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Click hereAunt Ivy - Rose's sister; Apollo's & Vesta's business lawyer, looks like porn star Syren De Mer
Uncle Dave - Lily's husband; Apollo's & Vesta's 1st Financial Adviser
Donna - Lily's older daughter, member of Apollo & Vesta's domestic staff, looks like Russian Adult Model Anita Silver
Denise - Lily's younger daughter, member of Apollo & Vesta's domestic staff, looks like Brazilian Adult Model Anielly Campos
Grandma Mary - Rose's mother, Apollo's and Vesta's accountant, looks like porn star Lisa De Leeuw
Grandma Barbara - Fred's mother, looks like porn star Veronica Hart
Aunt Ginger - Fred's sister, looks like Playboy Playmate Kelly Gallagher
Katherine - Ginger's eldest daughter, looks like Porn star Taylor Vixen
Karen - Ginger's daughter, looks like Russian porn star Candy Alexa
Kim - Ginger's youngest daughter, looks like porn star Alektra Blue
Uncle Tim - Ginger's husband, who is in public relations
Gertrude - Apollo's mother-in-law, looks similar to porn star Stormy Daniels
Amy - Apollo's wife who is 6 years older than Apollo, Gertrude's eldest daughter, looks similar to the porn star Ashlynn Brooke
Brenda - Amy's younger sister by one year, looks similar to the porn star Alexis Texas
Candace - Amy's younger sister by two years, looks similar to the porn star Alexis Ford
Donald - Amy's younger brother by four years, Vesta's husband who is one year younger than Vesta
Erica - Amy's youngest sister by five years, looks similar to the porn star Bree Olson
you could have made this easier to read by having it as an illustrated story with a picture from the web next to each woman as she was introduced to the story?
You had a great idea. Just slow down.
First, like another comment said, it would be nice if you took the time to describe your characters instead of just comparing them to porn stars. I only ever come here, not on a video site. Every reference flew over my head.
Moreover, you were rather matter-of-fact. Take the time to savor each event. If that means making a several-chapter series, do that. As it was, it felt like we were fast-forwarding through a long series of events without enjoying or processing them. Concentrate on how characters felt, not on just what happened.
You had a very unique idea. Just maybe cut down on the characters, take the time to describe those you keep, and slow down a bit.
First, none of those who left comments have attempted to write a story, so while it did need some proof reading and more description in the sex scenes, it wasn't as terrible as some of the comments left.
That said, there were several mistakes that needed to be fixed before publishing this story. The story was rushed and needed more development, particularly the ending with more description of the actual construction of the island, which I think was what most of your readers wanted.
As far as believably, I went to college and had a 10 year old with his nanny or mother sitting in my freshman year Calculus classes, so a Doogie Howser engineering student is not to unbelievable. As far as every woman being attractive and smart, I have read plenty of stories on this site that had this as a story element without this much vitriol from readers, usually what those writers did was do more description of each woman's physical attributes. As far as the writer's language, I have worked with Ivy League graduates who as engineers were brilliant but could not write a proper speech to save themselves, much less a story of this nature.
So, relax, get an editor and take more time if you need it to write a proper story.
As far as the rest of the losers who decided to assassinate this writer's character here is my challenge...write a story and leave your story open for comments. If you do not like incest stories then don't read them.
I do not recognize most of the names of these so-called porn stars, so telling me that so an so looks like some obscure porn actress , tells me less-than nothing. simplify the story a little bit and you might have a decent idea here, also, get real with the frequency of the sex.. no mere mortal male could perform that intensely or for that long