Socks and Stockings Ch. 04

If you have been patiently waiting for Chapter 4, the wait is over. I am happy to release this chapter to you, though I'm nervous about it. This chapter involves hypnotism and guided sexual experience, so if you find that type of thing offensive - you don't have to read this. I, however and pleased with it and hope you will be too. I apologize for my wordy writing style, I'm trying to improve. I have absolutely no E.T.A for Chapter 5, but I hope it's soon. Thanks for reading!

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My eyes opened as the rain danced on the windows. The phone rang down the hall a moment later. I heard a beep and Jack's voice said, "Hello".

I knew who it was, but I didn't want to talk to him. I sat up in bed, my thoughts disjointed. I yawned deeply and looked towards the window. The morning light filtered through the window. My summer dress hung on a hanger and the light shone through, casting lacy patterns on the bedspread. It had come clean, thankfully. No black marks were to be seen.

There was a knock at the door and seeing Jack in the doorway reminded me of the dream. My cheeks grew warm.

"It's Bryan," Jack said, his lips pursing.

"I don't want to talk to him. Tell him to fuck off." I clamped my hand over my mouth. I tried not to use foul language in front of his parents.

Jack chuckled and then said into the phone, "She doesn't want to talk." Bryan's voice was sarcastic, but unintelligible. "Well she actually said 'fuck off' b-" I almost forgot my anger at those words. Something about the way Jack said them made the whole thing hilarious. Bryan said something quietly over the receiver. Jack looked back at me.

"He says he's sorry and he wants to talk things over." Jack waited for an answer from me. I could smell bacon in the air. It was evident Jack had cooked breakfast for both of us and I wasn't about to leave him alone after he'd been so great to me. But I would have to leave eventually. I couldn't stay at my in-laws' house forever. I couldn't hide from the problems between Bryan and I, even if facing them was painful. I breathed deep.

"Tell him I'll meet him for lunch," I said, running my fingers through my hair. My lids felt suddenly weighted and I knew if I didn't get up now, I might drift off to sleep again. I heard Jack negotiate a place quickly as he walked down the hall. It hardly mattered to me where the meeting would take place, it was the content of our argument that worried me.

I wandered to the window and lifted the hanger from the curtain-rod. If it were possible, the dress' material was even softer than before. I laid the dress over the rumpled bed and slid the pajamas off with ease. Exposed to the cool air of the room, my skin reacted in its natural fashion. My nakedness was a sudden reminder of the dream I'd had last night… and the unbelievably hot sex I'd had in it. Though, I thought as my face twisted with disappointment, the dream hadn't had a proper resolution.

I straightened my dress in the bathroom mirror and lifted Katherine's hairbrush from the organizer on the counter-top. As I brushed my long black hair into submission, I remembered the care with which Jack had comforted me once I'd woken up. I'd told him I had a nightmare and he believed me… at least I hoped he did. I'd cried so hard, tears of anger, sadness, and pure desire. For the better part of an hour, I'd shaken in Jack's arms, soaking the shoulder of his housecoat. And he'd borne it all without a complaint. It'd taken a few minutes to fall asleep but I finally sank into a coma-like sleep. Now my eyes were swollen and I couldn't decide why I'd dreamt what I had.

I cleaned the brush and put it back in the organizer. I looked into my own eyes and grounded my feet against the floor. The truth was, it was the intimacy I wanted, not the man. And while Jack was attentive, attractive, and caring… so was Bryan. The fact that their mannerisms, looks, and even their smells were so similar must have been the replacement of Bryan with Jack in my dream. There was no other explanation. I sighed, my cheeks flushing. Then again, the actions of my dream-man were nothing like Bryan's.

"No," I told myself. "This wasn't a fantasy." My adamant words were wasted on the emptiness of the bathroom. I took a deep breath and smelled bacon. I smiled. Breakfast time.

My stomach was growling, probably from all the energy spent on having the dream. I felt just like a little girl sitting at the table. The tall barstool kept my bare feet from touching the floor. Already waiting for me was a tall glass of orange juice. Jack set my plate in front of me. Along with the fragrant bacon was a healthy portion of eggs, a pile of glistening, fresh fruit, and, tucked on the edge of the plate, a buttered English muffin. I drooled and, unabashedly, began forking food into my mouth.

