The Darkroom Ch. 01

Jeremy reshouldered his bulky camera bag and wound his way to the back staircase that led to the basement of Wilson Hall. He had two hours free, and with luck the darkroom would be his alone during that time.

He took a mostly forgotten stairway so he could avoid passing through the student publication offices. He wished that the basement didn't make him so nervous.

It didn't help that the former library had been retrofitted for offices over the decades and now resembled a human-sized rat maze, particularly on the lowest level. The first time he tried to find the men's room down there, he got so lost that he finally had to use the outdoor exit and start over again from the front of the building.

But the basement was the only spot for photojournalism students to develop film, so that's where he needed to be. The student publications had all converted to digital photography a few years ago, but the Photo J class was still holding out. This would be the last class that had to learn how to use fixer and developer and how to roll film in the dark or what the hell a stop bath was.

Jeremy was glad he got to take this class before it too converted. He loved this old fashioned way of creating images and seeing them form in front of his eyes. With digital, there was an instant gratification; if a shot didn't turn out, you just changed some settings and tried again. No blown assignments, no surprises, but also no magic.

Jeremy bounded down the stairs, pleased that he had avoided any awkward encounters this time. He just wanted to lose himself in the dark and watch his shots of the play's dress rehearsal come to life.

He spun around the corner at the bottom of the stairs and promptly found himself on his butt.

"Woah, hey there buddy." A tall, lean man with dirty blond hair and smiling brown eyes stood over him. "You okay?"

Jeremy's wind had been knocked out in the landing, but that wasn't the only reason he was having trouble breathing. He recognized the man above him as one of the editors, but he couldn't remember which publication. He did remember the hair, though -- blondish, spiked, something he wanted to reach out and touch. And now he'll always remember the view from the floor, up those long legs and well-fitting jeans. His gaze was caught at crotch level for a long moment until he heard a soft chuckle.

"Need a hand there?" The editor pulled him up with a quick tug, but he held on to Jeremy's hand longer than necessary.

"Um, thanks," Jeremy said, adjusting his bag. "And sorry. About the, um, running into you."

"Yeah, where's the fire?"

"Oh, darkroom." Jeremy gestured toward the door at the end of the hallway.

"The darkroom is on fire?"

Jeremy smiled and looked down. "I hope not. I don't think Dr. Jordan would take that as a late excuse."

"Aw, Sophie's a pushover." He gave Jeremy an appraising look. "You must be a freshman if she's managed to convince you that she's at all vicious. Only freshmen call her Dr. Jordan."

"Well, you've figured me out, I guess."

"Not really, I don't think. What's your name, anyway?"

"Jeremy." He stuck his hand out automatically. "Franken."

Long fingers wrapped around his smaller hand and held on, warming him through. "Bryan Ross. Are you on the newspaper or something? I don't think I would have missed you if you were on the yearbook with me."

"Neither. Only Photo J class so far."

"So far? Still deciding?"

"Sort of." How did he explain that both publications still intimidated him? He didn't want to seem like a silly, scared freshman, even if that was true.

"Allow me to put a plug in for the Ivy, then," Bryan said. "It's a well-known fact that yearbookers have more fun." He winked.

Jeremy had heard about the long work weekends that the yearbook editors devoted to their deadlines. He also heard about the post-deadline celebratory parties.

"Besides," Bryan continued, "we can always use more good photographers. And the best place to showcase your work is through my beautiful designs."

"How do you know I'm any good?" Jeremy countered.

Bryan quirked an eyebrow. "Instinct."

They held each other's gaze as the seconds ticked by. Was this guy flirting with him? Jeremy cursed his utter lack of gaydar, the biggest liability in his social life and probably the reason he was still a virgin at 19. He couldn't tell if he was projecting his own sparks of desire on this guy or if it was mutual. He decided to solve it the way he solved everything -- through a quick escape.

"Better get going on this film, then."

Bryan stepped aside just enough to let him pass. "Enjoy the fumes."

Jeremy turned around and grinned. "I do, actually." He entered his photo sanctuary, unaware of the hungry brown eyes following his movement until he disappeared.

*****

The first hour passed as it always did in the darkroom -- quickly, happily, lost in his tasks. He went through the familiar process of developing his latest rolls of film, agitating the tanks, waiting for the seconds and minutes to pass until the next step.

