Street Find Ch. 01-02

As we drove home, I could see Fran was tense and silent. I chose not to interrupt her and waited until we were back at the apartment before we talked. I had a feeling Fran was trying to make a decision and I didn't want to interfere with her thinking. Naturally, I had thoughts and preferences of my own, but they weren't necessarily what were best for Fran.

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked as we took our coats off and hung them up.

"I'd like a glass of wine, then I think we should talk," she said.

Oh oh, that sounded ominous. However, I poured each of us a glass of Columbia River red and sat in my usual chair. Fran chose the sofa.

"Crystal wants me to join their group ... permanently," she began nervously.

My heart sank, and I struggled to put on a calm front.

"I guessed as much. I can't blame her. You were terrific."

"Thank you, but it's not that simple. I owe you, Ed. You saved my life ... literally, and you've given me a home and support. I feel like I'm betraying you by doing this." Her voice told of the conflict of emotions that were at play.

"Fran ... I did what I did because you needed help, you needed a friend, and you have repaid me far more than you could know. I'm not trying to get rid of you, but this is an opportunity that only you can decide to take or reject. I won't try and influence you one way or the other. Follow your heart, Fran. You're free now. You can make decisions about your future and not worry about anything except what feels right."

At that moment she burst into tears and came to my chair, kneeling before me. She took my hands in hers and held them tightly to her cheeks as she looked into my eyes.

"You are a wonderful man, Ed. I'm so glad I met you and I'll always remember what you have done for me. I'm going to take this opportunity. I think I can do it and be happy. I want you with me to look over the contract, please. It looked very simple, but I want your opinion."

"I'm not a lawyer or an agent, Fran. I'll look at it, but I might tell you to get it checked out with a lawyer before you sign. You don't want to end up in a situation that binds you to someone indefinitely. When do you want to do this?"

"Crystal wants my answer soon. She has a tour of Idaho, Montana, and Oregon before finishing in Washington. It would start next week. If I don't go, she has to arrange for a rental singer."

"How long will you be away?"

"It's thirty-six days. There are twelve stops, so it's not like we are working every day."

I nodded. "Is she using her own musicians or Stan's?"

"Her own. They have a motor home and an equipment van. It's a self-contained unit."

"Okay, let's get Crystal on the phone and set up a meeting. I'll go with you, okay?"

"Oh, thank you, Ed. I knew I could count on you. Thank you," she said, wrapping her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly. The tears were now gone.

~*~

Crystal set the meeting up for seven that evening at the Palomar Club, where the charity performance was held. There were just three of us in the meeting, which surprised me. I expected an agent or lawyer present, but that wasn't the case.

The contract is very simple, Fran," Crystal began, handing her a single sheet and passing me a copy. "It's for the length of this road trip. I want to be sure you're right for our group. You will be paid once a week for the amount shown and your only expenses will be for clothing. Renata will show you what she wears and you should try and copy that. They aren't elaborate gowns or anything. What you saw her wear the other night is pretty typical. I'm expected to dress more dramatically since it's my name on the billboards. Your name won't appear on the advertising or promotional material. Both you and Renata are anonymous. That's the way I set it up originally and I've stayed with it," she concluded.

I had a good look at Crystal as she spoke and could see the signs of age. She wasn't some young up-and-coming performer, she was older. I guessed she might have had a face lift somewhere along the way and the breasts looked a little too firm for natural. At a distance, she looked thirty. Close up, more like forty. She'd been around for a while and there was an edge to her appearance and her voice when she spoke.

"After this tour, we'll re-evaluate the contract and look for something longer term if you're still with us." The woman's voice was abrupt and offered no opening for debate.

The amount Fran was to be paid was good, but not outrageous. It was certainly a lot more than she was earning at the feed mill. I was glad it was short term and simple. If life on the road turned out to be not for her, she could opt out without concern. I didn't know what I wished for. One part of me wanted her to succeed and be happy doing something she loved. The other part wanted her to stay and allow me to tell her how I felt about her. I could survive a five week separation, but it was what came afterward that I feared.

Fran looked at me for my opinion.

"You're okay with this?" I asked her.

