The Jackass Saloon

It was Monday at the Jackass Saloon and that meant it ladies night. During the two hours in which men were off-limits there they would have to mosey down the dirt road here in the old west town to the Red Ass Saloon. For two hours a week they would put up with this little inconvenience for after the show at Jackass their ladies would be horny as all git-out. A carriage accident on a Monday night would as likely be caused by a lustful rumble as it would be from excessiveness drunkenness. More likely than a carriage running into a mud rut would it simply be coming to a halt as the driver let loose of the reigns and the real jackass or horse pulling it took some time off.

"Out! Git!" It was seven o'clock and Sara Lee was sweeping, yes literally sweeping the saloon, of the lingering men with her broom as the honkytonk piano played Clementine. With the last one out she locked the door and closed the wood window panels. No peeping Toms.

As a historical note when Bubba Thornsworth first opened his saloon and named it Red Ass old Jack Snodgrass was mad as hell. He had copied his name and was trying to ride on the fine reputation Jack had built up. The customers would be confused. Bubba said the drunks were already confused. Change it or there likely will be a fire. Oh yea; do you know how fast fires spread? So they went to court.

Going to court meant waiting till Old Hardass, as the circuit judge was known, came to town and heard cases. Bubba and Snodgrass took seats in the front pew of the church which served as the courthouse on "Court Day." The verdict was about to be rendered in the prior case.

"Has you all come to a verdict?"

"Hang him."

"Judge, I wants to appeal."

"Go ahead."

"It ain't right. It's just ain't right. I gots family."

"What family?"

"Old Sam."

"What's he to you?"

"He's my hound. My hound dog. I love's my hound dog and he loves me."

"Appeal denied. Hang him. And I don't mean the dog. Next case."

Bubba and Jack looked at each other. "Fuck this shit." Out they went.

So Old Hardass never got to decide which ass was right when it came to the two saloons.

- - - - - - - -

"Ladies and ladies. The Jackass Saloon is proud to present Louisiana Lambepie."

In response to a drumroll a drop-dead handsome young man with darting blue eyes came strutting onto the stage all decked out in a cowboy outfit with a smile so wide that his teeth sparkled like pearls. To a sexy beat of the drum and symbols he pranced about with his hands on his hips throwing his head back. He pranced about all full of himself until a tall woman all in black appeared with a whip in her hand. But rather than cower he continued to prance about.

At the crack of her whip his facial expression turned to one of feigned fright. At the crack of her whip again he started to disrobe by first tossing his large cowboy hat into the audience. He continued to toss off his clothes and become more and more scared as the tall woman in black circled about him cracking her whip.

Catcalls went up from the women in the audience. "Take it all off." "Whip his ass."

Finally he was down to just a black tong. The audience was salivating. "Whip him. Whip him!!"

The handsome young man faced the audience, bent over and put his hands on his knees. When the woman in black cracked her whip he started gyrating his hips as he gave that pearly white teeth smile to the engrossed ladies. And then by damn the woman actually laid the whip onto his ass to the sound of the drummer's symbol. Many of the women's mouths dropped open in surprise. She had actually done it. They were stunned.

To all's amazement it seemed that the strike of the whip had been inconsequential to the young man as he continued to gyrate and smile as the drummer kept up his unbroken cadence.

The woman-in-black walked around the young man a couple of times cracking her whip and then slashed his naked ass again with the whip. The sound of its striking skin was unmistakable even over the sound of the drummer's symbol.

The drop-dead handsome young man continued to gyrate his hips and smile, although his smile now was strained. The woman-in-black continued to walk around him with her whip, taking care not to step on his clothes there on the stage floor.

Again she cracked it in the air like a lion tamer. This time the whip wrapped around striking not only his naked ass but also his right hip. What was his response? He blew a kiss to a woman at a front table. She stood and blew him a kiss back in return.

Now the audience was hardening. No longer were the ladies shocked at seeing Louisiana Lambepie whipped. Now they were encouraging it.

"Give it to him."

"Whip his fucking ass!"

Suddenly his large cowboy hat came flying back onto the stage, the waiters having been so instructed. That hat cost. The woman-in-black put it on his head tilted all cute like and touched his nose with her finger.

"Has Lambepie had enough?"

"NNNNNOOOOOO" protested the audience

"No?"

"NNNNN0000000000000 WHIP HIS ASS. WHIP HIS ASS. WHIP HIS FUCKING ASS."

The woman planted a kiss on his cheek. "Lambepie is a cutepie."

With that she returned to strutting around him to the beat of the drum while cracking her Whip. Five more time she whipped his ass and flanks to the sound of the symbol.

Now Lambepie was no longer smiling. He was straining to smile but everyone could see he was in real pain. Even the grown man's eyes were tearing.

"Stand up."

He obeyed.

"Turn around."

