Space Relations Pt. 15

"Thank you, Ensign Braxton." Washington put the first document on the main screen. "Thor, Willow, you'll be getting these documents as well. I'd like you both to glance through them in case you pick up on something Braxton or I don't."

"Here's something interesting." Braxton was reading through the various unofficial footnotes that previous personnel had written in. "There is a comment in page 2 of the footnotes, near the bottom of the page. This is from eight Earth years ago, the last time an SCS vessel stopped there. It reads; Planet is full of old people. They all want to have sex. Beware the Wrinkles!"

"That sounds a little ominous, doesn't it?" Thor commented. "Beware the wrinkles."

Washington located the comment. His brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of it. The captain read through some of the other comments. "It looks like other commentators also unofficially refer to these people as the Wrinkles, or the Heebee-Gee-Bees. What the hell is a Heebee-Gee-Bee?"

"Oh, that's a play on the system's name." Braxton understood. "The G and B come from the word Groombridge."

"Ah." Washington saw it now. "And what is the nature of the signal we've received?"

"They are simply responding to our standard hail." Braxton informed him. "They would like to welcome us to their star system. They wish for us to partake of their hospitality."

"Captain?" Willow asked.

"Go ahead, Willow."

"I found another mention of a starship being hailed to the planet, from 15 years ago. As soon as the landing party arrived, these old people surrounded them and demanded that Space Corps personnel have sex with them. The landing party feared for their safety. They quickly got back into their ship and left."

"Hmmm." Washington mulled this over. "These people aren't warlike, but they demand immediate sex from off-world visitors? I recall that Officer Cruz has experience teaching sex to older people, from back when he worked in that senior center."

"We've got personal weapons now, in case they do get rowdy." Thor reminded them.

"I'm rather hoping to avoid a galactic incident, if I can help it." Washington replied. "At the same time, I don't want to expose the Space Relations to anything even remotely similar to what happened to us on Edgeworth Platform. Let me call for our resident sex-perts and see what they think about all of this."

Cruz and Wattakunt were soon summoned to the bridge and briefed.

"I volunteer to go, Captain." Cruz stood up proud and tall. "For the sexual satisfaction of an entire planet, I will gladly donate my time and gonads. For the benefit of its people, I will go over my most effective instruction techniques with this errant and apparently lonely race."

"Aren't you afraid?" Washington asked. "What if they all try to rape you?"

"Oh, that would happen sometimes at the senior center." Cruz revealed. "If I was feeling particularly put out, I'd simply let the old women win on occasion."

Washington grimaced. "There is such a thing as too much information."

"Well, you asked, didn't you?"

"I'm sorry I did. Mary, what about you?"

"Do you really have to ask me that question? I am the epitome of space relations. Just ask Cruz."

"I suppose I should have known better than to ask." Washington said. "Here's what we can do. We'll set down on GB 1. Only the two science officers and I will step out. The ship will return to planetary orbit, until such time as it is deemed safe for it to land again with the rest of the crew."

"What if something happens down there?" Thor sounded worried.

"If for some reason we feel threatened, or we don't get in contact with the ship, you will issue an alert to any SCS vessels in the vicinity and ask for assistance. You will under no circumstances try to rescue us on your own. Ensign Braxton, you will be acting captain while I'm gone."

"Yes, captain, and thank you."

Washington nodded back. "Adjust course for the Groombridge system."

Braxton set the route.

One full day cycle later, they got to within video transmission range of planet GB 1. Following protocol, the new navigator hailed the planet as to their proximity. The video screen lit up, showing a very old man staring back at them. The man's eyes showed unbridled excitement upon seeing their fresh faces on the opposite side of his monitor.

"Greetings, sir." Washington, uh, greeted the man. "Are you familiar with Galactic English?"

"Yes, yes, of course." The man nodded. He wore a simple gray tunic and silver bracelets on each arm. "It is good to know that you have come to pay us a visit. We have prepared a lavish banquet in your honor."

"Such a grand gesture was not necessary, but it is appreciated." The captain said. "I am Captain Washington of the SCS Space Relations. Standing next to me are two of my associates, science officers Cruz and Wattakunt. We will be landing on your planet shortly. I would like to verify the landing coordinates with you."

"I'll send them again, to be sure." The man nodded, as another man, equally aged, stepped into view. This new figure had a yellow tunic, and the same style bracelets in gold.

"My name is Gar, and I am the person in charge this month." The old man grinned. "It is a good thing for me that you've chosen to arrive while I am in charge. There is much excitement here on our planet due to your arrival."

"Am I to understand that your leaders change every month?" Washington asked.