She nodded. "Yes ... I'm okay with it. The money is good and I'll get a chance to see if I have any talent."

"Don't you worry about that, Sweetheart," Crystal said with a smile. "You've got all the talent you'll ever need. You're going to be just fine."

With a nod of my head, Fran signed on the dotted line, Crystal signed, and I witnessed both. She was now officially a professional entertainer. She had a free ride for this tour before having to join the union. She didn't realize that, but without that card, most places wouldn't hire her. The five week tour was stretching the thirty day limit, but Crystal waved me off when I mentioned it. She didn't see any reason that someone would check up on her that quickly. I know no one checked on me when I filled in with Stan.

We had another silent ride home as Fran was lost in her thoughts. I didn't feel great about this opportunity, but I knew she wanted to at least try and see if this was the life for her. A backup singer could last a very long time in the business. There was no worry about being the flavor of the month and disappearing after a few months. Most singers were looking for competent backup, even for studio sessions. You could make a very good living doing that.

I wasn't depressed, but I sure wasn't jolly. I promised myself I wouldn't do anything to cast doubt in Fran's mind about how I felt. I wanted her to believe that I was supportive. I worked hard over the rest of the week not to betray my mixed feelings.

Fran quit her job with regret. Her boss told her that if her new career didn't work out, she could have her old job back. She bought a few new clothes; mostly blouses and ankle length skirts in plain colors. There was nothing flashy about them and that's what Renata said Crystal wanted. She wanted to be the focus of attention at all times. After all, she was the headliner.

When the bus rolled up to the front of the store on Saturday afternoon, I carried her bag and her wardrobe down the stairs for her. I kissed and hugged her as she prepared to board under the watchful eye of Crystal. I wished her luck and watched as the big, custom-built unit pulled away. I stood there until it disappeared around the corner before slowly trudging up the stairs to my apartment, now empty of life once more.

~*~

I played a few more gigs with Fox when the opportunities came up. I was thinking more and more that if Fran stayed with Crystal after the trial period, I might join up with Fox on a regular basis. He kept encouraging me to do that, saying I was wasting my talent selling accordions and teaching youngsters at home. I was having a harder time ignoring his invitation. I knew I wouldn't easily be replaced by my boss at the music store, but if most of Fox's work was in the evenings, I could still keep my job and just beg out of Saturdays and teaching. The more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself that it was what I should do.

My boss wasn't too terribly upset when I told him of my plans and agreed that he could live with my weekday only schedule. He would have to scramble to find a teacher for clients, but they weren't in short supply. I just happened to be conveniently available for him. I approached Stan Foxwell and let him know what I had proposed to my boss and that I would be available for evening work.

"That's perfect, Ed. Most of my guys have day jobs. Hell, this isn't the most reliable career to have. But I know you'll make us better, too. You ever tried singing?"

"God, no!" I laughed. "I sound like a walrus gargling. You don't want me opening my mouth," I asserted, shaking my head negatively.

"Okay," he laughed in return. "Somehow I doubt you are quite that bad, but I'll bow to your wishes. I'm just happy to have you aboard."

I joined the union and began work with Fox that Friday evening at the Starlight Lounge, so I was on familiar territory. I brought my own keyboard and while it didn't have all the bells and whistles of the one I had been borrowing, it would do the job. Rollie and I would support each other on the board, and I used my guitar for rhythm backup with a few, modest riffs now and then. Fox was pleased with the new sound we created. Two keyboards could really give us more depth and versatility, while the extra guitar added some life to the upbeat music.

Fran phoned once she got settled for their first date in Coeur d' Alene. It was a hotel lounge, about the size of the Palomar and much more upscale. She was nervous, but apparently her performance came off just fine as far as Renata and Crystal were concerned. I could hear the enjoyment she was having being with the popular star on stage. She was living on the adrenalin from the applause. I wished her good luck and asked to call at each stop so I could keep track of where she was and how she was doing. She promised she would and we hung up on that note.

