Stranger Than Truth Ch. 06

"Sally, for addressing me by name, you will receive 15 strokes with a crop. You must count and ask for the next one. Also, you are denied orgasms for the rest of the day and will have to wear a butt plug until you wake in the morning."

"Yes, Mistress. I'm sorry Mistress."

"I know you are. I know it was only your concern for me. That's why the punishment is not any worse."

"Thank you Mistress."

The first blow from the crop landed on Sally's right ass cheek. It left a small red mark behind as Sally gasped, "One. Mistress, may I have another?"

When Val struck the second time, she was aware of the discomfort starting in reaction to causing Sally pain. She continued as Sally counted, noting in the back of her mind that the knot that she experienced was not quite as bad as it had been in the past. Knowing that Sally wanted and needed her punishment to be hard, Val did not go lightly on the strokes. By the sixth one, Sally was crying from the combined pain in her shoulders and her ass. By the twelfth, Sally was struggling to get the count out. After Sally's count of "Fifteen. Mistress, may I have another," Valerie noticed that Sally was struggling to take deep breaths.

Valerie released the tension on her arms, asking, "Are you okay? Can you breathe?"

Sally collapsed into Valerie's arms. "Yes, I'm okay," she forced out between the sobs. "Each blow forced my breath out, making it seem hard to get enough."

"Go over to the couch, then."

Valerie followed her slave, bringing the butt plug and lube with her. Sally had draped herself over the arm of the couch, exposing her ass to her Mistress. Val applied plenty of lube to and around Sally's asshole and to the plug itself. Sally gasped in pain as Val pulled her tender ass cheeks apart to make room for the plug to enter her. Unlike the whipping, Valerie took her time and tried to make the anal penetration as gentle as possible.

"How does that feel?"

"Very full Mistress. Mistress, thank you for punishing me."

"It was my pleasure, slave. I love you so much."

"I love you Mistress. When are we meeting Erica?"

"At 1:00. We should have just enough time to shower, dress and drive over."

The couple showered together, Val taking time to soothe Sally's ass, as well as wash the sweat and sexual fluids from her body (the cropping had left Sally aroused). Once they were dressed, Val drove to Delgrasi's office, arriving ten minutes before one. Erica looked up from her desk, phone to her ear. She waved and held up five fingers. Valerie nodded and led Sally back to her office.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Burbon, Ms. Fletcher. Is the movie shoot already finished?"

"Yes and no. They quit early and won't be starting again until Monday. We're meeting Erica for lunch."

"I see. Lifestyle things to talk about?"

"Yeah. Anything I need to know about?"

"Just some routine correspondence. I've forwarded the things that I couldn't deal with to your e-mail."

"Thanks, June. I'll be in tomorrow to look them over. Come on Sally. Let's go eat."

Back at reception, Erica was coming around her desk.

"Hi Valerie, I'm looking forward to our talk." The effusive submissive took Sally into a big hug. "Sally, it's been too long. I hear you're not switching right now."

"No. It's hard to explain."

"No need to. As we grow, we change." As the three women exited the building, Erica looked down at Sally's legs and ass. "I know that walk, little slave. You've been plugged, haven't you?"

"Yes, Mistress put it in as part of my punishment for addressing her by name."

"Tsk. Tsk. You know better than that. I'll bet you're on orgasm restriction too."

"God, is it that obvious?"

"No, it's just what I would have done. How many swats?"

"Fifteen," Sally whispered.

Valerie looked at the mortification in Sally's face. She started to say something when Erica shook her head and mouthed, "Later." The drive to Louigi's took 20 minutes. Carl, the maitre'd, recognized Valerie and showed the ladies to a table ahead of the small line that was forming. They took a few minutes looking over the menus, until Erica reached over and gently took Sally's from her.

"Sally, don't you think that Val should order for you?"

Valerie could literally see Sally becoming aroused at the question. She looked back and forth between Erica and Sally.

"Yes, I…I think I would like that."

"Why Sally," Val asked.

"I'm not really sure. I know that it makes me feel more submissive, more like a slave, to have that choice taken from me."

"Do you want me to take even more choices from you?"

