The Killer Robot Alternative

Who doesn't like the Big Bang Theory? We all know Penny isn't averse to using her natural assets to get her own way, so I decided to do a 'Sliding doors' alternative to a story we already know. The first part mirrors the actual show, but the after that the character move from CBS to HBO. For those impatient to read the plot search for 'So close' and skip to the sexy bits.

The killer robot alternative

Scene: Stairwell

Penny is climbing the stair sorting out her keys when a robot explodes through the boy's door with its huge circular saw spinning dangerously. Her keys and phone go everywhere as she screams and runs back down the stairs.

Scene: Boys apartment.

Penny walks back up to the boys hunched over their robot "What the hell?" she asks.

"Killer robot. We built it." Replies Leonard pointing at the dangerous device.

"Yeah, well, it almost killed me."

Sheldon leans in and adds "If it wanted to kill you, you'd be dead."

Penny continues "So, who exactly does it want to kill?"

Sheldon acting surprised "I'm sorry, are you unaware of the upcoming Southern California Robot Fighting League Round Robin Invitational?"

Penny deadpanned back "You know, since I moved last year, not all my mail has been forwarded."

Howard looks up from picking splinters of wood from the robot and addresses Penny.

"It's a big deal. There's an awards banquet and a dance afterward. Perhaps you'd like to come with me? I know the other fellas would be really excited to see a girl there." he says trying to look suave.

"How is it supposed to be a dance if I'm the only girl?"

Howard shrugs "Well, that may be a slight exaggeration. You'd be the only doable girl."

Penny spits back "You're a pig, Howard."

He turns to the others for support "How is doable anything but a compliment?"

Leonard tries to break the tension "Howard, why don't we just work on the robot?"

Howard, still staring at Penny "Please, Leonard, not now. Once again, Penny and I have begun our little tango."

In a high squeaky voice Penny asks "Our tango?"

Howard saunters towards Penny "The carnal repartee, the erotic to and fro. But as delicious as the appetizer might be, at some point we will have to succumb and eat the entree while it's still... hot."

Leonard leans in behind Howard "I'm begging you, stop talking."

Penny replies. "Look, normally I can just ignore you. I mean, I get it, you're a little peculiar. You know, like Sheldon."

Sheldon looks up from tinkering with the robot "Yeah, excuse me, Penny, but in this room, you're the one who's peculiar."

Under her breath she replies "Yeah, you might be right." Before continuing with Howard "But back to you. I know you think you're some sort of smooth-talking ladies' man, but the truth is, you are just pathetic and creepy."

Howard less certain of his ground "Um, so what are you saying?"

Penny becoming more and more strident "I am saying it is not a compliment to call me doable. It's not sexy to stare at my ass and say, 'Ooh, it must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that.' And most important, we are not dancing a tango, we're not to'ing and fro'ing. Nothing is ever going to happen between us. Ever!"

Howard reached up to take off his safety goggles "Wait a minute. This isn't flirting, you're serious."

Her voice rises even further "Flirting? You think I'm flirting with you? I am not flirting with you. No woman is ever gonna flirt with you. You're just gonna grow old and die alone."

Howard's shoulders slump and all bravado evaporates from his body language "Thanks for the heads up." And walks listlessly out the door.

"Howard, where you going?" calls Leonard

"I'm going home to live my creepy, pathetic life." He replies from the stairwell.

After a stunned couple of seconds Leonard says "Wow."

"Well, someone had to say it." She replies.

Raj whispers in Leonard's ear and they both snigger.

"What?" she asks.

Leonard gestures to Raj "He said maybe we should enter you in the killer robot competition."

Scene: Outside Penny's door.

Leonard walks up and knocks.

Penny opens it. "Hey."

Leonard's nervously playing with his fingers. "Hey, you got a minute?"

Penny waves into the apartment "Yeah, come on in. What's up?"

"I need you to apologize to How..."

Penny interrupts Leonard. "Get out."

Leonard continues doggedly "Come on. Wolowitz won't come out of his house and we need him for a robot battle."

Penny walks towards her kitchenette "Well, then have the robot go and get him."

Leonard follows after "The robot didn't hurt his feelings."

Penny returns to drying her dishes "His feelings needed to be hurt."

"He's been in bed for two days."

Penny interrupts again "Yeah, probably with a blow-up doll."

