The E-Mail

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An Indian girl mails her boyfriend about her consensual rape.
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Dear Ajay

I know that you already know I'm back from my college trip of Uttar Pradesh. As you know it was an academic trip and we'd gone to Saharanpur. Two female and one male professor along with ten girls.

I still remember how much mom and dad were against this trip since they were not sure about their daughter going to a remote place. Though it wasn't the first time I was going for a trip or likewise but they were apprehensive about it nevertheless. It was me who was always trying to cool them down saying they were just being too protective of me. I had my own reason. I wasn't going alone anywhere. But now I know it was a mistake. You must be wondering why am I saying its a mistake and what may have happened there. Well, Ajay I was raped. My hands are still shivering while I type down the word here. Nobody knows. Neither my professors, nor my friends. Not even my parents. I don't think they will ever know because I will never be able to confess it. That's the reason why I have not been talking to you from the past two days. But an hour back while having dinner with my parents I realized I will have to tell all of it to someone, else I won't able to forget it ever or better say come to terms with it. Who better than you. I am sorry if this mail disturbs you which I am sure it will. But please do understand my position before reacting in any adverse manner. You may ask after reading this what was the need to write it all down. But if you give my feelings a chance you will know exactly why it's important for me. Here is what happened two days back.

A day before the tour was supposed to end, all the girls were happy since the heat was becoming unbearable everyday. From the beginning, there was a dress code since we were staying in the interior of a state where hooliganism was at its notorious best so we and even the female teachers were wearing Salwar Kurta with the Dupatta covering our breasts. Only on the last day we girls pestered for western wear and in the end we were allowed to do so. Seven of them didn't bring any western dress whereas three girls - Rekha, Sadhna and I had worn a top and jeans. I was wearing a round neck blue top and black jeans. I am sure you remember which top it is. The one you gifted me on my last birthday. All went well during the day. In the evening the three of us (as you know we are best of friends) were hungry and wanted to eat something. The professors were tired and so were the other girls. Hence we pestered the professors to allow the three of us to go and fetch some local junk food. Finally they agreed after we promised we would be back within an hour. I think they were too aghast from the heat to argue much.

We took the car which we had hired for our college tour and the three of us went to a local eating spot guided by the driver who happened to know quite some places. In the eating joint we weren't much bothered by the lecherous stares. We kept smiling and chirping among ourselves though we knew we city girls were walking fantasies for the locals. In a way it made us haughty.

It was when Rekha nudged me and told me there was a group of four guys who were eyeing us since we came in that I noticed them. They were four guys; all uncouth, with stubble and strong looking physique. One of them smiled at us but we ignored. When our food was ready we simply took it and got into the car when I noticed the guys get into theirs.

They kept following us. We were indeed scared. A lustful stare we were used to in Delhi as well but following us in a car gave us the creep. We kept asking our driver to speed up. When we reached a rather secluded stretch of road the car, from behind, overtook us abruptly and positioned itself in a way that our driver had to brake. I was shit scared. Call it a woman's sixth sense, Sadhna started screaming the moment she saw the guys get down from the car. Rekha followed and so did I. We were screaming our lungs out for help. We knew they would do something and imagining what that something could be made us feel helpless. Our driver moved out and was instantly thrashed by one of the men. We screamed louder. One of the guys came and opened the door. We curbed inside further almost on top of each other as if a butcher had pushed his hand inside a hen-cage to bring out his favourite hen. Since we girls were shouting and guess Sadhna was even crying I thought of taking my mobile phone out and call the professors. The guy immediately pulled out a revolver and aimed at us. A fucking revolver! There was an instant calmness. None of us made any noise. He asked us to be quiet else he would fire a hole in each of our head. We complied and he snatched my phone and kept it with himself. Then he blasted a verbal bomb. He said they wanted me. Only me and asked the girls to move away else he would take them too. Sadhna and Rekha, after few seconds, moved away. I was too shocked to even throw an accusing glance at them.I was sobbing now and suddenly felt the voice in me again and started pleading to let me go. He caught my hand and pulled me out. I was surprised by his raw strength. Next instant he picked me up on his shoulder aiming a gun at the driver asking him to stay where he was and moved towards the car. I was bundled in and soon the car drove off.

