The Discount Time Machine

Sure enough, the machine took me to the hotel, I hid the machine away in a huge outdoor storage locker, and I went to the room she mentioned. Like clockwork or grand magic, here came my beautiful mother, only 26, and with RED hair to my surprise. Crying, she ran into my arms as I stood expressionless by her door. I hugged her. Sobbing, she kissed me. I took her key and opened the hotel room door. Mesmerized, a look of fury about his betrayal resonating fully on her youthful face, she followed me in. Her eyes were tearful as I desperately stripped my rejuvenated (or so it seemed) mom. Her figure emerged, spectacular, a perfect hour glass Barbie doll 36-23-36. I kissed my gorgeous mom on the lips, steering her to the freshly made up and opened bed. I lifted her gently and put her in the center. My clothes flew off me in a frantic flurry of motion. The one thing I had vowed, considering history, was to use a condom!! I carefully put it on, and without any buildup, entered that incredible piece of perfection, my young mom. It was so rapturous, so warm, so meaningful, that I was about ready to blow in a minute or two. Then and only then did I learn Lucretius' warning...the ultimate temptation. More than anything in my life, I wanted—desperately—to NOT use that rubber, to come deeply, fully and freely inside my lover, the young mom that was beneath me. Every atom in my being wanted it. Mom, not knowing why her husband had (apparently) cheated on her during her honeymoon, was acting like a woman scorned, determined to do anything and everything to him, including having a 'spite baby'. So, with that, she pushed me off of her. I rose up and out of her. I looked in goggle-eyed amazement as her youthful, delicate hands went and peeled off that rubber, re-inserting me inside of her. She moaned in pleasure, imploring me to come inside of her. My God, this WAS the ultimate temptation; my own mom was inviting me to get her pregnant, even before I was born. Nothing would be, could be, as tempting. However, if I succumbed to this ultimate temptation, it was absolutely certain that I would not return to the present...as I would never have been. A conundrum.

I restored the condom to its place on my uncut crown, re-entered her blessed place, staunched her words and tears with a gentle kiss, and proceeded to fill that condom with all of my love, years of love, all saved up for this moment. When it emerged from her, the condom was larger than my fist, swollen with my seed, the seed that would have upended everyone's lives. I kissed her lips, told her she was beautiful and that her husband still loved her. I left as silently as I had entered.

Returning to the shed, I returned to that machine. I knew what I had to do at that point. It was 4 am, and a wet December night. I knew that a fire in the shed would spread nowhere else in that cold, damp, snowy expanse. That machine had to go...there was no way I could revisit that moment...as I knew I would time after time...and be sure that I would replace that damned condom on my darling fire hydrant. The ultimate temptation....at some point, I would have happily and ecstatically come deep inside young mom, getting her pregnant.

Later, as I lay silently with my mother after a warm and gentle Christmas together, I got to thinking. You know what...on second thought; it WOULD have been worth it. If only I could re-build that darn machine...