Starting All Over Again

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Three years of abstinence proves worth the wait.
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komrad1156
komrad1156
3,768 Followers

*Standard Disclaimer: This story deals with the fetish of smoking. If that's not your cup of tea please move on. Nothing you may say will change anyone's opinions about the topic. Some of us find attractive women who smoke to be utterly erotic. I am one of them.

For those who enjoy my smoking tales, please indulge me as I indulge my other fetish in the way the main female character dresses. What a woman wears isn't important to most men, but if you have some other 'thing' and mine isn't yours, just substitute something else and enjoy.

In my high school (outside of Seattle, Washington) we had a very pretty girl who was a cheerleader who also smoked. One of the two best-looking guys in our school was a Mormon and asked her out knowing she smoked. They started dating and I clearly remember her saying one day, "He's only giving me two weeks to quit!"

As an aside, his older brother went on a two-year Mormon mission somewhere in Europe and ended up getting excommunicated for having sex while on his mission. The woman he 'gave in to' evidently pursued him relentlessly, and I've incorporated both of those themes in this story.

*****

February of 2012

"It's so unfair! Mark is only giving me two weeks to quit smoking."

"Two weeks? Where did he come up with that?" her best friend, Sarah Miller, said as she took a long draw on her cigarette.

"He said he read somewhere that's how long it takes to end the physical addiction. But he doesn't know how hard it is to quit!"

"That is just so unreasonable!" Sarah said in agreement. She also loved to smoke and couldn't imagine being given an ultimatum to quit.

"I know, but he's so cute and I want to go out with him again SO bad!"

"Well, then I guess you have a choice to make. If you want to date a Mormon boy you're going to have to quit smoking."

"I know, I know. But I love smoking! This is just so unfair!"

Kelli Powell had been smoking for just over a year now and deeply addicted for the last 9-10 months. It was amazing how she went from occasionally smoking with her friends at parties then after school which soon became before school until she found herself needing and now wanting to smoke all of the time.

She noticed the real change came not long after she started having a cigarette—or two—before school. Within a week of doing so, she found herself coming out of her skin by lunch time. After lunch was wretched. Her need to smoke had driven her into the smoke-filled girls' bathroom that first time and once the other girls who smoked accepted her, it became an oft-repeated ritual every day at school.

She'd also told her parents she'd started smoking, and while they weren't happy about it, they told her they understood and asked her not to hide it from them. After all, both of her parents smoked and they knew full well how their daughter felt.

Kelli herself had never once questioned her decision to start smoking until Mark Harding, by far the best-looking guy in not only in the senior class, but in the entire school, asked her to go to the senior prom with him. She was so shocked and so thrilled she hadn't been able to eat, sleep, or think clearly for days after. In fact, she found herself smoking more than she ever had out of pure nervousness because, like so many other girls she went to school with, she'd dreamed of this many times, but never once thought he'd ever ask her.

She and quite a few other girls in her high school, located in a city just outside of Seattle, Washington, had had a crush on Mark for a very varying lengths of time. He was not only the school's top running back on the football team and captain of the wrestling team, he very handsome. He was good-looking enough to be a male model, but he was also humble and polite making him popular with pretty much everyone, male and female, students and teachers.

To her credit, Kelli was one of the two best-looking girls in school and from that perspective at least, she knew she could compete with any of the other girls cute guys said were hot. However, she wasn't a Mormon and Mark had always and only ever gone out with Mormon girls before. That is, until he surprised Kelli and everyone else by asking her to the prom. Even so, in her heart of hearts, Kelli knew he would never get serious with, let alone marry, a girl who didn't share his faith and yet, at 18, marriage had been the last thing on her mind. But now here was this amazingly gorgeous Mormon boy for whom marriage was the be-all, end-all, and suddenly anything seemed possible.

"So one step at a time, right?" she began telling herself. As they say, first comes love, then comes marriage which is, of course, followed by a baby in a baby carriage. From what she knew about most Mormons, that meant a whole bunch of babies. For now, she just needed a cigarette really, really bad.