Because he could do this in his sleep, he let his mind drift to his earlier encounter. Bryan, the guy's name was Bryan. He looked like a runner, like those guys on the cross country team in high school who ran the length of Lancet Parkway every fall.

If he was on the yearbook, then that meant Bryan would be down here all weekend, most every weekend. The two staffs basically took turns with the computers; the Courier editors cleared out after their Wednesday deadline and the Ivy staff moved in until Sunday. I wonder if the darkroom would be busy over the weekend, Jeremy thought. He wouldn't mind bumping into Bryan again -- literally.

Bumping, and other things. The one touch of Bryan's hand was enough to wake him up all over. He shook hands with people all the time, but it never felt like that before. I bet his hands would feel incredible on my --

The timer pulled him out of his thoughts. He hung the last long roll in the drying closet, next to seven others. Even though they weren't all assigned, he had decided to keep his skills sharp, so he shot a basketball game, a late night study group in the library, a candlelight vigil and the iced-over trees on campus after the last winter storm. Some of these were weeks old, so they didn't have priority over real assignments.

Those negatives would take hours to dry, so he went to the next room to make prints for class. Just after his first class that morning, he had quickly developed his photos of the spring play, and now he was eager to see if the prints matched his vision.

He flipped on the battered stereo. KBRX was apparently doing a seventies show because a college rock station wouldn't be playing "You Sexy Thing" otherwise. Jeremy let his lithe body sway to the irresistible rhythm, even as he bent over the light table to examine his negatives.

He brushed his floppy chestnut hair out of his eyes and marked his shots with a grease pencil. Then over to the enlarger to make his images appear on the paper before his eyes. He hung up his wet prints to dry, pleased with the results. He bopped his head and danced backward to "Slow Ride" - and bumped into a warm body.

He gave an undignified squeak and spun around into a pair of strong arms. Bryan held him steady and smiled down on the easily startled freshman.

"Christ!" Jeremy gasped. "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough to believe in miracles," Bryan purred. Did he just purr?

Miracles? The Hot Chocolate tune was at least three songs ago. "Why didn't you say something or, you know, knock?" Jeremy tried to cover his deep embarrassment with a growl.

"And miss the floor show? Not on your life." Bryan still hadn't released Jeremy's arms. In fact, he lightly squeezed the biceps in his grip, causing the younger man to shiver.

Jeremy pulled away and turned back to the enlarger. "Were you looking for somebody? Or did you need to develop something?"

Bryan moved in closer and peered over Jeremy's shoulder at the prints hanging to dry. "Wanted to see if my instincts were correct," he said.

"Oh, um, I haven't really finished yet, so ..."

"Then I'll keep you company," Bryan said.

How was he going to concentrate with the knowledge of this man filling his senses? Jeremy bent over the enlarger and set the timer.

"So, why aren't you signed up for a practicum yet?" Bryan boosted himself up on the long table, narrowly missing the stop bath tray. "Didn't your high school yearbook snag you and your camera?"

"More like I did the snagging, actually," Jeremy said. Wait, did that make sense? "I mean, I chose them, the work." He shook his head, willing the words to come out right for once. "I spent all my time in the journalism lab for three years."

"Is that why you're not with us yet? Don't want to dive in all the way again?"

"Sort of, I guess," Jeremy shrugged. "Just getting used to college first, you know? And, I don't really ..."

Bryan nodded at him to continue.

"I don't really feel comfortable in the basement."

Bryan frowned. "Has somebody done something to make you feel that way? Because not everybody is as charming and welcoming as yours truly."

How could he explain this? That he felt alternately invisible and on display in that maze of desks and computers. That he didn't know their language down here. That he desperately wanted to fit in but didn't know where to find an opening.

"Nobody did anything." Jeremy guessed what Bryan was hinting at, but the best thing about Goodman College so far was that he never felt ostracized because of his sexuality. Not that I've really done anything about my sexuality, he thought. "I'm just shy."

Bryan kicked his legs out and brushed Jeremy's butt briefly. "Oh, everybody's shy at first in the basement. You just need a good baptism by fire -- like your first deadline weekend. Then you'll be part of the family."

Family sounded good. Family was what Jeremy wanted -- what he'd been missing so badly since the beginning of school. A place where he knew all the inside jokes, knew everyone's name.

