The Butterfly

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A long rambling personal story of wives and lovers.
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Fact or fiction? Fiction mostly, but ... well, think what you like.

IT'S a long time ago now, but the nineteen-seventies is an era that remains fresh in my mind as if they were last year. We thought it a time of great change, with the so-called 'free love' phenomenon a huge seismic shift in social attitudes, a shift which we considered unique. In reality, it was just a one on the Richter scale and no greater than the many decades since. Perhaps it was simply that we were undergoing change - personally that is. Getting married and having children is probably as big a change as you get. But we didn't miss out on sexual freedom because of it. This is our story:

We were married at quite a young age; me 23 with my bride even younger at 18. We were married after a very short relationship, just four months, with our first child already conceived. It was 1969 and pregnant brides were not an unusual occurrence then and even less so these days with more options for girls in such circumstances. Firstly, sexually active girls now find it much easier to avoid unwanted pregnancies in the first place with the pill for prevention, and for the really desperate, an after-the-event termination.

None of that was available to us then, though I can now say with benefit of hindsight; thank goodness, as it has all turned out well. Secondly, a child 'out of wedlock' does not carry the stigma it once did, with plenty of single women making a deliberate lifestyle choice to be single mothers.

In the sixties, contraception was basically limited to a condom (usually only obtainable via an embarrassing encounter with the chemist shop girl), or the withdrawal method. Both relied largely on the male to ensure compliance and protection, and as anyone can tell you, in the heat of passion, even the most reliable males can be very unreliable. Such was I, and the resultant marriage was one commonly referred to as a 'shotgun marriage' for reasons obvious to most people.

Fortunately, my in-laws were understanding and very supportive of our circumstances facilitating a quick marriage. And I mean quick! Even though Hayley was not yet even three months gone, we had a white wedding, church service and a reception to follow. Many friends and relatives who were not aware of our circumstances were surprised when we had our first child only seven months later. Premature? Yes, you could say that!

I'm also very pleased to tell you that the young 18 year old girl whom I married then is still my wife today, and that the unplanned pregnancy resulted in our first beloved child now 38. Two years later, an equally loved sibling followed. We had become a nuclear family; two plus two.

Our marriage had its little ups and down as most do, though mostly ups, and here we are today settled into a comfortable domesticity, close to both our children and probably closer to each other now than we have ever been.

But let me tell you a little more of Hayley: She was not a beauty in the classic sense, but she was certainly attractive, and I found her desirable. She lived at home in suburban middle class circumstances, and although it was mostly a loving environment for her and her older and younger siblings, there were tensions; her mother and father did not enjoy a happy marriage. Hayley would tell you that it was often a stressful place where she remained on edge because of her father's moods, moods that often result in verbal and occasionally even physical violence against her mother. I think such an environment resulted in her passiveness and a predisposition to avoid conflict.

As a very young girl, she had apparently been a little on the plump side, but that changed as she blossomed into maturity. When I first met her, she was slim, about five foot two, long dark hair, blue eyes and fair complexion, small breasted (ah, my preference), and took pride in her appearance. She tended to wear the very short skirts and dresses which were a fashion of the sixties and which occasionally gave you the tantalising flash of white panties (if you were careful to watch for it that is). I suppose that sounds a bit tame today, but then it was erotic pure and simple and it used to drive my hormones wild.

Even though she was just 18 when I met and married her, Hayley was not a sexual innocent. She may have appeared the virgin goodie-goodie type, but she had lost 'that' years before during sexual encounters with a couple of high school boyfriends when she had 'gone all the way'. Upon leaving school and starting work at age 16, she had an older boyfriend of driving age (who had a car), and sex was a regular part of their relationship. This of course was academic to me as I wasn't even on the scene at the time, but Hayley subsequently told me all this on an occasion when I asked out of curiosity.

In the two years prior to meeting Haley, I was overseas completing my Military Service. We went there as the 'The Virgin Soldiers' but quickly learnt what a wild time could be had for young lads who finds themselves to be 'cashed-up' soldiers in a third-world country where anything went.