"Please," came the breathless answer. "I so need to be controlled, to not have choices."

Erica responded to Valerie's look of confusion and fear.

"It's part of being a slave. I don't think that Sally wants to become a mindless creature, unable to do anything without input from you." Sally's nod confirmed this. "But, like myself and Master Damien's other slaves, too much freedom is actually stifling. Master tells me what to wear, or at least how to look, every day. Sometimes he gives me a list for the week. Every time I put on what He has told me to wear, I feel submissive. My entire day can be a testament to Him and his ownership of me because He has chosen for me."

"It sounds like you are describing 24/7."

"No, or rather, not exactly. Submission 24/7 is not quite the same as slavery." Erica paused as they gave their orders to the waitress. She raised an eyebrow when Valerie ordered for Sally. Erica picked up where she left off after they were alone again. "24/7 is still submission. There are still limits. I don't mean what you will submit to and what you won't. You can be a slave with limits. "No limits" is almost unheard of. What I mean is that, even in 24/7 submission, there are entire areas of our lives that are not so much off limits as, not even thought about. Tell me Val, does Master Charles have any say on your job?"

"No. In fact, I am allowed to refuse anything that could threaten my livelihood."

"Master Damien has full control over where and when I work. I work at Delgrasi because He told me to quit my last job and take one here. There is no element of my life that He was not taken control over. He may not exercise that control on a daily basis in every area, but he has it."

Valerie's breath caught. "Erica, would you work as a prostitute if he ordered it?"

"Yes." She paused to let that answer, given without hesitation, sink in. Sally's breath came fast, her eyes brimming with tears. "In fact, he did once. He was with me, protecting me and making sure that the johns used a condom, but I was ordered to please several men for money."

Valerie turned to Sally. "Do you want this, this level of control from me?"

Sally nodded her head, afraid of what she would sound like if she tried to speak.

"Would you go to Murphey's and turn tricks if I ordered it," Valerie asked, her voice barely a whisper.

Sally nodded her head again, her eyes overflowing. Valerie reached over and hugged Sally tightly. She could feel Sally's fear, unsure if it was a fear of what Valerie would ask or a fear of what Sally herself would be willing to do. The depth of what Sally was going through was beginning to make itself felt to Valerie. She remembered Francine's words, "Don't confuse intensity for depth."

"Sally, when you've begged me for pain, for abusive pain, is that what you really wanted?" Sally shrugged her shoulders, nodding and shaking her head at the same time. The waitress returned with their food. The ladies fell quiet, except for Sally's gentle sobs, until she had left again.

Erica took over again. "I think, if she could see it, Sally would say no, she doesn't necessarily want lots of pain. She wants no control. In some ways, I think she will have a hard time of it, at least at first, a harder time than Michelle and I had."

"Why is that?"

"Michelle and I have never been anything but slaves. There has never been a part of our lives that wasn't under Master's control. Sally has been a submissive and a dominant for years. There has always been a part of her life, much of it actually, that has been just hers. Now she doesn't want what she's always had and doesn't know how not to have it. It's a big change that goes against everything her dominant has taught her, and I suspect it's terrifying her."

Sally nodded vigorously, her tears returning with a vengeance. Erica had put into words the very thing that had eaten at her for weeks. Knowing what was so hard for her didn't make the difficulty go away, but it gave her the ability to look it in the face and admit her fear.

"Mistress, I don't know what's going to happen to me. I feel like the coyote, standing on thin air, waiting to fall. I need you to pull me back. Please pull me back."

"No." At Sally crestfallen look, Valerie pulled her tighter. "Not back, up. I will hold you up, let you dangle over the edge you want. You will not fall, I promise. You're mine, Sally, and I will not lose you. So I will hold you over the edge, letting you dangle there, and I will not let go. Do you trust me to do that?"

Sally nodded her head, holding onto Valerie for dear life. The fear had not left, it might never leave, given how big a change in her life this represented. But she was able to believe that she would be able to do it. Her Mistress loved her, loved her enough to go to where Valerie was uncomfortable, and she understood now. She found the unpleasant pressure from the butt plug strangely reassuring.

"There's something else Valerie." Erica turned to Sally. "Sally, were you embarrassed when I asked about your punishment?"

