Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
Jack: Goodbye, Osmon. I'll be in touch.
Sitting back in his leather executive's chair, Jack breathes a deep sigh of relief. It was time to go make this happen.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 6 years agoI skipped over a LOT of your story because it was boring as all hell! Don’t feel bad, even published, famous, great writers have done the same. Don’t believe me, read the beginning of Stephen King’s It. You need an editor and if you have one, fire their ass because they have no idea how to correctly use past/present/future tense. The CONSTANT misuse of something like that drags out the story, frustrates the reader and for me personally, makes me want to abandon this story altogether. The frustration level is off the damn charts!
UltimateHomeBodyabout 7 years agoBut it is too much. Please write in a more normal style. Easy enough to look through thousands of stories and books to see how they are written. For a conversation script to work you need to be an exceptional, gifted and experienced writer.
You jumped from the pan into the fire.
missindependenceabout 7 years agoI think I'd enjoy the story more if it wasn't written in the psuedo-play script style you have going on. Right now, I'm finding your dialogue very dry and unemotional. Making it hard to identify with the characters.
There's a way to write the dialogue so that confusion about who is saying what is very limited. Since you said you were a reader on here before a writer, I recommend you check out Etaski's series of stories and side stories. The way her dialogue writing is styled is a good example. If you'd like, I have her as one of my favorite authors, so you can access her stories through my page.
Anonymousabout 7 years agoSecond chapter is much better. I am now actually getting into the story and can't wait to see where it goes from here!
Anonymousover 7 years agoThe only reason you write as you do is that you can't be bothered to do it properly or don't want to learn how.
As Jack is the main character, write the story in the first person and use proper dialogue - the same as every other author does.
