The Fight I Could Never Win Ch. 01

I had known full well what was going to happen even before I stepped into the ring. There was absolutely no question that I had to lose. Be that as it may, the abstract notion of throwing a fight was worlds away from the crushing knowledge that I had willingly chosen to let down everyone who had supported me this far. My trainers were basically decent people, some of whom seemed to genuinely sympathize with and support me, and I knew that they would be surprised and probably somewhat worried by the results. None of this was improved by the fairly substantial amount I drank before the fight to ease along the process of losing.

My head hurt, half from the alcohol and half from being hit. A few other places hurt, too, although not too badly. Nothing more than a few bruises and a cut on my face. Losing such a mismatched fight had essentially meant choosing not to defend myself for a few minutes before choreographing a "mistake" to allow a hold that would "force" me to end the fight or face a broken leg. Not defeating such a useless fighter took a great deal of work.

All of this tumbled through my mind over and over again as I wearily made my way to the locker room. The short, subdued exchanges with a few trainers and a somewhat dejected gang representative seemed to run together and drain away in an instant. I might as well have not been there. The reality of what I had done continued to sink further and further in, dragging me down to depths of despair, a place where I felt I essentially belonged. Even if I had had no other options, everything felt wrong.

The door shut as the last trainer left, leaving me alone, bandaged, and thoroughly angry with myself. This sort of powerlessness was entirely new to me. A few words from one person, one woman, and I threw away a great deal of reputation, plenty of money, and, more importantly, my self-respect. Collapsing onto a bench, I let out something resembling a growl, too exhausted with myself to bother wording anything.

"My, my. Some of that looks quite painful... how does it feel?"

That voice was the last thing I wanted to hear right now. I stood and spun to face it, common sense already forgotten. She had prodded a wounded bear, and I was in no condition to let any further wounds to my pride pass unchallenged, life and death be damned. If her gang was going to kill me, I would take her first. That was all that mattered.

She was not hard to find, even in the shadows of the dimly lit room. The same powerful figure, this time concealed beneath a down coat and baggy combat pants. The same sunglasses, and the same maddening, supremely confident smile beneath them. A long brown ponytail was the only feminine touch, but it did nothing at all to dull the edge of pure, deadly power that she radiated.

"Happy to see me?"

Had she not said anything, I might have at least stopped to consider my response, planning at least a punch or two. No such luck. I charged like a rabid dog, roaring at the top of my lungs, loud enough that the words hurt my throat coming out.

"Fuck you! Fuck you, you smug cunt!"

I was angry and tired enough that I barely even saw the face I threw my fist at, driven by every last bit of power I could muster. My technique was downright pathetic, and I knew it. Sheer frustration and rage had wiped away years of hard training. All I wanted to do was to hurt her, to fight back, to make her feel some of the pain she'd forced on me.

In a way, the fact that my knuckles never connected failed to come as a surprise. Deep down, I knew I was wasting my time and probably throwing my life away to boot. Anyone with a shred of common sense, let alone training, could have sidestepped me. She went the extra mile. In a flash of bright metal, my wrist was trapped in cold steel. Her laugh was even more icy than the handcuff.

"Bad move, Champ."

I had no time to react. She kicked my knee in from behind, pulling my other wrist and cuffing my hands together behind my back. Already tired muscles protested the sudden twist, and I winced a little at the pain.

"I'm sure I can expect an apology, right? After all, that was really rather rude of you."

The needles of mockery didn't instill any more rage. The cuffs had made it very clear that, once again, I had lost and she had won. My body, my strength, everything I had worked for was useless now. Once again, I was defeated.

"You're out of your damn mind. Crazy bitch."

I couldn't see her face. She stood behind me, while I was down to my knees, hands cuffed behind my back, regaining a bit of sense and thinking it best not to move and provoke her to something less nonlethal. Retrospectively, I should have extended that policy to my mouth. Her exhalation was audible, almost bemused, and certainly very, very dangerous. Every word dripped with absolute confidence and, seemingly, some sort of unnatural pleasure.

"Oh, and I was just starting to hope that you might settle down and play nice. What a pity, sweetheart... I was going to let you off with a warning, you know."

The pain was instant. My back had a wide selection of fairly nasty bruises, and she had kicked one, hard, with an unyielding combat boot, pressing my back down until my head met the floor and keeping up the pressure. My hands were useless, my body was stiff and unresponsive from injuries and drinking. All I could do was groan against the waves of pain as she ground her foot into my back.

"Lovely. By the way, did you notice that these are flats? Much nicer than heels, and comfortable too. We should both be thanking me right now, shouldn't we?"

