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Click hereFrank and Joe looked around and started laughing. They had no idea how their wives and daughters had done it, but somehow every teenage boy had one or two large shopping bags in their hands. They had only seen Rose buy Sophia's dress, shoes and pocketbook and had no idea what was in the bags. At this point, they really didn't care, they needed food.
The procession of Carlucci's left the mall and the caravan drove to Carmelo's, which thankfully was empty. Frank looked at Gianni and said with a smile on his face as they waited while the staff pushed some tables together, "What table did you all use, I don't want to sit at that one." Gianni did have the grace to blush and mumbled, "The one in the back right corner."
Alberto and Carmelo came over to talk to them after they were seated since the families were close friends. Alberto glanced around the room intently as if searching for something he didn't quite understand, as if the answer to the question was there, but he didn't know what the question was and his wolf started prancing around his head in delight.
Carmelo looked at Gianni, Marcus, Lorenzo and Damian and said while grinning, "Where's your partner in debauchery? Sophia put him under lock and key since the declaration?" He looked at Sophia and winked at her; she grinned back at him and said, "He's working today Mr. Moretti, but I'll tell him that you were asking about him."
Alberto had moved closer to Vincent and Dominic and was talking quietly to them about their plans for that evening, "I found out about this big party tonight, how many of you are going? I, uh, need to know to make the proper arrangements if the youngsters are going," he said looking at Enzo, Gino, Paulo and Michael. The four of them looked at Vin and Dom and enthusiastically shook their heads yes. "Okay, I'll go make some phone calls," he said still glancing around searching the room intently for something he didn't quite understand. Jus then Maria and Annie came out of the restroom and started walking to the table. His gaze landed on Maria and then all hell broke loose...
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 2 years agoI’m aware this story was written ages ago so my feedback may be a waste. That being said, this story is… not good. Don’t get me wrong, I see your vision but it reads more like a wattpad than a romance story found on a erotic literature site (before your fans come at me, I know there’s a ton of TERRIBLE stories here). I think my frustration with this story lies in the fact that you had some great ideas but this needs at least three more edits before being published. And my edits, I’m referring to your writing style.
1. I fail to understand why she’s 15. You have at least gone for 18 and 21, it’s just uncomfortable to read about teens on this site, even if they’re not doing the deed
2. Introduced way too many characters in the first chapters and it’s clear there’s more to come. It’s confusing for the readers.
3. I want to care about your characters and the way to do that is to gradually introduce them in the story. So they all have enough time in the page to shine. Right now, all these men are the same and don’t care if Sophia ends up with Anthony or Scott or dead
4. Girl, now why are the parents acting like teenagers?
5. All these characters are just stereotypes, again, it’s hard for me to care about them. I don’t know if it was a cop out making the characters so young so you won’t have to work hard to give them personalities
6. I kept reading because the comments are full of praises but if by the fifth chapter there are still no improvements, then telling a reader to wait until chapter eight isn’t a good sign.
7. I get that they’re werewolves and you want to emphasis that they live as pack and give birth in large numbers but maybe you have have made some of the brothers older? That way I would have believed it more when the ALPHA and BETA are talking about pack matters with their sons. Like why are grown were men having a pizza and soda party with teenage boys? I don’t get it. Anthony could have just gone to his father’s office, found his dad talking to his beta (we don’t even need to be privy to the conversations) and he could have been like “oh! Dad, sorry for interrupting” and his dad could have called him in and said the meeting was drawing to an end any way and given his son the opportunity to express his concerns about Scott. Why was it made into a meeting? I get it, pack life, but not like this. It’s immature and doesn’t make sense.
8. The over-protective makes. Okay, I’ll bite and say this happens in your were universe. So if it’s so normal for the girls to be supervised at all times, just show us. Don’t tell us. What’s worse, you’ve told us any opportunity you get that these girls need a wall about strong men for them to exist. Maybe have Sophia be the one who’s used to be treated like a little princess and have Maria be the rebel. Gets them I trouble, sneaks out to go to parties etc. That way, when you do explain the reason for the protection the girls have, you bounce off something wreckless that Maria does.
Lastly, to summaries, I can tell you’ve done research and have planned. But I think that’s the issue here. I can see it. Your story isn’t very seamless because your regurgitating your author notes to your readers. I’m not gong to continue on reader but I think it’s fantastic that so many people love this story. I think I’m just not the reader you intended to attract with this story. That’s okay. Good luck with the rest!
Anonymousabout 7 years agoI've read this series five times. Great work PBL. Your consistency with name spelling could use a tiny bit of improvement but overall, it's perfect.
Anonymousalmost 8 years agoI dare anyone to read the first chapter and not laugh their buts off. I like the way the story is so far. keep up the good work.
MyrtleBeachFanaticover 10 years agoKeep reading, everything is explained in Chapter 8 why they protect the girls so carefully.
AMHJ89over 10 years agoLol how unfair the boys get to literally wore around while the girls have to live like nuns until they're eighteen and why condoms if weres are typically immune to human disease and can only procreate with their mates?
