The Alphabet of Love Ch. 18

I'd slept badly and needed coffee. Dad still snored on the couch and I let him. The aroma of bacon was bound to rouse him, I thought. Maybe Derek, too.

Derek. I'd agreed to marry him.

Every decision in life is a gamble, I told myself. You calculate the odds in your head and roll the dice. This could be the best thing I ever did, or the most heinous fuckup. Only time would tell. In the light of day, though, I felt happy that I'd finally stopped my endless vacillation. Trevor briefly crossed my mind, with some regret but also some irritation. If he really wanted to be with me, he'd have found a way. Derek loved me, and he showed me every day that I meant the world to him. I wanted to be with a man who didn't take me for granted.

I heard the shower running, and when it stopped I cracked the eggs into the frying pan. A few minutes later, my Dad appeared, in dress slacks and a shirt that had survived its travel in a duffel bag not so badly wrinkled. He was still barefoot.

"Good morning," I said, and filled a mug of coffee for him.

He took it from me, nodding. "Thanks. I slept great. Your couch is pretty damn comfortable."

"Good. I hope you're hungry. I'm making a lot of food."

"Sure am," he said. "Wendy won't feed me a real breakfast anymore. My cholesterol is too high, she says. I get granola and fruit."

It didn't surprise me. Wendy, my so-called stepmother, had a real do-gooder, know-it-all streak in her. She used to try to give me advice all the time until she finally got it through her head that I didn't give a shit what she had to say to me.

"I don't eat like this all the time," I told him, sliding a fried egg onto a plate with bacon and hash browns. "There's salsa and sour cream on the table," I said, handing him the plate.

"Great!" he took it and moved into the dining room.

I made my own plate and followed him, my coffee mug in the other hand. We sat together and enjoyed our unhealthy breakfast. He told me there was a banquet that night at the hotel and he'd be back late. Today was Friday; I'd have some time to spend with him in the morning before he drove back to Wenatchee. Derek hadn't said what time his flight to Boston was leaving.

Dad finished breakfast and left for the day before Derek was out of bed. I suspected he might have just stayed there to give me time with my Dad, but when he didn't get up after I cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher, I assumed he was still sleeping. I refilled my coffee and checked email and Facebook on my iPad. Isabel had posted photos of herself and Tila at Leavenworth, the quaint Bavarian-themed town in the Cascade Mountains. I commented on them, and wished I'd been there.

I'd have to tell Isabel about my decision to marry Derek. I hoped she'd be supportive.

Eventually I heard the bedroom door and Derek came looking for me. In shorts, his hair every which way, my heart squeezed with love for him. He came to stand beside my chair and I let him kiss the top of my head.

"Coffee," he said, mimicking a zombie.

I laughed. "Am I going to have to wait on you hand and foot now that we're engaged?"

"Well, duh," he said, smiling at me warmly. "What do you think I want a wife for?"

"Uh huh," I got up and went to the kitchen. I dished up cold breakfast for him, microwaved it for a few minutes to warm it up, and brought it to him with coffee. "I expect a tip."

"I'll give you a tip," he winked, digging his fork into hash browns.

"Dad's off to his conference," I said with a sigh, sipping. "He won't be back until late."

"Then we'll have to have noisy sex before he gets home."

"I love you, Derek."

He looked up at me, brown eyes dancing. "I love you, Shiloh. So have you reconsidered the idea of shopping for an engagement ring?"

"Yes," I answered. "I'd love to do that."

"I can't wait to tell my Mom and the kids. Well, Jonas won't care, but I think Mercury will be thrilled."

"Your son doesn't care if you get married again?"

He shrugged. "Doesn't seem to. Law school is kicking his ass. Good thing, too. He's always breezed through academics. I'm glad he's finally into something that's challenging him."

"I'm not going to try to be their mother or anything like that," I said. "They're adults. I just hope we can all get along."

"I don't think it'll be a problem," he assured me. "Mercury already likes you, and Mom's glad that I met someone."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he mouthed eggs and sipped coffee.

"When you emailed me and asked me to marry you - where did that come from? We hadn't seen each other for months. It was such a shock."