"The mechanic shop said they'd have your tire put on in about an hour. That gives us some time to eat before we get going." He sat down in front of me with his plate.

"That's great," I said, my mouth full. A rogue cloud of egg fell from my lip to the plate. He lifted a questioning eyebrow. I just chuckled stupidly.

"Hungry?" He smiled his daddy smile.

"Yeah. I guess so." I wiped my mouth and sat up properly in my chair. I dabbed my mouth with a napkin.

"So, are you ready to talk about what happened?" At his words I swallowed the remnants of my last bite. I didn't guess he was going to let up until I told him what happened.

"Last night, I came home and Bryan was…" I stopped, trying to phrase the scenario politely and cleanly. "He was masturbating," I said, sounding like a newscaster.

"Hm… masturbating." Jack studied me, making me nervous. He waited for me to elaborate and when nothing came, he wiped his mouth with a napkin. "So he was masturbating. What else?"

"Nothing else. Well, he was watching porn while he was doing it."

"Porn," the word sounded foreign on his lips as he repeated it back to me.

"Mm hm." I nodded.

"And this made you upset?" He lifted his orange juice and took a sip. For a second I was surprised.

"Well… yes." My face grew hot. Maybe his dad wouldn't sympathize with me on this.

"Why did it make you upset? Masturbating is normal. You masturbate don't you?" I thought my head would explode. Immediately my pussy was aching. A little slutty voice in the back of my head, one that often spoke when I was unfulfilled whispered, "Tell him all your dirty secrets."

"No," I said aloud to the voice.

"No?" he said. Both of his eyebrows ascended his forehead in puzzlement.

"I mean, yes. But-" I stopped. The cogs in my brain were beginning to smoke.

"But what?" he asked after a few moments.

"I don't watch porn. I only watch it to learn and it doesn't usually turn me on. When I masturbate, it's because Bryan's not there. He was doing it just to get off, not because he wanted me and I couldn't be there. He could have waited until I got home, but he didn't!" My thoughts had tumbled out carelessly, in a long stream of words, barely separated by breath. I felt tears clouding my eyes. I made a concerted effort to suck them into my sinuses. Another deep breath gave me the strength to open my eyes and study my audience. His lips were pursed, as if he was trying to say something as delicately as possible.

"I can see why you're upset. But you have to think of things from his perspective. Maybe there's something he needs," Jack said in a negotiatory tone of voice.

"Something he needs? Why doesn't he just ask? I've asked him if he has any needs. I've told him that he can tell me anything." I remembered just a few nights before when he'd labeled me, 'a comfortable pair of socks'.

"That's a question for him. But, maybe he's just not ready to tell you." My mouth clamped shut as that thought soaked into my addled brain. My eyes dropped to Jack's plate which was mostly empty. My vision blurred as I thought. I was silent.

"Anyway, I don't think I'm the right person to ask about Bryan's mindset." Jack scooped up a forkful of eggs. "I don't understand why he doesn't wise up. You're a beautiful, talented, and captivating young woman. There's no reason why he shouldn't take advantage of his luck." He smiled at me and our eyes met. There was warmth in his eyes that reassured and disarmed me all at once… just like the night before. The phone rang. Jack swallowed and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

I took the last bite of bacon on my plate and took it to the kitchen. Maybe Jack was right. Maybe Bryan wasn't ready to tell me what he wanted. But how to convince him to do it? I scraped my plate and rinsed it before leaving it in the sink. Behind me Jack spoke quickly to someone.

"Thank you," he said. The phone beeped off. "The mechanic said your car is ready."

"Okay," I said, my eyes still glazed over with deep thought. I hardly noticed Jack approach me. His hands settled on my shoulders as they often had the past few days in order to ground me, to help me be still.

"There are two possibilities, little Eve." My eyes refocused on his blue ones. I was suddenly aware of our proximity and the warmth of his hands on my skin. My lips plumped as I smelled the richness of coffee on his breath. Without permission, my mind wandered to dark thoughts… how it might feel to be kissed by those lips. Lips so full of understanding and wisdom. My fingers twitched as I imagined intertwining them in his hair. I felt my lids grow heavy.

It's just the dream talking, Eve. I thought to myself. You don't want him. You want Bryan.