"Yes." Gar answered. "We are an old people. We don't have much excitement on our world, or on our sister world. Thanks to you, we will have some excitement today! We are very happy to know you are visiting us. It has been publicly announced already. Many of our people will be here to greet you when your ship lands."

"That's... splendid." Washington replied, although he was starting to feel queasy about the entire strange situation.

More old people started crowding around the monitor, and peering over shoulders to gaze at them. This left the captain to wonder if he was witnessing a good representation of the general population. The men were well groomed; clean-shaven and smiling. All wore nearly the same style of tunic: baggy around the torso, with wide openings at the shoulders. Most men had on silver bracelets, or rings, or necklaces. The old women were equally presentable. Colored shawls were seen on their shoulders and thin veils over their faces. They wore minimal make-up, with dark eyeliner around the eyes, Egyptian style, and light blush on the cheeks. Unlike the blander tunics of the men, the women's light dresses were explosions of pretty colors and patterns. The biggest oddity in the captains' eyes was that every person staring back at them was at least sixty years old.

Washington looked over at his two science officers, discovering that they were busy having a mental conversation with themselves. The captain was starting to become irritated when they did that. He always felt left out, and occasionally, he wondered if they were whispering nasty things about him.

They're very excited to see us, Captain. Mary's thoughts slipped into his mind.

Why? He asked.

That part's a little fuzzy. It's as if they're desperately trying to make us feel comfortable. As if they can't afford to have us leave without setting foot on the planet. They're nervous because they've scared other starships away by being too aggressive.

"The coordinates are a match." Braxton announced.

"Good." Washington nodded. For the benefit of his aged audience, he pasted a smile on his face. "The coordinates you've just sent us have been confirmed. We should be landing in, how long, Ensign Braxton?"

"Forty Earth minutes."

Washington glanced at Mary. Are they dangerous?

I don't think so, Captain. Just super horny.

"Captain, could I have permission to try something?" Cruz asked.

"Uh, sure." Washington shrugged. "Be my guest."

Cruz stepped in front of the others and spoke directly to the older crowd. "My name is Ramiro De La Cruz, but among certain, discrete circles back on Earth, I have been called The Doctor Of Love. Please understand that this gesture is meant for all of the ladies watching. I in no way, shape or form am trying to make myself attractive to the men among your people."

With that, Cruz began flexing his arms, and in Washington's view, showing off his lack of muscles. The Latin lover waggled his hips and toyed with his nipples. In the final obscene gesture, the ensign turned and shook his booty.

"Cruz, that is enough!" Washington reprimanded him. "What kind of an example are you trying to set for us?"

The captain looked back at the monitor, shocked to see that the older women were now excitedly gossiping amongst themselves.

"My turn!" Mary stepped forward.

"Mary, stand back." Washington told her. "Please!"

The pretty blonde made a fussy face and ignored him. She took center stage the moment Cruz left it. First, she waved at the monitor. "Hi, I'm Mary. I am The Doctor's Assistant Of Love. I'd like you to check these puppies out." With that, she lifted her shirt up and exposed her bare and succulent breasts.

Washington's face reddened, if a black man's face could be said to redden.

As Mary took her spot next to Cruz, the old men onscreen began clapping.

"Mary, your presentation is so much more effective than mine." Cruz congratulated his partner. "High-five."

"Most excellent!" Gar exclaimed from the monitor. "We'll be looking forward to your arrival, in, what was it, forty of your Earth minutes?"

"That is correct." An embarrassed Washington nodded.

Several of the men were still clapping when the video cut off.

Washington glared at his two officers. "I can't believe you two just did that!"

"Captain, not every planet cares to follow standard Earth customs." Mary said.

"These poor people haven't had any excitement in ages." Cruz added. "So, if they want some excitement, I say we give it to them."

Mary added to that. "And besides, some of those guys were cute, for, you know, grandfather types."

Cruz nodded. "I bet Granny Braxton would feel right at home among all those old farts."

"Call me a granny one more time," Braxton threatened. "And I'll show you how proficient I am at martial arts."

Cruz chuckled. "I'm just kidding. You know I love you."

"Well, I'm not kidding. I will kick your butt."

Cruz feigned glancing up at the ceiling and humming to himself. Out of the blue, he turned to her and said, "You wear granny panties!"

Braxton jumped out of her chair and chased the laughing man off the bridge.

"Willow," Washington requested. "Let's set the ship on hover. Will you call all hands to the lounge? Also, please patch that incoming video from GB 1 and the video from the bridge to the view screen we have there. I will be briefing the crew in a couple of minutes."

"Will do, Captain!"