Stoned

"Until 7. We'll eat late. Tell Anna."
And with that, she turned and left the apartment. I wasn't sure how she knew my schedule, or my baby's daddy, or...how she even knew I hadn't graduated from high school. At the moment, I didn't care. I was trying figure out the feelings she'd brought up that were still thrumming through me. I walked to the door to lock it, then turned and leaned against it. I guess she was trying to court me.

And as I looked around at my flowers, and tried to regulate my breathing, I realized it was totally working.

*

I had a couple of days to panic before Friday. I decided I had nothing to wear (thank God Anna is about my size, although she's a little thinner, and she had a great little black dress I could borrow)...I worried I wouldn't have anything to talk about (anyone who knows me knows that's absurd)...and then I wondered about going on a date with someone who I knew was a loan shark, involved in the Mafia (if the Mafia existed of course), and basically a criminal, I mean...what was I teaching my daughter dating someone like that? What was I saying about myself and my own values? And were we dating? Was I dating Vince Stone? Jesus...

Of course none of this stopped me from rushing home to shower and get ready on Friday evening. Keni had never seen me so nervous before and she tried to help as much as possible (by playing with my make-up, traipsing around in my heels, dousing herself in my favorite, slightly overpriced perfume...you know, 6-year-old help). I'd received a text that Vince would be there at 8:30 and I was just about done by 8:15. So I put Keni to bed and was reading her a story (which Anna agreed to finish) when I heard the knock on the front door. I looked down at my baby girl who looked up at me sleepily and smiled.

"You'll have fun, Mom. Vince is way cool."

My smile broadened and I relaxed a bit. I had my baby girl's blessing to go on a date with a woman...and she liked her on top of it. She was a freaking great kid. I kissed her on the forehead, handed the book to Anna, and hurried to answer the door.

Considering she dressed nicely normally, I should not have been surprised that she looked great. Another black, expensive looking suit, no flowers this time. Just a single Mylar balloon, a yellow one with a happy face drawn on it, that she looked ridiculous holding. I laughed when I saw it and she smirked.

"Ready?" She asked.

I nodded, kept the smile, set the balloon free to roam amongst my room full of flowers, and we left.

*

She took me to a nice soul food place in Harlem. One that was pretty remote (I'd never heard of it), nicely decorated, and jam-packed. Surprisingly, we walked by all the people waiting in line and were seated right away. The manager came over to greet Vince personally, as did the chef and a bunch of other people. It was like sitting with a superstar. When the hoopla finally died down, I looked across the table at her over my menu and raised a brow. She smirked, but didn't say a word.

I was still reeling from the drive to the restaurant. She'd had her fantastic, sleek, elegant, fancy car. I didn't recognize the emblem on the dashboard and was glancing around in awe when I finally asked what type of car it was. She said it was a Bugatti. I'd never heard of it.

Between that and the greeting when we arrived at the restaurant, I was beginning to feel a little out of sorts. I made less than $25,000 a year. I had to save carefully to buy Christmas gifts for my kid. What was I doing sitting here with this woman who could buy 15 of me easily? The question made me uncomfortable...and withdrawn. When a waitress appeared, and we ordered, I had nothing to hide behind once I surrendered the menu, so I started people watching. She let me get away with that for a while before she interrupted my thoughts.

"Yea," she said out of the blue.

I looked at her with a raised brow, not sure I'd asked a question.

"Huh?" I asked brilliantly.

"To the question you asked me earlier this week."

Question I'd asked her earlier this week? What had I...oh. The courting question. I felt my heart leap.

"Why, for God's sake?" I couldn't help but blurt out.

The smirk was back, "you came to me when you had no idea what was going to happen. You didn't try to run or hide, you just dealt with it. Your kid's a stand up kid. You work hard, you don't play around much, you're a good Mom...and you're fucking cute as hell. Why not?"

I felt my cheeks warm and glanced down at the crisp, white tablecloth. I wasn't sure I agreed with her assessment of me. I just...lived my life. I wasn't trying to impress anyone. And I'd found out a long time ago that honesty, and simply facing whatever challenges came my way, was a lot easier than trying to lie, manipulate, duck and dodge. But those were life lessons everyone came to live by, didn't they? Well, maybe not Joey T. I mean, who steals money from hardworking people saving for Christmas? And not Michael Thomas I guess, because who bails on a pregnant girlfriend without a second thought? Okay, maybe everyone was not living by the same standards. Still...

