Subway Girl Ch. 05

I woke up early Sunday morning feeling content and well rested. Sleeping in one place through the whole night was definitely having a good effect on me. I was feeling really good about how my life was changing, when just a few weeks ago I could not even imagine how to get out of the mess I was in. I found a job without looking, just walking down the street. I met an amazing girl while I was hanging out in the subway station acting like a goof. The weather was warming up and so was my life. I decided to walk outside, even though I had no particular place to go, a feeling I was very familiar with.

I like that there are fewer people on the streets on Sunday mornings compared to other mornings, but there are always people buzzing around at any hour. New York never takes a break.

The Catholic church up the street had just ended their early Mass and people were spilling out onto the sidewalk. I stopped to watch them clear out and then decided to go inside. It was the first time I had walked into that church without looking for a place to rest or get out of the weather. Instead, this time I wanted to light a candle for my mom and say thanks for my job and Alicia. Then I remembered Thomas and Jeff and while I did say a quick prayer for Thomas in detox, I also said "Fuck Jeff" under my breath. I'm no saint.

I stood up to leave and a little old lady started calling in a really loud half-whisper, "Young man, young man! Wait just a minute!" She really was tiny, like a miniature person wearing extremely fashionable clothes. In fact, as she tilted her head up at me, she looked like a little doll. A little old doll. "Excuse me, young man, what is your name?"

"Ray," I answered, and stuck out my hand. She took my hand in both of hers and clutched it.

"And how old are you, Ray?"

"Twenty-two."

"And do you have a girlfriend?"

I laughed and answered, "Well, there is a special girl who has come into my life recently."

"Dammit!" She exclaimed, right there in church, which made me instantly like her. "I was hoping to introduce you to my granddaughter. All the good ones are taken, just like she says! A good Catholic boy, no less."

"Oh, I'm no good Catholic," I laughed. I was all about misleading people these days, but I had to draw the line somewhere.

"Now see, just the humility of saying so tells me you are a nice boy. Besides, I saw you praying over there."

"I was just saying thanks for a few things. It's not like I was saying the rosary or anything."

"A prayer of sincere gratitude is worth more than a thousand rosaries," she smiled at me still holding my hand. "Now, tell me Ray, are you going over to the rummage sale?"

"No, wasn't planning on it."

"Well, would you walk me over there? I have trouble with the stairs."

"Sure," I answered and offered my arm even though she seemed to get around just fine. She held on tight to my arm and led me to the adjacent building and down into the basement. The church was having what looked like one giant garage sale. Garage sales are really not my thing, but I spotted a bunch of books on a table with a sign saying 25 cents each for paperbacks. I said goodbye to the little lady and started perusing the book collection. I looked up and around and noticed that the people didn't look half bad. I thought a rummage sale meant a lot of trash and there would be scroungy people there, but the crowd looked pretty normal. Except for the homeless guy standing next to me checking out the book collection. He smelt like piss and he was going through the box of books with serious determination. I know the feeling. When you don't have any place to store the books, you need to find one really good one.

"This one's good," I handed him a book I had in my hand that I had already read about this fat guy who rides his bike all over looking for his schizophrenic sister. It's called The Memory of Running, and I really wanted to reread it myself, but I wanted him to have it too. I handed him a dollar and told him he should read it and it was on me.

I picked out eight books for myself, reasoning that two bucks wasn't much to spend. Then I noticed a bunch of kitchen stuff on another table and remembered I didn't have any utensils at home. I couldn't believe how cheap everything was. The utensils didn't match, but I bought ten for a dollar. Next I noticed the clothing. Never in my life did I imagine I might wear someone else's clothes, but a pair of work boots caught my eye and I changed my mind. There was a lot of crap there too, but also some perfectly good items mixed in. I even found some jeans with the tags still on them.

I ended up walking out of that rummage sale with a whole box full of stuff for just under twenty dollars and it felt like Christmas morning. However, it was now ten o'clock and I had not heard from Alicia. I went home and started putting my stuff away and dropped the clothing off to Louisa for washing. Then I called my dad and told him that I still had a job. We never have much to talk about and I wanted to tell him about Alicia, but I thought I should keep it to myself in case it didn't last. I didn't tell my dad anything about what happened with the roommates or not paying my rent. It is a good thing my dad is not a big talker because I wanted to be off the phone when Alicia called.