Now that I am writing about it, all of it seems to have happened over time but believe me Ajay at that point of time all happened so damn quickly that even before I realized what had happened I was sandwiched between two uncouth town guys in their car. By now I of course knew what they wanted; to devour me. Till then I had only read about rapes but now it was about to happen to me. I pleaded to the guys with folded hands and tears flowing profusely down my eyes. All they did was laugh at me. The one sitting to my left kept his hand around my shoulder and grabbed one of my breasts.He told the others that I had perfect shaped ones. They were talking in Hindi. I tried to remove his hand when the other one cupped my other breast. I was mauled all way till the car went inside a field.

The car stopped way inside the field away from the main road. They pulled me out. I was still begging them as if they would suddenly become humans. I wanted to believe that possibility. I saw one of the guys bring out a mattress from the hind of the car and place it somewhere in the field. I was almost thrown on it. The sun was particularly harsh that day. I was sweating and so were they. The car music was played while the four guys stood in front of me. As I pleaded once again they stripped themselves talking all non sense about me. One said my breasts would be like Katrina Kaif's and ass would be like Kareena Kapoor and all other shit. Once they were naked I wasn't even able to look at them. I was ashamed of myself. Within minutes they had turned a confident city girl into a cheap and submissive one. I kept my eyes closed for a long time but I couldn't help but listen to whatever sexual words they were shouting out for me. I kept crying for a long time after which I was simply tired of it all. They didn't touch me till then. Finally I opened my eyes.

"Its up to you how exciting you want to make the entire experience." Said one of them jerking his dick. I tired hard not to look at him.

"We will fuck you anyway but if you resist we all shall fuck you but if you cooperate only one of us will fuck you and rest will only taste you." Said another. I looked at this guy. I preferred looking at his chest than his eyes or below. I loathed his hairy chest.

"Please let me go." I managed to say in broken words.

Everyone laughed out at this.

"As my friend said its your choice you want four of us to fuck you or one of us." The same guy said.

"Bitch, open your clothes."

This particular guy was all the while abusive. You know how Hindi abuses puts me off. But what could I have done being in the situation I was in? Abuses were the last thing I cared about then. Seeing me not moving, the abusive guy charged at me and started to forcefully undress me. I resisted Ajay. I resisted to the best of my ability but within two minutes I was made naked in front of them. Four unknown naked guys and me; naked now. They kept repeating how fair I was and how I was much better than many film actresses. I wanted to bury myself. I stood up and started to run when I was caught, brought back and thrown on the mattress again. A guy slapped me hard. Then kissed me. I didn't part my lips at first but when one of the guys squeezed my breasts hard and bit my nipples I screamed out only to feel this guy push his tongue into my mouth. A third guy had pinned my hands while the fourth one had my legs on the ground as he licked my legs. Those four were all over me. Their tongues kept licking my flesh. Suddenly I shouted more than I thought I ever could and told them I will listen to them. They stopped and dispersed except one. The three stood by the mattress jerking their dick which I didn't care to notice while the one with me kissed my cheeks and lips. I don't know what happened to me. Something disconnected within me. I kissed back. Smooched him taking the fresh chewed betel smell from his mouth. He kept squeezing my breasts as he smooched me. When he was done kissing me all over the second came and repeated the same thing. I was so not myself by then. I had become a programmed android, I suppose, with no feelings.

The abusive guy came and licked my pussy like an animal. I moaned, held his head, guided him more inside me, tried to pull him out when the pleasure was about to get to me while he did to my pussy whatever I thought he anyway would. At last came the fourth guy who was relatively milder than the rest. But by then it didn't matter to me. The only good thing till then was they were yet to fuck me. My body had been used to their desires but something was still left that belonged to me. One of the guys asked me whom I would want to fuck with. Like a fool I yet again asked them to let me go. The abusive guy charged at me when as a reflex I pointed out towards the one who was mild with me lest the abusive one hit me again. The other cheered, whistled, barked out lewd comments as the guy I chose came to me jerking his dick.

