The Kilted Irishmen’s Challenge

It was Saint Patrick's Day, which is a drinking holiday unto itself, but combine it with my birthday and it's really a reason to celebrate. I was out at the local Irish pub with two of my girlfriends because they thought it was the best thing that total strangers would buy me more drinks than I could ever think of consuming just for the simple fact that my birthday landed on Saint Patrick's Day. They even thanked my mother for this every year, the drunks that they are.

We were sitting at the bar, which was packed with fellow drunks, who, even if they weren't Irish, they were for the day. The music was loud, the crowd was even louder. People kept coming in and it seemed like no one ever left. I was watching the door because, well my girlfriends had found a couple of guys and I was kinda being ignored and left out of the conversation going around the group. At least I didn't have to worry about a ride home since I only lived a few blocks away. I knew after a few more rounds, the girls were going home with these guys no matter what.

The door opened and three guys wearing kilts walked in. I'm talking full kilt get up. Leave it to guys not to mind wearing the same outfit as all the other guys. A woman would never be caught dead doing that. I guess the only empty spot near the bar in the place was next to me. At least maybe I'd have some one to talk to. As the three guys placed their beer orders, the bartender was kind enough to inform them it was my birthday. They, of course, like most of the rest of the bar, insisted on buying me a drink. Unlike the 30 or so beers before them, these guys decided to buy me an Irish Car Bomb. I knew I was gonna be fun in the morning after this.

We toasted to my birthday and Ireland then they introduced themselves. The one closest to me was Sean. He was a big boy. If he was a woman and that fat, he'd be wearing a muumuu and not a kilt. He was a little arrogant and defiantly not my type at all. He was the kind of guy who walked in a room and you just knew without even letting him open his mouth, he had the word "asshole" stamped on his forehead in invisible ink, and if the neon lights from the bar hit it just right, you could see it blinking.

The next guy's name was Brian. He was kinda cute in that puppy dog way. He was the guy who was friends with all the girls but never had a girlfriend. He was the clown of the bunch most defiantly. He had strawberry blonde hair poking out from under a backwards baseball hat and the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. Thanks to Brian's hat, I figured out that they were in a pipe and drum band and probably had just gotten done with a parade somewhere. Before I was even introduced to the third guy, they confirmed my suspicions and told me they just got back from the parade in New York City. I also found out that Brian only lived around the corner from me and we'd probably be walking home together.

The third guy was a dead ringer for Ben Affleck with a few pounds on him. He was adorable. He was kinda quiet compared to the other two, but when he said something, it was good. He had an amazing smile and, well I wouldn't have minded going home with him. His name was Patrick and he was well on his way to quite a hangover in the morning.

The other group of guys left with my friends, so I was left alone with three guys in kilts. Brian, the clown that he was kept showing off by lifting his kilt up to show off his legs. I asked him what he had on under the kilt and if it was true that they didn't wear anything under their kilts. Brian turned around without a word and pulled up the back of his kilt. Low and behold the boy wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing under his kilt. Sean turned around and did the same thing. For a second I thought I went blind from the light of that big pure white ass.

Patrick needed some encouragement to show us his goods and two more beers, but after a few minutes of me begging him and his buddies breaking his balls, he gave in and that was one nice ass. He showed us long enough for me to take notice that he had a birthmark on his right cheek.

We continued drinking and laughing and having a good time when we all started getting a little horny. One of the downsides of drinking when you're single. I asked Brian if it was true that Irishmen wore a ribbon around their manhood like in the old Irish folk song the DJ just played about a guy waking up and finding a ribbon tied around his cock when he woke up to take a piss after passing out drunk.

I had a really wild idea in my head so I suggested we all play a game.

I went in my purse and grabbed a couple of ribbons. If they were going to go bare under their kilts, we should be able to award them with prizes for the best equipment.

"I have an idea you guys may like. Every good Irishman should be wearin' just a ribbon under his kilt, so we're going to judge which one of the three of you should get first prize." I smiled and continued on with explaining my idea to everyone.

"I will give you each points for three separate categories. Who ever scores the most over all will win the Ribbon and oral sex. You'll get between one and five points for length, width and hardness. Five being the best and one is the least."

I guess the guys agreed to it because suddenly I had three guys in kilts stroking themselves in a dark corner of the bar to get hard for me to judge them. I just laughed and went over to the bar to get my purse to get paper and pens to write down their points and a ruler to be fair.

I gave the guys a few minutes to prepare for our little game, and then I started to inspect them for their points. If I was sober, I wouldn't have even had the faintest idea to do this, but they were game and who knows, this could lead to something.

The first one up, excuse the pun, was Sean. You could tell he was full-blooded Irish. He defiantly had the Irish curse under his kilt. The poor boy was a total of four and three quarter inches hard, but he was rock hard and at least he wasn't a pencil dick. I gave him a two for size, a five for hardness and a four for width. He wound up with an overall score of eleven.

The next one to go was Brian. He was a good nine and a half inches long, but he was probably about three quarters hard and he was defiantly a pencil dick. The boy wasn't even as thick as his drumstick. I scored him the same without even thinking about it. He was a five for length, three for hardness and a one for width for a total of nine.

When we got to Patrick, he had a beer in one hand and his cock in the other. I had to laugh considering how shy he was when we first met earlier in the evening. He was an average size. Bigger than Sean, but like most men on this planet, smaller than Brian. He was a respectable six and a half inches. Rock hard to the point where I think Pat could have rested his beer on it and it wouldn't have tipped over, and he was close to three inches thick. I gave Patrick a four for size, a five for hardness and a five for width, bringing his grand total up to fourteen and hands down the winner for the night.

The other two bitched about loosing then Brian started breaking Sean's balls about being hung like a hamster and Sean stormed out all pissed off. Patrick asked when I was putting his prize on for him and I smiled. He's the one I wanted to win anyway.

I kneeled on the floor in front of Pat with the ribbon in hand, but seeing a rock hard cock in front of me and a stomach full of liquid encouragement, so I put my mouth around his cock instead of the ribbon. He gasped as I started to move my mouth up and down his shaft, so I must have taken him by surprise but as I continued, he began to relax and enjoy it. I stroked him with both hands as I flicked my tongue over the ridge of his cock head. Patrick threw his head back, with his eyes closed, moaning with each touch.

He started to beg me to ride him, but I refused, sucking him harder and faster until he begged me to stop. I could feel the tension building in his balls as I played with them in my mouth. I licked him one more time then decided he was going to come for me now. I wrapped both hands around his shaft and put my mouth on his head. I stroked and sucked him at the same time until he came with a yelp and a string of prayers. I swallowed his load as he pumped hot cum into my mouth. I felt him go limp and I licked the last little bit of cum off of him then stood up. He was still involved with his conversation with God as I asked him to come home with me for round two of the game.

I never did get to put that bonnie blue ribbon on the first prize winner. I'll have to do it again some other time.