"…or he won't and there's nothing you can do about it." I drifted back into reality as his sentence tapered to a finish. I hadn't heard his heart-felt reassurance. I'd been too preoccupied with daydreaming.

"You're probably right," I said mechanically. He smiled and patted my shoulder. I half-expected him to ruffle my hair. He returned to the table for his plate and cup. I huffed.

"Let's get going," he said, resting his dishes atop mine in the sink.

Soon we were on the road. The brisk morning air rushed in through the window. The smell of cows blew in and I rolled my window up. Light jazz was playing on the radio. Lost in thought, I was useless for conversational purposes. Before I knew it, we were pulling into the mechanic shop's parking lot.

"Here we are," Jack said. He lifted my purse from the back seat and handed it to me.

"Thanks again for everything," I said.

"Anytime," he said, his daddy smile shining. I saw my car in a far parking spot. The tire had been replaced and everything looked to be in order. After paying inside, I slid into my car. Water spots graced the seat where I'd climbed into the car the previous night. I started the car and checked the clock. I had time to kill before meeting Bryan. But what to do till then?

I pulled out of the parking lot and got back on the highway. I couldn't go too far, since the diner where I was to meet Bryan was just in between our house and his parents'. I found a strip mall just a few exits before the diner's exit and was delighted to find a bookstore. I dabbed concealer under my eyes, some powder on my nose, and some gloss on my lips. I was far from picture-perfect, but it would have to do. It felt odd to be traipsing into a bookstore in work heels and a casual dress, but that feeling was overcome at the prospect of finding a new book to read and finally getting some time to myself.

I perused the novels, wandering from sci-fi to romance, until I thought of my problems outside of the bookstore again. I wandered to the self-help section of the store. Painstakingly, I found the bay containing tomes on relationships and sexuality. I slid one from the shelf and picked at it for a few minutes. There was a chapter on 'diminished male libido', which hooked me immediately. I found a comfortable chair and sat down to read.

'Always know that this problem isn't your fault. Try to remember your best qualities when-'

"Eve?"

I looked up from the book. It was Tessa. Today, even in jeans and a t-shirt, she looked stunning.

"Tessa? What are you doing here?" This store was far out of the way for her.

"I ordered a book and it got here today," she said indicating the book she was carrying. "I know the guy that owns this place, so he orders books for me." She smiled brightly and took the seat opposite me. She caught a glimpse of my book's cover. "What are you up to so far from home? Not hiding out here... looking for advice in books are you?"

"I was just curious. This book has a chapter on something called diminished male libido."

"Hm. I've never found relationship books helpful. I'm a firm believer that every relationship is different. Books try to use blanket-principles." She ran her fingers through her hair.

"I just thought getting another opinion would help," I said, closing the book. "It seems like this book might be a good place to start."

"You don't know where the author is coming from. He could be a psycho. Here let me see," she lifted the book from my fingers. "'Dr. James Morgan Ph.D.'" she read from the back cover.

"See? He's a doctor," I said, pleased with myself.

"Apparently he lives here in town, with his dog… Preston." Tessa giggled. "Hm. He's single. Where do you suppose he gets off giving married people advice when he's not even married himself?" She squinted at the back cover, mouthing something to herself.

"Single? How do you know he's single?" I attempted to peer over the edge of the book.

"No ring on his finger in the picture," she said, flipping the book over to show me the back cover. A man with dark hair, blue eyes, and a bright white smile looked back at me. He couldn't have been older than thirty. Tessa was right, there was no ring on his finger. He was handsome enough for my eyes to linger. I could hear the slutty voice in my head remarking on his well-dressed body in the back of my head.

"Well it's not like I care whether he's single or not. It seems like he knows what he's talking about." I took the book back, now just looking at the picture.

"Here's an idea. If you really want a second opinion, why don't you go see this guy and tell him about your situation?" She grinned and sat back in her chair.

I laughed. "No way! I'm not insane! I just have a problem." I shook my head, setting the book down on the coffee table between our chairs.

"I don't think it's so crazy to seek a second opinion. I mean what's the difference between trying to find an answer in a book and talking to somebody? Not to mention, he's the guy who wrote it."

I took a moment to consider. Tessa was my friend and she was just trying to help. But more than that, Tessa had been helpful in the situation until now. Plus… if this Dr. Morgan was no help, I didn't ever have to see him again.