Her gloating had the carefree, floating quality of a happy schoolgirl, shimmering cruelty followed by a truly unnerving giggle. Every second, I became more convinced that this woman was a true sadist, enthusiastically drinking in every drop of my pain. Another grinding twist of the boot made it clear that this was not simply a rhetorical question.

"Ahh... ha. Funny. Eat shit. I don't care what the hell you did out shoe shopping last weekend. What do you want, anyway?"

I knew as soon as the words left my mouth that I should have given up any notions of defiance. Another silvery laugh echoed in my ears as she pressed down further, making my ribs scream in protest. Her leg was exerting a terrifying amount of force. Bruises became splashes of fire, breathing became a ragged crawl through a field of thorns. The release of pressure hurt almost as much as the first downward force.

"Now, I think the polite step here would be an apology, don't you? Just a few nice, easy words. Go ahead. I'm listening."

I took a few breaths to recover. My hesitation earned me another small burst of pressure, forcing me to gasp from the pain.

"I'm waiting. Hmmm- perhaps I should give you a little more encouragement?"

I forced a quick inhale.

"I- I-"

This was somehow different, even more significant than throwing the fight. This meant actually acknowledging the balance of power, admitting out loud to her that I was powerless to resist.

"Yes? Go ahead, you...?"

Damn. I had no choice. She had me cornered now, and she had already had the ability to kill me or have me killed whenever she wanted.

"I'm... I... I apologize."

If her previous laughter had been unnerving, this was nothing short of spine-chilling. She seemed to revel in control, savoring every pained breath, every word I spoke at her command. My suffering was her pleasure, and she was pleased. I felt empty inside, crushed under the weight of my own relative weakness. After breaking through the last of my armor, she had landed a coup de grâce with terrifying ease. All of her movements, everything she said seemed completely effortless.

"Much better. I'm glad you've decided to cooperate"

She lifted her boot from my back, leaving me in a collapsed heap on the floor, heaving deep breaths and feeling absolutely miserable. Her satisfaction came in an unsettling tone, a twisted parody of gentle compassion, radiating cruel joy with every warm, venomous syllable.

"Now, to answer your horribly rude question from earlier: I'm here to pay you, dear. All you have to do is tell me you want it. Think carefully before you respond: just a few more simple words. There's no need to make this any harder than it already is."

The warmth may have been turned up a figurative notch or two, but the menace and mockery were all there. She would never be content with a nod or even a "yes" from me. I had to specifically ask. I had to make a request to her in order to end this. Every ounce of pride that remained in my body raged against what I was considering doing. A few deep breaths seemed to drag on for lifetimes. I could feel her expectant presence looming over me, and I knew full well what she was waiting for. More importantly, I knew what would happen if I gave the wrong answer. My stomach felt like it wanted to make an escape through my throat. I was sweating just as much as I had during the fight. The only difference was that I had chosen not to win then. Now I had no choice.

"Yes. I want you to pay me."

"No, no. Did no one ever teach you manners? You forgot a word. A very important word. Also, I'm not concerned with what you want. If you're making a request, ask me properly."

More pressure from the boot. The force was not nearly as brutal as before, but it was more than enough to elicit another groan. The thought that she had used only this and probably had far worse techniques at the ready crossed my mind. I wanted to vomit. I almost wanted to simply die on the spot, but neither of those were choices. In fact, there was no such thing as choice anymore. There was simply her will. I hated myself in that moment. I hated myself more than I had ever hated anything, even more than I hated her and her sweetly poisoned voice. I hated my weakness. I hated my surrender.

"Please... please, could I have my money?"

Every subservient word burned my ears like hellfire. I would have rather lost a limb than hear the sparkling laugh of sadistic happiness that I had just made possible.

"Very good. I look forward to doing business with you again. I'll be seeing you again soon."

I heard a heavy object hit the ground by me. I turned to my side to look. Sure enough, there was a suitcase, presumably filled with cash. Behind the box, I could make out a pair of tall, black laced boots. Alarmingly, she was walking off without another word, leaving me restrained on the floor of the locker room.

"You're not going to just leave me here, are you?"

"I'm sorry, but I really can't play with you any more tonight. I'm glad you enjoyed our little game, though- we'll try it again very soon, don't worry. Oh, I nearly forgot!"

A cold giggle made it very clear that the keys were anything but a slip of the mind. A flick of the wrist, and I heard a small metal object hit the ground a few paces from me.

"And, now, my dear, this is goodbye!"

With another touch of her unnerving schoolgirl enthusiasm, she opened the door and walked out, leaving me speechless, with nothing to do but crawl to the keys and somehow stagger home. Every movement felt like an agonizing confirmation of my loss, my surrender. Something changed for me that night. I was no longer entirely the only one in charge of my fate. She would be back, and I knew it. She had the upper hand. It was only a matter of when.