The Heartbreaker

I have a confession to make, well it's actually two confessions. The first is a confession that will allow you to understand the significance of the second confession. Anyway, I have a confession to make. First, I need to tell you about my best friend, Anna (not her real name, there are some of you who will read this, who know her and I appreciate your confidence). I have known Anna since I was 15. She moved here from over overseas; we met in high school. She stood out from others with her Indian heritage and the accent of her Guyana Creole. Like her, I also didn't really fit in and well, suffice to say, we swiftly became friends.

Anna and I are opposites. While we both have straight, shoulder length hair, hers is dark black and mine is red. The hair about my face is parted to the side and swept clear, letting the world see my dark rimmed glasses and green eyes, with soft pink lips that are most comfortable with secret smiles. I'm short at around 5', with pale skin and tend towards curves. Luckily, and with some self-consciousness, those "curves" translate to a classic hourglass figured with full, firm breasts that look a little large for my frame.

On the other hand, Anna is tall, standing at around 5'8". She has long bangs that fame her face and liquid dark brown eyes that suck in light as much as mine glitter. Anna is full of wide smiles and laughs that emphasize her full cheek bones with a little beauty mark upon the left and a hawkish nose to emphasize her boldness. She is lean and supple tending towards a little bit more in angles than I. Witch translates to an athletic frame from years of running and yoga. While her own curves are not as emphasized of mine, her posture can't help but accentuate her own femininity.

Our personalities also have some stark differences. She is outgoing and can command the center of a room with ease. I hang to the sides and tend to avoid large gatherings. Her emotions are like wild fire, quick to burn and then run out. I tend to move like a river with deep whirlpools that can suck you in.

We both have a love for life. I think that was what first brought us together was our desire for adventure. We found in each other someone we could trust when things went wrong. We have been there through our family troubles. I've been there for her breakups and she for mine. It happens more than I would like, because sadly, Anna has a horrible taste in men. To be fair though, she would say I have horrible a taste in women.

I came out as bisexual first to Anna. I was 18. I was scared. I had my first crush. It would be many years before I came out to my family and the rest of the world. There are still some spheres of my life that don't know. Anna was the first to know. I was staying over at her house and we were talking. I didn't mean to say it, but it was just us, it was late, and it just kind of came out. There was this moment of silence.

I kissed her.

I kissed her like I have never kissed someone in my young life before. It was with all the passion I could muster, it was deep and it felt like a wonderful eternity. I thought my heart would explode from my chest. That moment and the one right after is why I think I love Anna so very much. She returned the kiss very tenderly and listened to me share the feelings I had for her. So there it is, the first person I came out too; my first kiss with another woman; and my first crush with another woman have remained steadfast.

Anna was very kind in how she let me down. It was gentle, full of love and respect. She didn't let it change our friendship. I don't have words for the depth of my gratitude that I have for her. I still have my crush on her; I still love her deeply. This feeling would come up again several times during our friendship. It was never awkward and she has always spoken to me with kindness in her eyes and compassion in her heart. There it is, the first confession I needed to make, I have a crush on my best friend, Anna.

I mean just the other day --

"Bzzzt! Bzzzt!"

Oh, that's my cell phone, I suppose, I should answer that, so I can get onto the second confession.

I grab the phone...

"Anna! Hey, I was just thinking about you!"

"Hallo!" Her musical tone comes clearly through the digital audio waves, "are you ready for tonight gurly gurl?"

I have always loved the sound of Anna's voice. With its little almost British accent, the way certain words roll off her tongue; like how she drops the "er" sound at the ends of words and replaces it with an "a", like instead of "river" it's "riva"

I know she can hear my smile with my words, "Heck yeah, I'm ready to get out and groove to some music." (God, I'm such an idiot.)

"Cuylie Bear, I'll be there in a few, bye, bye, bye!"

"Bye." I hang up the phone and go back to my closet to pick something to wear. I'm an active kind of person and I'm always on the move, so, I like things that flow. I end up with a yellow sun dress and slip it on, it will go nicely with my dark green...

You know what, I don't think people have come to read about my outfit selection, suffice it to say I found something light and airy for a summer evening out in the city.

