must disabuse yourself of the notion that he naturally wants to be in control. That is what he has been taught that he is supposed to want but this whole experience is unstable ground for him and he may take great comfort in certainty and the opportunity to please. Go your own way and don't look for his affirmation or consent.

Reward/Punishment - It is critical to be clear about what you want and whether he is providing it. Don't beat around the bush or bottle it up. Don't play coy and expect him to figure it out. There is no better way to establish your respective places than to spell out your expectations, reward success and punish failure - swiftly and decisively. That clarity alone will be a relief for him.

Service and Participation - As noted above, part of putting your cuckold in his place is providing a place for him. He needs to have a role in your sex life and giving him one will help him accept the reality that he doesn't fit the stereotype of the man who is your everything. Once he accepts his own limitations and you no longer indulge his delusions you may be surprised how much pleasure he offers.

So how to put this into practice?

Start by identifying what it is you want in your sexual relationships with other men. You aren't a stereotype and neither are they. Chances are that your needs and desires are more complex than a big cock. At the same time the beauty of being a hot wife is that you don't need to over think it. Start from the premise that you will do as you please and as long as you are honest about it expect all men to fall into line or go away nicely. They don't need to fit into neat little boxes and neither do you.

Fucking the bad boy or big cock guy is easy to imagine. But don't limit yourself. One of my favourite lovers shares my love of theatre and live music. He isn't especially studly but attending such an event is an emotional experience for me and I almost always enjoy a slow session of passionate love making afterwards. Another lover is a bit of a geeky guy who most women would steer clear of because they don't see him as a long-term prospect or a stud - but he is extra attentive and whenever I want to be extra kinky he is down for anything. I keep them from getting clingy by making sure they know about my other lovers (and I enjoy telling them).

The point being try whatever and whoever you want. Play by your own rules.

Strike a balance between making it clear to your husband that you are fucking other men while maintaining the prerogative to share only that which you want to share.

Start by telling him you are going on dates. Make it clear that you are having sex with them. Stay overnight with your lovers. Talk with them openly on the phone within earshot of your husband including praising their sexual prowess. Refer to them by name in front of and in conversation with your husband. Establish comparisons both good and bad. Make them real to him so that when you are out getting fucked by your lover it isn't just some guy, it is John who also took you to this event or bought that item of clothing, etc.

As soon as the reality is clear start to bring it closer to home. Fuck your lovers in your bed when your cuckold is at work. Have them pick you up at your house. Have your lover's stay the night in your bed and put your cuckold in the spare room. Not all men are comfortable with this and your cuckold may not be ready to be revealed. So if necessary you may need to tell them your husband is not at home.

He will likely start to ask about your dates. Maybe he is titillated or maybe he is anxious. Use the opportunity to put the reality on full display but also make a point of withholding details. Never allow him to badger you into saying more but consider using the opportunity to make him earn more information.

After he starts to get used to the idea of you fucking other men start to redefine your sexual interaction with him. Take control and make it clear that you know what you want. If he sees a noticeable difference in your behaviour he will naturally connect that to your sexual experiences with other men. That is good. Teach him to focus on what he does that pleases you. A key benefit of being a hot wife is being able to take the best of each man and be honest about it.

One of the traps that we get into in a traditional marriage is fooling each other to avoid conflict or hurt feelings or facing the issue. If a husband isn't pleasing his wife sexually he likely knows it. When she skirts the matter with a false reassurance she isn't fooling anybody. In the process she undermines her own credibility and his ability to know what is true or not. He is robbed of the pleasure of believing he is giving her pleasure even when he does so.

More bluntly if your husband has a tiny dick and ejaculates prematurely such that he never gets you off, he damn well knows it already. Be honest with him. And lead him to something that you do enjoy. If his path to pleasing you is through oral stimulation then help him find that path. If he can be good at being your source for gentle intimacy then let him know that and let him know that you get rocking orgasms from other men. By going to those men when that is what you want you lend credibility to the honesty of your decision when you choose to stay with your cuckold for what he offers. You will take him from living a lie that he never believed anyway to actually having a place that he knows is true.

Take the competition out of his behaviour by positioning him as either the clear "winner" or "loser" in any given category. I dislike using those terms but men do think that way. They need a definitive perspective to be able to move on. "No size isn't everything but it isn't irrelevant either. Yes I would rather have an attentive lover with an average cock than an inattentive lover with a big hammer. But John has a big dick and he is very attentive. So, yes I do prefer that sometimes and he does give me better orgasms."

All along the way remember that men prefer to work on clarity. If he steps over a line or gets too whiny, tell him so and assert your prerogative. When he pleases you in the bedroom praise him for his performance and ask him to do it again soon. The reward/punishment plan can get complicated. You don't want to ignore your cuckold's perspective on his relationship with you but he must not be allowed to meddle in the relationships you have with your lovers. So for instance, "I want to spend more time with you" is an acceptable request but "I think you are seeing too much of John" is not. Both comments might come from the same place.

You must maintain your position at all times. So in the above example suppose he complains about the amount of time you are spending with John and upon reflection you realize he is probably right. You must not acknowledge it or alter your behaviour because you cannot condone that approach. Invite John over to fuck you that night. Maybe tell your cuckold that you are still in the infatuation stage with John and you will enjoy him as you see fit. But then cut back on your dates with John. Don't overlook the fact that you might be wrong and make adjustments when you are, but never undermine your control or authority in the process.

That is basic training. You are fucking other guys and having personal relationships with them. Your cuckold should view them much like your girlfriends or family - an aspect of your life over which he has no say. Your cuckold has found a new place in your life. You have set the conditions to honestly explore your sexual needs and desires.

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Phase 2 - Advanced Training

In basic training you altered the power dynamics and introduced your cuckold to a new set of truths as a means to an end. But once those doors have been opened up many couples find the exploration of those factors to be an end unto itself, which requires a more intensive set of practices.

Humiliation as an objective - It is quite possible that he will come to embrace the exhilaration of his own humiliation and crave it. For some it is akin to emotional or psychological BDSM - they like it on a more complex level. For others it is reinforcement of their subservience (which is comforting) or a bolder presentation of your sexuality. Either way keep a close eye on whether you are causing harm to indulge your own sadistic pleasures or feelings of power - that isn't necessarily out of bounds but it is a personal indulgence not a training mechanism.

Ejaculation Denial - A man's urge to ejaculate is overwhelming and it drives a lot of his thinking and emotions. Bringing his sexual thinking and attitudes into line is greatly aided if you take away the immediate possibility of orgasm. I don't believe in absolute denial - it is not good for his health and your cuckold should still have his own pleasure. Put him on a schedule so he knows when to expect it and not to obsess over it in the interim.

Domination/Submission - In the process of seizing control of your own sexuality you will have changed the power dynamic with your cuckold. Even if you haven't been overtly dominant you have been required to exercise some control over him. The practices involved in advanced training involve you being more controlling. You may find that this leads to a more aggressive streak of dominance and submission (its not strictly necessary but a variation worth considering). Teaching compliance is most effective if it occurs in a variety of settings - not just sexual.

Use these practices to build on the existing foundation. Make your cuckold answer the door when your lovers arrive. Leave them waiting long enough that he is compelled to have a conversation with the man you are going to fuck - always making them more real to him. Instruct him to be a good host to your lovers. Invite your lovers to stay for breakfast or coffee in the morning so your cuckold witnesses you with them. Be affectionate and never hold back to assuage your cuckold's jealousy. Generally make their presence in your home and your bed a regular event.