"You're right," I said in conclusion. "There's no reason not to go see him." Tessa nodded, smiling.

"Well, I've got to get going," Tessa said, gathering her things.

"Yeah, me too." I said, checking my cellphone for the time. I'd be late if I didn't leave immediately. "I'll see you on Monday." She turned to go. "Thanks for your help," I called after her.

"No problem, honey," she said playfully. I struggled for a moment, trying to decide whether I should buy the book or not. I decided not to and left it sitting on the coffee table. I could see Tessa's car leaving the parking lot by the time I got to my car. Clouds had floated over the sun and made the day seem hazy. My blue car looked gray and sick in the changed weather. I wondered whether the misty demeanor of the sky was a bad omen.

I pulled onto the highway again, wonder if it would rain again. But not a drop fell during my drive to the diner. I pulled into the small parking lot and observed the boxy diner. I locked my car and looked around for Bryan's car, eyeing it on the far side of the parking lot. My lips tightened as I suppressed reawakening emotions. But when I pushed the diner door open and heard the bells tinkle above my head, seeing Bryan made it impossible not to be angry. I resisted the immediate urge to curse him out, turn around and leave. Instead, I made my way over to his booth and slid into it.

It was the first time I'd seen him for longer than five minutes in two days. Aside from catching him jacking off, we'd barely seen each other for one reason or another. We didn't speak, we just looked at each other. For the first time, perhaps in our whole relationship, he was strange and foreign to me, like a limb that had fallen asleep. I barely recognized his scent as his. I noticed his disheveled hair... saw fresh wrinkles in the corners of his eyes.

"Hi," he said quietly. He licked his chapped lips.

"Hi," I answered.

"I ordered you a sweet tea," he said, his voice close to a whisper. He sounded humiliated.

"Thanks," I said. There was silence then. I didn't look into his eyes, though I felt his on me. I looked through the menu. He sighed, his shoulders slouching. The waitress appeared with our drinks and set them on the table. I took a sip of my tea, without a word.

"We need to talk," he said finally. I looked up at him, bringing my hand up to stop him from speaking. His mouth remained agape.

"Before you say anything, I need to say this," I started, "I'm mad at you and it's going to take a lot of work for us to come to grips with what really happened last night."

A storm of confusion passed over his face, "But I was just-"

"Please," I said, my hand up again. "I'm not done," I said. I crossed my arms in front of me. "I know what you were doing. And it's not so much what you were doing as why. And don't say it was to cum. I know that's why it's done ultimately. But how could you have been so… selfish?" I couldn't come up with a better word. He stayed quiet, watching me speak, his hands between his knees, or at least I supposed they were between his knees. I closed my eyes at that thought. "We've been together for a long time. We love each other. Why aren't we having sex? I do what I can to try and inspire you, but nothing ever works. I'm frustrated!" My voice had risen to an uncomfortable pitch and I took a deep breath. "And I try to do that on my own. But doing it on my own, it doesn't…" I hadn't thought so deeply about why masturbating didn't really do it for me. "It's just not enough," I said, putting it simply. "I just want to know… why? What's… wrong with me?" I said, looking down at the white, cloth napkin folded on the table.

"Nothing's wrong with you," Bryan said, reaching across the table to touch my hand. "You're beautiful and sexy and sweet. I don't know… I just…" I could see the cogs turning in his head. "I don't know," he said, withdrawing his hand. The warmth of his touch had nearly brought me to tears. He hadn't told me outright that I was beautiful and sexy in a long time. My heart stung, but my initial pain and anger rescinded a little.

"I've tried almost everything I can. I wear sexy clothes, listen to everything you have to say, ask you if there's anything you need. I don't know what you want from me." I sighed deeply. "I mean, are we going to be one of those couples that schedules sex?" I winced at the thought. It would be so mechanical to have a schedule for sex.

"I don't want that," he said firmly.

"I don't either. I want sex to come naturally to us both, but I just don't know what else I can do. I've worn lingerie more than once in the past few weeks and I've suggested sexy things to do. I was so excited when you let me go down on you the other night, but for God's sake, Bryan… you fell asleep with your cock in my mouth! I'm just… frustrated!" I tamed my voice again.

"I don't know what to say," he said, his eyes downcast, his lips pursed as he thought.