The Beginning...

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She wakes to her dark angel.
800 words
3.91
17.4k
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Note: Hi. This is my first ever piece of writing so I hope it's not too lame. I've left it on a cliff-hanger because I really wanted to get some feedback before I kept writing... so any comments you may have would be much appreciated! Thanks

Oh yeah- All characters aged 18 or over...

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Her heart stopped.

As she savoured that last heart beat the evening flashed before her. It was so quick.

And then she gasped. She drew in a breath, and then another and slowly realised that she was breathing. She didn't know how, but it made no difference. She was breathing.

She sat up startled, brushed her long brown hair out of her face and blinked a few times.

"Baby, you're awake," she heard a voice behind her say, and turned to see a handsome man she didn't recognise sat in an arm chair in the corner of the dimly lit room. He stood up and it was then that his height and build became noticeably intrusive, giving him an air of strength and power that she found concerning but strangely attractive.

As he moved towards the young girl she panicked. She frantically moved to her feet only to find her legs unable to support her, collapsing. Within a fraction of a second the man had moved to her side, catching her before she hit the floor. He laughed affectionately as the girl blushed in embarrassment.

"It's okay my sweet, you are still weak." He said lifting her up carrying her over to his armchair, sitting down with the girl on his lap. She struggled with him a little, still confused, but he just remained silent, gently holding her to him patiently until she gave in and collapsed into his arms.

He began rolling up his sleeve. "You must be hungry. Here." He placed his wrist up to her mouth. She looked blankly at him. "Don't be shy... its okay." He smiled back at her. Gingerly she placed her lips against the strangers wrist and felt a tension in her mouth as for the first time, a set of fangs appeared and broke the mans skin, sinking into a vein. He gasped. She freaked. She wanted to pull away but she couldn't. She didn't understand what was going on, but for some reason her body would not allow her to move away. Instinctively she began to suck. She could taste him. His warm blood began to seep through her body, soothing her, relaxing her like a good Whiskey on a winter's night, only more intoxicating. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the man's chest. He gently cradled her in his arm and she drank from him. She drank until finally her body let go and she could pull away.

He didn't have to say a word. She knew what was coming. The hard bulge in his pants gave it away easily enough and she knew she only had one option, to submit. Slowly she slipped off his lap and knelt between his legs as he unzipped his pants and slid them down with his boxers. She leaned in and began kissing the head of his cock as her hand worked its way down his shaft. He stroked her head, moving her hair behind her ears to watch as her mouth slowly engulfed the head of his cock.

"Mmm, good girl," he moaned softly as she began sucking, letting her tongue work over his cock, massaging him in her mouth. Slowly he began putting a little pressure on her head. She obeyed and allowed his cock deeper into her mouth, expecting him to ease up. She kept working down until his cock hit her throat and she began to gag, pulling away, only to feel his hand pressed down, a little firmer on her head. She struggled with him, scratching at his leg but he pushed at her harder, composed but moaning quietly as his cock pressed hard against her throat, slipping down a little. Her eyes began to water and she struggled harder about to be sick when finally he yanked her off his cock by her hair.

"Strip," he muttered. She looked up at him reluctantly, pleadingly. "Strip," he said again, a little firmer in tone, a frown appearing on his pale, sharp face. She looked to the floor and shook her head. He raised his hand and slapped it across the girls face causing her to fall back and whimper softly. "Do no disobey me Anne. You would be dead if it weren't for me," he muttered again in his usual composed tone. He leaned into her and she flinched, but he merely stroked the girl's hair. "Now you will strip, please."

Slowly, trembling, the girl began to remove her clothes...

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7 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
i liked it.

i'm not sure when you posted it, or if you still care to, but i would love to read more of it. please.........pretty please........with ice cream, and sugar, and a cherry on top?

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago

sttttttttttuppppppppppppppppppppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 15 years ago
it was ok

I didn't like the ending. He's supposed to be this nice gentle vampire maybe but he hits her for being embarressed??? It doesn't go well with the rest of the story. but it was a good beginning and very good for a first time.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Not bad with a lot of potential

Not shabby at all. Plot wise was quite intriguing. Writing wise a bit bumpy but easily remedied with an ed. Oh, welcome by the way and thank you for entertaining us.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Nice first try

You have a nice sense of pacing. The first sentence hooked us in. Your story and characters are interesting. Your grammar and sentence structure needs work. Get an editor, so that it can be an enjoyable read.

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