"So, let's see what you can bring to the family, shall we?" Bryan hopped down and leaned in to the prints, flush against Jeremy's back. He was a few inches taller than Jeremy's 5'9", so his chin just fit onto Jeremy's shoulder.

"These are really good, Jeremy." Bryan pointed to a shot Jeremy was particularly proud of. The lead actress was painstakingly applying her makeup while the rest of the company bustled around her in an artful blur. The slight grain of the black and white film made it feel more artistic than a typical journalism shot. "I hope I get to steal this for the Ivy."

Jeremy tried to move back and away from the heat Bryan was throwing off, but the taller man shifted slightly to keep him close.

"Well, this was just a Photo J assignment, actually," he stammered over his shoulder. "I mean, everybody had to shoot the play, so, um, it's not like there won't be lots to choose from. Not that you need to choose from our class projects, though, right? I mean, um, your photogs will probably, you know, shoot it?" What he would give for a mute button. This beautiful man with the biggest smile he'd ever seen had rendered him a babbling moron.

Bryan's full lips slowly curled into an eye-crinkling grin. "Probably. But I think I'd rather have what you've got." He lightly slid his hands down Jeremy's side and let them rest on his hips.

Jeremy felt the hard body behind him nudge closer, subtly rubbing against his backside. A thick bulge nestled against his butt, and Jeremy's breath caught in his throat.

Jeremy was afraid to meet his eyes. If he did, Bryan would see the fear and the heat, and then Jeremy would be even more helpless than usual.

"I need to get to, uh, to go," he breathed. Lord, now the man was stealing his breath as well as his sense. He needed to escape before he lost anything else. He gathered up his dried prints and hastily shoved the folder into his bag.

Bryan wrapped an arm around his shoulders and redirected him toward the student pub area. "Aw, you've got plenty of time. Let's show Casey your stuff." He brushed his mouth over Jeremy's ear. "If the Courier snags you before I do, she'll have my balls."

Jeremy shivered, and he just knew Bryan felt that.

*****

As they wound their way to the offices, Bryan kept his arm around Jeremy. "You know, I'd love to see what else you've shot for class," he said. "You never know where you're going to find hidden treasures." He held the door open for Jeremy. "I should definitely go exploring in the darkroom more often."

"I didn't think the real photogs used it anymore," Jeremy said. "What with the digital cameras and all."

Bryan paused before they entered the offices and looked him in the eye. "You're a real photographer. Trust me, you've got some amazing talent. Don't talk yourself out of that." He opened the door and pushed the freshman into the bullpen.

With Bryan as a guide, Jeremy didn't feel so uneasy. He still got some curious looks from the regulars, but once they saw how Bryan steered him around, they figured he must be a new recruit. It was a little like being adopted by a cool kid in high school, complete with instant acceptance.

The yearbook editor-in-chief, a tiny woman who radiated energy and stress, smiled with surprise over Jeremy's haphazard collection of images.

"Where did you come from, kid?" she asked Jeremy. "I thought I told Sophie to send us all her best prospects."

Jeremy's face fell and he thought, maybe Dr. Jordan doesn't think I'm one of her best.

"She probably spends all her time with the crap non-photographers who take her class," Bryan said. "I'll be sure to scold her severely for overlooking our Jeremy."

Jeremy smiled in gratitude for the save.

"Hey Carson, check these out," Casey called out to a skinny, mop-headed guy. "I think we've found some fresh meat."

Jeremy's eyes went wide at that remark, and Bryan licked his lips.

"Carson?" Jeremy whispered to Bryan.

"Managing editor," he replied.

Carson had the face of a person who always said no. He quickly flipped through Jeremy's photos.

"Not bad. A little arty. You couldn't have shot this digitally?" Carson whined. "I really don't want to have to dig out the negative scanner."

"Well, I suppose I could have," Jeremy said. "But I'm better this way. I mean, this is what I know how to do best, I guess." He shifted his bag on his shoulder. "But, um, you don't have to use them or anything. Bryan just thought..." he trailed off.

"Bryan just thought it will be great lead art for the play spread," Bryan finished. "Bryan also doesn't mind scanning the negatives, McLazyAss." He winked at Jeremy. "Bryan is multi-talented."

"Bryan has an ego the size of Milwaukee," Carson snarked.

"Milwaukee? Really? That's your point of reference for size? You're an unusual cat, McLazyAss."

"Bite me, Ross."