He smiled a little. "I'd thought about it for a long time. Like I said, I meet a lot of women here and there. You and I have known each other for a couple of years now, and every time I see you it just feels - right. I've always been happier when I'm with you. I gave it a lot of thought. Was it just because you're so sexy and gorgeous? Because we're both doctors and have all that in common?"

"What conclusion did you reach?" I asked, gazing at him over my coffee mug.

"All of it," he said, nodding. "You're everything I want, everything I need. You're beautiful like a trophy wife. You're smart like a doctor. You're fun like a friend. You love me, you take me as I am. I've got plenty of flaws but you don't seem to mind."

"I haven't noticed any flaws," I said.

"I know I'm imperfect, but all I want is to be a good husband to you. I want you to be glad that you're with me. I'll love and honor you until the day I die."

"Wow," I started to choke up.

He took a deep breath. "Every time I've seen you, it just points up to me how lonely I've been. That's why I work all the time. I channeled all my energy into that because I didn't have anyone to love, to spoil, to share my life with."

"Now you do," I said quietly as a tear rolled down my face.

He pushed his plate away and his chair back, and knelt beside me. Taking my hand, he looked up at me and said, "I love you, Shiloh. If you'll be my wife I'll give you everything I have and everything I am."

Full on bawling now, I wrapped my arms around his neck. We kissed over and over. We pushed the chairs out of our way and had sex right there on the floor. I orgasmed, gasping and moaning, while he continued until he reached his climax. When I opened my eyes, there was Faldo not a foot away from my face. He stared at me in horror. I started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Derek, out of breath, rolled off me. Then he saw the cat. "Oh hey there, old boy. Next time I'll do it like you, grab her by the scruff of the neck and yowl."

We both laughed while poor Faldo just turned and walked away.

"I think he's traumatized," I said, still laughing.

"He's seen us fucking before."

"Probably. But not right on the floor."

Derek slid his leg in between mine, and kissed my nipples. "That was almost as good as dry humping at Hoover Dam."

"Almost?" I asked, feigning insult.

"Mmmm, it's great every time. I never thought I'd enjoy sex like this. You are something else, Shiloh."

"Come on, sex machine," I teased him. "Let's get cleaned up and go shopping."

"Oh, now that you've said yes you can't wait to get that rock on your finger," he retorted.

"Damn right. And it's going to be a big one."

He laughed. "Of course. You know me. I don't do anything by halves."

He wasn't kidding. We disagreed about the ring immediately. I wanted something elegant and modest, he demanded I have a huge diamond with many accompanying little friends, so that I'd sparkle like snow in the moonlight. He actually said that.

We managed to compromise. The diamond was large, but not ostentatious. I went for traditional gold, because almost everyone I knew had opted for silver or platinum. Derek seemed pleased. He made me hold my hand up to my face so he could photograph me and send it to his mother and kids. His appended comment was "She finally said yes!"

"And now," he said after we'd been seated at a funky little café for lunch, "You have to decide how much notice you're giving at work. I want you with me as soon as possible, you know, but I understand you have things to tie up here."

Boston. I'd never even been there.

"We have to get married first," I said weakly, hoping to stall all these changes happening at once.

He nodded. "However you want it, my love. Anywhere you like."

My family expected me to do it in Wenatchee, I knew, but then I'd never done anything to their expectations. I had to admit to myself, however, that the little Bavarian-themed town in the mountains would be ideal. It was close to Wenatchee, and had plenty of venues to choose from. If we managed to arrange it all before spring, it could be a beautiful winter wedding in the snow. But did I want to get married that soon? I wanted to be with Derek, there was no question about that. Perhaps I should move with him to Boston first and determine the wedding details later.

No. Married first, I told myself. For all my cavalierness about my family and attachments here, I had an old-fashioned sense about marriage and children.

"There's this place," I said, hesitating a little. "It's in the mountains close to where I grew up." So I told him about Leavenworth, the Bavarian village in the mountains, a place I'd loved for years.

"It sounds beautiful," he said with a nod.

"I know you mentioned Halfmoon Bay," I said, not wanting to monopolize the plans. "Maybe we could honeymoon there?"

"Sure," he agreed. "Or somewhere warmer with a real beach."

"What are you thinking?"

The waiter delivered soup and crackers to our table, and we gratefully slurped.

