The Gift

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A beautiful alien changes humankind forever.
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Kara'it (the apostrophe is like a cheek click) decided that it was time to mate. Her people had long-ago discovered the secret of interstellar travel and had visited the planet that rotated below her many times. They had observed the inhabitants; using television reception, remote observation devices, and the behavior and anatomy of people brought aboard their ships, who were returned unharmed with either no or an unbelievable memory of their experience.

Kara'it's people had been civilized for tens of thousands of years and had reached the limit of scientific discoveries. They were able to analyze anything that their ships encountered. They were also perfectly honest and benevolent, having discovered how to make everyone telepathic. They were also altruistic and believed that they had a mission to pass their knowledge to all of the worlds that had intelligent beings and unite them. They decided that the planet below Kara'it was worth changing.

However, in contacting new worlds, it had also been discovered that the intelligent beings on many of them could not deal with the appearance of gigantic spaceships overhead because they were afraid, xenophobic, or suspicious, and many of the spaceships had been attacked for no reason.

The planet below Kara'it, whose people called Earth, had such a population so a different approach was developed for these instances. A perfect biological replica of an inhabitant of the planet was created with the intent of initiating a new step in the biological evolution, but with some improvements. Kara'it was created as a beautiful human female, about age twenty-four, correct in all proportions. She was given the ability to produce highly effective antibodies for all human diseases, had no genes for autoimmune diseases, and had the ability to heal herself. She was also a telepath and had been programmed with all of the best techniques of human love-making.

The observers has developed a set of parameters for the perfect human male and these were in constant use by remote observation pods in order to find a potential mate for Kara'it.

Finally, he was found and Kara'it transported herself to a city nearest his home where she rented a car. She drove it to a pond near Joe's home that she had found while scanning Earth and rolled down the windows, got out, reached in and put it in drive, and watched as it slowly sunk until it could no longer be seen.

Joe was a twenty-six year old farmer and retained the build and development that he achieved in the Marine Corps. He was also well-educated and highly intelligent. He was a bachelor and with the help of hired hands had created the best-looking, best-managed, and most-profitable farm in the area. He occasionally dated and most of the young women in the nearest town were out to capture him. He had a reputation among them as a tender and gentle lover but he could be rough when a woman wanted it.

Kara'it was walking down the lane in front of Joe's house and Joe was standing behind the fence as she walked past. "Howdy, nice day," Joe said. Kara'it gave him a disgusted look and said, "not for me!" "Why not," Joe replied? "May I sit on your porch and have a cold drink," Kara'it said? "Sure" said Joe and they walked to the porch together. Kara'it sat on the top step of the porch with the soda that Joe and brought. "By the way, my name is Mary," Kara'it said. "My name is Joe," he answered. Kara'it began her untrue story, "I was driving cross-country and saw a couple of young guys hitchhiking. I foolishly pulled over and offered them a lift. They climbed in the car and soon began discussing sex. One suggested that we go to a motel and have a party. I told them I had AIDS and condoms weren't effective. They soon lost interest, dumped me at the entrance to your lane, and drove off in my car with my purse and luggage. I'm really glad I saw you because there is nothing I can do." Joe replied, "why don't you come in, I'll call the Sheriff, and you can call the car rental company. Then we'll go shopping and buy some clothes for you plus a few groceries that I need."

Joe called and the Sheriff ask them to come to the office where "Mary" could complete a report and look at some mug-shots. Then they returned to Joe's farm where Joe said, "you know, you could stay here until you are able to continue traveling." Mary said, "that's very kind but I don't want to be any trouble." Joe said, "that's alright, I have plenty of room, there's not much to do at this season, and I have lot's of food and drink."

By now, it was late so Joe started to prepare dinner and offered Mary a drink. She accepted and asked for whatever he was having. Mary knew that the special enzymes she had would immediately digest the alcohol and that she could not get drunk. As they were having bourbon and soda, Joe was thinking about how lucky he was and Mary was thinking about how perfect Joe was. After dinner, they sat in front of the fire and watched TV until Joe announced he had a big day and would like to go to bed. Both the master bedroom and a guest bedroom were upstairs and each had a private bath. They both showered and went to bed.

Joe was sound asleep when he was awakened by a movement of the bed and something warm nestling against him. He rolled over and saw that it was totally nude Mary who said, "I hope you don't mind but I am very lonely and need to be held." Joe didn't mind but placed his lips against Mary's and went around and around her lips with the tip of his tongue. Her mouth opened and there tongues began to do everything two tongues can do. She began to stroke his back, his neck, and his chest, and he returned the affection. He cupped one breast and then the other in his hand, his thumb caressing the nipple. He bent his head down and began to lick around her aureolas and then her nipples until they popped out and became rock-hard. Mary moaned, spread her legs, and Joe continued to move his hand down, caressing her belly, and placing his hand on her mons. His fingers slowly pulled her pussy lips apart and he ran a finger up and down.