Going home at the end of the day was the hardest part. Until the weekend arrived, I was alone in my apartment and really missing Fran. Was I in love? That's what it felt like. But what about Fran? She'd been affectionate and comfortable around me, but she gave me no sign that she wanted to take the relationship any further. It was frustrating, but I vowed I wouldn't push her out of her comfort zone. She had enough drama being kicked out of the family home without my putting more pressure on her. I would have to be patient, not something I was very skilled at.

She called from Missoula next, then Helena. She seemed to be standing up to the travel and close quarters, but her tone of voice told me something had changed. The gloss and excitement of the new career seemed to have dulled slightly. I took that to be predictable. I'd heard a number of road musicians cynically call it "the glamour of travel."

She talked about the disappointment of the venue in Pocatello, the rodeo town. The venue was a lot rougher than they had experienced. She said Coeur d' Alene had spoiled them. They were on their way to Boise next and she was assured the next stop would be much higher class. They were a third of their way through the tour and she seemed to be holding up well.

Boise to Bend, Oregon was a long haul, seven hours on the coach. She sounded weary and didn't want to talk when she called. She just wanted me to know that they had arrived safely and she would call in a day or so when she felt more rested. Again, I caught some undercurrents that she wasn't quite the same woman I was used to. I wondered if this trip was a dose of reality when it came to being on the road as a musician. Perhaps it wasn't as glamorous as she imagined.

She sounded better when she called from Klamath Falls and Eugene, and better still from Lincoln City. She was fascinated by the Pacific Ocean and the haystack rocks on the big sandy beach. They were playing in a casino and really getting first class treatment. I could tell it buoyed her spirits and I felt better about that. They were entering the home stretch and I was looking forward to having my roommate back. I was counting the days.

That count came up a little short. Three days short, in fact. Fox had a gig at the Riverside Club and we were getting set up for our evening when a familiar voice came from behind me.

"Hi, Ed. How are you?"

I whirled around in total surprise. "Fran? What are you doing here? I thought you were still on tour."

"I quit. I didn't want to be there anymore."

"What about your next show?" I asked.

"That's not my problem, it's Crystal's."

I blinked a couple of times in further surprise before I found my voice and got my brain working again.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"No ... but ... I've been keeping it from you for too long, so I guess now is as good a time as any. I'm gay, Ed. A lesbian. I have been all my life. Crystal spotted me almost right away. I don't know how, but she knew and took advantage of my situation. Apparently, she's bi-sexual. The truth is, she'll fuck anything, given the chance."

I can't describe the turmoil my thoughts were in at that point. Fran ... a lesbian? I had no idea. She never gave me the slightest hint. And Crystal ... trying to take advantage of her. I knew she wasn't all that she seemed to be, but Jesus, why would she go after Fran? Stupid question, of course she would when I spent more than ten seconds thinking about it. Fran was beautiful. Slim, elegant, tall, tawny, innocent; everything I found desirable, but everything Crystal would have wanted too.

"So, I said," entering the minefield, "You and Crystal became ... involved?"

"Yes. She made nice and ... and ... I let her seduce me. I guess I'm weak, Ed. I let her do what she wanted with me. At first I thought we might have something that would last. She was saying all the right things, wanting me to sign on for a full year's contract. I was almost ready to do that when I discovered I wasn't the only person in her bed."

"Renata?" I asked.

"No ... she's straight ... and a nice person. On the road, she and I shared a room, while Crystal had her own in an adjoining room. She tried to warn me about Crystal, but I wasn't listening. Anyway, when we were in Eugene, Crystal was extra nice to me and wanted me to sleep in her bed. I did, and it was good, but it was an illusion.

In Yakima, I went out for lunch with Renata and when I came back, I could hear noises coming from Crystal's bedroom. I pushed the door open just a little bit and saw her with a young kid who was having sex with her. That completely threw me. I mean, she'd just told me she preferred women and I was her chosen one and I come back to the room to find her like that. I was totally confused.