"Yes, it's a little humiliating for people to know I've been punished."

"I remember," Val said, "I was going to comfort her and you stopped me."

"Yes, that's something important. Do you remember that first public punishment of yours, the one at Mephisto's?" Val nodded her head. "How did you feel when you were telling everyone about your failure and being punished?"

"I was so devastated and humiliated. I thought I was going to die."

"Think. What would have been different if you had been protected from the humiliation and the devastated feelings, if it had just been the pain of the whippings?"

Valerie thought back to that horrible week, the one right after her initiation. She had forgotten to check her e-mail for orders and thus had not slept with her hands bound in front of her that night. She remembered the mortification she had felt at failing Charles so quickly. When she tried to imagine being told that it was okay, that it was no big deal, she blanched.

"It would have cheapened the punishment. I would have still felt guilty about my failure."

"Exactly! That horrible feeling of failure, that is part of the punishment. That's what makes real punishment different from play punishment. One's fun and the other is horrible. That's why I stopped you. Feeling embarrassed about having been punished, especially if the punishment wasn't public, is part of what allows it to cleanse us. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that comfort afterwards is not appropriate, it is. The caresses and soft words letting me know that I'm forgiven, that's important. It's how I know that it's over."

The conversation continued as they ate their lunches. Erica had little to offer to Valerie on the subject of inflicting pain. Erica, it turned out, enjoyed the infliction of pain itself, as well as being dominant over her fellow slaves when it was required of her. Sally and Valerie were able to talk about other areas of Sally's life that Valerie could, and needed to, take control of. As each area was turned over to Val, Sally's comfort visibly increased.

Valerie and Sally dropped Erica off at Delgrasi and headed home. Valerie had to be at her appointment with Dr. Gloush in an hour, but took the time to settle Sally in. Valerie's lover was still emotionally overwrought as a result of the revelations and decisions made at lunch. Val could see that Sally needed some grounding right now and left her with explicit instructions for the next few hours.

"Sally, while I'm gone, I want you to clean the bathroom, from floor to ceiling. If it's not spotless, I'll spank you. If you finish before I return, go into your kennel and masturbate without stopping until I do return. Remember, no cumming. Tonight, we're going out to dinner. I want a date with my lover. I haven't decided if I want to go to Gatsby's or the Gotham Club yet."

With that, Valerie left for her psychiatrist's office. She arrived ten minutes early, waiting impatiently to be called in. Entering his office twelve minutes later, the doctor greeted her at the door.

"Valerie. How are you today?"

"Not so good. I had a flashback."

Dr. Gloush took his seat, pointing to the one that Val usually sat in. "Tell me about it. What do you think brought it on? What were you feeling at the time?"

"I…I'm working, or was working, with someone I just can't stand. He's been trying to sabotage the film I've been consulting on; the one about the incident." The doctor nodded and Valerie continued. "It came to a head when he tried to insist the actresses use an unsafe whip. I got in his face about it and he slapped me. There was blood on my lip and suddenly, I was there again, being whipped to death. Only it wasn't Francine this time, it was Barry."

Valerie stopped, shivering in her seat, the feelings coming back. Valerie's breath caught in her throat and she gripped the arms of her chair tightly. Dr. Gloush leaned forward.

"Valerie, where are you right now?"

"I'm in your office. God! I'm so scared."

"That's normal. You're not being hurt right now, you're body and mind are simply remembering. Let them remember, but stay right here, don't go back to the house on that day."

Valerie was starting to cry, her eyes scrunched shut, trying to block the images that were flooding her mind

"What are you feeling right now, Valerie?"

"Fear, I'm so scared. It's not the good fear either, like when…"

The doctor finished what Valerie could not. "…not like the fear you feel when your Master whips you."

"No, not like that. I'm afraid for my life, not just of what will happen next. There's something missing from it."

"What's missing?"

"I…I…I'm afraid and I'm not…trust! There's no trust!"

"Very good, Valerie, very good."

"How can it be good? I can't trust."

"No, that's not true. You've submitted regularly, felt the good fear, the kind that comes with trust since it happened. There was no trust, or rather the trust was violated then, and you're remembering that in the flashback. What's good is that you can separate the trusting fear and the trustless fear. They haven't blended for you."