Again obeyed.

A collective gasp went up from the audience as they saw the bright red marks left by the whip which covered his exposed ass with several continuing onto his flanks. The whipping had been for real all right.

"Any volunteers to spank Louisiana?"

The same woman on the front row was the first to speak up. "I'll have a go."

"Then come on up, girl."

"Me too."

"And me."

"Okay, that's enough."

Up on the stage came the three ladies.

"Okay Louisiana, face the audience and spread them legs."

The ladies soaked in the sight of the young man standing there is just his black tong and cowboy boots with his legs spread and his hands atop his head as he tried to smile. The three ladies on stage studied his whipped ass as they breathing quicken. The first lady up took the initiative and went and stood right in front of him. "You've been a bad boy Lambepie. A bad bad bad boy."

"Yes ma'am."

"You needs a spanking."

"Yes ma'am."

The woman walked behind him and looked at the raw red marks from the whip. Whereas if there had been none she would have hesitated in spanking hard. But in seeing that his butt was already whipped she had no hesitation at all. No, she thought. She had to give it her all for him to even feel it.

Spank spank spank spank spank. He felt it alright.

The audience applauded.

"What's your name, ma'am," asked the woman in black.

"Gertrude."

"Let's give a hand to Gertrude for giving us a hand."

"Yea yea Gertrude."

Suddenly there was a cry from a back table. "Hey, there's a guy in here."

Sara Lee sprang into action. "Hey Jack, there a man in the house."

- - - - - - - - - -

Jack, Sara Lee's husband and the proprietor of the Jackass Saloon, came storming in to find the culprit being led by his ear to the stage. The culprit was a teenage boy wearing a floor-length dress and bonnet. As Lambepie was gathering up his clothes off the stage floor Jack ripped the boy's bonnet off. Sure enough there was a blue-eyed, sandy-hair head of an eighteen year-old young man.

"What's your name, boy?"

"Ben."

"You're in a load of trouble, you know Ben."

"Yes sir."

"You don't look the type to try to pull this off."

"No sir."

"Somebody sent you."

Silence as the kid look down at his flower-print long dress.

"Well?"

"Please sir, I'll get a whipping if I tells."

"Son, you're going to git a whipping anyway. Right ladies?"

"YEA! WHIP HIS ASS."

"Now who sent you?"

"Pa."

"Your pa? Now why would be do that?"

"Cause ma wouldn't."

"Your ma and pa live in town?"

"No sir. His saloon is over in Dutch's Gulch."

"Saloon, you say. What saloon?" Jack was seen beginning to get the picture.

"The Kiss-Ass Saloon."

The ladies roared in laughter.

"Hell son, if your pa had wanted to know about ladies night I'd a told him. He ain't no competitor of mine."

"I knows sir. It's the other one in Dutch's Gulch."

"That being?"

"The Kick-Ass saloon."

More laughter. This was turning out to be a show in itself.

And it was. Jack had staged the whole affair. Jack raised his hands to silence the audience.

"Ladies, there ain't no Kiss-Ass saloon in Dutch's Gulch and there ain't no Kick-Ass saloon there neither. What say we kick Ben's ass?"

"Kick Ben's ass. Kick his ass. KICK ASS. KICK ASS."

"And who else can kick ass better that Kick-Along Cassidy. Ladies, the Jackass Saloon is proud to present for your enjoyment Mister Charlie Cassidy."

As Jack put Ben's bonnet back and a fiddler joined the piano player in a happy jig, out came a tall cowboy cracking a dog whip with his back to the audience. He was wearing boots and spurs, a plaid shirt, a red scarf and rough brown chaps with tassels over his jeans. The audience gave him a rousing welcoming applause as he smiled to it over his shoulder. By the time he had reached the diminutive young man Jack had left the stage. Now it was just the two performers: The cowboy wiggling his hips with his back to the audience and Ben dressed as a girl.

Now came a drum roll. Something important was about to happen. And indeed it did.

Charlie Cassidy spun around to face the audience for the first time with the broadest of smiles. With his hands on his hips and his long legs spread he proudly presented his credentials - his exposed manly cock and balls which stood upright down there between the rough brown chaps which covered the front of his long legs.

At first there was a stunned silence from the audience but slowly it gave way to a standing ovation. That is what Charlie's stunning cock was capable of doing when it was standing as tall as an elephant's eye. This was so in contrast with the prior act when everything but the man's privates had been exposed. Now only those were presented.

With Ben standing beside him looking at the manly cock with his mouth open in amazement the piano player and fiddler went into a waltz, the famous An der schonen blauen Donau, best known as The Blue Danube Waltz. Rumer has it that its rendition in The Jackass Saloon helped make the piece become the classic that it is today.