"Not my type, buddy." Bryan leaned his whole frame into Jeremy. "You on the other hand ..." he whispered. Jeremy gulped and fought back a blush.

"Well, I love them," Casey declared, turning his attention back to the portfolio. "You should join us for a work weekend sometime, get to know the staff. We could totally use you."

"Hey, not so fast, Quick Draw McGraw." Another guy stuck his head in the space between Casey and Carson. "I thought we agreed not to monopolize photographers. The Courier always needs good shooters, too."

"Untwist your panties, Aaron," Bryan drawled. "I was gonna introduce you, pinky swear." He moved Jeremy over to Aaron. "Jeremy, meet Aaron Andrews, the newspaper's editor-in-chief."

"Hey Jeremy," Aaron shook hands. "Don't believe a word these vultures say. The best place for a photographer is on the Courier. Get published every week, more people see your stuff. And we're way more fun."

Bryan snorted behind him. "What he means is you'll learn more fun curse words." He leaned into Jeremy's ear and whispered loudly, "They're angry little monkeys."

This bickering sounded like it could go on forever. Jeremy wasn't comfortable being treated like a commodity, so he tried to nip it in the bud.

"Well, I haven't decided what I want to do next year yet," he said. "I mean, what my schedule looks like or anything."

"Well, you should hang out down here whenever you get a chance," Casey said. "Just like auditing a course. Get a taste before you jump in."

"Wanna guess who tastes best?" Bryan whispered into his ear. Jeremy shivered and started to make another escape.

"That sounds great," Jeremy said. "I need to get going." He gathered the photos and turned to leave.

"See you soon, Jeremy," Bryan called. Jeremy turned back and caught a slow wink.

Soon, he thought. Yeah.

*****

After that, the basement stopped feeling so alien to Jeremy. He even stopped using his secret staircase to get to the darkroom. Not that he actually conversed with anyone much, of course. But he spent some hours watching the designers work on the powerful Macs and he learned a few names.

One of them was Keith Britton, the photo editor for the Courier -- a gruff chain smoker who looked perpetually one cigarette short of a meltdown. He liked Jeremy's older, artier style of photography, and directed him to the negative archives to get some ideas. "Most of these kids who come down here don't know what a fucking contact sheet is," Britton groused. "You can get an idea of what we shot in ye olden days."

So, the next Friday, facing another empty weekend, Jeremy decided to explore the olden days.

He walked through a cloud of smoke as he entered the basement on the parking lot side. The photogs all seemed to be smokers -- or at least secondhand smokers -- because they all hung out under that cloud.

The filing cabinet he needed was kept in, of all places, a back stairwell that no one used. Technically, it was a fire exit, but the alarm was disconnected long ago.

The yearbook staff had begun to filter in to start another deadline weekend, which meant the newspaper office -- through which Jeremy needed to pass to find the cabinet -- was empty. He quietly opened the heavy metal door and began digging through the ancient files.

The stairwell was an odd, unheated, forgotten space. The kind of place you could disappear into, where nobody would seek you in a game of hide and seek. The only noise was the incessant buzz of a desolate fluorescent bulb high overhead -- even if the Courier offices were full of life, Jeremy doubted he would hear much through the bricks and thick metal. Yep, he liked it here.

He was squatting down to rifle through the lowest drawer when he heard the loud squeak of the door opening. He shot to his feet and saw Bryan looking him up and down.

"I wondered who was propped back here," he said, letting the door shut properly behind him. "You do seem to have a fondness for small, dark spaces. Hiding from someone?"

"No." Jeremy bristled at the truth in that. "This is where they keep the files."

"Looking for class notes?"

"Huh?"

Bryan pulled open the top drawer. "Class notes, old assignments, study guides, even some papers -- for a helpful range of gen eds. Some of the frat guys in advertising gave us the idea."

"Oh. How very, um, cheating of you."

"Hey now," Bryan protested. "We prefer to see it as helping the next generation. We don't need them wasting their time actually, you know, studying Geology."

"Oh," Jeremy said again. He was acutely aware of how alone he was with the man who had taken up permanent residence in his waking fantasies. The silence lingered between them.

"So," Bryan drew out. "You're gay, right?"

Jeremy's face instantly flushed red.

"It's just that I've been trying to send out signals all subtle like, but you keep running away." He took in Jeremy's tightly coiled posture, looking every bit the cornered prey. "I'm not usually wrong about this kind of thing."