The Best Gag

A Far Shore Story

Oscar was positively overwhelmed by the number of people on the convention floor. He had been told by his friends the dealers' room would be packed but it had been hard to grasp just how dense the crowd would be until he was there. After nearly twenty minutes of being dragged along by the flow of the room, the nerd climbed out of the press of people and tried to catch his breath in the back corner of the room.

"Greetings!" said a bright voice to his left. "See anything you're interested in?"

The lady working the booth he found himself standing next to was smiling at him. She was cute, with dark, frizzy hair that framed her square, over-sized glasses. Through the glare on the lenses, her eyes seemed to be glowing, but that had to just be a trick of the light. She was wearing a light-purple shirt which was much too big for her, the wide collar hanging off one sun-kissed shoulder. She seemed to be wearing a tank top beneath it. A seven-pointed star inscribed within a circle was splashed over the other side of her top in silver. A pair of faerie wings hung loosely off her shoulders by two straps. The stall behind her was filled with so many things that he could not focus on just one of them. The only things which stood out were the collection of non-descript brown paper bags on the back table.

"I... I'm just looking," he stammered, not sure what else to say.

"Oh. Okay," she said, her voice less cheerful. "Well, if you see anything..."

Oscar went to thank her but she was already conversing with another couple standing near the other corner. She had not wasted any time sinking her fangs into another pair of potential customers. Though, now that she was not standing over him, Oscar could actually take stock of what she had available. Apparently, the bags contained a collection of random things worth about what their asking price was... perhaps even more. He was feeling lucky despite also feeling trapped so he flagged the clerk down once she was done with the couple.

"Hello again," she said with honey in her voice again. "Did you find something of interest?"

"Yeah, can I get one of those bags?" Oscar asked, offering her a couple of bills.

"Oh, the grab bag?" She turned to grab one and winked as she turned back around to hand it to him. "Hoping to court fortune are we?"

"Oh, um," he blushed and stammered. "No, nothing like that. Just so overwhelmed that something simple is really appealing."

"I'm sure." She put her hands on the table and leaned forward as if appraising him. The collar of her shirt dropped away, giving him a glimpse of her cleavage. She was far more busty than she appeared to be and had tan lines along the curve of her breasts that gave him a hint as to what her top had looked like. "This your first time at a con?" she asked, seeming to ignore where his eyes were focused.

"Yeah," he said, snapping his gaze up before he looked away. He could feel a tiny bit of heat in his cheeks. "I've, uh, never done anything like... this, y'know? I always feel so small in crowds. Maybe if I was bigger, that would be less of an issue."

"I see," she said. Her brow furrowed and she seemed to pout before pushing off the table and looking around as if to gauge the interest of those walking past her table. With her hand on her hip, he got the distinct impression she had an hourglass figure hidden beneath her long top. Each thing he noticed made her just a little bit hotter and it was hard to ignore the heat spreading in his pants. When she turned her attention back to him, she raised an eyebrow as if she was aware of the effect she was starting to have on him.

"Well?" she asked, "What'd you get? Since this is your first time, I'll give you another bag if that one's terrible."

It turned out the bag contained a shirt for a show he liked, though it was more than a couple of sizes too big. It also had a couple of manga he had been meaning to pick up and a couple of blind boxes for a series he had never heard of. Slipped between the books was a card with some symbols written on it. The text was bright pink on a black background.

"Hey," he asked, figuring she would know. "What's this mean?"

She squinted at the card and then laughed. "It's supposed to be a charm for masculine power or something like that, but the characters aren't exactly correct. Heck, for all I know, it might even say it'll grow your dick and balls or blow you up into Conan. We got a few as part of some promotion for some fighting game I never heard of but, all of the characters look like they stepped right out of JBA."

Grow his dick? In spite of himself, Oscar was intrigued. He had always felt like he was on the small side. If this really did something so ridiculous, that might not be so bad. "If it's supposed to cause a change, how's it work?"

