Table for One Ch. 05

A/N Me again. Again I say thank you so so much for all your support and apologies for the time. I stupidly deleted an almost finished chapter and had to rewrite.

Ok... Explanation time. Carol's thoughts and feelings regarding her size are based on my own life experiences. Her thoughts back in ch 1 about being with a ts woman are my own (have I? No. Would I? In a heartbeat.)

Raine is an accumulation of my listening, reading and researching as a way to understand myself. I hope that I'm doing her justice by the way I'm writing her perspective. If anything's wrong then please don't hesitate to tell me as I've fallen for this pair and am considering developing the story further and I'd much prefer to spread the truth.

I know this isn't full of sex but I tried that with the other story I did on here and I hated writing it. To me it's pretty much trash. I'm a romantic so I write romance (yes in the outside world too) with love, twists, turns and with some kind of teaching happening. That's just me.

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Star crossed lovers? Well I definitely felt like I was starry eyed as we talked over dinner. It's not like I could help it. Raine was simply amazing.

I listened as she talked about her life as Peter. It was... and wasn't... hard to imagine Raine as being extremely popular with the girls through highschool. In fact, the more I listened the more I was grateful I didn't know Peter. The person she became to hide the truth from the world was far apart from who she really was and, well in Raine's own words, Peter was a dog. A cruel, uncaring person who 'loved em and left em' on a regular basis. To the 'in' crowd she was someone to admire, to the females she was someone to swoon over, to the nerds she was someone to step back from when she walked by and to everyone else? She was some one to fear from the shadows.

Raine explained that she was forced to live a lie from her earliest memory and by the time she'd reached her mid-teens she was angry at everything... her parents, her siblings, at the world for their bigoted ideologies and even the neighbours. Especially the neighbours for their interfering gossip on everything she did.

Her only relief, her escape, was going home, locking the door to her room and being herself.

She told me that at one stage of highschool she'd dated a girl very close to her own stature just so she could buy clothes as a gift for her girlfriend. The girlfriend never got the clothes but Raine had an awesome wardrobe. I mean seriously, how damn creative.. and sad... is that?

Something she said resonated with me in ways I never expected it to. To hear her say that she never once thought of herself as a male regardless as to how she lived was just... wow. I mean I knew, or at least I thought I did... but to hear Raine say the words affected me in a way I wasn't expecting.

I cried. I considered how the millions of actors of the world would go to work every day and 'live' their parts. The difference was they got to be themselves freely away from the spinning reels of recording.

Raine never had that.

The more Raine talked about Peter and being forced to play a part, a role, the more tears slid down my cheeks. I'll be honest and say that I thought I knew a lot about transsexuals, I'm fairly sure I understand a lot more than many people, but knowing for certain from the words this beautiful woman spoke made it all seem far more real in my mind.

"Honey," she reached up from the table to gently wipe my cheeks "you're crying."

I wanted to sob. I couldn't help it. The horror of her life, even though it was obvious that she'd resigned herself to the knowledge that Peter was part of her history, was one of the saddest, most heartbreaking things I'd ever heard.

"I..." I choked back a sob "it's so wrong that you had to live like that."

"But I'm not now" she said gently.

"I just feel so heartbroken for you. Living like that must have been hell."

"It was" she agreed "but now that I've been able to live my life as I should you can believe me when I say that I refuse to let anyone push me back into that way of life." She paused before continuing "I have a choice. I can stay that bitter, hateful person or I can live as I should." She smiled softly "I choose to live. I'm happy. Really happy being me."

Raine's fingers were tracing my hands at this stage and her pale pink lips were still held in a soft smile. She looked up from my hands and smiled widely.

"If I didn't have that life then I wouldn't have met you. I wouldn't have heard your beautiful words to Stephen."

How corny! In another place and time I probably would have rolled my eyes... but not now.

"Yeah but if you didn't have to live that way then you would have been happy all your life and not just recently." I had to point it out. Her happiness meant a lot to me.

"Three years. When I turned twenty four I couldn't do it anymore." Her wistful face held... and hid... many emotions in that moment.

"How the hell did you last that long?" I was gobsmacked.

Raine sat back in her chair with a humph.

"Acceptance. I thought I had to live as Peter to be accepted in this world but finally I realised it wasn't me that had to be something I'm not to be accepted. It was the attitudes of others that needed to change. I still stayed playing Peter with my family until about seven months ago. Everywhere else I was me. Some of my family were ok with it but most were like Stephen and wanted nothing to do with me. Sometimes I think it would have been easier to continue but it was making me miserable and I... " she shook her head sadly "I just couldn't do it anymore. As much as I love them it wasn't right for me."

