The Alphabet of Love Ch. 22

We flew back to Boston late the next evening. Mercury had come home from college on some sort of break; she'd be in the house when we arrived. I had no idea what to expect but I resolved to do my best to not treat Derek's house like it was mine. If I were her, I'd resent the hell out of that.

The taxi dropped us at the front door just after one in the morning. From inside the house we saw dim lights - indication that Mercury was indeed here. We traipsed inside with our bags; Derek took them upstairs while I hung our coats in the entry closet. I heard the television in the family room, and hesitated. Should I go in and say hello? Or wait for Derek? I compromised, and headed to the kitchen.

There, in front of the open refrigerator, Mercury bent over to retrieve something off the bottom shelf.

"Oh - hello," I said, knowing she'd heard my footsteps on the tile, and it would be rude if I walked out.

She turned around, hand still on the open refrigerator door. Her dark hair spiked in all directions, but it appeared to be cut that way on purpose; short and funky. She wore a shapeless long-sleeved thermal shirt and pajama bottoms.

"Hey," was her greeting.

"I'm Shiloh," I said.

"Yeah, I figured." She let the door shut and unscrewed the lid from a bottle of water. "Want something?"

I nodded. "I could use a drink."

She got a bottle for me and walked over with it. "Dad upstairs?" she asked me.

"He took our bags up," I nodded. I sipped water and we evaluated each other.

I was taller, fuller-figured. She seemed slight under those sloppy clothes, even wiry. Around her neck a tight choker displayed a yin/yang symbol.

"How was Des Moines?" she asked with a hint of derision.

"Cold. But it's not much better here."

"Yeah, you're from Seattle, right?"

I nodded. "Yes. It just rains all the time there."

"Beats snow. When I'm out of college I'm getting the fuck out of the Northeast. I'm thinking California. That's where Dad should have stayed anyway."

I said nothing. She surely knew the trajectory of his career and how it had led him here.

Derek came in just then, to my relief. He hugged his daughter and looked between us. "I see you've met."

We both nodded.

"You making a big breakfast in the morning?" Mercury asked me hopefully.

"Uh, I guess I could."

"'Cause that's a Mom thing, you know," she grinned at me.

"Well, I'm not your Mom, but I like to cook."

"Sure you are. You will be. My stepmom, right?"

"Sort of," I looked to Derek for help, but he just stood there.

I tried to clarify. "I mean, you're an adult. You have a mother. I just hope we - can be friends." I felt so stupid with every word I spoke.

She nodded. "That's cool. I know you're a doctor and all. I'm not reducing you to female stereotypes or anything. I'm just glad Dad didn't hook up with some ignoramus like a model or actress. You're pretty hot, though, for a doctor. Good going," she slugged Derek playfully on the arm.

He rolled his eyes but smiled.

"You want to watch movies with me?" she asked. "I've been texting this guy, but I think he went to bed."

"What guy?" Derek demanded.

"A guy from school," she said dismissively. "I keep asking him to send me a dick pic but he won't do it."

"Jesus, Mercury!" Derek admonished her.

She giggled. "I'm just fucking with him. He's cool."

"I'm tired," I put in. "I think I'll go to bed. But if you want to stay up, Derek, go ahead."

He glanced at his daughter. "I think I will, for a little while. Catch up."

"Tell me not to ask for dick pics," she yawned. "Or otherwise preach to me."

"I'll be up soon," he told me.

"Go ahead and kiss her," Mercury waved at him.

He hesitated for a moment, then came to me. We kissed chastely and I escaped. I heard her laughter behind me.

I changed into a shortie nightgown and started to sort out my suitcase. I'd need to do laundry tomorrow. I wondered what else we'd be doing besides me making breakfast. It didn't bother me that she'd said it; in fact, it pointed up even more that she needed someone to care about her. She'd called it a 'Mom thing.' I didn't want her to see me as a Mom, but if I could fill some sort of role of older woman/friend, I'd like that. Obviously Mercury was bright and astute. Maybe too much for her own good. Who actually asks for dick pics?

I turned down the bed and got in with my iPad. Email from Isabel begging me to tell her how it was going. I shot her a quick response that we'd just got back from Des Moines and I'd either write or call her tomorrow. An attached document from my landlord, stating the terms of my lease termination. Shit was getting real.

Derek came in quietly and smiled when he saw I was still awake.

"Everything okay?" I asked him, sliding my iPad onto the bedside table.