That was the first time I saw his dick. He had a bush of hair from which his dick was staring at me. You know how much I hate pubic hair on men. Then something else struck me. This guy would fuck me without a condom. Ajay, you have made love to me like four-five times till now and every time you wore a condom. But this uneducated, uncouth lout would be the first one to invade my pussy with his dick with no protection. That was when I resigned to my fate. I was tired of howling. I was tired of begging. I was tired of praying. I knew my modesty was history now. There's no way I would be spared. I went into a trance you can say when the guy made me lie down on the mattress under the sun with both our bodies soaking with sweat. Within seconds he parted my legs and entered my pussy. I shrieked out in pain. His one had some width. He placed his chest onto my breasts and as we kissed, he fucked me. The others were continuously jerking and hurling lewd remarks at us. Something happened then. I don't know what. Even thinking back I don't know what actually did. I was moaning. As a reflex to what the guy was doing to me. As if my core-instinct as a woman, as an individual had taken over. The guys constantly kept asking in Hindi if I needed one more dick or two more. Blame it on the way the guy was fucking me; deep and hard or the sun or the constant sexual taunts I cried out I needed more. I am sorry Ajay. I know you must be thinking if I had become a slut then. May be what I will tell you next will put our relationship at an all time risk but as I said before if I don't tell you then who else?

The abusive guy came and asked the one fucking me to make me sit up. He did so still fucking me. Jerking his dick he started fingering my anus after which he lay down to lick it. The other two came and stood right in front of me. The one fucking me was bouncing me hard now on his dick now. I could feel his dick deep inside me. With two more dicks a grasp away I kept gaping at them. The guys kept telling me to take it and after sometime I did. Both together. I was jerking them now with my own hands. Suddenly the left one pulled my hair, the pain made me open my mouth and the right one thrusted his dick in my mouth. He let go of my hair then. I sucked him while being anus licked and pussy fucked. The one whom I was giving a hand job came right on my neck and a bit on my breasts. He moved away towards the car. I tried to push the one licking my anus away with a backward hip movement since it was tickling me but he held my hips and gave me a rough rim job. Finally the one fucking me let go of a groan. The other two moved away slightly and he came right inside my pussy. I felt nothing. He made me lie down on the mattress as he pulled out his dick and walked away. The abusive guy licking my anus, next, came on my breasts while the other one whom I was sucking turned me and came between my butt cheeks. I was shamefully grateful to them for not coming inside my pussy. I think half an hour later I was given a bottle of water to clean up along with my clothes. As I dressed in front of them, they took away the mattress and later drove and dropped me exactly where they had picked me from. There was nobody now. They hurled my mobile phone at me before they went away telling me I was better than what they had thought of the popular film actress Kareena Kapoor in their fantasies.

I called the professors. By the time they came there with a police inspector I had composed myself. Rubbed off the blood from my lips and tried hard not to look disheveled. They asked me what had happened but I only told them the guys took me but didn't do anything except talk dirty to me. I don't know if they have guessed the truth. But I couldn't tell them anything. Not after how I myself called in the four guys at one point of time. My friends inquired too but I asked them to leave me alone which they did for the rest of the tour. I thought I would tell mom when I was back home but I was not able to do that even. Hence this mail. Your continuous phone calls made me feel guilty but now you know why I didn't attend your calls since the last one day or messaged you.

I needed someone to hear this out. I'm sorry if this hurt you or frustrated you in any manner. I also don't know if this candid confession will affect our relationship. But please, I plead, try to understand my position too. I want this to remain a secret and will try to forget it in the future if that kind of thing is possible.

Please don't call me after reading this. If possible visit my place. I would appreciate a hug first and then perhaps some talk.

Your love

Ishita.

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