MyrtleBeachFanaticalmost 11 years agoTo pleasureseeker5 - I took the liberty of looking at your profile and saw that one of your fave authors and stories was by Doctor Wolfe - A Slave to the Servants. I think it is a brilliant story by a brilliant author, but it is an interesting choice for someone who is against abusive controlling men.
The main character in that story was kidnapped from Earth, sold into slavery, had sex with 5 different men, was disciplined and treated like a pet, she was told what to wear, what to eat, was washed by them and had no independence until the men realized later how wrong it was and changed their ways. Nothing wrong with that, like I said I loved the story. But again, an interesting choice for someone who has issues with controlling men. Also in that story, when she disobeyed them she was disciplined and whipped. But thats okay with you? But having young girls being watched over and protected against rape isn't? Again, it's interesting.
Anonymousalmost 11 years agoIf you dont like to read those sort of stories find another story to read! Its not like anyone is "controlling" you and forcing you to read each chapter! Better yet WRITE YOUR OWN STORY. That way you can make exactly the way you want it. Keep up the good work pocketbooklover
pocketbookloveralmost 11 years agoAuthorI feel like I have to respond to your comment, something I normally don't do. The girls in this story are not 'controlled or abused' in any manner. I have stated numerous times the reason why they are protected like they are and it is to prevent them from being subjected to rape, unwanted matings and unwanted attention. If anything the brothers are 'abused' because they have to do basically everything their sisters tell them to do or want to do. They have to take them to dance class, training classes, on shopping excursions and whatever else the sisters choose to do. Basically the boys are not given a choice, if the sister wants it, then she gets it.
As far as the human girls in chapter 5 being treated like 'public cum dumpsters' (your words not mine), the girls were the ones who started every bit of the public sexual episodes. I also stated the reason why the girls went with them - they realized they were Carlucci's and Rossi's and decided to follow them to the restaurant instead of staying with Scott because they knew their families were rich and Scotts father was nothing but a mechanic. They knew exactly what they were doing.
As far as the exams, I've explained that too. It is done yearly until they are 18, and after the girls turn 18 then they are free to do and behave any way they see fit, whether they have found their mate or not. This is done again to protect them not control them.
I hope this clears things up a bit and I encourage you to read the rest of the chapters so that you get more of the background and I hope you see that while the men may be powerful, it's the women that are really in charge.
pleasureseeker5almost 11 years agothey are overshadowing the good parts. Extremely possessive, controlling and jealous males are NOT cute and sexy. Yes, I know this is fiction, but in real life that type of behavior is a warning sign of a potential abuser, so I don't like to see it portrayed as "hot" or appealling. Also, the sexual double standard is ridiculous. These young male weres are supposedly taught to respect females, yet can't stop themselves from using human females as their public cum dumpsters. And the yearly gyno exams for the females to prove their virginity while the males have no such exam or expectations placed on them? That's not protective, that's CONTROLLING.
MyrtleBeachFanaticabout 11 years agoI know the writer won't respond to your comment because she is recovering from cancer surgery. I do have a question for you, you mentioned 'were standards on Lit'. what are they? are they written somewhere? isn't this a fantasy based fiction site? Pick any five were stories and everyone is different, as they should be. if they all said the same thing and did the same thing, then why would anybody read them? "Twilight" is the best selling movie/book series on vampies, but it doesn't mean all vampires sparkle. The main character Sofia, had her fifteenth bday, not ALL fifteen year olds are experienced and hopefully the majority of them are still naive and virginal at that age worried about cheerleading and shopping instead of worrying if they are going to get their period and wondering how they are going to tell their parents they are pregnant.
Anonymousabout 11 years agoI really wish you'd made the guys and girls in this story more real and less extreme, because the storyline is cute and I had been enjoying it. The guys are too male whore. They can't control themselves to go somewhere private to have their orgies, yet they are trained to be disciplined fighters and respectful of pack females (only). Yes boys will be boys, but public orgies with human girls are extreme and differ from the standard were open sex within the pack followed by most lit writers. Yes this is your story to write as you choose, but there are were standards on Lit and you have followed some, so when you deviate it will be noticed. Even your pack is living secretly from humans.
It's a good thing everyone agreed to keep this from naive and virginal Sophia, I don't think she could handle it with her limited life experiences being cheer, dance, and shopping. I feel sorry for pack girls because they deserve better than man whores and won't know it since they will never get to experience other boys who might actually respect girls in general. And the second stereotype of your girls being superficial and naive virgins is too unbelievable. I hope one of the girls comes home and proudly announces that she won the science fair while she makes sure to keep her hickey covered.
maxd01about 11 years agoI almost died. I do have to agree that there is a sort of disparity between the guys getting all the action till mated and the girls have to be goody two shoes till they are 18. I can see the reason with the male female ration that was mentioned though. Well that and I have sort of seen werewolf packs as being sort of male dominated much like a wolf pack. The guys get all the fun and the women are not screwed...
kiwiplumabout 11 years agoEnjoying the story but a bit hard to feel anything for Sophia/the girls. Shopping? Can't you give them a bit of life?