I hear Anna pull up in her convertible, the music already thrumming from her car. I don't give her the chance to get to the door and bound outside, meeting her on the drive way with a hug and a happy little laugh.

Anna looks down at me, "Well my Cuylie Bear is in a wonderful mood today, what has you all hummin' about?"

"Oh, last day of school and all, I'm on Summer Break! No more students for me!"

"Well 'Miss School's Out'," Anna hands me the keys to her car, "You get to drive since you get to party the rest of the week, Fridays are for those of us who still have responsibilities."

We quickly head downtown and our nightly ritual of Anna-is-newly-single begins. She starts off complaining about her ex, Jeremy, who is, by all accounts, a total creep. I have to be honest to you, this ritual we had is nothing new. I mean, if it wasn't Jeremy; it would have been Taylor, or Jordan, or Ahmed or...I think you get the picture. My role right now is to agree. To punctuate each angry hurt sentence with concern and understanding.

It doesn't take us long to get to downtown Minneapolis with the car stereo blaring and both of us singing horribly along. We find a place to park. It is a beautiful evening to be outside. It had the summer heat of the day, with the cool breeze of dusk to just take that little edge off. Anna, in her tight leather pants and white top, strides along the sidewalk. The tight pants and the roll of her step emphasize the flair of her hips. Me, I flit about her bouncing along and chattering about the weather and various other topics, sometimes beside her, other times ahead, and then sometimes lagging behind. My dress does little to hide the sway of my breasts from my exuberant movement.

Anna knows the club she wants to go to tonight and moves like a lioness on the prowl. I can see that she is ready to make her next bad decision. I just wanted to loosen up and move around; to spend the night dancing horribly and not caring one iota. It doesn't take us long to get into one of Anna's favorite clubs. We find a booth and get our usual drinks to loosen up.

I take in the sounds, while feeling the sweet burn of liquor as it passes down my throat. I can feel the bass thrumming through me. The warmth of the alcohol begins to make me tingle a bit; to relax and unwind. Anna seems to have different thoughts as she takes in the sights. She begins to hum in tune with the energy of the place, watching various specimens of masculinity as they pass by our table; a predatory gaze taking in our own femininity. They don't know Anna like I do. They don't know she's really the hunter here.

"Come on gurly gurl," Anna grabs my hand and pulls me onto the dance floor, to dive into the churn. I was adrift in the heavy current of music, sweat, heat and flesh. It was either sink or swim. I chose to swim. The music moves through me and I dance to its current. My dress whirls about me as I twist my hips. The sweat on my skin glistens beneath the flashing lights. The deep bass moves something almost primal deep inside of me, the vibrations of the beat and the tingling of the liquor driving me to twirl faster and in wilder circles.

Anna's arm encircle me from behind, the heat of her body is unmistakable. She presses herself against my back, leaning down to my ear. Her voice is a whisper, barely audible over the sound of music. It still teases me, causing tingles down the back of my neck, "Cuylie Bear," she purrs, "let's go break some hearts."

Now I know Anna is hunting. She, well, she has this "thing" she likes to do. This game she likes to play. She doesn't have a problem drawing eyes when she wants to. That isn't usually the issue, but sometimes, she like to up the ante a bit; to really get attention she decides to, as she likes to say, "break some hearts." It is something she likes to do when she is getting over a breakup. Basically, she takes me out to the dance floor, we dance together and then we kiss. This draws the attention of certain people in the bar, she selects the one she likes best and goes "away" with him.

Her arms tighten a bit as she slides around me. I can't help but be aware of the movements of her lithe muscles against me as I struggle to keep thoughts completely platonic. She rests her forearms atop my shoulders, she presses her forehead against mine, and our eyes lock. For a sweet, agonizing moment I get sucked into the dark pools of her eyes. I rest my hands upon her waist and the music slows. I can feel the heat of her body and she, no doubt, smells of the mixture of sweat and the vodka. We move together, her muscles slithering in a sultry sway beneath the touch of my hands on her hips as she rocks back and forth. I begin to undulate, gyrating my hips to the slow steady beat.