A boozy night out at our preferred bar a few miles out of camp was almost always followed by a visit to The Butterfly, our preferred house-of-ill-fame, where the madam would parade a dozen of her girls for our selection. The girls were young, mostly attractive, compliant, and available for a relatively small amount of money. Most did not speak English so, apart from a smile, there were none of the usual niceties such as a friendly conversation, just straight up to her room for a pure uncomplicated unadulterated fuck! I think they call that a symbiotic relationship, we both worked hard to give each other what we wanted; me sex and she money, with the concept of exploitation never entering my head.

Thinking back, what amazes me about those times is that I never used a condom or ever withdrew before ejaculation. A few of my mates wore a condom, but even then, only for their protection. Venereal disease, mostly gonorrhoea was around, not epidemic mind, but occasionally someone would be 'pissing razorblades'. I was dumb enough to have no fear of this but lucky enough never to catch a dose, and those that did would go along to the RMO for a course of penicillin shots which quickly cleared it up. Of course this was before such life-threatening diseases as HIV.

Occasionally I think of those girls and feel a nagging guilt. Leaving my seed in so many in such a care-a-less way makes me wonder what may have happened to them, but there's no way to ever know. Perhaps not knowing is better.

I first met Hayley through mutual friends soon after my discharge from the Army. She was still going out with the boyfriend with the car (a much better one than the one I owned incidentally) but I soon discerned her interest in me.

One evening, a small group of us were playing a ball game on a local sports oval adjacent to where Hayley lived. As it got dark, the others drifted off one-by-one leaving just Hayley and me. I recall that she threw the ball and I caught and ran with it. She chased me (as I had hoped she would), and eventually caught me (as I intended she should). We both fell to the ground mock-fighting for the ball, and my hand 'slipped' and found its way to her small firm breasts and in a just few moments I had her practically naked and I, that is we, were having sex for the first time. It was like The Butterfly really, it happened as easily as that.

Within days the boyfriend was dumped and our relationship continued. From then on, Hayley and I saw each other daily, and hardly a day passed when I didn't enjoy her small firm breasts usually culminating in intercourse. It was the climax of my day -- no pun intended. I was still not wearing a condom, nor did I withdraw.

***

HAYLEY did not work in the early years of our marriage as we had two pre-school children to care for and, with shift work and overtime, I made good money. Our neighbourhood at this time was one of those 70's estates, all new houses and young families. We made friends with our neighbours and through work social events, with work colleagues and their partners too. Shift work was okay but it involved either going to bed early for an early get-up, or working all evening and getting home very late.

Although we shared a marital bed, Hayley and I often slept in it at different times, though she never rejected my late night advances if I woke her in a stimulating way.

Often, if our shifts ended at the same time, I would go for a beer - or several - with a workmate, Lenny, older than me by a few years. Hayley and I had socialised a little bit with Lenny and his wife Jane, but more often it was just he and I having a drink after work. Lenny was a bit of a larrikin, a ladies man. He was also a more seasoned drinker than I and much less cautious about driving after a skinful than I. If it had been a particularly heavy session, I would suggest that he drop me off on his way home. I would somehow collect my car the following day. This was never a problem to him, it was on his way home and it suited me.

One evening late, we both arrived at my house a little worse for wear to find Hayley still up, but in her dressing gown ready for bed. With the boldness of several beers in him, Lenny pulled Hayley toward him, sat her on his lap and said

"C'mon here; let's have a feel of those lovely little tits I've heard about".

Had I ever mentioning this to him? I honestly couldn't remember. Hayley's first reaction was one of complete surprise;

"Lenny.....!" she exclaimed.

But in a second, as his hands boldly slipped into her gown to fondle her breasts, I saw a look in her eyes that I recognised: Lust.

I had no idea this would or could happen, but when it did I was surprised by my feelings, no anger nor jealousy, in truth I found it strangely arousing. Lenny was attracted to my wife. I didn't know it then, but that was the start of our open marriage.