At the same time Mary's hand was duplicating Joe's caresses but when he began to touch her pussy lips, her hand grabbed his cock. Joe began to tickle her clit and she began to stroke his cock. Her hips began to lift up and she moaned with pleasure and he increased the pressure on her clit and put one, then two, and finally three fingers in her wet cunt and moved them back and forth. Mary was overwhelmed by the combination of nipple sucking, clit rubbing, and finger fucking, and she began to cum, uttering shouts of joy and pleasure. Joe was rapidly reaching a climax and asked Mary, "please stop, I don't want to come yet, I have a better place for it." When Mary came down from her orgasmic high, Joe slid down the bed sucking and licking as he went. Finally, his face was between her legs and started with licking the areas on either side of her pussy where the abdomen and inside of her thighs meet. He moved his face toward the center and began to kiss, lick, and gently bite her outer lips. When he sensed her increased pleasure be began to lick and suck her inner lips, then he began to lick and suck her clit, until she had another shattering orgasm, more intense than the one before. Mary said, "bring that dick up here, you deserve something more." Joe brought his rock-hard dick up to Mary's mouth where she took it in, starting with gentle sucking and then getting deeper and more intense. Joe felt that he would cum soon so he withdrew from Mary's mouth and slid back down her body until he was kneeling between her legs. She spread them even more, he scooted forward, she inserted his dick into her cunt and because she was so wet, he easily slid all eight inches as far as it would go.

Using her mental powers, Mary put Joe into a state of suspended animation. A thin, tendril-like structure emerged from her womb, went through her cervix, and entered Joe's urethra. It passed into the epididymis, where mature sperm cells are stored. It sought the two most perfect sperm cells it could find, one XX and one XY. When they were found, a micro fiber emerged from the tip of the tendril and penetrated the wall of first the XX sperm cell and then, the XY. The sensors in the micro fiber caused the deactivation of any imperfect genes and replaced them with all of the perfect ones that Mary possessed. It then drew the two sperm cells to the tip of the tendril and it recoiled into Mary's womb. There were two of Mary's perfect ova waiting there to be fertilized and a sperm cell was inserted into each ovum. The ova then fixed themselves to the wall of the womb and began the initial stages of fetal development.

Mary released Joe from only a few seconds of suspended animation and urged him to cum. Joe began to strongly stroke, and both had the hardest yet simultaneous orgasm, Joe feeling like he had spent quarts of cum. It almost looked like he did because of the soaking wet condition of the bed.

Afterward, as they enjoyed the post-coital glow, Joe said, "that was wonderful, I have never had an experience like that before." Mary said, "you don't know the half of it. A lot more happened than just sex." Mary had conditioned Joe to be accepting of the situation and what she was about to tell him. Joe said, "go on, I want to hear about it." Mary replied, "It was my first time." Joe gasped. Then Mary told him about her planet and the goals of the beings there, the changes that would soon occur in him, the fact that she was pregnant, and how it happened. Then she added that this would be the first of (hopefully) many children who would breed and produce a new and better kind of human that would eventually be known as Homo novus. They would have the power to reduce the fertility and libido of those not of their kind and eventually the Earth would be totally inhabited by Mary and Joe's descendants. However, both male and female Homo novus could copulate with Homo sapiens, change their partners to Homo novus, and pass the new characteristics to their offspring by using the process that Mary used with Joe and with male Homo novus making the change in ova with modified sperm cells.

Mary asked Joe if he would like to be with her for the rest of their lives and he enthusiastically agreed. They spent many years together and had many children.

As a result of universal perfect health and telepathy there was eventually no need for government, the military, wars, political wrangling, haves and have-nots, cheating, and prisons. There were no criminals nor prejudice.

The day of the meeting of Mary and Joe and the first impregnation was December 24.

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jott50jott50over 9 years ago
hallelujah!!!

finally a race of aliens with a way to fix all the stupid in this world...lol

TJSkywindTJSkywindover 9 years ago
Agreed

The comments above are helpful about writing itself. I want to talk about some of the framing you used to build the story.

First, you state that the unnamed alien race has reached the ultimate in technology. Even being able to create new stars, planets and pass the event horizons of black holes with impunity? And obviously these aliens are able to tailor-make a new humanoid form. So-called "junk DNA" doesn't exist. That Kara'it was able to freeze him, invade his body, scan and evaluate all the millions of sperm for the two she wanted (there are, at this time, three identified types), then select and remove them for implantation within seconds makes me wonder why is she bothering with breeding with humans at all?