She closes the distance between us, the warmth of her breath upon my ear draws small shivers of pleasure from me. Her elbows suddenly upon my shoulders, causing her to lean in more to me. Her fingers curl and play with my long hair. I look up at her face, into her eyes, framed by long lashes. I see things I have seen before. I see the playful energy in them, the sharp intelligence and the hunger. This was something I had never fully experienced. It was always someone else, but tonight she is staring directly into my eyes.

Anna presses her lips against my mouth. It isn't like the usual teasing kisses. Well, it starts that way, but it changes. Her encircled arms tighten and she presses her hands against the back of my head, pushing me hard against her mouth. My lips bruise beneath the pressure, parting slightly. I can taste her breath, sweet and warm, more intoxicating than the liquor I have drank tonight. The pressure of her body against mine gives me an even greater appreciation of her curves than I had before. My own arms wrap around her slender waist and press against her back; trying to pull her closer into me.

It couldn't be like this forever. These kind of kisses aren't meant to be forever, though one want might them too. They can't. They are promises, and these promises require change, to bring fulfillment. I understood this when her lips left mine. It still hurt, to no longer taste her, to lose that closeness. Then her lips are against my ear. Softly brushing against my lobe as she speaks in a low, tantalizing whisper, "Let's go..."

My perception of time is really loose at this point. We run, hand in hand, from the booming bass and flashing lights. We left the heat of the club and go into the cool night air. I fumble with the keys as I try to unlock the door of the car. Anna would have none of that. She grabs me by my shoulders and presses me up against the hood of her red convertible, bending me backwards. Her lips press against mine with a ferocious intensity with her hands pulling at my hair. My own hands go to her ass, grabbing her, and pressing her up between my thighs. My sundress hiked about my hips.

Anna nips at my lower lip with a sharp little bite, causing a gasp to leave my lips. Her eyes have taken on this hungry intense look when I meet them with my own gaze. If we weren't on a public street, I think she would have fucked me right then and there.

I know I wanted her too.

Instead, something clicks in my brain, I break our embrace and I am able to dig the keys out of my purse. With trembling hand I unlock the car with a little beep and climb in. I can't really say much about the drive to her house. It was a drive born of desperation. We sat in silence as we made our way back. I didn't want time to kill this fragile moment established between Anna and I. Though I was silent, my mind and heart were racing. I'm pretty sure that I broke several traffic laws in getting to Anna's driveway.

I do remember my hand in hers. Our frantic run to the door, with the accompanying giggles. My trembling hand jiggle the keys into the lock, and by some miracle, I manage to do so without scratching the door. We fall into the foyer, door hitting the wall with a loud crack. I thought we broke some of the drywall (we didn't). Anna slammed the door shut behind us with the kick of her heel, causing something to fall off the shelf in the adjoining room, but she didn't mind.

Instead, she grabs me and presses me hard against the door of her closet. My head hits it, but, I ignore the dull ache as she lightly lifts me off my feet. Anna lips devour mine, her tongue invades my mouth, pressing against my own. My legs hook around her waist, I can feel her sliding my dress up my thighs, bunching it above my hips. Her hands grip my ass, pressing me tighter against the door. My own go up and press against the back of her neck, my fingers in her long black hair.

Our kissing is savage, a decade's worth of need driving us both. Her tongue wrestles around mine as we consume each other. The door creaks with the pressure of her body against mine as the hunger of our kiss continues. Our tongues dance between our mouths as we try to feed our mutual desire. Anna's closet door makes another noise, a creak echoed with a faint crack. It is enough for a little bit of rationality to sneak through and we break our kiss.

I drop my feet to the floor with Anna's hands still on the hem of my dress. My eyes meet hers again and she begins to lift the dress up the length of my body. I raise my arms, arching myself a bit as she slides the fabric off and over my head. She takes a moment to whip it through the air towards the living room. I can feel the fabric of her clothes when she leans in for a brief kiss, and then spins me around, walking me out of the foyer and into the aforementioned living room.