"She says it is," he sighed. He stripped to his shorts and got into bed with me. "She likes you already. She wants to call you Mom Two."

"Oh hell no," I shook my head. "There will be no 'Mom' in my name until I squirt one out of my own vagina."

He laughed. "Damn, Shiloh, that's harsh."

"She can call me Shiloh. Is she that desperate for a mother figure?"

He fluffed up his pillow, scooted down in bed, and propped his head on his hand, facing me. "Probably. Brenda was pretty hands-off. Her theory was that kids should raise themselves, that they'll find their true calling when they are free from the prejudices of their parents."

I stared at him. "You went along with that? They're your kids, too!"

He shrugged. "I tried to discipline them but she always got after me. I warned her they'd turn out useless and entitled."

"Have they?"

"Not really. But then, I made them tow the line with me. They never listened to anything she told them, and it's her own fault. Stupid woman."

"I don't believe in that," I told him. "I want my children to have rules and structure."

He nodded. "I agree with that. And lots of love and attention."

"Mostly that," I smiled, moving close to him.

"We could start now, you know," he said, rubbing his nose against my cheek.

"Start what?"

"Trying for a baby."

"Oh, I don't know -"

"I'll be divorced in a month or so. I had an email from my lawyer. Brenda's attorney is telling her to take what she's getting and shut the fuck up. We can get married, say, in April or May, if that suits you."

"It does," I said, moving his hand away from my nipple, where he'd begun gently stroking.

"You're taking something, aren't you? Or using something?" he asked, his hand roaming to my thigh.

"Contraceptives? Yes. I wasn't going to stop until after we got married."

"Why not? It'll take a few months, probably, for you to get pregnant. And if it happens sooner, well, that'll be fine," he smiled, his mouth covering mine.

I caressed the back of his head, his neck. "Don't you want me to get established at the clinic?" I asked.

"Sure," he nodded, moving down to kiss my neck and shoulders. "But you'll have your whole pregnancy to do that."

I supposed he was right, but still . .

"You talked me into this baby thing, and now I'm anxious," he said by way of explanation. "You're going to be a wonderful mother."

"I hope so."

"I love you so much," he murmured. His fingers were now exploring my lady parts. I couldn't resist.

I woke before anyone else the next morning. I left Derek sleeping soundly, put on his old bathrobe, and went down to make coffee. In the dim morning light I spied heavy snow falling and shivered despite the warm air coming out of the vent at my feet. When the coffee was ready, I moved into the family room. Mercury had left a few plates and dirty napkins on the table, and a rumpled wool throw on the couch. I cleaned up the table and refolded the throw, asking myself why I was doing it since this wasn't even my house. I settled on the couch with the television remote and my coffee.

Keeping the volume low, I watched CNN's election coverage. The Iowa caucuses were this coming Tuesday; all the candidates frantically campaigning. I wouldn't admit that I was hoping to catch a glimpse of Trevor behind Kyle Banks. What was my problem? Derek had made such sweet love to me last night. Everything with him was so perfect and good. I'd never been treated with such love and consideration by a man.

Angry with myself, I changed the channel. An old black and white movie. Perfect for a snowy day. All I needed now was a soft kitty to snuggle with. Ah, Faldo. What was I going to do with him? Derek didn't seem to mind him but would he want me to bring him to live here? If not, what would I do with him? We'd never bonded, but I refused to dump him in a shelter. It wasn't his fault that his daddy, my ex, Julio, had abandoned him.

"You're up early," Derek said. I looked up to see him with coffee in hand, wearing flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. He sat beside me on the couch and put an arm around my shoulders.

I leaned into him; he felt warm and wonderful. "I needed coffee," I said.

"Glad we don't need to go anywhere. You see the snow?"

I nodded. "Yes. Is there a lot?"

"Looks like six inches or so. They're predicting eight or nine."

"Maybe we could build a snowman when it stops," I teased him, looking up into his face.

"You're silly," he smiled, and we kissed.

Oh my. How good it felt being here, safe with someone who loved me, someone warm and gentle and amazing.

"Did you hear Jonas come in last night?" he asked me.

"No. Is he here?"

"Yeah, came staggering home about three. Loaded. I had to help him up the stairs."

I'd slept through the whole thing. I must have been tired.

"Where does he go to college again?" I asked.

"Boston University. If he keeps this up, he won't be there for long," he said, shaking his head.

"Is he having trouble?"