I placed a hand over hers and squeezed gently.

"Well I think you're wonderful."

Oh my God!

I removed one of my hands from hers and wiped over my face. I suddenly remembered how absolutely bloody dreadful I looked when I cried.

Great timing!

"You still look beautiful" she teased.

"Yeah sure. Red, blotchy and..."

"Caring, understanding, loving... accepting. That's far more beautiful than you realise."

I rolled my eyes.

"Oh great. In other words I look like shit but..."

Raine cut me off with her laugh.

"Oh honey, in no way do you look like shit. In fact, it kinda makes me feel good to know you care so much."

OK. I did it again. I blushed. This woman was going to be the death of me! And now I was feeling old... 'the death of me?' Who says that at my age?

"You know, you've probably worked out that I'm twenty seven. How old are you?"

I gasped!

"Asking a girl her age? Shame on you woman!"

"Awww come on. I wanna know if my girl is a sexy younger woman or a sexy cougar."

"Your girl?" I asked softly.

Raine reached over and gently placed her hand against my cheek.

"Yes honey. My girl." She licked her lips nervously "If you want to be?"

"Raine you wouldn't be here if I didn't want to take the chance in seeing if we can make a go of us."

I could see the relief on her face and felt my own relief to know that she felt that way.

"Honey I don't plan on seeing anyone else. We don't know where this will lead" she reached and tucked a loose tendril of hair behind my ear "but I hope getting to know you takes a long time."

"So do I" I breathed out.

"I want to hold you." Her lips found the tender spot beneath my ear and I shuddered.

God it felt good!

Raine stood, holding my hand and looked down at my enquiring look and smiled.

"Honey I want to hold you and sitting here at the table just isn't cutting it."

Um... der! Why didn't I think of that? I stood and found myself brushing against her. I felt her shudder just seconds before she groaned softly. Looking up at her face I could see her eyes looking straight down at the tops of my breasts, the material of my shirt having parted

and exposing my milky white skin.

"Honey" she whispered "go to the lounge... now."

I don't know what it was but right there in that moment I felt a driven need to please Raine any way she wanted me to. I've never considered myself to be submissive at all but with her... with her I wanted to obey. Whether it was the tone of her voice or the strength of my own longing I had no idea but... I went.

Raine stopped me as I moved to lean back against the lounge. She knelt in front of me after kicking off her shoes.

Her hands went to the buttons on my shirt, determined and yet, they were shaking.

"I think we can get you out of this shirt now... and the bra. The bra has to go too."

"But you said..." I tried to tease but her eyes darkened with a command I didn't want to fight.

I'm not sure exactly who removed my clothing. I think we both did but with my gaze being captured by Raine's beautiful eyes I couldn't say for sure.

I felt her hands slide down my arms. Arms I wanted to cross to hide my exposed body. I gulped as Raine smiled softly and looked down at me. She hadn't ever been with a big woman so what if my body turned her off? What if she was so disgusted by what she saw that... I felt tears come to my eyes as I watched her look over me. You see, when I say big, I mean big... as in huge and now, being here with the woman of my dreams, I felt smaller than I ever had before.

Her hands trailed over me, her finger tips tracing lines caused by my weight... and my skin was on fire. The sensations caused by her light touch sent waving pulses of excitement to my lower body... but my heart... my heart bled.

What did she think? I wished I knew. Her face had taken on an almost closed look that filled me with fear.

"You're so soft" she said softly.

"I'm sorry I..."

Her eyes snapped to mine and her expression changed. My breath held as her fingers pressed to my mouth.

"Shhhh. That's a good thing."

I shook my head slowly and her fingers dropped away.

"I should take better care of myself."

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. You don't need to be someone you're not for anyone else honey. If you're happy with your size then don't change. If you aren't... then change. But!" Her eyes twinkled "If you're tits shrink then we'll have to have another discussion about it."

My lips pursed together as I tried not to giggle. I lost that battle. My giggles started and Raine smiled wider than I'd ever seen her do before.

"Always laugh honey. You have no idea how beautiful you are when you laugh."

"Yeah right." Now I know it must seem like I was fishing for compliments but I promise you I wasn't. Years of feeling inferior, being taunted, teased and laughed at because of my size... well in the end it was easier to believe the problem was mine and not the attitudes of others.

"One more word about not being beautiful young lady and I'll turn you over and spank that luscious arse of yours."

Ok. Now I was wishing I really had put plastic down on the lounge. I could feel the moisture seeping into the material of my pants and squirmed to try and delay the inevitable wet spot I was going to leave behind.

"Honey?"

I reddened with embarrassment as Raine watched me wriggle with amusement in her eyes.