"Well," he said eventually, "the Caribbean, if you'd like. Hawaii. Florida."

Overwhelmed, I shook my head. "Any of them sound great."

"I've never been to Hawaii," he said to my surprise. "Have you?"

I shook my head. "No, nor any of the others."

"There's always Vegas," he grinned at me.

"Uh no," I said, making a face.

"Want me to help you break it to Miliano and Couslard?" he asked me.

I sighed, finished my soup, and sat back to enjoy my cool white wine. "No, I'll do it. I can't have you doing things for me like that."

"Understood. They'll hate me, I'm sure."

"I've enjoyed working there. They do a good job for their patients, we have a lot of caring staff."

"You'll find that at my clinic as well," he assured me. "You'll be coming on board, I hope. I assume nothing."

I smiled. "Probably. I'd like to focus on the home hemo patients if that's all right."

"You can do anything you want. Carte blanche, as they say. You'll be my wife and part-owner of the clinic, you'll have a say in everything."

I nearly spilled wine on myself. Part owner of the clinic?

"What?" he saw the look on my face.

"You're the owner of the clinic," I corrected him.

"You will be, too, as soon as we're married," he said. "I'll make sure of it."

"Okay," I said, still a bit shocked.

"I trust you, Shiloh. If I'm ever incapacitated I'll expect you to oversee operations. You'll meet everyone involved in the financial and regulatory aspects. I want them to talk to you just as they do to me."

"You're giving me a lot of credit," I said. And a lot of responsibility, I didn't add.

"I have complete confidence in you."

Well, then.

I was finally able to speak after a few moments. "So, ah, will your mother and kids be able to come to the wedding?"

He nodded. "I'll arrange it. When are you thinking?"

"When you tell me your divorce is final."

"I'm calling my attorney first thing Monday," he assured me. "Want to go look at wedding dresses?"

"No! You're not supposed to see it before the wedding, you goober. I'll go with Isabel."

He nodded, laughing.

"God, Derek," I said, polishing off my wine, "I don't want you to leave. Can't you just stay until we get married?"

He took my hand and leaned close to me. "I'll miss you, too, my love. We'll be together soon, I promise. And I'll come to see you every chance I get. I'm going to start cutting back on my schedule for the next few months. I have a lot of shit to attend to with the divorce, accountants I have to meet with and all that before the settlement is detailed. I want to hurry it up as fast as I can."

"I'll start taking care of things on my end," I said with a nod. Though that entailed canceling my phone and internet, and getting out of my apartment lease. I could start transferring my credentials to Massachusetts. And I still had to reconcile myself with moving across the country.

After lunch, we spent time at the Seattle Art Museum, holding hands, exchanging our thoughts on the pieces we saw. Derek had a real artistic sensibility, I discovered, and became emotional over several exhibits. This was a side of him I'd never seen, a vulnerability that endeared him to me even more. And it explained why he'd been attracted to Brenda, with her artistic bent and passions. I knew they had to have had something in common. It didn't bother me. In fact it made me feel a little better, knowing he'd based his first marriage on - something. He'd made it sound like it was some kind of fluke that they'd ever got together.

We returned to my apartment and did indeed have loud sex, and then I made him go with me to shop for groceries. I intended to make him a sumptuous dinner the night before he left me.

Such an innocuous thing, grocery shopping. We all do it; we all have to do it. Derek liked to stop and look at things, read labels. I was more of a grab-and-go shopper. I had a list and I stuck to it. He dropped all sorts of strange things into the cart even after I pointed out to him that he wouldn't be here to enjoy them.

"But you will," he said with a smile.

He paid, against my protests, and he helped me with dinner. I imagined what the kitchen must be like it that colonial manse of his; what fun we could have! I asked him to tell me about the house, so he did. It sounded even better than I'd fantasized.

"You want to stay there?" he asked me after we'd scooted our chairs up to the table and toasted each other with wine. "I thought you might like for us to get a new place together."

"It - sounds like a lovely home. But I understand if there are too many memories there for you."

He shook his head. "No, I don't have a problem with that. I didn't know how you'd feel moving into another woman's home, you know, where she'd made it hers. Most of her crazy art shit is gone, though. Lots of bare walls and places for you to do whatever you like. The kids will be happy if I stay there. Both of them have left most of their crap behind and they were afraid they'd have to put it in storage."