She put her hand out and he passed her the card. The clerk flipped it over in her hands as if reading the tiny print on the back. "It says it has a keyword that activates it, though doesn't say what. So I imagine if someone says the word near you while you're holding it then it's effect will happen." The woman passed the card back. "It's just a gag, really. Might be worth something in a year if the game takes off."

Oscar tucked the card into his pocket and thanked her for the answers before heading back into the crowd. A gag, huh? As he tried to make it back to the main area, however, he started to feel pricks of heat against his crotch. He figured it was his phone and ignored it. Only, the spikes grew more frequent. Slowly, he began to associate the spikes with a few words he kept hearing in the sea of people. Was it the card reacting to its keyword? Which was it? 'Fire' had seemed common. As had 'leather'. Was it more a phallic word, like 'cucumber' or something?

He stumbled into a side room which was mercifully empty. Oscar tried a few words to no avail, and yet, his pants did feel tighter. It was starting to look like this charm was not a gag. Desperate to know what was going on, he made a bee-line for the bathroom. The spikes of heat returned as he swam through the sea of people, growing more frequent and more insistent. By the time he got to a stall, it felt like he had a warm massager against his thigh.

Pulling his pants down, considerably more penis than before sprang up to tent his underwear. With one hand, Oscar hesitated before gripping his throbbing shaft through the fabric and confirmed it was not some illusion. He had to be twice as big as before, a fact confirmed by gripping the rest of his cock with his other hand. His heart began to race, and that extra blood flow encouraged further growth. He could feel his trimmed pubes growing into a bush once more as a tickling sensation rose from his boxers. He hurried to stuff more than two handfuls of cock back into his pants and decided to go back to the booth he got the card at to tell the clerk the talisman's effect was real.

"Guess it wasn't a gag..."

Back in the press of people, the heat returned. This time he could feel his clothes on the whole getting tighter. It felt like each step went just a little further. Each swing of his arms strained the sleeves and shoulders of his shirt. The waistband of his jeans began to squeeze his hips. He was starting to sweat like when he mowed the lawn. All the while, inch by inch, his dick was getting ever bigger. A quick glance down confirmed that his erection was visible now through his pants and getting steadily more so as he filled out all over. Forget telling the clerk the card was no gag, he had to get out of the hall and back to his room before he ended up naked in front of all these people!

However, moving with any haste was growing difficult as his physique started growing in earnest. In a matter of seconds, his biceps had swollen to a size that his upper arms, shoulders, and chest made it seem like he had as been a lifelong heavy-weight athlete. He could not believe how his forearms had thickened to Popeyesque size, nor could he believe how artfully hairy his arms had become. His stomach and waist had grown more than shrunk, but he could feel the same burn of muscle developing all the same. There was a gap now between his shirt and jeans, showing off his muscular gut and the unmissable trail of hair. To his surprise, even the crowd-warmed air felt cool against his sweat-soaked skin.

The talisman's effect had not missed leg day either it seemed. Between one step and the next, his expanding ass was large enough to pop a seam, even as the button on his jeans was torn off by the force of his widening hips. Not that his pants were going to fall down anyway. His ever more well-defined quads had pulled the rest of his jeans so tight they looked more like Spandex than denim. At the same time, his balls were getting in on the act. Squished together and forward by his ham-like thigh muscles, the soft skin of his burgeoning sack teased the underside of his almost knee-length dick. Just that vague stimulation was enough to push him towards the edge. A quick glance down confirmed that drops of pre-cum were already seeping through the distressed fabric, however, the elevator was only feet away.

The button was already lit as he approached and the read out overhead was only two floors away. Come on! Come on!

The seams in his shirt started to go. The sleaves separated from the rest of the top as his shoulders forced their way to freedom and his biceps soon dealt the finishing blow, causing the tortured cloth to drift to the floor. Up and down his sides, the growth of his muscles was bubbling up. The feeling of pleasure from his lower body growing against swelling member kept building until he was sure he would explode inside his pants—or through them.

