The Alphabet of Love Ch. 12

"You look pensive," Derek interrupted my thoughts.

"Sorry," I shook my head. "Thinking about work."

"Nah, don't do that," he said. "We still have a little time together. Maybe I can do you in the ladies room or something."

"Very funny," I said, but couldn't help smiling.

"You know I love you. I can't wait to see you in Omaha."

"Me too," I smiled at him. "I'm afraid I won't be able to get any extra days, but I'll try."

He nodded. "We could have a lot of fun. Take you down to my old campus at Stanford."

"Oh sure," I laughed, "that's just what I'd want to do."

"Halfmoon Bay is romantic," he said. "I'd love us to spend some time there."

"I'd love that."

"It'd be a nice place to get married, too."

"Derek -"

"What? I'll be divorced in a few months. I'm not going to contest much, I'll let Brenda take what she wants. There's plenty for both of us. It's easier than tying things up in court forever."

I looked down at my hands.

"Is it that other guy? Trevor what's his name?"

I didn't answer.

"Shiloh. I love you. We're great together. We can be a force in our profession. Babies. We can have babies, you'll be a wonderful mother."

He sounded desperate; I couldn't resist his pleas. "I love you, too," I told him. "I just need time. Okay? You have to admit you threw this at me out of nowhere, emailing me about getting married. You call that a proposal?"

"I'm sorry," he apologized earnestly. "I was just emotional at the time. I'll make it right, I promise."

"Let's just relax right now," I said, taking his hand. "You have to get through your divorce. You act like it's going to be nothing, but you had a life with her. Take care of that first."

He nodded. "I know. I will. Just be here for me, okay? I'm going to need that."

"Of course."

We finished our lunch in silence. We both had plenty on our minds. He walked me to security check-in; since his flight left later, he had to wait to go through. We kissed and held each other for a few long moments. I cried. There were tears in his eyes, too. I felt like my heart was being ripped out. God, I must love him. I'd never felt this way about anyone before.

I stood there, tears running down my face, watching him walk away. He turned back to look at me, then went on. I stifled a sob; a woman behind me patted my back.