She learned soon after he'd asked her that he knew from his friends she smoked and that gave her hope it might not be an issue. Or at least not a major issue. Then again, even if it was, for Mark Harding, Kelli thought she might just possibly be willing to do anything necessary, if she had a real shot at dating him beyond the senior prom.

Quitting was the last thing she wanted to do, but if that was the only way she could be his girlfriend—and that meant his only girlfriend—then she just might be willing to do it. But unless he asked, she had no intention of volunteering, and secretly she hoped the issue just wouldn't come up. And it didn't. At least not until during the prom.

The evening of the big dance finally arrived, and Kelli had gone a couple of hours without a cigarette. She'd had one an hour before getting ready then brushed her teeth and kept a steady stream of breath mints coming until Mark arrived to pick her up. Now, some four hours later, although she was otherwise having the time of her life, she old familiar feeling of nicotine withdrawal was making her skin crawl. Every fiber of her being was crying out for a cigarette. Her body craved nicotine so badly it was almost physically painful.

When she couldn't stand it any longer, she finally told him she HAD to have a cigarette. He told her, "Okay. That's fine, but I won't dance with you or kiss you if I can taste it—at all."

Kelli wanted to protest, but the need to smoke was overwhelming. She grabbed Sarah and asked her to go outside with her. Both of them lit up, but Kelli wasn't just smoking, she was desperate. She inhaled three times in a row as deeply as she physically could. "Oh, my God! That is so good!" she said as she finally exhaled a massive plume into the dark, cold night air.

"Does Mark know you're out here?"

"Yes, but he's not happy about it," she told her as she took another huge drag followed by two more and finally another two, finishing her cigarette in record time.

She popped a handful of breath mints into her mouth and went back inside. She asked two of her non-smoking friends if her breath was okay and both of them told her it smelled minty. Satisfied, she found Mark and stood next to him. "Are you mad at me?" she asked nervously the way high school kids worry about every little comment.

"No, I'm not mad. But I'm not going to go start dating a girl—any girl—who smokes no matter how pretty she is."

This was not only the first party or event she couldn't smoke at whenever she wanted, she couldn't even have a drink, and although Kelli wasn't a big drinker, she really wanted one in the worst way. Of course, drinking meant more smoking and...

She tried not to think about it as they danced to a slow song. Kelli knew this probably wasn't the best time to bring it up, but she was already wanting another cigarette so she said, "It's not really fair of you to give me just two weeks to quit doing something I enjoy so much."

"That's all the time you need to get the nicotine out of your body if you'll give it a chance. You know smoking is bad for you, right?"

She didn't answer so he said, "And it makes your hair stink..." He pulled away and made a bit of a face. "And kissing a girl who smokes is like licking an ashtray. There's just nothing good about it."

"But I really like it," she told him. "A lot."

"It's nothing but a bad habit, Kelli, and bad habits can be broken."

"So are you saying if I quit you and I can keep going out?" she asked hopefully.

"You're the most attractive girl I know," he told her. "I've wanted to go out with you for quite a while. I like you, Kelli—a lot. But like I said, I don't care how beautiful you are, if you smoke, there's no future for us. So I guess what I'm saying is you have to choose. Cigarettes or me."

"Oh, my God!" she said. "That's so mean!"

"I'm not trying to be all preachy, but I don't like hearing you talk that way, either. Using God's name that way."

Kelli bit her lip as she tried to fight off the urge to argue and an almost overwhelming urge to have another cigarette. She looked up at Mark's handsome face several times knowing what the price of admission was and the whole thing made her very unhappy. It was just so unfair.

"Is it true that if we did start dating—if I quit smoking first of course, that we still can't, you know..."

"Have sex?" he said.

"Well, yeah. I mean, we're 18 and seniors in high school. That's what people our age do, right?"

"I don't know about other people, but I'm going on a mission for my church next year. Missionaries can't do that. Mormons don't do that. We're not perfect and I've done some things I shouldn't have, but I want to marry a Mormon woman in a Mormon temple and raise our children in the Church and in order to do that that means following all of the Church's teachings. I really like you, Kelli. You're a smart girl. You can put the pieces together without me having to say it, right?"