I started to read a little bit, but I didn't feel like staying inside the apartment and I was hungry. I went out and bought a few groceries for the first time in a really long time. The strawberries looked enticing and my mouth started watering as I remembered how good they tasted the day before, but they were expensive, so I bought apples instead. I bought some food I could make at home like beans, rice, and pasta. Also some peanut butter, bread and jelly. It felt weird spending all that money at once, but now that I didn't have to worry about either roommate stealing my food, I knew this was the cheaper way to go in the long run. I checked my phone again and it was after eleven o'clock with still no message from Alicia.

Thinking back to our conversation, I was sure she said she'd call me when she woke up. How late could that girl sleep? Maybe she wasn't going to call. Maybe she had second thoughts about hanging out with a guy with no money. Maybe she didn't like the way I kissed her. Maybe she met someone last night when she was out having cocktails. Maybe she realized what a piece of crap I am.

I made myself a sandwich and ate it as I was walking out the door. I still had Louisa's back pack and now I had an apple and a book in it as I headed to the park. I felt really light without my jacket, but my mood was heavy. Some guys were kicking a ball around and I watched them for a while. It made me think of Carlos and, since I had been meaning to call him, I did. I got his answering machine and said, "Hey, man, it's me, Ray. I know it's been a long time. Just wanted to see how you are doing. Gimme a call."

I was starting to feel really nervous about Alicia. It was after twelve o'clock and I was tempted to text her. Maybe she lost her phone. Nah, she figured me out: it was over. I was glad I got to kiss her though. I could think about that for a long time even if I didn't get to do it again.

My phone vibrated with a text, "I'm up! Call me when you can."

I smiled and got anxious all at once. "Call me when you can?" What does that mean? Does she think I'm busy and might not call her right away? I should be busy. I should have a life and be doing things on Sunday. Aw, fuck it, I'm calling her. I'll just wait a minute or two.

"Good Morning," she answered.

"Hey, how are you?"

"Good. I'm just waking up. I was up pretty late last night."

"Was it fun?"

"Um, yes and no," she said.

"How come?"

"Well it started out kind of fun, but I'm not used to drinking like that and it just went on and on and I felt kind of trapped. I didn't want to be the first one to leave because I am trying really hard to fit in there, but I ended up drinking more than I'm used to. Now I'm paying the price this morning."

"Ah," I said, not really sure what to say next. It had been a long time since I overindulged on alcohol. There was silence for a few awkward seconds, and then she said, "What are you up to this morning?"

"Oh, I'm just sitting at the park and eating a sandwich, watching some guys kicking a soccer ball around."

"Do you want company?"

"Only if it's you."

"Aww,... Can you give me an hour? I have to take a shower."

"You got it. Text me when you are close and I'll meet you."

"Okay, see you soon."

"Bye."

My mood skyrocketed. Alicia was going to hang out with me again today, but what could we do? She couldn't be happy just walking around the park again, but I didn't have any ideas. I decided to get some coffee and figure out exactly how much money I had left and how much more I needed to make my rent. At a coffee shop across from the park I sat down and borrowed a pen from a lady at the next table. I did the math on a napkin. If Don kept me working for the next three days and paid me cash, I could pay the balance of the rent by the new due date and would have sixty-five dollars left over. That seemed like plenty and I relaxed a bit. I couldn't go crazy, but I could spend a few bucks. I took my book out and started to read until my phone vibrated and Alicia said she was walking up 83^rd Street. We agreed to meet on the corner of 83^rd and CPW. It occurred to me that I should bring her a latte.

Alicia came walking towards me wearing a summer dress and sandals. I love when a girl can pull off different styles and Alicia definitely has different flavors. Today she looked sunshine, all soft and pretty with her hair down. I saw her face light up when she saw me and it made me feel warm. She walked right into my arms like a heat-seeking missile. When she backed up I handed her the cup of coffee and she said, "Wow, thank you!" Then her eyes got big and she asked, "Is there sugar in it?"

"No, I ordered it like you did. Nonfat, no sugar."