I had to start work early the next morning. After Hayley had removed Lenny's hands from her breasts, she removed herself from his lap with pretence at shock and mock embarrassment. I suggested to Lenny that he should go, it was late, I had to book a taxi for a ride to work next morning and I needed a few hours sleep. Lenny though suggested another idea;

"Why don't I stay here on the couch, and you take my car in the morning?"

He was rostered off the next day.

"Save you a taxi fare." He added.

Such absences from home, I was to learn, were never a problem for Lenny's wife Jane, she would often get a phone call from him saying he was staying out, here or there. Jane knew he was an incorrigible but as long as she knew where he was, she seemed to enjoy the peace and quiet his absences brought her.

The next morning I was up with the alarm, showered and dressed and left for work in Lenny's car, leaving him asleep on the couch.

Before the car had warmed up, Lenny was not only enjoying the warmth of my bed but the warmth of my wife.

It was some time before I found out, but it slowly dawned on me that Hayley was having an affair - and doubtlessly with Lenny. Afterwards, I admonished myself for being so naive and clueless, but that was being unfair. Although there were little clues in her behaviour, and Lenny called around a little more often than he did before, it was not so obvious at the time.

One day without pre-planning it, I casually said to her; "I know about you and Lenny".

In an instant, the look on her face had confirmed my suspicions.

"You know?" She replied;

"No, I didn't really - well not until I just saw the answer in your face" I said adding "Now I know".

She was immediately all tears and apologies, and I could sense her relief as she confessed to me all that had happened. Lenny had entered our bed that first morning and she allowed him to stay. It went on from there. Lenny would know what shift I was on, and he would call around to see her in my absence. On each occasion, she did not resist his advances, but on each occasion she vowed that it would be the last.

One particular evening, he called around and she refused to open the door to him, but afraid that his knocking and pleading through the door was likely to alert neighbours or wake the children, she allowed him in. She then asked him to leave saying she would tell me if he didn't. Lenny replied;

"Okay, okay, I'll go ... just let me have a feel of those lovely little tits first".

Hayley was in the middle of ironing, and threatened to burn him with the iron if he came near her, but it was an empty threat, she couldn't do it. His hands went inside her gown and cupped her breasts and with that, her will to resist was gone. The iron was turned off and he had had his way ... again.

I knew what Hayley's feelings would have been as this was happening and why she continued to allow it to happen: it was because she couldn't stop. There were no feelings of love or affection for Lenny so it had nothing to do with making love, nor was it because her love for me was diminished. It was simply lust, an illicit fuck, no strings attached, and it was irresistible. I remembered that feeling from The Butterfly.

***

NATURALLY I confronted Lenny with the knowledge that I knew. He smiled and looked a bit uncomfortable, and he was obviously trying to gauge my reaction before saying;

"Sorry mate, but you'd have done the same if you were me",

I doubted that I would, nevertheless that night; we had a beer or several together.

There was no anger or animosity on my part towards him or Hayley, and after too many beers one night, he told me how "good she was", and that she was "always up for it", illustrating the point by telling me;

"Mate, I went around there one morning and she was making the bed. She was leaning over to adjust the bedding and I got a good flash of her panties, so I just rolled her onto her back, slipped them off and fucked her". "Sometimes I've gone there and had her stripped naked before I was even in the door, you only have to touch her tits and she's gone".

Men have been murdered for less than this, but I confess I liked his crude honesty and found his voyeuristic descriptions of my wife arousing.

Hayley and I would socialise with Lenny and Jane, they would come to our house or we to theirs, so as couples we came to know each other well enough. Of course, when the four of us were together, three of us had a little secret that one didn't know, or so I thought. I was to learn later that Jane almost certainly knew what had occurred between Lenny and Hayley, perhaps because she expected such a thing from her husband, or more likely, because he had told her.

Lenny and Jane had been married longer than we, and had a son, an only child who was already at primary school. Their marriage was not what anyone would call ideal, Lenny reserved the right to live his life as a single man when it suited him, but Jane had to be a dutiful wife and keep a home for him when he chose to return to it. For Jane, it was a case of keeping the peace, she had realised long ago that her husband would never change.