Anna's lips press against my neck, nibbling softly on my tender flesh. Her hands deftly undo the straps of my bra. The fabric floats to the floor as my breasts are freed, my pink nipples puckering in the cool air. Her mouth continues to kiss at the junction between my neck and shoulder. Her hands going to my full breasts and cupping them, letting her fingers roam about the delicate flesh of my nipples. My lips part with another whimper, my back arches as I reach behind me to run my fingers through her black hair again. Her hands don't stay on my breasts for long, they slide down my taut stomach; brushing gently at my skin.

The thumbs of her hands hook about the bands of my panties. She trails little kisses down my arm as she bends a bit, slipping the fabric over the curve of my hip. I can feel my underwear slide down the length of my legs and around my hips. I take the moment to turn around and step back; letting her see my nudity in the dim light. We have seen each other naked before, but never with this intention, with this intensity.

I let her take in the full length of my nudity and bared arousal; from the dilation of my pupils, the rise and fall of my breasts with each excited breath, to the dampness of my red haired mound between my slender thighs. Anna keeps her hungry gaze upon mine. Her lips parting with each passionate breath. She draws her blouse up her torso. Again, I have seen her naked before; I have seen her lost in the...wait, pause that thought, this is something else for another time. For now just understand this is the first time that I have been able to look upon her with this kind of lustful purpose. More importantly, this is the first time she has responded.

I can't help but to stare, to drink in the reveal of her dark brown skin, a testament to her Indian heritage. Anna is slimmer than me, leaner and lankier. I can see that in the shape of her sides and in the flatness of her stomach as she arches her back, sliding her tight shirt over the curves of her breasts. I can see the white lace of her bra as the shirt slides higher up. Anna makes a little laugh, her teasing laugh, but it sounds like so much more to me right now. My heart pounds inside my chest, threatening to rise up my throat.

She tosses the shirt through the air, catching me around my face, blinding me from the wondrous vision. I can only hear her laughter. Her excited breathing. The frantic swishing sounds of cloth against flesh. I pull the shirt from my face, smelling the combined sweat of her sweat, perfume and fabric softener. Anna is before me, naked. Time stops and speeds up all at once.

My feelings of friendship, love and lust, beginning to cause my stomach to flutter with excitement. I feel a yearning that I have never felt before at the sight of her naked body. It's as if I was parched for something that I have always been thirsting for. Her dark hair tumbles down her slender shoulders, curling about her brown skin, the straight bangs frames her face perfectly. Her breasts look fuller now that they are bared, her even darker nipples harden from excitement. We can't stay apart and meet by her white couch, touching, kissing pressing our naked forms together.

She moves down onto the sofa and I move up over her. There is this moment, a big moment. A moment that dwarfs all the others. Our eyes meet, with my smaller body astride hers, and we realize what is about to happen. My hand tentatively and gently caresses her cheek, my fingers brushing some hair away with a feathery softness. I can feel her breathing increase. I can see the passion at war with the uncertainty in her gaze.

"Please," Anna whispers huskily, "please Cuylie Bear...show me."

Anna's mocha skin has a sort of flush to it again and I lean down and kiss her lips. I begin my intimate exploration of Anna's body. I drag my lips down her chin, taking little licks along her jaw line. Her skin is a perfect contrast with the white couch. My lips continue their journey as I work my way down her throat. I can feel the vibrations of her soft moans rumbling through, as I continue to nip and touch.

The silky smoothness of her skin slips against my own. I move my nude body down hers. My hands stroke the fine dark hair on her forearms. My mouth continues its trail of kisses along her collarbone, then downwards towards the valley of her pert breasts. I can taste the salty sweat of her skin and savor it as I kiss and nibble a trail up her rising and falling breast. Her gentle moans caress my ears and urge me on.

Pausing for a moment, I look up at her and see her head propped a little bit on the arm of the couch; her heavy lidded eyes watching me. I return to the crest of her breast and take a dark brown nipple between my lips. My teeth nip at the darker brown flesh, tugging it. Anna's eyes flutter open with a sharp gasp from her lips. She places her hands on each side of my head, her fingers dig into my long hair.

As she pulls at my hair, my hands move down her sides, feeling her skin tremble with each excited gasp and softly caress the swell of her hip. My tongue slides about the captured nub. I can feel her body trembling and bucking beneath mine. Anna's sighs grow more insistent and louder as her fingers curl tighter in my red hair.