The bell rang and the door opened just as he felt small kisses of cooler air his dick. He pushed the button for his floor and jabbed at the door close button. The moment the doors slid shut, his body widened far enough to tear the front of his pants apart. A forest of thick, dark hair had grown up from his crotch, although it seemed like this version of himself was proficient at manscaping. A moment later, his cock burst free from his ruined inseam. Unobstructed by denim, it sprang to attention before him, leading the way for balls that, from their hefty weight, had to have grown four times their size! In the silence, he could hear the dripping of pre-cum pouring out of his dick. The heat he associated with the growth dissipated, although his arm-sized erection did not. If anything, the much cooler air of the elevator was coaxing him to even greater heights of arousal. He watched, entranced, as his cock continued to become more and more super-human. Veins snaked and split and thickened until they wrapped around his shaft so that each beat of his heart made him gasp from the rush of stimulation.

He thought about gripping that meat and jerking until he emptied his new balls all over the polished walls of the elevator. That fantasy was replaced by the visual of that clerk on her knees before him, the glow in her eyes unquestionable through the glaze of his cum. His hand came up and gripped the base of his meat, his pubes like velvet agianst the heel of his hand. His shaft filled his grip the same way a twenty-ounce soda bottle would. Freaked out, he let out a sigh and stripped off his ruined clothes as he waited for the seven floors to pass. At least now the card was no longer on his person and he would stop growing. Then he saw something on his hip, the same symbols as had been on the card.

"The sigils of my spell will fade in a few days, human," said a voice from behind him.

He turned and standing there, watching him with a wide grin, was the woman from the booth--or at least it was someone wearing the same clothes as her. He could not recall if her lips had been that full. Her hair had not been quite so silky-looking or as long. There was no way her toned tummy would have been visible with how big her shirt had been. She was now busty enough that her cleavage pulled the low-cut collar tight around her much more toned upper arms. All of sudden, those pixie wings seemed awfully real for a costume accessory. Was she... Was she floating?

"Fancy meeting you here," she said, openly drinking in his cock and body. The grin on her face said she was enjoying what she was seeing. "It would seem that talisman worked, huh?"

"I thought you said it was a gag--" he began before feeling another tremor of growth. The spell's brand flashed in the reflection of the elevator wall.

"Oh it was absolutely a gag," she said over him. "My favorite one in fact." She giggled when he groaned in response to another throbbing growth spurt that pulled him off balance. He stumbled back into the elevator wall and realized the bar was hitting him in the thigh instead of the waist. How much taller had he gotten?

"This is absurd!" he stammered. "I can't--How--You have to fix this!"

"Not sure why you'd want me to," she said with a throaty purr. "You were the one who wanted to be big..."

"I did?"

"You told me you felt small, so I fixed that for you with my little... gag of a blessing. Either way, yes, I can undo it--for a fee."

He suddenly surged larger and gained both a foot of height and width, destroying what remained of his clothes and leaving him naked before her. "Please, I'll do anything!"

"Oh, I'm sure you will," she cooed. "Here's the deal, stud. You work for me tonight, and we don't stop fucking until I am satisfied. If you can keep up with me, I'll consider your debt paid and I will shrink you down as much as you like. Sound good?"

The elevator dinged, they were on his floor. "And if I can't? Keep up, I mean?"

She tossed him the shirt from the bag. "Then I hope you'll get used to working for me, lover boy."

Not sure what else to do, he pulled the shirt on. It a perfect fit now.

"Lead the way, human."

As he led her to his room, one question remained. "What was the keyword?" he asked.

"Gag, obviously," she said, fluttering inside as his body began to throb again. "Now, why don't you show me the other meaning of that word?"

Maybe it was just that moment, maybe it was another effect of the talisman's brand, or maybe it was all the extra testosterone in his system but, whatever the reason, the implications of phrase made him hornier than ever before. There was no knowing what tomorrow had in store for him, but right now he was eager to find out just how much of a stud he had become... And it that was not enough, he could always pull a gag on the faerie.