"So...so are you saying you'd marry me? You know, after your mission thingy?"

"If you quit smoking and if you join the Church and if you'll wait for me, I'd say there's a really good chance of that. But like I said, for now, it's either me or cigarettes. How important are they to you?"

Kelli knew the answer. They were very important to her. In fact, until today, they might have been the most important thing in her life. But now she had the chance to date and maybe even marry the hottest and nicest guy in school. But not for almost three more years. And that meant without ever smoking again or having sex. He was very, very hot, but she loved smoking so much.

"Okay. I'll try," she finally told him. "I'm gonna need a lot of help and support because I don't just like smoking, I love to smoke. So...can you be there for me?"

Kelli went through the worst week of her life as she white-knuckled her way past the worst of the physical addiction. The patch helped, but it wasn't enough. True to his word, Mark was there every time she needed him most. That meant early-morning phone calls before school, picking her up before school, walking her straight to every class, having her stay for football practice and sit on the field where he could see her, then taking her home and spending evenings together. And most nights, that meant being on the phone again after they said goodnight. Texting helped, too, but she really needed to hear his voice to fight off the worst of her cravings.

The second week wasn't as physically awful, but it was almost as bad mentally. Kelli thought about smoking every minute of every day, and only the hope of being with Mark Harding got her through it.

After a month, she found herself able to go short periods of time not wanting a cigarette and after four, around the time she joined the Mormon Church, she still only really wanted one first thing in the morning and after a meal.

All in all, it seemed like an equitable trade as Mark had made her feel she was worth the incredible sacrifice. They were 'going steady' and spent nearly all of their free time together. That of course, was a mixed blessing for Kelli who found herself wanting him—all of him, as much as she'd wanted to smoke. However, Mark's faith didn't permit him to do anything beyond kissing, and that included light petting. He couldn't even feel her up and between that absurd restriction and his having essentially forced her to stop smoking, she was often frustrated beyond words. But then again, he was Mark Harding.

By the time Mark left for his two-year mission to Brazil, Kelli had been a member of the church for about a year and regularly attended services. She rarely thought about smoking, but she did still think about sex fairly often, and only the thought of being with the man she loved in another two years kept her on the straight and narrow.

She wrote him nearly every day as that was the only form of communication allowed except for a weekly phone call to his parents. He faithfully wrote her back always letting her know just how much he loved her and couldn't wait to marry her.

She was just one month away from turning 21 and Mark was less than three weeks from his scheduled mission-release date when, for the first time, she hadn't received a letter from him for over a week. There were none the following week, either, and Kelli went from concerned to worried to absolutely freaked out.

No one would tell her anything although she had the impression his mom and dad knew what was going on. It was Sunday morning one week from his mission release date, which meant he should be home in another ten days or so.

Like all good Mormons, Kelli was at church and getting ready to go into the chapel when she heard some kind of commotion out in the foyer. She tried to ignore it until she heard the name 'Mark' for the third time.

Immediately, her mind began racing thinking something terrible had happened to him in Sao Paulo which would explain why he couldn't write. She pictured him in some hospital bed having been hit by a car...or worse.

She made her way to the source of the commotion and...there he was. Mark was standing there with his parents and the bishop who seemed to be fending everyone off.

"Mark?" she said pushing through the crowd. "What's going on? Why are you home? Why didn't you tell me?"

Mark didn't speak as he was ushered right passed her. His father, however, took Kelli by the arm and said, "We need to talk."

"What's going on, Brother Harding?" she asked him as Mark was whisked into the chapel.

"Mark was...Mark had some...some difficulties on his mission," the older man began.

"Difficulties? What kind of...difficulties?" Kelli asked, her eyes searching for answers. "Is he okay? Is he sick or something?"

"Sit down, honey," he told her as he led her into a small classroom.

Kelli didn't want to sit, but she did as she was told.

"Please tell me what's going on," she pleaded.

"Kelli, missionaries are under huge amounts of stress. Two years away from families, no contact with the opposite sex, and that means not even...um...masturbation. It's a very rigid, very regimented life and for a young man like Mark who is, well, as you know, a very good-looking young man and..."

