Talk Dirty to Me

Let me start by saying I have no degrees in the following subject and no professional insight. I am merely using observation and personal experience for my reference and therefore it is just my opinion.

It's true that many couples enjoy using dirty talk to spice up their sex life. Also true is the fact that many people would like to include erotolalia or the use of dirty words in their sex life but are afraid of overstepping boundaries or offending their partner. It is anybody's guess how many people would desire to perform this practice and yet at the same time, do not know that their partner wishes the same.

In what may seem irregular or against the norm is there may well be more women who enjoy erotolalia than men. This could stem from the fact that women at one time would be considered crude to use vulgar language. This fact may make dirty talk naughty or erotic if you will and thus just that much more exciting to the female.

The biggest problem for those who wish to bring erotolalia into relationship is the worry of acceptance by the other party. My suggestion is to introduce dirty talk slowly and to watch for signs from your partner as to whether they like it or not. If a woman was to, let's say, scream out suddenly,

"Fuck me with your big cock,"

It might not only surprise him but shock him as well. As we all know, the fragile male ego may lose concentration when surprised and often erections as well. However if the partner was to whisper in his ear, something such as,

"Ah yes, just like that I love the way you fuck me."

You might see his eyes open and you might hear him moan softly, which is always a good sign that your partner likes what he is hearing. If the signs point to him enjoying what you're doing keep going. If at this time he answers, you in kind make sure to show him you like what you're hearing.

After this first time and you two are lying there post-coital, be sure and let your partner know how much it excited you to talk dirty to him. If he returned your dirty talk with some of his own, let him know that excited you as well. If he didn't, tell him you wished he had and that you fantasized about it as you two had sex.

If it is the male trying to initializing the dirty talk into the relationship he will need to use more discretion and may need to take more time and patience. If the male starts with more romance and less vulgarity, it will be easier to judge how receptive she will be. You might begin with how romantic it is to kiss her breasts or how erotic it is just to be close to her. If you judge that she likes what you are doing increase the dirty talk slowly at first. The thing you want to avoid is going over the top, if you shock her or if she feels you are insulting her she may stop you right there and anytime in the near future. If this doesn't happen and after you're finished, be sure to discuss it with your partner to see what her reaction was. Even if it was something, she didn't particularly enjoy if she sees how much you liked it she may slowly come on board with it.

If I may just insert a side note here, I know I'm portraying here that women are the gentle flower, or the weaker sex per say. It is just I was raised in a different generation where women were taught not to swear and the men were taught not to swear in front of ladies. I know that many of today's ladies are not like that at all, and believe me that makes me happy but I'm talking of mainly personal experiences here. I have found it was the women that were raised this old-fashioned way that the practice of erotolalia titillated the most.

It is after both are comfortable with talking dirty and it has become a normal part of their lovemaking that true problems occur. After a word or action is introduced once, it immediately starts to lose it shock value and thus its sexuality. You can only say, fuck, cock, or cunt so many times until they are nothing more than a word or action. It is when you are looking for new terms that you start to dwell in those secret fantasizes you've been hiding from your partner.

If while in the throes of passion you blurt out that you want to have a threesome with her sister and this turns her on, well you're a lucky man. You've not only added role-play into your sex life, you have used a secret fantasy that now you both can use. However if your partner thinks this is the most disgusting thing she's ever heard of you are in big trouble. This is the Genie's bottle or Pandora's Box for once opened it cannot be put back. Your statement no matter what it was will forever hang there above your head.

Just as in dirty talk, role-play needs to be introduced gently into your lovemaking. Instead of saying,

"I want to tie you up and smack your ass,"

Hold her hands above her head and say,

"You're my captive and I can please you as I wish."

If you see this turns her on go forward with your game. If you get no reaction, she may have ambivalent thoughts about this, so go slow, but carry on. If this particular game doesn't appeal to her back off, and maybe try something new.

Another tact, is to ask your partner just what turns them on and then to follow through with that but just don't push too hard. They may not wish to include you into their fantasizes and that is their right. If you push too hard, they may just make up something to appease you and suddenly you are both playing a role that neither is interested in doing.

Even with all the pitfalls and intrigue, role-play and dirty talk is a great way to spice up your love life. Just remember to take it slow, discuss your progress, and be ready to back off when you've gone too far. If you find that your partner is not interested in erotolalia, don't dwell on it. You should never let a small part of your lovemaking spoil an other wise good relationship.