"I can't believe your remembered how I take my coffee! That is so sweet!" She was smiling from ear to ear.

"It's no big deal, Alicia."

"Well, thank you," she smiled again and took a sip.

"You look really pretty today."

Alicia answered, "Thank you," as if she wanted to say more and bit her lip and swallowed. I got the impression it took some restraint for her to just accept a compliment. It was just a feeling I got, but she seemed uncomfortable as if she had to learn to just say thank you. I wondered if she didn't know how pretty she is.

"So, can we go back to the park?" She asked, excitedly. "There is a free concert at the SummerStage."

Damn, she said that word "free" again, a word I both loved and hated. The word that means "I know you're a broke loser." But of course I said okay -- what else could I say? No, let's find someplace to spend my last sixty dollars? Alicia told me it was near Ramsey Playfield, a bit of a walk, but there was no easy way to get there aside from walking. I am used to walking and she insisted she loved walking but I found myself slipping into a low feeling. We walked side by side with Alicia sipping her coffee and me not saying anything.

Finally Alicia spoke, kind of coyly, "Sooooo, have you checked your Facebook?" She was grinning.

I laughed, "Forgot all about it."

"Ray," she punched me lightly in my upper arm, "How can I flirt with you on Facebook if you don't even check it?"

I laughed again and said, "I guess you'll have to flirt with me in person."

She stuck out her bottom lip and put her hand on her hip, so I said, "Okay, okay, I'll check it."

We stopped walking and stepped out of the way and I checked my page but didn't see anything from her. "Nope, nothing from that cute Alicia Klaer, but a few people like our photo."

"You have to click on my page! Jeez, Ray, I guess I don't have to worry about you being a cyber-stalker," she laughed.

"Yeah, I should have thought about that. Damn, all this time I've been waiting for your text I could have been looking at all your photos?"

"You were waiting for my text?"

"You know I was."

I had her page on my phone now and wasn't really sure what I was supposed to be looking for. "Look at my comment under our photo," she said.

I saw the comment from her friend calling me a hottie and underneath Alicia commented, "You should see him with his shirt off!" I laughed and thought it was just a joke but then I remembered that I changed out of my soccer jersey in front of her. "Hey, you were checking me out?" If I had thought about it at the time I probably would have worried that I had gotten too skinny this past year.

"Yeah," Alicia cocked a hip and looked me up and down. "I was checking you out. And I caught you checking me out too."

"Oh, I'm not denying it. You didn't need to shed any clothing to get my attention." I noticed Alicia was turning red and I was thinking how funny she was like that, going from bold to shy in an instant. I guess I am like that too because I just went from feeling like a broke loser to a sexy stud in a matter of seconds. It felt strange to be interacting with people again and seeing how up and down my moods could go in response to someone else. It felt like too much at times and it was tempting to curl up in a ball and be left alone, but then I would miss seeing this cute face looking up at me that was now only mildly pink.

"You're blushing."

"Of course I am! That was embarrassing!"

"But you wanted me to see it? Why?"

"I don't know," Alicia shrugged, "I guess I wanted you to know I'm attracted to you?"

"Well, I was starting to get that feeling because you want to spend time with me. I don't have to post it on Facebook for you to know I'm attracted to you, do I?"

"No," she said and looked down, so I put my hand under her chin and made her look at me. "I really do think you're pretty." I wanted to kiss her so bad right then, but we were on the sidewalk so I took her hand and started walking. She was very pink and it was starting to crack me up that I had the advantage of olive skin. I never thought about it like that before, but Alicia had an extra indicator of her emotions that I didn't have to deal with. I was smiling to myself and Alicia asked, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing. I just think it's cute how you blush."

"Damn you, Ray, for making me blush." But she was smiling so I knew she didn't mind.

* * * * *

As we got close to the SummerStage, I could see that it was already really crowded. The theater seating was full and people were putting blankets down on the surrounding grass area to hear the music. We decided to do the same and Alicia took her little blanket out of her bag. I looked around and said, "Wow, there are a lot of broke people in New York looking for some free entertainment."

Alicia laughed and said, "Who says they're broke? There are just a lot of people in New York! Besides, this is way better than sitting in a dark movie theater on a beautiful summer day."