"What...what are you saying, Brother Harding?" Kelli was desperate for information and he wasn't being direct.

"Mark was, well...pursued by a young woman he met in Sao Paulo."

"Pursued? What does that even mean? He's with another missionary every minute of every day 34/7/365. How does a missionary get...pursued?" she demanded to know.

"It can happen. Things can happen. And in Mark's case, something...happened."

Beside herself, Kelli said, "Please just tell me what you're talking about!"

"Mark was sent home and has been excommunicated from the Church."

"Wait. Sent home? Excommunicated? That's the worst possible thing that can happen to us. Why? What did he do? Why has he been excommunicated?"

"Kelli, honey, Mark had...inappropriate relations with this young woman who followed him relentlessly for over a year. Eventually, the temptation was so great he...he succumbed."

"He...succumbed? Would you please speak English and tell me what's going on? What does succumbed mean?" she asked on the verge of crying.

"It means he...they...had sexual relations."

Kelli was dumbfounded. "He...had sex with some girl in Brazil?" she asked unable to understand what she was being told.

"Yes. It was just awful, and while it is very serious, I want to assure you he can be re-baptized again someday after a period of repentance and abstinence, but Mark is no longer a member of the Church."

"I...I waited for three years. I did everything he asked. I loved him...I mean I still love him, but...how could he do this to me?"

"If you still love him, then you can get through this," he told her. "In another year or so he might be able to rejoin the Church and within another year after that, he might be able to take you to the temple to be married. So just a little more patience, okay?"

Kelli didn't speak, but she thought to herself, "Two more years? You have to be kidding me!"

What Kelli didn't know, what she couldn't know, was that Mark no longer even loved her. He'd fallen hard for this Brazilian beauty and had every intention of bringing her to America and marrying her, and she'd made it clear she had no intention of ever joining the Mormon Church and Mark didn't care.

Later that afternoon, Mark finally sat her down and explained it all to Kelli who cried non-stop through it all. He assured her he never meant for this to happen. He told her he really had been in love with her. And yet he no longer was. He was sorry. He felt terrible. And yet his mind was made up. He fully intended to marry this...this new love of his and that was that.

She asked if she could kiss him one last time, but he'd told her he couldn't allow that. Again, he was sorry but...

Emotionally drained beyond words, Kelli went home and crawled into bed and spent the next three days there unable to think or move. Friends from church came by to try and cheer her up, but there was no cheer left in her. On the morning of the fourth day, she dragged herself out of bed, showered and sat down to try and eat something but couldn't. She had a glass of water and went back to bed.

Over the course of the next several days, Kelli battled the relentless feelings of gloom and despair that had enveloped her. She'd always been a happy, upbeat person and the years spent waiting for Mark had been difficult but filled with sweet anticipation. Having had that literally ripped from her life in an instant was pushing her to the breaking point.

After another day spent in bed, she told herself she had to fight back. She had to find a way to get passed this.

Her first step in trying to take back her life came when she forced herself out of bed again that afternoon. Those next two days, that was all she could do, but she did get out of bed. She'd forced herself to drink some more water and finally got down half a piece of dry toast, but otherwise couldn't eat or drink.

The next two days after that, she showered and ate entire piece of toast the first day and two the second day along with a few sips of orange juice. From there, she slowly reintroduced food and beverages into her life, coffee, tea, and alcohol, excluded, of course. Mormonism forbade its members from drinking any of them and although Kelli was too exhausted both mentally and physically to examine her feelings, she was able to run on 'autopilot' and that meant maintaining the status quo until such time as she was able to think things through more clearly.

Several more church friends stopped by during the week and on Saturday, the bishop himself dropped in to see how she was doing.

"Not so well, Bishop Abramson," she told him. "I feel like my whole life just ended. I know that's melodramatic, but I've been waiting for Mark—to marry him—for three years now."

"You'll feel better after attending sacrament meeting tomorrow," he assured her. "In fact, we should give you a blessing beforehand. The power of the priesthood can be very helpful in times like these."

komrad1156
komrad1156
3,768 Followers