Ta ta ta ta taaaa ta ta ta ta Ta ta ta ta taaaaa ta ta ta ta

With each ta ta Charlie would crack his dog whip with a winning smile so wide that his pearly white teeth dazzled the ladies. Pearly white teeth of handsome young men was a common thread of the show this evening.

Now when the dog whip would pop young Ben would cower in fright. He would also grimace whenever Charlie would thill the ladies by thrusting his manly cock at them to another ta ta ta ta. He would even put his hand over his mouth like a lady saying oh my; oh my goodness; oh my goodness gracious. Was that thing meant for him instead of the dog whip? Or both? Oh my my.

Charlie stopped, turned to face the boy and then beckoned him with his finger.

Slowly Ben approached as Charlie stood with his legs spread, his hands on his hips and his cock pointed at the kid. But when Ben reached him Charlie took him by the hand and went into a formal waltz. Obviously they had rehearsed.

Round and round they danced at arm's length with Charlie's cock nodding up and down at the young man still wearing his floor-length dress and bonnet.

When the dance was over Charlie took Ben's hand and together they made a deep bow to the applauding audience. But when Charlie stood up Ben remained bent over in his bow.

Charlie walked behind him and lifted his dress and draped it over his back as both continued to smile. The kid's ass was bare.

Charlie twirled his dog whip high in the air as the drummer went into a drum roll. Then he snapped the whip viciously onto the kid's lily-white ass as the drummer hit his symbol.

The ladies were shocked to see that the cowboy had actually hit the kid with the dog whip. This was no pretense even though the eighteen year-old continued to smile at them. Not only did he smile but he gathered up the dress draped over his back and lifted it up behind him. Now it looked like a giant flower in full bloom.

With Ben bent over and holding his dress up behind him Charlie spun his whip like a cowboy about to toss a lasso. Then he swept it hard down again on his waiting ass.

The ladies looked at the Ben's face for a reaction. But he continued to smile. He looked so cute with his bonnet's ribbon tied beneath his chin. He even had the fortitude to wiggle his butt. Hit it again it beckoned.

Charlie pointed to the wiggling ass so exposed with his print dress held high begging for another. Well awe heck, this guy wasn't going to steal the show.

Charlie pranced around popping his dog whip with his cock and ball on display down there between his chaps. He would stop, arch his back backwards, look up at the ceiling and snap-pop his whip as he gave a few thrusts of his hips. Then he almost ran to Ben and slashed his white ass again.

Now tears could be seen coming from Ben's face beneath his bonnet. Still he struggled to try to maintain his smile. But now his expression became a mixture of smile and grimace as Charlie whipped him again with his forehand and then with his backhand without pausing. Twice the drummer hit his symbol.

Ben partially lost it. Though still bent well over and holding his dress aloft behind him, he began hopping about the stage. This of course gave the ladies a look at his ass and the red marks which the dog whip had made.

Charlie began chase with his cock bobbing about as he dropped his dog whip. The ladies loved the chase with Ben dressed as a woman but holding the dress on high as his whipped ass cheeks bobbled about. Behind him came Charlie in his full cowboy dress with his ramrod cock on display between his rough leather chaps, holding his cowboy hat on high like he was about to ride a bull at a rodeo. Would he catch him? Of course he would.

When he did catch him he untied the ribbon beneath Ben's chin which had been holding his bonnet on. This gave the ladies a better view of his tear-smeared young face with those sparkling blue eyes of his and his sandy hair.

Charlie tossed his hat back which was still held by a cord around his neck. The ladies watched in rapture as he pushed his rough brown leather chaps and cock against the young man's whipped ass and then drew the print dress back. With the dress drawn back he put his hands under it and took a firm grip of his hips.

As the fiddler took up a position beside the couple and began to play Charlie began to hump his whipped prey. With Ben flailing his arms about Charlie's humping forced him forward. To the musical strings of the fiddle the two went into a humping dance. Actually it was more like a parade.

With the dress pulled back the audience couldn't see exactly what was going on beneath it. It could only imagine. But with each vicious hump Ben would truly cringe as if he had just been fully embedded with the cowboy's cock. In actuality his grimacing was in response to those rough chaps scraping over his whipped ass. Charlie's cock had not penetrated. It was just poking around like an old cow hand.

Sara Lee came on stage and began clapping his hands to the rhythm of the fiddler's music. "Come on gals." So the ladies in the audience joined her in the clapping. What a show!

With the fiddler following along playing I'm an old cow hand, from the Rio Grande, and Sara Lee clapping, Charlie and Ben humped their way to a stage wing. With a wave of his cowboy hat Charlie humped Ben off the stage behind the stage curtain.

"Encore. Encore," demanded the ladies.

After a moment Charlie and Ben returned to center stage where they stood side by side and bowed, still fully dressed and smiling. Just like a Broadway show save for one detail.

All could see that Charlie was still rock-hard.