Derek took a deep breath. "He shouldn't be. He scored high on the LSATs, he's smarter than shit. But he likes to party. He's already been warned. He'll never get into a better law school if he fucks things up here."

"What are you going to do?"

"I've talked to him. He has this way of tuning you out. He has to decide for himself. I can't do it for him."

While I agreed with him, I couldn't help thinking there had to be a way to reach the boy. But I kept my mouth shut.

"At least he came here," Derek went on. "He knows it's a safe haven."

"He wouldn't go to his Mom's?"

He laughed. "From what I understand, she and cabana boy are shacked up in a two-room studio apartment until the divorce settlement comes through."

"I thought she'd already got money from you," I said, looking up at him.

"She did, but I'm pretty sure she's holding out to see what she'll end up with. She'll want to get a place in some artsy district so be near 'her people,' as she says. She always wanted to host salons and be the doyenne of the avant garde art scene."

"Having her own gallery wasn't good enough?" I asked with a laugh.

"Yeah, that," he sighed, shaking his head. "My attorney is trying to get her to agree to take full ownership of it if she'll relinquish her share of my clinic. But I don't think even she's stupid enough to go for that. Although the gallery has been such a money pit I've been able to claim it as a loss on my taxes."

"I just hope it's resolved soon," I said, sipping my coffee, which had gone cold.

"Me too. I want to marry you before you change your mind."

I moved to get off the couch, but stopped to touch his knee. "I'm not going to change my mind. You need more coffee?"

"Sure, if you're waiting on me," he offered his mug.

I went into the kitchen but the coffee pot was empty. I ground more beans and started a fresh pot, and while I waited I took a better look at the snow. It seemed to have let up a little, but there was plenty of it. I wondered if Derek shoveled his own walks and driveway or if he hired someone to do it. Maybe that would be a good job for his son.

"Coffee ready?" I heard a male voice, and turned to see a young man I assumed to be Jonas.

"Almost," I nodded.

"Cool," he shoved his hands in the pockets of a brown plaid bathrobe, not unlike the ratty one of Derek's that I wore. He was tall, like his father, with dark thin hair and a measly little goatee or something - it was so indistinct I couldn't tell what look he was going for. His eyes, brown like Derek's, were bleary and bloodshot.

"I'm Shiloh," I offered him my hand, and he took it in a firmer grip than I expected since he looked like hell.

"Nice to meet you," he said, nodding. "So you're for real."

I smiled. "Yes, you thought your Dad made me up?"

"Maybe," he said, and yawned. "I didn't even think he cared about women. I mean, you know. He's married to his work."

I nodded. "I'm his dirty little secret, out in the open at last."

"Yeah?" he gave me a grin. "How long's this been going on?"

"Couple of years now," I answered, and poured him a mug of coffee, then refilled mine and Derek's. "We're in the family room, if you'd like to join us."

He followed me, and Derek regarded us with a surprised look as we came in. I sat next to him while Jonas took a recliner and kicked it back.

"I thought you'd sleep all day," Derek said to his son.

"Me too. But I woke up and thought, 'fuck it,' and here I am."

"Good thing you did," I said, " because when your sister gets up I'm making a fabulous breakfast."

"Yeah?" he brightened.

I nodded. "Pancakes, bacon, eggs - the works."

"Then screw her, let's eat now," he said.

"I think that's a great idea," Derek chimed in.

"No, this was her idea," I told them. "And I'm not cooking twice. So you two can wait."

"Shit, Dad," Jonas smiled over his coffee, "why couldn't you find someone who was more of a doormat?"

Derek gazed at me. "Doormats are boring. I found someone with brains and beauty. I'm the luckiest man alive."

I reddened a little.

"You're embarrassing her," Jonas pointed at me, but he thought it was funny.

"Sorry, my love," Derek pulled me close. "But it's true."

"Speaking of true, Mercury says you guys are having a baby. Is that true?" Jonas wanted to know.

"Yes," Derek answered at once. "I mean, she's not pregnant, but we plan to have a child once we're married. Does that bother you?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. It's just kind of weird."

"I don't want you to feel weird about it," I told him. "You'll always be Derek's children, you and your sister. He loves you both."

Jonas looked bored with my sappy pronouncement. "What's going on today? I mean, after we get this fabulous breakfast that will probably never materialize."

"Nothing at all," Derek said. "Any ideas?"

"I already told you what I want to do," I nudged him.

"What? Build a snowman?"

I nodded. "Yes, it'll be fun. I hope you have carrots."