"How do you know so much about me?" I asked instead.

She waited until the waitress set my glass of wine, and her snifter filled with brandy, in front of us before answering.

"I run a background check on everyone who asks to borrow money. If your credit had been horrible, or you had a clear pattern of avoiding your bills, I would have turned you down."

A conscientious loan shark? What the hell?

"I thought loan sharks preyed on poor people and charged them outrageous interest rates so they could make tons of money?"

She gave me a moment to think about what I'd deduced...but I didn't see the hole in my argument without her assistance.

"You think I'm a loan shark who loans money to people who can't pay it back? I would have to be a really stupid loan shark. And stop calling me a loan shark."

She was right, my logic didn't make any sense...but I smiled at her final request.

"What would you like me to call you?"

"Vince," she answered abruptly. I could tell she was a little annoyed and I smiled more broadly.

"Vince, the business woman?" I teased.

"Sure."

"With ties to the local Mafia?"

She sipped at her brandy, eyeing me over the rim of the glass. When she set the glass back on table, she turned those baby blues directly on me.

"There's no such thing as the Mafia," she said with a straight face.

I burst out laughing.

"Don't you all have to say that?" I laughed out the question.

She smirked again, her eyes watching me carefully as I laughed, but I noticed she didn't answer.

The waitress brought our dinner salads. Vince waved hers away. I sampled mine. The lettuce was crisp, the other vegetables fresh and the dressing was amazing. But I felt self-conscious with Vince watching me eat, so I set the salad aside.

"What else do you know about me?" I asked.

She glanced at the salad I'd set to the side, "eat your veggies," she ordered.

I smiled and brought the salad back front and center, stabbing a cherry tomato with my fork and placing it between my lips. She stared as I closed my lips around the fork, her eyes darkening for just a second before she shut the reaction down.

"Your older sister is an accountant. Married for 12 years. Two kids. Lives in The Poconos. Your mom just gave up her apartment and moved out there with them."

I nodded, all correct. "Okay, so, don't you feel creepy knowing all that about me?" I asked.

She smirked, but, again, didn't respond.

"So what happened with that asshole Thomas?" She asked abruptly.

I felt my cheeks warm as I shrugged, "he was sweet, nice...always came to my line, flirting..." I sipped at my wine nervously. "He asked me out. I didn't ask the right questions. I liked him..." I shrugged again. "Found out he was married. Felt like shit about it, but I kept seeing him for another few weeks before my conscious got the better of me...then I broke up with him. But it was too late."

A minute or two of silence passed between us.

"And when you told him about Keni?" She prompted.

I looked over at her, "well, she wasn't Keni. She was just an egg fertilized by his sperm. But I never saw him again. He disconnected his cell, which was probably a phone he'd gotten just to cheat anyway, and I didn't know his last name..."

I looked down again, shades of embarrassment, I was certain, staining my cheeks. She waited another moment or two.

"You gonna go after him for child support?"

I shrugged again, "he didn't want her. What if they mandate visitation? I don't want her around someone like that."

She snorted, "that asshole is not going to ask for visitation."

I looked at her through my lashes, wondering if she was right. "I don't know. I don't want some asshole's money."

She nodded, "I get that. So put it into a trust for Keni. She can decide what to do with it later."

I felt embarrassment warm my cheeks again. God, I hadn't even thought of that. How stupid and selfish was I?

"Loan sharks can help people set up trusts?" I teased instead.

She raised a brow, "funny. No. I know a guy."

"You know a guy? I'm going to trust a 'guy' with thousands of dollars? Didn't you suggest I was an idiot for trusting Joey?" I smiled.

"Hundreds of thousands, but yea, you can trust this guy. He's a good guy."

I blinked at her deduction, "hundreds of thousands?"

"For 18 years? Fuck yea. He does well for himself."
I didn't have a chance to say anything else as I looked up and saw Johnny making his way over to our table. He smiled at me and then leaned over and whispered in Vince's ear.

*

Vince thought she was adorable, in her slightly too tight little black dress, that dimple winking at her every now and then...when her lips wrapped around the damn tomato...so when she saw Johnny approaching, she swore under her breath. Of course she would get word that the fucking Jamaicans wanted to meet now. Fuck. She stood, reaching for her wallet...

*

Vince stood, "I gotta go," she announced.

I was stunned as I looked up at her, "what? Now?"