"He's not with a..." Leonard starts, considers who he's talking about and continues "Does it really matter who or what he's with? The guy is devastated."

Throwing down the cloth in exasperation. "Oh, please, how could I possibly devastate Howard?"

Leonard, taking half a step back "Okay, don't take this as a criticism, but you do kind of have that overexposed-to-gamma-rays thing going on."

"What does that mean?" she asks.

"You know, like, most of the time, you're the easy-going Bruce Banner, but then, when you get angry, you kinda turn into, like, you know, grrrrr!" Leonard tries to pull a muscular pose.

"I turn into a bear?" she asks confused

Leonard surprised "Seriously? Gamma rays? Bruce Banner? You didn't get The Incredible Hulk from that? Never mind, just, please go talk to him."

Ignoring this aside Penny says "And say what? That I didn't mean it? Because I meant it."

Leonard suggests "Well, maybe you can go at it from a different angle, like, um, you see a glimmer of goodness in him and you only said what you said because you want to nurture it and make it shine."

To which Penny simply replies "Oh, pthththth." sticking her tongue out.

Pulling out his trump card "Okay, let's try it this way. Remember the day that we first met and you asked me to go to your boyfriend's apartment to get your TV back and he was nine feet tall and he took my pants off and you said... what was that? What did you say? Oh, yes, you said you owed me one."

Penny tries to wheedle out "Okay, come on, that's not fair." But Leonard is undaunted

"I came home with no pants."

Penny, realizing she had no escape. "Fine, I'll go over there tomorrow."

Leonard, having won her over, heads towards the door "Thank you. I should probably give you a heads up about his mother."

Penny looks up. "What about her?"

Leonard chickens out "She's a delightful woman. You'll love her." And leaves.

Scene: Howard's Bedroom.

In a gravelly Jewish voice. "Howard, there's a blonde girl Patsy, here to see you!"

Howard, who's sitting in front of his computer. "Who?"

"Okay, now she's saying its Penny."

Howard stops typing and turns towards the door. "I don't want to talk to her."

Penny enters the room. "Hey."

Howard sits up in annoyance and yells "Ma!"

His mother voice replies. "She ran past me. What was I supposed to do? Tackle her?"

Penny stands just inside the door, hands in pockets. "So, I just came by to see how you were doing."

Howard replies with resignation. "I'm fine."

Feeling awkward in Howard's room for the first time, she tries for small talk. "Good. Your mom seems nice."

Howard nods towards the door. "People move away from her on the bus! What do you want?" he asks annoyed.

Penny approaches, hesitantly. "Okay... look... Howard...I just want to apologize for some things that I have said." each phrase is greeted by a resigned glower of disbelief. Seeing no response, she added. "About you." Glower, "I've been informed that you have feelings." She adds as if this was news to her. "And apparently, I have hurt them." Glower, "So, I'm sorry." Finally adding lamely "Howard." It's obvious she is struggling to make this apology and Howard sits staring at her with nothing on his face but the desire for Penny to stop talking.

Howard rises and walks towards the door. "Fine, you're sorry. Good-bye." He pulls it open for Penny to leave.

"So, you're okay?"

"Hey, I'm a big boy. I'm not traumatized by some random comment from some random woman. I mean, get over yourself." With this he gestures to the door.

"Okay. Well, bye." She says relieved that this had gone so well, and walks out the door. Once the door has closed she hears weeping from the other side. "So close" She says, admitting defeat and turns back to Howard's room.

As she walked back in she saw Howard weeping into his satin pillow. Sci-fi figurines were on every shelf - mainly scantily clad female aliens and posters on the walls echoed the theme. Two crossed light sabres framed the headboard. She could hardly believe she was about to do this and as she closed the door Howard looked up annoyed to see her.

"Right if that apology didn't work, how about my other one?"

Howard's expression changes from annoyance to confusion.

"Well in the past when I've had to apologise to a boyfriend for scratching his car or a professor for missing a deadline, or that cop that one time." Stopping, embarrassed, she returns to the subject - "Well, when I've had to apologise to men and my normal apology doesn't work, well... I've never failed with a blow job!"

Howard abruptly sits up, open mouthed as she stands in the middle of his room with her hands behind her back, deliberately thrusting her chest out and twisting at the shoulders to cause her breasts to sway back and forth.

"It's some trick right?"