"That's a good thing?"

"Very good! That means that your ability to trust has not been destroyed just damaged. There will be far less work involved in rebuilding it. What happened on the set was normal, perfectly normal. An attack like that, from someone as angry as he sounded, should make you scared. Your flashback is simply because that is such a strong and recent memory of fear and anger for you."

The session continued with Valerie experiencing an emotional roller coaster for much of the hour. The slap from Barry had brought Valerie's feelings to the surface where they were raw and exposed. Dr. Gloush led her through them, letting Valerie experience them in a safe environment and in carefully measured doses. Val was forced to face, once again, the severe levels of anger and hurt that she felt towards her friend, Francine. Dr. Gloush assured her that these were capable of passing and being replaced by trust and love again, if she wanted to.

Valerie clung to those reassurances like they were a life raft. She wasn't sure if she could take knowing or thinking that she would always feel such intense anger for her best friend. The hatred she felt, when she allowed herself to feel it, towards Francine made Valerie feel dirty and evil. Over the next couple of months, Valerie would notice the intensity of those feelings fading a little with each session, giving her hope that they would eventually pass.

As the end of the session was approaching, Dr. Gloush broached another subject. "How is your domination of Sally going?"

"I think it's going well. It still painful to punish her with pain, but I can do it more easily. We've also figured out that she needs choice taken from her more than just intense pain. I'm still not sure where this will go."

"Good. If the removal of choices causes her to crave less harshness towards her, it will be easier for you. Can you tell when she needs that harshness, or if she does?"

"I think so. She's also good about asking if she gets really desperate."

"Have you been able to experience pleasure from pain yet?"

"Yes, just last night. I was being used as practice for several dominants to give paingasms, they were calling them."

"Excellent! Now, see if you can learn how to give them. That will go a long way towards letting you give what Sally and you think she needs."

"I'll ask about being trained with that. I would love to be able to give Sally that kind of pleasure. Doctor, am I really improving? I feel like things are worse, less settled."

"Yes, Valerie, you are improving. That settled feeling you've had since the attack? That was an illusion. You were holding together with raw willpower, and that, when it failed, would have led to a breakdown that would have made today's flashback seem like a theme park ride. For some that would not be true, but for you, since you were going to repeatedly place yourself into the very situations that were the backdrop for Francine's attack on you, it was inevitable. Your mind transferred the fear you were feeling to Sally, letting you know it was there."

"I'll have to take your word for it, because it sure doesn't feel like improvement."

On her way to the car, Val called Castle to see if Giggy or Rachael were working.

"Castle Superstore, where your dreams come true. How may I help you?"

"Rachael, this is Val."

"Val! It's good to hear your voice. What can I do for you?"

"Will you have a few minutes to talk if I come in?"

"I think so, let me check." Rachael's voice could be heard talking to someone else. "Do you mind if I take a long break in a while, Henry?" Val could not hear the answer, but Rachael soon returned to the phone. "Sure thing. I can talk in about 30 minutes. Will you be able to be here by then?"

"Yeah, I'm on the south hill now and should be there in 20."

"See you then."

Valerie's desire to talk with Rachael was spur of the moment. The thought had come to her that Rachael seemed to be very good with psychological domination, giving harshness without pain. She recalled how deep Rachael was able to humiliate Val when the dominant had taken her to Divine's Devils for her collar. Val knew that she was supposed to be given to Rachael for a much longer period of time in the future and wasn't sure she was looking forward to the experience.

When she entered the store, Rachael saw Val and put up one and then five fingers while she was showing someone some of the restraint systems the store carried. Valerie wandered over to the lingerie section and browsed, thinking about buying Sally something new, maybe to wear to dinner. Val brought to bear a skill she used often in planning ads and pictured several of the outfits and how they would look under Sally's clothes. As she was imagining what an emerald green teddy would look like under one of Sally's evening dresses, it hit her.

"If I want to control what she wears, I should make sure she has things I would love to see her in."

It was only as Rachael asked, "Make sure who has what?" that Val realized she had spoken aloud.