She removed a wallet from her inside jacket pocket and tossed a bunch of bills on the table.

"Stay, eat. I'll call."

And I sat, in shock, watching as she left. Realizing she had the ticket for my coat. Realizing I didn't have a way to get home. Did I even have enough money for a cab on me?

Ugh!

*

I didn't stay and eat. I asked the waitress to prepare the food to go. When it was ready, I headed toward the coat check and realized Vince had, thankfully, warned the woman that I wouldn't have a ticket. When I tried to tip her, she said Vince had taken care of it already. She also told me Vince had paid a cab to wait for me. She waived him over, told him who I was, and he led me to his cab. He even held the door open for me (something not done in New York, like, ever). He didn't ask for my address, just started driving. And 45 minutes later, when he pulled up in front of my apartment building, he said Vince had already paid him, including tip.

I was relieved, considering that cab ride would have put a dent in my budget for the week. But I was still pissed. Had she really left me sitting in a damn restaurant? Alone? On our first date? No explanation, no apology, just 'I gotta go'? Really?

I felt like it was Michael all over again. She was attractive, charming, smart, funny, generous...but there was a part of her that was a real jerk. Insensitive. Clueless. What was it about me that attracted this type of person? I sighed as I opened the apartment door to see Anna watching a movie, a mug with something hot in it on the coffee table in front of her. She looked over at me with surprise.

"You're home early."

She really was sweet, but I was too embarrassed to tell her about Vince leaving me alone in the restaurant.

"Yea, I wasn't feeling well so I came home early. Thanks for watching her."

She stood, took the mug to the kitchen sink to wash it out and put it on the drainer, then grabbed her coat from one of the chairs at the tiny table.

"She went right to sleep after you left."

I nodded. It had been a late date. I figured she would.

"Thanks Anna. You'll be okay getting home?" I asked distractedly.

She nodded, then hesitated for a moment, "you okay?" She asked gently.

Was I okay? Was I okay? No. Not really. I was pissed...embarrassed...and a little hurt.

"Uh, sure," I lied.

She smiled with understanding as she finished buttoning her coat.

"You know, rumor has it she hasn't dated anyone, at least not seriously, ever. Give her some time."

I smiled a little sadly, "that obvious, huh?"

She chuckled, "well, I didn't expect to see you looking this glum after spending time with Vince. When she turns on the charm, I heard she's pretty amazing. So...it didn't go well?"

I sighed, not wanting to speak badly about Vince to someone she employed, "it was fine. I'm just tired. Thanks again for tonight."

She nodded, understanding our little chat was over. Her hand was on the doorknob when she turned back to me.

"It's just...she's new at this. But she's a good person."

I nodded again, wanting this night to be over already. Really not listening to her. I think she could tell because she sighed heavily.

"I pick up Keni on Tuesday, right?"

I quickly accessed the schedule for the week in my head and then nodded.

"Any word about the promotion?" She asked.

I knew she was trying to be nice...probably trying to distract me so I wouldn't go roll up into a ball and cry. But I really wasn't in the mood to be distracted.

"Nothing yet," I answered curtly.

She nodded again, sighed once more, and then closed the door behind her.

I moved to lock it, turned out all the lights and the shut off the television. And then I did exactly what Anna was probably trying to help me avoid. I went to take a hot shower...and I cried, feeling humiliated, embarrassed, idiotic...and more than just a little sad.

*

"Gia, can I see you in my office?"

I was heading to the break room, having just closed down my register after we'd had a rush that had delayed my first 15-minute break by an hour. I didn't mind. I would not have been happy about leaving Louise out there alone to deal with that crowd anyway.

I was more anxious that I could not read Dave's tone. Was I in trouble? Did he need to let me go? Had he given someone else the promotion? Having little choice, I followed him to his small, cramped, messy office, sitting across from his old, battered desk in a plastic chair that was way beyond uncomfortable. He closed the door and sat down behind his desk.

"Look, I don't know how to say this. You deserve the promotion and raise, okay? I've been stalling because...well...Louise shared that she was having some serious financial problems and if she doesn't get the promotion, she'd probably have to find another job. I don't want to lose her..."
Surprised, I dove right in, "no, me either. I didn't know she was having problems. It's fine."

He looked at me, relieved.

"I'm really sorry. It's just that right now we can't afford to give you both a raise—"

I shook my head, knowing he paid us a little more than most cashiers made in the first place, "I know that Dave. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Was that it?"