"Yes, way better."

"I'm on a pretty strict budget myself, you know. I only work thirty hours a week."

"Really?"

"Yeah, since I go to school. My parents help me out a little bit."

"And your company is cool with you working part time?"

"Yes because they think I am going to work for them when I get my CPA."

"Are you?"

"Well, yes, for a few years maybe. Eventually I want to be self-employed."

Just then a guy came onto the stage and introduced the band. I started thinking about how Alicia had her life planned and goals set and I had just been surviving with no plan. I really couldn't understand what she might see in me. The band came on and this black guy was playing some crazy piano, all classical and fast, then he slowed down and started just playing two irritating notes over and over, but singing and talking about New Orleans over the music.

"Hey, did you catch their name?" I asked Alicia, right as a sax, trombone and drums joined in, but she couldn't hear me. She was smiling with big eyes and looked excited by the music, or maybe just the atmosphere. I knew the guys had talent, although it was kind of jazzy and not my taste, but I loved being outside sitting next to Alicia and listening to music surrounded by all the people. Some people got up and started dancing, which was completely crazy. I'm a pretty decent dancer, but this music had an unpredictable beat and wasn't very danceable, so the dancers were pretty brave or stupid or maybe a bit intoxicated -- I couldn't tell. I felt kind of embarrassed for them and hoped they would sit down, but after a while I just appreciated the city vibe of the whole thing. The energy was contagious, like just being a part of the music.

The song went on for a very long time. They seemed to be improvising, each of the musicians taking their turn and when it finally stopped they got great applause and I asked again, "Who are they?" Alicia took a flyer out of her bag that had a SummerStage calendar on it and it said, "John Batiste & Stay Human." I thought to myself, Now there is a good goal for me. I'm gonna stay human, I'm gonna stay among the humans.

After a few songs that all sounded pretty similar, Alicia asked if I wanted to move away and I said sure. We walked about a hundred yards over to a tree and put the blanket back down. We could still hear the music, but she said she wanted to be able to talk to me and I agreed. We talked about music and both agreed that what we were hearing wasn't our taste, but it was one of the cool things about New York, seeing and hearing music performed live like that on a Sunday afternoon.

Alicia opened her bag and I saw that she had brought more strawberries and another sandwich. She gave it all to me saying she felt a little too queasy to eat, but she accepted my apple. She still felt a little sick and really tired and I told her she should lie down, that we didn't need to go anywhere. I was leaning against the tree and she put her head in my lap and I got to play with her soft pretty hair. I felt like I was in heaven with the music in the background, the sun shining, sitting in the shade with Alicia's head in my lap. She was just lying there with her eyes closed, and it really gave me a chance to study her.

I like how Alicia is curvy. Her dress (is it called a sundress?) was blue and she was wearing those sandals that have a strap between the first two toes. Her toenails were painted red and they looked like perfect little rounded rectangles, all lined up like bricks, each one a little bigger than the next and the fifth one being much larger. I was thinking about how Carlos had a thing for feet and used to say, "You can tell a lot about a girl by how she keeps her feet." I never took him all that seriously, but one time we were at a party and I hooked up with this girl and I was trying to get Carlos to hook up with her friend. It was something we often did for each other, but this time Carlos was, "Hell no, man," and I argued the she was cute but Carlos said, "Check out the dogs on that dog, bro!" and he actually shuddered. I thought he was just being picky but I did look at her feet and said, "Aw, man. Never mind." She really did have ugly feet with chipped nail polish and cracked heels and even had hair on her toes, and I got it. I don't know why that girl didn't just wear some shoes that covered her feet, but I got it and said, "Okay, man, it's cool." We didn't hook up and went out drinking more instead. I was laughing about this to myself when Alicia asked, "What's so funny?"

"Aw, nothing. I was just thinking my friend Carlos would like you, that's all."

"Will I get to meet him?"

"Good question. Maybe he'll come visit."

"How come you don't go home and visit?"

"Oh, I will eventually. It's just that my brother and dad have always been really close and I was close with my mom and now we don't seem like a family as much. Feels like a car with three wheels. Plus, my dad let the house get all sick and gross and he even made my old room into an office."