Jane was then about 27, a month or two older than me, She was a quiet and quietly spoken woman and well groomed ... well actually overly groomed, being meticulous about her appearance to the point of vanity. She had coiffured blond hair and was of slim build, a little too slim around the hips I thought. I like a woman to have a 'womanly bum' if you know what I mean, and Jane's figure had that slightly boyish look, though her well-defined breasts would have certainly assured anyone that she was indeed not a boy, and was nevertheless very attractive.

On one occasion that Hayley and I were invited to their house for the evening, Hayley could not go, I think due to one of our children being unwell, so I went alone. It became a bit of a drink-fest between Lenny and I, and although Jane shared a few drinks with us, she then excused herself and went to bed. We continued on until we were both quite intoxicated. It was late and it was my turn to request the couch. To my surprise, Lenny suggested;

"Why don't you go in with Jane and I'll take your car and go to Hayley? We might both get lucky".

There was no premeditation to this and neither wife was consulted, but in our condition, it sounded like a great idea.

Lenny left for my house and, I assumed, to a lustful welcome from Hayley, especially after what had already occurred between them, and more so since I was now condoning it. I meanwhile was left to announce myself to Jane in her bedroom.

I had never conceived of being in such circumstances and immediately started to get cold feet wondering if this was not such a good idea after all. How would Jane react? She may be offended, angry, insulted, or ... well, worse. But if Lenny was going to enjoy the delights of Hayley, I decided there was only one way to find out if it was going to be reciprocal and gently went to her room.

The door was just slightly ajar and I could see the room was in darkness. I opened the door and entered the room whilst quietly calling her name. Jane was awake and sitting up in bed anticipating my entry.

"I heard you two arranging this" she said, adding; "I've never done anything like this before, and I'm too scared to do anything with you right now".

I sat on the bed next to her and laid back, I knew exactly what she meant, saying;

"I've never done anything like this before either."

I reminded her that Lenny was at my house with Hayley and in all likelihood were 'doing it' right now, so why shouldn't we?

"I can't help that" she said, "I just can't do it, maybe some other time, I don't know, but not now".

Well, I took that as a maybe, a tantalising hope for the future, but of little consolation right now. I continued lying there with her, I still fully dressed, and the furthest anything went between us that night was conversation and a far-from-passionate kiss.

About an hour after Lenny had left for my house, the phone on Jane's bedside table rang. I was still right next to her and so could clearly hear the conversation; it was Lenny ringing from my house.

"It's me, how're you?" he said.

"Alright". Jane replied cursorily.

"Can I speak to Tom?" he said.

Jane simply passed the phone over to me.

"How d'ya go?" he said.

"Nothing happening here mate, we're just talking" I replied, adding, "best you come back with my car so that I can go home".

Ten minutes later, Lenny pulled up into the driveway, with a passenger; it was Hayley. They both came into the house, and it thankfully broke the ice. The girls ended up laughing at the situation we had placed them in, and though it may have been from embarrassment, no hard feelings were evident.

On the way home, I asked Hayley if anything had happened.

"Yes" she replied.

I should have simply left it at that I suppose, but I had to ask for the details.

"Well, we had sex. On the kitchen floor if you must know" she added.

After that night, I would occasionally call round to see Jane. Sometimes Lenny was there and I would see them both, have a beer with Lenny and go. But more often than not she was on her own. We would just have a coffee and chat but I never made a pass at her or suggested anything more than that. I doubted anything more would ever happen; she just didn't seem the type, though in honesty I remained hopeful. Then one evening, after sitting and chatting for a while, Jane surprised me saying;

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes?" I answered, though more as a question.

"Would you like to go to bed with me?"

Hopeful I might have been, but when she asked me that, it was still a surprise.

"Yes," I replied, though what I really meant was; "YES!"

"Okay, why don't we go into the bedroom" she said, and lead the way.

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