He sat back in his chair, his body much more relaxed, and just stared at me for a moment.

"You know, you're a good person Gia. Yea, that's it."

I stood and left the office, making my way to the break room...swallowing down even more disappointment.

*

"Hey girl, did you hear?"

I looked over, continuing to shrug into my coat as Louise entered the break room.

"Yea Sweetie. I'm really happy for you," I offered.

Her smile was bright and glowing for a minute before it dulled a bit, "did you hear Marco was quitting?"

I nodded. He was one of the college students that worked the evening shift.

"Yea, he told me he can't juggle school and two jobs anymore."

She nodded, hesitating, "so, we're all going to need to pick up an extra shift or two until I can replace him. You're on tomorrow."

I froze, staring at her. "Louise, you know I can't work evening shifts."

She chuckled a little uncomfortably, "your rich connected friend can't afford to pay Anna a few more hours?"

She said it jokingly, but I could hear the nastiness beneath it. Was she freaking kidding me?

"Louise—"

"It's just temporary. Until I replace Marco, okay? A few weeks at the most. We're a family here, right? Let's try to help each other out. Okay?"

But she didn't wait for my answer. She left me looking dumbfounded and annoyed as she quickly left the break room.

So, needless to say, as I walked home that evening, I was not in a good mood. First Vince left me in that damn restaurant...and then I hadn't heard from her in three days. Now, I'd lost the promotion that I deserved, and I had to work evenings on top of it? God, this fucking week sucked.

I'd worked an early shift, so I had a little while before I had to pick up Keni. I missed my baby. I'd been out of sorts the last few days, so I hadn't really been enthusiastically helping her with homework or listening to her chat about her day. I was disappointed with myself for letting my bullshit get in the way of my time with her. That would change today. I planned to pick her up and we would stop at our favorite pizza place to say hi to Paulie (and maybe Anna since she said she picked up an extra shift here and there as a waitress), and then, after homework, we would veg out with FroYo and watch one of her favorite videos. Maybe Finding Nemo. I needed something with a happy ending.

Since I had a little time, I decided to clean the bathroom (a chore that could easily get away from me considering I hated doing it). So, I was up to my elbows in yellow gloves and cleanser when someone knocked on the front door. I didn't bother to remove the gloves, hurrying to the door and jerking it open.

"Hey Ms. Adams."

I raised a brow, confused, "hey Johnny. Call me Gia. What's up?"

He looked past me for a moment, clearly uncomfortable, "look, I was supposed to stop by a couple days ago."

I didn't say anything, still confused.

"She's in Chicago. That's why she hasn't been by. It's usually pretty intense in Chicago. She wanted me to stop by and tell you, but—"

"It's fine Johnny. No biggie," I interrupted.

I don't know if it was my tone, or the look on my face, but he stopped looking over my head and finally focused on me.

"You okay?" He asked.

I sighed, "I'm fine. Was that it?"

He nodded, "she'll call when she's back in town."

I jumped at the opportunity, "you know, tell her that's okay. I just...it's fine. And let her know I'll find some way to pay Anna myself. All right?"

Johnny's face blanked, a complete poker face that I could not read as he stared at me for another moment.

"And thanks for everything Johnny. Take care."

And I closed the door in his face. One headache down. Ten thousand more to go.

*

"What?"

"She said to tell you not to call when you get back in town. That it's okay."

Vince closed her eyes and sighed.

"Yea?"

"Yea. So, what do you want me to do?"

"Nothing."

She disconnected the call and sighed again. She needed to let this go. Let her go. It shouldn't matter...and she had a perfect way out now...

If she could just stop thinking about the feel of those soft lips...the smell of her...the feel of her...if she could just ignore the things this woman did to her...

Fuck.

*

Spending time with my little girl was just what I'd needed. It revived me. So that evening, after I did everything I'd promised I'd do with Keni, I called to ask Anna if she could watch Keni two nights per week. She hesitated, asking me about the promotion and why I was working evenings. I liked Anna. And I felt like she genuinely cared about me and Keni on some level. So I told her. About Louise, about the promotion, about her putting me on evenings almost as soon as she got the job...about her nasty little comment about Vince. It felt nice to vent, even for a few minutes. She assured me she could cover my evening shifts, she told me she was sorry to hear about the promotion, and then she let me go.