"She didn't know I was there, so I crept out of the room and went down to the lobby. I found a lobby phone that wasn't too close to any people and called Renata's room. I told her what I'd seen and how confused I was. She was very sympathetic, but told me Crystal liked both women and men, particularly young ones. She always wanted to be the dominant person in any relationship, business or personal. I guess I knew that, but the idea that she would have sex with both women and men was something I had never thought of. I know it existed and I'd heard of bisexuality before, but I'd never met anyone who was that way. I didn't know what to do and Renata didn't want to interfere. She knew what kind of person Crystal was, but had decided the job was too good to give up. Crystal knew better than to bother her, apparently.

"So ... here I am. I'm so angry with myself and I'm ashamed too," she said, her face a mask of pain.

"Why are you ashamed?" I asked.

"I feel like I've lied to you, Ed. I've misled you. I've kept an important thing from you. I know you have feelings for me and I have feelings for you. But they aren't the kind you are hoping for. I should have told you some time ago, but I didn't have the courage."

"Is that the reason you got into the fuss with your parents?"

She nodded. "Yes. My very straight-laced mother couldn't handle it when I confessed what I was. She wanted to send me to some witch doctor to have me cured. I refused, knowing it was pointless. We argued over and over and I wouldn't budge. I wasn't going to be treated like some side-show freak. I wanted them to accept me for what I was. She wouldn't give an inch. A late night screaming match between us ended with her expelling me from the family. I was no longer her daughter. I was to pack my bags and be gone first thing in the morning. I had very little money and only one old suitcase to put my things in. I had to walk a couple of miles to the closest bus stop. My mother refused to allow my father to drive me.

"So ... that's how I got from there to where you found me. I'm not proud of what I've done, Ed. I'm not ashamed to be gay, but I'm disappointed in myself for not being honest with you."

"Forget it, Fran. I can understand your problem. You had no idea how people would react to the fact. I could have been just as hard-assed and thrown you out as well."

"No ... knowing you now, I know that wouldn't have happened. That's what makes me so angry that I couldn't trust you and tell you the truth."

"Well, it doesn't matter now. You're safe here with me in the apartment. If I remember, your boss at the mill said that if your singing job didn't work out, you could have your old job back."

"Yes. I'll miss singing, but I have to be realistic. I don't know if an opportunity like that one will come along again."

"Don't be so sure. I've changed my job status at the store, Fran. I just work weekdays. I'm playing with Fox on the weekends full time now. Who knows, maybe he can use a singer," I smiled.

"Thanks for cheering me up, Ed. You are a lovely man, and I won't ever forget that."

"Stick around, I'll drive you home. You can listen to our group and give us your opinion."

"Thanks, I will," she smiled for the first time that evening.

I'd come to the Riverside Club an hour early to prepare myself for tonight's sessions. We had some new material and I wanted to make sure I was familiar with it before we went on stage. I picked up the Gibson and checked the tune before I played a few cords. I glanced at Fran and saw the sad look that I wanted to wash away for her. I sat for a minute before I began to strum and then quietly, almost sotto voce, I began to sing. It was "Cry Me a River," an old standard originally by Julie London. I'd always liked the lyrics and the nice, easy pace of the song. It also happened to fit my limited vocal range. I had no illusions about the quality of my voice, but there were times when I was by myself and I felt like singing something appropriate, and this was one of those times.

Fran sat transfixed as I strummed and played the song at a slow, even meter. I'd learned the words many years ago and they came to me easily. Occasionally I would glance up at Fran and see her watching me intently. As I got to the middle stanza, I heard Fran join me. We were perfectly matched for this song. I smiled as she walked to my side. We sang and she gave me the courage to pick up my volume a little more. To string it out a little longer, I went back and repeated the opening verse and Fran picked up on that immediately.

"Ed ... you never told me you could sing. You were wonderful," she said, hugging me.

"No ... not wonderful. Maybe not harmful to small animals, but not wonderful," I chuckled.

"Don't do that," she admonished me. "You have a nice, raw sound and I thought it was perfect for that tune."

"Thank you, but my range is like one octave, if that."

"Do you remember Mama Cass singing "Dream a Little Dream of Me?"

"Sure, it's a classic cover of a very old tune."

"Do you want to try it with me? I know the words."

"I wouldn't do this for anyone else, but I think I can remember the lyrics and melody and it should be within my limited range. But only because you're asking," I grinned.