If she can do this, the mating itself is irrelevant. She could have walked up to him at the fence when they first met and had him there within moments.

The unnamed aliens are supposed to be totally benevolent. Obviously she has language and cultural skills implanted since she was able to rent a car, but it makes me wonder how did she do this without a DMV license or money? Was this created? Or did she simply change the memories of the rental car staff? Lying is not benevolent, nor is such manipulation. Then Kara'it casually dumps the car into a pond - stealing the vehicle that doesn't belong to her - and then proceeds to invent more lies when meeting Joe, to the point that a false police report is made. These actions contradict the initial outlay of your story, and hint that either she regards human morals as beneath her (making her amoral) or that their alien version of benevolence is not what we hold the term to mean.

The great ship she comes in is also not fully explained. Is she able to manipulate her own form on her own? The scanning, too: is that her ability or is she still connected to the ship and making use of that? If all these are her abilities, why come in a huge ship at all? But she has arrived in a huge ship, presumably for an unexplained reason. Is that in case she is discovered and needs to enforce her plan of genetic manipulation? (A starship to blow up pesky human resistance?)

I have no issue with the healing and anti-disease traits, but then you have the alien modifying for mental and emotional traits. There are some very dangerous humans out there and their views are unsavory to say the least. Breeding such traits out by artificial manipulation is not the way. Check out "Gattica" if you haven't seen it; superior body is trumped by superior character and heart.

I agree with Redlion75, the attitude on the eugenics is distasteful and again, contradicts the initial claim of benevolence. And, it makes the alien's plan to re-make humanity in the alien's image suspect. What was it about humans that made us worthwhile? Sheer numbers? Our humanoid form? The intentions of Kara'it harken more to "Village of the Damned." (For the record, the George Sanders version is superior.)

The desire to mate is less believable, too, with her plan to use that event to breed 'homo novus' humans. Is her kink to breed with those she sees as lesser? Presumably, too, Kara'it has a very long life if not effectively immortal. With such control of her body, aging is not a factor. What will that do to Joseph? Will the children inherit this trait, too? And if so, are the females given direct control of when they get pregnant? Longer lives, too, mean slower maturity rates.

And lastly, having Kara'it pick the name Mary? Obviously, with her superior abilities, she will probably not come up on mere human flags for such things as being literally, an illegal alien. She will simply alter their memories if anyone does take notice -- again a not so benevolent action, but in tune with the character's actions thus far.

But the choice of Mary as her "human" name? (Another lie? Deliberate manipulation for 'homo novus' to use for propaganda as their numbers grow?) so the main characters are Mary and Joseph, and the impregnation takes place on December 24: why bring religion, specifically Christianity, into it at all? Arthur C. Clarke said that any sufficiently advanced technology would appear as magic to a less advanced society. Is "Mary" Kara'it thus an angel working for God? Or is religion, too, their interference, since they have been to our world before? Or ... what? Is this even necessary to the story? Even if you don't mean to ridicule or disparage, some readers will take it that way, and they will ding you for it.

Okay, with all that said, writing itself is or can be real work. Actually completing a story is an accomplishment. The sentences need work, but they are readable, and that, too, is worth acknowledging. The issues with dialog mentioned by Anonymous are well taken. (Anon E. Mouse?)

This is your first submission here. Don't let the lower scores get to you -- keep at it. Finding a reader and/or an editor would be very helpful. It can take a while, believe me. The editors and readers don't get paid either, so it's their volunteer time! Writing alone is tough, because we make mistakes that others readily catch. I am very guilty of that myself. Oh, most assuredly guilty I am.

Whether you take the comments of myself and others and re-write or not is up to you. But don't get discouraged. Writing is a skill, and like any craft, it gets better the more you do it. Keep writing. Good luck!

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Liked the story concept.

I agree with the other comments about rushing the ending and how you did not fully develop the characters. One other thing to work on is your editing. For example, the dialog would be more readable and easier to follow had you followed standard conventions and break the dialog of each character into separate paragraphs. Joe says something in quotes such as:

"Really nice boobs," Joe exclaimed.

"Well thank you," Mary replied, "you have some very nice legs for a man."

"I always thought my legs were one of my best assets," Joe responded, blushing as he did so.

Anyway, you get the idea. So, slow down, develop the characters, perhaps make an outline of a story concept itemizing the way you could see the story going and what you would cover in each installment, and continue writing. Your first effort was pretty good.

sorin61sorin61over 9 years ago
Rushed

Man, with the action you have here you could have written four to five chapters. I know it's your first story, and you're good at it, but slow down! I will follow you to see your progress.

redlion75redlion75over 9 years ago

like anon said it was good til you rushed the ending.i would have enjoyed a longer series where we see how they grow as a couple and change the world around them without the selective breeding since that is too nazi like for me.

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