The Beginning

A transformation is occurring, and I have decided to maintain a record of it. This is my first story, so please be gentle in the comments. If I'm lucky, I'll have more to write about soon.

All past partners are melding into a single memory of that which was before him. In order to see the General, I have to promise not to have sex with him. It's an awful exchange, because he knows how badly I need to see him. He is in control, but he doesn't seem to know it.

The first time we were together, he fingered me to the brink of orgasm for ninety minutes. The next day, I couldn't pee until after lunch -- every time I even thought about using my pussy, my Kegels would clench and my thighs would tremor. The morning after, he let me suck his dick in thirty-second increments until he filled my mouth with so much cum it spilled out of my lips. He didn't scold me, but I was ashamed. I promised never to let that happen again as I rubbed my clit to two orgasms in an airport bathroom. My desire for him only deepened.

The BDSM section of the small adult store in my neighborhood was never more than the shelf before the thick, brown dildos. Overall, the genre never elicited my attention beyond an occasional glance. I had experimented with light bondage as a dominant, still, belts and handcuffs had somehow escaped my sexual repertoire. I had certainly never been interested in being spanked before. So why, lying naked on top of his hot, dark body, was it all I could think about? He is known for denying me, so I breathe deeply to control the excitement growing in my chest and pussy.

"Do you want to spank me?"

"We can try it," he replies casually.

As I walk over to his pants, my pussy continues to swell. I don't want him to think I'm some kind of freak, and I'm beginning to think I should back out before revealing myself as a deviant. I already worry that he mistakes my love of his dick for a universal appreciation of the organ, that he's unaware how the specific chemical makeup of his precum makes me salivate in ways that are difficult to hide. I free his black leather belt from the belt loops and hand it to him.

"How do you want me?"

"On all fours," he answers.

"On the floor or on the bed?"

"On the bed."

I wish he would command me. Still, I kneel on all fours. I feel the head of his dick graze my pussy as he positions his body behind me. It feels like my heart is beating somewhere else, outside of my body. Is he aware of how exposed I feel? I hear the belt buckle jingle as he situates it in his hands. I lean forward, exposing myself further and brushing my extremely hard nipples brush against the rumpled sheets. Time stands still when the General is not touching me. I can waste hours fantasizing about him inside of me, taking control of me, holding my wrists above my head as my body moistens and welcomes his perfectly sculptured cock. I force myself to not think about what I know is not coming.

The first hit is mild, but the second lands in the same spot with more force. I feel my pussy start to throb, but I delay touching myself for as long as I can. The strikes continue. Occasionally, he massages the pain around my ass and back, avoiding contact with my pussy. The shock and sting made me clutch the sheets.

"You're turning red."

I need to cum badly. The General doesn't like it when I beg him to fuck me. I move my knees apart, spreading my labia open to remind him he can have as much of me as he wants. He ignores me. But he is enjoying himself. I can hear his soft groans over my own as he continues to spank me, and the more I get the more I need. I give in to myself, cupping my pussy in my left hand. I can feel the wetness pour from my pussy onto my fingers. I plunge three fingers inside, grinding my clit against the palm of my hand. My ass is on fire but I love it. He is so sexy. Why won't he fuck me? I alternate between staring at his dick bob between my legs and closing my eyes, wishing he would bury himself inside of me.

"Say you like it."

I do. I like it. I tell him so. The sound of his voice pushes me over the edge. Just as I think the need to have him inside of me is more than I can bear, my body responds to his presence, his scent, and the continued impact of the belt against my burning flesh. I cum harder than I have in years, maybe than I ever have before. Relief washes over me. I want to cry, but I can't reveal that level of weakness. I'm sure the General already knows my secret - I've surrendered myself to him completely. He can do -- or not do - whatever he wants to. I am completely vulnerable and burning hot. If he wanted to fuck me now, I wouldn't be able to take him.

I turn on my knees to face him as fast as I can, swallowing his dick to his balls, emitting muffled moans as I impale my throat on his cock. He continues to spank me while I push my face forward and back, savoring his taste and length as his pubic hair tickles my nose. He pumps back. I am doing things I couldn't have imagined doing a few weeks ago, things that I now initiate and crave. He won't fuck me. I try not to visualize who he is fucking. Is she more passionate? More beautiful? I suck harder.

"Shit. Shit. Shit."

He empties his dick into my mouth, but I keep going. If I swallow him, will he think I'm nasty? If I open my mouth and show him how happy it makes me to bathe my tongue in his cum, would he be turned off? I like to feel him spasm and soften, even as my pussy burns from unfulfilled desire. I'll wait for him to fall asleep before touching myself again.