The Choice

Pet and I are relative new-comers to the D/s lifestyle. The disadvantages are obvious, but there are a surprising number of advantages, as well. We make our own rules, and don't have unrealistic expectations, or any regard for other people's notions of how we should live our lives. That said, it is still a learning curve, but we work on it together, because of our genuine affection for each other.

Punishment is a bit of a conundrum with Pet. She craves subservience, enjoys taking care of me, and truly is a pleasure to own; to such an extent that I really seldom find fault in her. Unfortunately that doesn't always work for her, because she wants to be challenged. I know that part of her will never feel as loved and centered as when she is being told she has fallen short, and that she must correct her behavior. Much of what I cherish about our relationship, and about Pet, is that she is strong, smart, and capable. Ironically, these are all things she wants to give up as a sub. All the traits I enjoy in a partner, who absolutely must be my equal.

I genuinely appreciate when she speaks her mind, and I value her opinion, especially as we enjoy the writing process, which is intricately intertwined with our experience of the BDSM part of our relationship. So I may be a bad master, valuing her strength and encouraging her independence, but I would not have it any other way. If she did not have the independence to act, to separate her desires from mine, and the free will to choose, I could not feel as comfortable with my role as master to her submissive. Tangled web. Challenging boundaries. But much as I encourage her independence, I also know that she wants to be reined in, circumscribed, encircled not just in my arms, but in our lives. We have only recently started a blog together, with equal access. I started an online conversation with another Dom, and she was upset about my post. I was responding to a comment about the allure of power, and the seduction of pain. I wanted to open a dialogue about this, as it is often on my mind. Pet took that askance, because of her trust in me perhaps, or maybe just because she was having a bad day. She could have talked to me about it, and that would have been fine, but instead she cut across our conversation and started scolding me. Almost immediately, she realized what she had done, and was terribly distraught.

I wasn't that concerned with it, except for the knowledge that it had skewed her sense of balance, and that she was now begging for my forgiveness. Even when I gave it, she could not let it go. To me, this was a clear indicator that she needed to be punished, to restore some sense of order from which she had slipped. But as I said, this is always a problem for her, because she likes to be disciplined. She also likes to be challenged physically, to be restrained, and pushed to the edge. And on any given day she would gladly choose, and even plead for the same acts that would be considered harsh punishment by others. Perhaps this is the masochist's conundrum.

She does, however, enjoy her Pet time; the hours of the evening when I can get home early, before she leaves for work. Time that she would prefer to start with waiting by the door for me on her knees, already collared, naked, or in her slave shift, a simple white robe I almost prefer to nakedness, because of the way it exposes and highlights her flesh. Sometimes she spends the whole evening on her knees, or if I have to work, curled at my feet. I know this is her touchstone time. I hate to take it away, since I enjoy it as well, but I also understand her desperate need to be disciplined, her ache to have our balance restored.

So I e-mail her from work. We have already exchanged a dozen e-mails with her apologizing, and me reassuring her. I do occasionally have to WORK sometimes, so I tell her finally that she will be punished when Daddy gets home, and that she should focus on what she did wrong. I tell her to think about what her punishment will be, and in the meantime, write me three Haiku poems, and post them on our blog, in apology.

Her post follows:

Daddy, please accept my apology, and the three Haiku you assigned. I will do better.

Apology

I am so sorry I must learn obedience He deserves better

Pet's Place

A pet has her place Master expects it of her Kneeling, and quiet

Communication Rules

My thoughts do matter And he will always listen But behind closed doors

She sends me the Haiku during the day, and I am impressed, as always, but I leave her waiting until I am almost ready to leave, when I send her four Tumblr pics, and tell her that she is to choose which punishment she will receive before going to work.

Now she is frantic, and begins texting me, begging and pleading with me to choose for her. I ignore her, and the next message asks when her punishment will take place, as she knows that our time together is limited. My reply is terse -- 'before you leave for work.' Which, to her, means that she will forfeit our quality time together.

When I get home, she is waiting by the door, wearing only her collar, face on the floor. She has been crying. She does not like to have to make choices, and I suspect she is hoping that the sight of her will distract me. She is quite naughty, really. But I know that it will leave her weepy and unbalanced for a week if we don't put this to rest.

"Did you decide on my penance?" she asks, when I do not express interest in her nakedness.

She does not move or raise her head. I know she is trying to shift the decision, to avoid my challenge to her. When I don't respond, she tries again. "Did you at least like my post?"

"Yes Pet, I thought the Haiku were very good. I will make a poet of you yet. But for now I will put you in the kennel for a while. You should think on what will happen when I take you out." I lead her to her cage. Alone time in her cage is not her preference, but it does put her in a better sub state of mind. Her kennel is in the basement, in the storeroom next to my desk. I can choose if I want to keep her company when she is kenneled, or can drape her cage, or even close the door and turn out the light, to leave her in solitude. This is extreme punishment for her, as she is afraid of the dark. We have discussed getting a dog, so friends will not wonder about the kennel and the collar and leashes, but I think it's better if we just keep the storeroom locked, and don't invite friends down to the basement.

"I will come back in a while. You will need to be ready to tell me which punishment you prefer when you come out of your cage." I push the door closed, and check e-mail, then surf for a bit. Less than an hour, but long enough that she has settled down, and stopped crying. I open the door and she looks up at me, her face still on the floor of the kennel, feeling very submissive. "Have you decided on which punishment yet, Pet?"

"Anything that makes Daddy cum very hard, and makes me feel less guilty..." She knows that this is a cop-out, but hopes that I will let her off the hook.