Scoring points with his kids, I thought. "I don't see any reason to go through all the pain of selling a house and setting up a new one," I said.

"All right," he nodded. "It'll be easier on everyone, then. You can do anything you want. Remodel, get new appliances, whatever you need or want."

"I'm sure it's perfect." I passed a serving bowl to him; he plonked food onto his plate.

"This is what I love about you," he said, reaching for my hand. "You're not demanding or critical. You're positive."

I laughed. "There are more important things than a house, although I'm excited to see it. My love for you is the number one priority in my life, Derek. Our relationship takes precedence."

"I completely agree, my love. Have you told your surgeon about this yet?"

Oh, he would have to ask that, I thought. "No," I shook my head. "I haven't talked to him in a few days. I don't even know where he is. I guess I'll look to see where Kyle Banks is campaigning."

"I want you to be one hundred percent sure about us," he said, adding more food to his plate.

"I am," I assured him.

He nodded. "I know I am. I just want to be sure I haven't pushed you too quickly. I'm sorry if I have. There was never an ultimatum."

I took a bite and sipped wine. "I know that. I know."

"I'm going to ask you something," he said, setting down his fork. "You tell me if it sounds right to you."

Uh oh.

"Go ahead," I said.

"I'd like for you to come to Boston as soon as you can, to meet the kids and my mother, and to meet everyone at the clinic. I don't want to waltz in there one day and tell them you're my wife and their new boss. I want to give them awhile to get used to the idea."

"So you think there will be some resistance? Resentment?"

"Of course. I have physicians on staff I've known for twenty years. Great doctors. Lousy business sense. I've hoped to find someone to bring in as a partner and no one ever felt right to me. You do."

"Derek, I know nothing about business."

He nodded. "But you're smart and you'll learn it all. And you'll have a reason to, because it'll be yours, too."

"What are you thinking? Give my notice now and move out right away?"

"See if they'll give you time off. If not, then yes, give your notice. I'll make up any lost income to you, and help with moving expenses."

"Derek-"

He raised his hand. "Shiloh, I can afford it. I know you have things to take care of here. I was thinking for you to come out for a week or so, meet everyone, see the house. I'm going to push my attorney to get this settlement finalized as soon as possible. He told me if she keeps stalling he'll file a motion to reduce her financial payout exponentially the longer she resists."

"Can you do that?" I asked, surprised.

"If a judge agrees to it."

That would probably get Brenda's rear in gear, I thought. She was counting on a chunk of Derek's fortune for herself. She probably wouldn't want to risk losing any of it.

"Do you think she's dragging her feet because of me?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I doubt if she cares. She used to always ask me if I had a woman on the side and when I told her no, she told me I should. The unspoken end of that sentence was that she had men on the side."

"I'm sorry."

"Doesn't matter. Didn't then, either. We lived in the same house but that was about it. She moved into one of the guest rooms a few years ago. I can't remember the last time we had sex."

This was the last thing I wanted to hear about.

"I'll talk to Miliano on Monday," I told him. "If I can't take time off, then I'll just give my notice."

He nodded. "Good. I'm so anxious to have you with me. I've never felt like this about anyone."

"I know. I hate when you leave me, I just want you here."

"You'll have your Dad here for awhile," he said.

I scrunched up my nose a little. "He's already told me you're too old for me. I don't even know if I want to tell him we're engaged."

"He's bound to notice the ring."

"Yeah," I sighed. "Then all hell breaks loose. He still talks to my Mom sometimes, I'm sure he'll tell her. And I need to call Isabel before she finds out from someone else. She'll kill me."

He laughed. "I'm anxious to meet her. It sounds like you two are good friends."

"We are. She's been there for me. I'm going to miss her."

"We can come back anytime you like."

I smiled at him. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."

"Listen," he took my hand gently, "I know I'm asking you to do a lot. Leave your home, your work, and everything you know to come across the country. You don't know what it means to me that you're willing to do this."

"I love you," I said simply.

We kissed. After dinner he helped me with the dishes, telling me a little about his clinic and the staff, so I might have an inkling when I got there. I tried not to feel too overwhelmed by it all.