"No. It's a genuine, one time only offer, I made you feel bad and now I'm offering to make you feel better" She grins in a wicked way and adds "A whole hell of a lot better."

Howard is up and off his bed, torn between lust and distrust. "It's got to be a trick right, you're going to pretend until I'm out of my pants than laugh at my junk, take a picture or something and ridicule me for the rest of my life?"

Still moving her breasts from side to side, she just reassures him "No, nothing like that, just a blow job. Then we're all back to normal again."

"Yeah right" Howard replies, unconvinced. "Like I'm going to trust you and drop my pants"

Penny stops her hypnotic movements and Howard's eyes finally stops tracking her breasts.

"Ok, here's what I'm going to do. Obviously you've no reason to trust me at the moment." Howard nods in agreement.

Penny grasps the hem of her tight t-shirt with both hands and pulls it up and over her head in one quick movement. Howard is greeted by the sign of her beautiful breasts encased in a sheer bra. The sight he's yearned for, ever since meeting her, and secretly fantasises about on soapy bath nights. Reaching behind her Penny unclips the bra and continues talking. "You get to looks at 'the girls' and..." with this, she shrugs the bra from her shoulders and drops it to the floor. With both hands she lifts and squeezes her full breasts. Howard has lost the power of speech and his knees buckle, dropping him on the edge of the bed.

"I think you'll agree this proves it's a genuine offer." Releasing her breasts for Howard to see. "That I'm not trying to trick you." As she says this she moves to Howard's side and kneels in front of him.

As she reaches for his large belt buckle, he dreamily reaches out to touch her peachy flesh. She bats him away, saying firmly. "Looking only, no touching."

She finally undoes his belt and button. With a practised tug she pulls down his zip and reaches for the top of his boxers. She notices in surprise that's he's wearing black silk boxers and not some superhero themed y-fronts.

Howard panics and grabs her hand. "Look Penny I know you've been with a lot of men".

"Some" she corrects.

"Well I know you usually go for big brawny guys and I just want you to know that not all of us are built the same"

"It's ok sweetie" she adds "I've seen a lot of different ones, well when I say a lot I means some, well a few." She stops herself having got side-tracked herself again "OK I just saying I'm sure I'll not be disappointed. Shall we continue?"

Howards releases her hand and she grips the boxer's waistband and pulls it out and down.

Out springs Howards half erect penis which has been growing the moment Penny's naked breasts came into view.

"Wow!" Penny explains and adds under her breath. "Not disappointed at all."

With her free hand and surprising delicacy, she reaches out and strokes the swollen cock. It's not the biggest, she thinks, but it certainly looks appetising. The circumcised tip seemed almost to throb its purple desire and she leaned forward to give it a kiss. Howard moaned and she quickly enveloped the glans in her warm moist mouth. Tickling the tip with her tongue she soon had it coated in saliva and her pink lipstick stained lips wrapped around it as she gently moved her head back and forth applying a gentle pressure. Looking up she saw Howard's eye's closed in ecstasy and she smiled to herself, she'd always been proud of her oral skills and once she got started she always finish, regardless of who was on the other end of the cock.

After a couple of the most ecstatic minutes for Howard, she stopped and he opened his eyes in disappointment. Penny simply leans back and tapped his leg. "Lose the pants and boxers." she said matter-of-factly and Howard leapt to his feet and nearly fell in his haste to remove his clothes. Penny almost laughed as he tangled his pants around his elevated platform cowboy boots and suggested "It's easier if you take your boots off first."

Howard lay on the floor yanking first one then the other boot before standing naked from the waist down, erection pointing out like some strange purple tipped pan handle. Penny smiled and patted the bed again but Howard grabbed a pillow and offered it to Penny to kneel on.

"Thanks sweetie." She said as they both got back in place. Taking his manhood between her parted lips, she always loves giving blow jobs. The power and control she felt with the man entirely at her mercy, but also she felt vulnerable and slutty at being used. She'd get so turned on, sometimes she thought it was better than sex. 'No!' she considered after a moment, perhaps not.

Building up the pressure she slides her mouth further down his dick and as she pulls back she spots a tiny mark from where her smudged lipstick had marked it. Taking this as a challenge she worked her way lower, taking more and more into her mouth. Howard's moans were loud enough to worry Penny, she'd not locked the door and she didn't want to be found this way by Howard's mother.