"Yes - but you must choose. It is part of the lesson." I know she is trying to abdicate the decision, but today I'm not buying it. This is the hard part of the punishment for her; what I do later she will enjoy. Choosing for us both -- that is more painful for her than the cane. She knows this, and knows that I know it. "You wanted to be in charge, and tell me what I should think, who I should talk to. I don't think you really want to be in charge, but now I have to do something you really dislike if you are to learn well, and for you, that means I must require you to choose."

Pet is desolate, but I steel myself, and warn her. "Crying in your kennel will not help. You know that."

She is sniffling, which I don't allow. "I am not, in fact, angry with you, or even upset. You have not disappointed me so much as you have disappointed yourself. I know that you crave boundaries, and need to push against them to know they are there. This is something that you want and need, and it is my job to provide it for you."

"I am glad you are not upset, Daddy, but it was very disrespectful of me to interrupt your conversation. I won't do it again. But you know I'm yours, my punishment should be your decision." She makes one more, last ditch effort, desperate to restore the command structure, to be safe in my control.

"Oh no. Your actions proved that you want to be in charge, so now you must decide. I have given you choices to make it easier, next time I may require you to provide the choices as well."

"Please stop saying that I'm in charge, Daddy? I said I was sorry..." I can tell that she finally realizes that she is already being punished, and this part she definitely does not enjoy. I know she wants to skip right to 'the good part' but I am not letting her off the hook just yet.

"After you finish your punishment, you can ask again. Now which one?" I ask again, in a voice stern enough so that she realizes we are not negotiating.

"The first picture, please Daddy?" Clutching at straws, she finally chooses what she thinks will please me the most, but I am careful to show no emotion.

"Yes Pet, since you are in charge, and must choose, I will do as you like. Now come out of your kennel, go upstairs and get my belt, and go to the couch. You know you will feel much better once you have been properly punished. Hurry up - it is not so long before your work, and I feel like I will want to fuck your little ass quite a while before I cum. And by the way, you will not be allowed the lube this time."

Naked and shivering already, she crawls out of the kennel, quickly retrieves my thick leather belt, and assumes the position she knows I intend. Bent over the couch, elbows on the cushions, legs spread, belt waiting on the arm of the couch. I leave her there for a few minutes, well aware that the longer I give her to think about it, the worse it will be. Also because I enjoy the sight of her there, the curve of her ass, and the fact that she has already spread her legs wide for me.

I know this is supposed to be the punishment, but we are both aware that it has already happened. During the actual sex act, there is little that I would do that she would really receive as punishment. I will, however, need to spank her a few times for good measure, and I know that will get her ready for what comes next. I walk up quietly, and see that she is ready, waiting, her head turned watching me, a slight smile rather than fear on her face as I approach, and stand between her legs. She closes her eyes when I pick up the belt. She cannot stay still if she watches, and she knows that I require it. I can see she is already damp, the lips of her pussy swollen. I step back and tell her that I am going to give her ten lashes, and will add more if she covers herself, or moves from her position. She nods, without opening her eyes, and grabs the back of the couch, bracing herself.

"Yes Daddy, I'm sorry you have to punish me, and I'm sorry I was bad. I'm ready now."

I take my time, counting before each stroke so she will know it is coming, letting the belt strike her back, lick her flanks, and the backs of her legs as well as her ass. I am using only half the length, as I am standing so close, and do not want the leather to turn edge on. She has picked my heaviest belt, and the edge could cut her skin at full stroke. I prefer to raise welts that show the outline of the tongue, sometimes even printing the tiny holes for the tab. She twitches after every lash, whimpering softly, but holds her position.

I know this is my duty, and that I must carefully administer her punishment. It also makes me very hard. She is well marked when I count the tenth, and lay a long lash straight up her back before dropping my trousers to fuck her as I have promised, and as I know she wants. I have not spared her, but as always, I watch her carefully, and know by the way she arches her back that she is enjoying this, and is ready for me.

I thrust my fingers roughly into my cunt, stealing the moisture already there, and smearing it between her cheeks. This is the not the time for tenderness, and she would perceive it as less than her due. My cock has been hard since before I picked up my belt, and I push hard against her tight rosebud for just a moment, letting her fear build. Pet has a love/hate relationship with anal sex, tolerating the initial pain because she knows what intense pleasure will follow.

I am not gentle entering her ass, and push my cock deep into her bowels. I see her grimace, turn her head, and a fine sweat glistens across the small of her back as I start to move, pushing deeper first to hear her gasp, then starting to pound into her with much less preparation that I would usually consider. I hold her hips tightly, with little regard for the welts I have just put there. The whimpers are a little louder now, but she still pushes back to receive me, grinding her ass against me, desperate now for release. Finally, the moment we have both been waiting for; Pet cries out, feeling pain and pleasure in equal parts now. I quickly loop the belt over her head, fitting it snugly in her mouth, ensuring her silence for the rest of the lesson. Now I fuck her ass with animal passion, my balls slapping her cunt rhythmically. She has had hours to look at the picture, imagining it happening to her. The act of being restrained alone is very erotic to her, so between that and the pressure of my cock deep inside her, Pet has found her sub space now.

She is so tight around me that I feel her cum again and again, the belt in her mouth rendering her incapable of even asking my permission. Finally, I can hold out no longer, and explode deep inside her. I know from her muted whimpers that she feels my cock pulsing, filling her with my seed. My legs are barely able to hold me up now, and I collapse onto the couch, but my first thought is for my Pet. I pull her into my lap, and cradle her in my arms, kissing her gently, and telling her how proud she has made me. Pet has learned her lesson, and we both feel better. Order is restored to our world, and she knows that she belongs to me, and always will.