Jonas laughed. "I'll help you do that."

"Great!" I stuck my tongue out at Derek.

He rolled his eyes. "All right, you two can bond over a snowman. Otherwise, I'm thinking about doing some work before tomorrow. We'll be tied up in the board meeting most of the morning."

I had a feeling of dread even though I'd made him think I had no fear of his board giving me the third degree.

"Please don't work," I said, pushing my face into his chest. He touched my shoulder and squeezed.

"Yeah, Dad, if you're going to keep a sexy wife happy you'd better wise up."

Derek tipped my face up to his and spoke while he looked into my eyes. "You're both right. I'd rather spend time with this woman I love."

"Barf," Jonas said, making a rude hacking sound.

"You've had girlfriends," Derek reminded him.

"I didn't love any of them."

"Well, when you do, you'll understand."

Jonas put down the recliner and leaned forward, sliding his empty coffee mug onto the table. "Where's Mercury, anyway? I should go wake her up. I'm hungry."

"Go ahead," Derek encourage him.

So Jonas got up and left us.

"Will she get mad?" I asked Derek.

"Yes," he said without hesitation. "But we need a little excitement around here."

"Mmm, I thought last night was pretty exciting," I whispered in his ear.

We started kissing, until we heard yelling from upstairs. A few minutes later, Jonas returned to the family room.

"She's up," he announced, dropping into the recliner again.

The kids were suitably impressed by the breakfast I fed them. Fat, fluffy pancakes, perfect fried eggs, crispy bacon and hash browns. Mercury's bad mood dissipated as she stuffed her face. I was happy to see her eating well. The girl was way too skinny.

After I cleaned up the dishes with Derek's help, I went upstairs to change into clothes suitable for snowman building. When I returned in boots, ski pants, and a sweater, Jonas met me in the entryway in his winter things.

"Got that carrot?" I asked him.

He held it up.

"Good man," I nodded, and we went outside.

A few wisps of snow still fell, but a weak sun shone overhead and it wasn't as cold as I'd expected.

"Should we clean the sidewalk and driveway?" I asked him.

"Nah," he shook his head. "There's a guy who comes and does it. He does all the houses in the neighborhood. Unless you want to go somewhere?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm good. Where are we going to put this bad boy?"

"Out here on the corner," Jonas stomped through the snow, pointing toward the corner of the yard. Our snowman would be visible to anyone driving by on the main road of the neighborhood.

"Okay," I agreed.

And we got to work. It had been years since I'd made a snowman; it was a lot of work. When the snowball got too heavy for me to push, Jonas took over and easily rolled it to its resting place.

I was sweating. I stood watching him work, effortlessly, creating our icy man.

"So you're in law school," I said casually as we scavenged for small tree branches to use as arms.

"Yeah," was all he said.

"What kind of lawyer do you want to be?"

"Criminal. Defense attorney."

"Cool," I nodded, perusing a branch I'd found.

"That'll work," he said. "What about you? Doctor? Overachiever?"

I laughed, following him back to the snowman. "Why overachiever? Because I'm a woman?"

"Well, yeah," he said, pushing the branch into the snowman. He turned it so we could put an old glove over the end. "I don't mean to be sexist, but most girls I know in law school are there to prove something."

I wanted to retort, but I wanted more to find out why he believed that. "Give me an example," I said.

He rested his hands on his hips, regarding our creation, then me. "They talk about how no one took them seriously until they got into law school, like they're defying people who doubted them. Is that what you did?"

"Not exactly," I answered. "I did it to be free from my family, really. I was determined to have a profession that made me fully independent."

"Same thing," he shrugged.

"No, it's not," I disagreed.

He wiped his nose with the back of his glove and sniffled.

"I didn't care about proving anything," I explained. "The only person I wanted to prove anything to was myself. That I could do it. And as hard as it was, I did it."

"You know what my Mom says about you?"

"She doesn't even know me," I said, keeping my voice calm.

"She says you're after Dad's money, you want to get in with him at the clinic so you can be a big shot nephrologist like he is."

"Sounds like she's got me all figured out," I said with a sigh. "Go on, give him some eyes."

He turned to the snowman and added the facial features with things we'd scrounged out of the junk drawer in the kitchen. "I didn't say I believed that," he told me.

"Just so you know, I left a great position in Seattle. I'd just been taken into a research program and got a big pay increase. Without any help from your Dad."

"Well, just so you know, Mom's not jealous. She's only interested in the money."