With a wicked thought and a tingle in her pussy she reconsidered "It might be rather exciting to be discovered devouring this cock."

Without realising it, she'd started to rub her breasts along Howard's hairy legs and the friction was pulling at her nipples in a very pleasant a way. Gradually she was thinking more about the yearning from breasts than about getting Howard off. Grabbing Howard's hands, she pulled them onto her breasts. Howard opened his eyes in surprise, but all she could do was look him in the eyes and nod slightly as her mouth was far too busy.

'Wow!' Howard thought, they feel incredible, better than anything I've ever imagined. A million thought ran through Howard's mind, trying to remember all he'd read about foreplay, how much he was enjoying this, but it kept coming back to "Wow!"

Feeling Howard was getting close she started masturbating his cock with one hand while cupping and gently squeezing his balls with the other. Her mouth and tongue concentrating on the tip. Picking up the pace, sucking harder in time with the squirming of Howard's hips. Any second now she thought and with a gasp and a spasm, hot salty sperm shot up his rod and into her mouth. While she'd been expecting it, the volume caught her by surprise and as she pulled back a second spurt caught her chin before a third and final spurt splashed down on to her breasts. Howard collapsed back in the bed while she caught her breath and instinctively wiped cum from her chin and licked her fingers clean.

Penny was very pleased with herself, she'd paid off her favour to Leonard, restored Howard's self-confidence and enjoyed herself more than she'd expected. As she stood and looked for something to wipe the cum from her breasts, she spotted a family size box of tissues on Howard's night stand. With a knowing smile that Howard would be using this visit for his masturbatory fantasied for a long time to come, she took a handful and wiped her chest clean. Her nipples where incredibly sensitive as she wiped them clean and her damp panties seemed to cling to her pussy as she bent to retrieve her bra and t-shirt. She grabbed Howards discarded boxers and dropped them over his naked cock and turned to leave feeling she'd done a good job.

But her pussy was telling her it wasn't ready to go just yet. She got her hand on the door knob before the demands from her pussy convinced her to change her mind. "Damn it!"

Howard dreamily asked. "What?" from the bed.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." she said under her breath, "It was supposed to be a blow job, job done and out of here." As she said this she'd pulled her t-shirt up and over her head again, Howard looked up in time to see her lose the bra for a second time and grinned dreamily at the sight, unsure what was happening this time.

"Scoot over" she added, as in a single movement her tight shorts and thong hit the floor next to the bed. Fully awake now and eyes wide in surprise, Howard slid across the bed as Penny lay down next to him, still taking to herself. "You give a guy a blow job, that's supposed to be it, why do you always end up having sex with them instead."

Howard had scooted so far he'd almost fell of the over side, Penny lay up across the middle and spread her legs.

"My turn." she said turning to look at Howards. He immediately caught on and shuffled down between her thighs.

"Do you know what to do?" she asked looking down.

He reply's "Are you kidding, I'd an expert." at Penny's questioning glance he added. "Well in theory anyway."

As she lay back waiting to enjoy herself, she closed her eyes and felt pleasant sensations as Howard's fingers gently caressing her thighs. Pleased and surprised he hadn't just dived in.

The real reason for this was Howard was kneeling just below her knees staring up at the naked goddess in front of him. While he wasn't a virgin, the couple of fat chicks at comic-con and a couple of drunk girls from a bar at the end of the night who'd either pass out or just lay there. They'd never really satisfied him. He's tried hookers a couple of times but the whole business transaction took the satisfaction out of it for him, here he was heaven, nirvana and any other place where angels lay naked and exposed on your bed. He was running his hands lightly up and down her legs from behind her knees to a hair breath from her crotch. As he drew his fingers back he gently dragged his nails down her fresh which caused the horny young woman beneath him to tremble. He looked up to her face and saw the flushed cheeks and neck leading down to her smooth shoulders and down to her perfect breasts. The erectness of her nipples looked almost painful and he leaned forward and blew gently over each nipple in turn. Penny moaned and squirmed in pleasure as he returned down her smooth pale stomach with the small bugle between her belly button and her public region. A cute blonde landing strip pointed invitingly down to her mons and he stared at the object of his fantasies from just a few inches away. He'd seem millions of vaginas on the internet but he honestly considered this to be the prettiest.