"Honey what's wrong?" her words teased.

"I..." Oh God! How could I explain?

"Yes?"

I inhaled deeply and blurted out the words before I couldn't.

"I'm wet. Soaking."

"Wet honey?" Raine raised herself to lean over me and I gasped at the teasing of her shirt against my nipples as her mouth placed kisses to the base of my neck.

"Mmmmm... Yes!" I hissed as her tongue tasted my skin.

"Wet from being touched? Or wet" she moved to my ear and nibbled the lobe "at the thought of being spanked? Mmmm? Is that making you wet honey?" she bit harder on my lobe and I let out a groan. "Do you want to be spanked? I would love to be your Mistress some time. Would you like that? Would you like me to place clamps... here?"

My entire body bucked as her fingers found my nipples and she pinched down and twisted before releasing to move swiftly and take one in her mouth. Her tongue swirled over the pain to replace it with the most glorious sensations I've ever felt.

"Please... Oh God. Please!"

"Please what honey?" She looked up at my face and smiled a wicked smile. "I think my girl has a dark side."

"I've never..."

"You don't have to do anything right now honey. Baby steps ok?"

I nodded and I guess my relief was apparent and she nodded her approval.

"Now honey. I do believe these beautiful" she groaned as she looked "fucking beautiful tits... need some attention."

Her mouth worked my nipples gently at first with laps that trailed over them and ignited me inside in a way I hadn't felt before. Then the pressure of her tongue was joined by a soft suckling. As each nipple was encased in the wet warmth the other was squeezed, lifted upward and rolled between fingers. Her palms kneaded the heaviness surrounding them and as she moved from one to the other she lifted the new nipple up to her waiting mouth.

I held her shoulders in a grip I didn't know I had and gasped, moaned and screamed while she brought me to the edge without letting me go over.

I'm not sure when she moved but I know I there came a point when I was aware that she'd moved one of her legs over mine and was grinding herself on the calf of my leg.

It was that urgency that took me for a ride I never expected. My release was so strong I had no choice but to grab Raine by the hair as my lower half arched towards her. I yelled out, well at least I think I did, as the burning warmth kept flowing from my body.

Raine didn't stop. She kept her assault on my nipples as if her life depended on it. From one wave I went straight into another, and then finally another.

The delicious feeling I felt hummed through me. Every nerve ending awake and aware.

Raine groaned loudly. Her face buried in the pushed up hollow of my tits. I could feel the warmth as her lower body stilled with slight jerking movements.

"Oh shit" she whispered as we both panted "I didn't mean that to happen."

"What?" Hell I was confused. She didn't want me to cum?

She moved away with an embarrassed look on her face.

"I need to use your bathroom Carol."

"It's through there" I pointed towards my bedroom door.

She nodded and holding her skirt out from her body she walked uneasily from the room. I sat for a moment before reaching for my shirt. Hang the bra. I knew I'd have to use the bathroom myself and grimaced as I moved slowly off the lounge. I could feel the distinct wetness of my pants and with hesitant eyes I looked at my lounge and sighed in relief to see that it was clean.

Wrapping my arms around myself I walked to the window and watched the world below while I waited for Raine. I was so engrossed at watching the lights of the cars driving by I didn't know she'd returned until her arms wrapped around my shoulders and she placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Her body stiffened and she pulled me closer into her body. Her warmth was somewhat soothing.

"No honey. You didn't."

"You called me Carol." I felt like I was being petty but at the same time it was my way of explaining that I felt like she'd pulled away from me.

"Oh honey" her voice soft "it wasn't you. I wanted you to lose yourself but I lost control and... well..." she moved to take my shoulders in her hands and gently turned me "look at me" she looked down, my eyes followed hers and I could see the large wet streak of material.

"Honey, I don't regret cumming when you did. I just regret that I hadn't planned it and made a mess of myself."

"I don't mind" I started as I looked back up at her.

"But I do honey. It's just like being hard in public. This wet spot draws attention to me and I don't want that."

Ok now I was feeling like a jerk. How could I have forgotten something so important?

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry honey. It was amazing. Hell it was better than amazing but I'm afraid you're stuck with me until my skirt dries."

I grinned at the sparkling of her eyes.

"Oh I think I can put up with you a little longer."

Her hand moved down and swatted my arse.

"Cheeky wretch! How about we go into the kitchen and you can show me where I'll find your coffee?"

"I... um.. I need the bathroom first." My cheeks blazed!

"Ahhh" her eyes darkened once more "then go! Get clean and we'll sit and relax."

"How about some dessert?"

"Like what?" her head tilted slightly.

"Well. I have icecream."