All Comments on 'The Lazy Lemon Sun Ch. 04'

Awesome story! Thanks!

A GREAT story with an excellent ending (maybe not?)

Couldnt put it down once I started reading. Great writing has characteristic, When your finished you dont want it to end. Dont stop writing, I like all your stories. Thanks for sharing part of you with me. Keep up the good work.

You had me pulling my hair out about how many times she cheated on him while he was saving that poor innocent man's life, but that's just an illustration of excellently you crafted the story. Well done. Well done.

I thought there was not much "drama" in this story. Of course, it was well written as all of your posting are but relatively dull. The overall impression I got was that this could have been written by DGH or SS06, both of which are inferior story tellers to you.

I disagree with likebob. DGH and SS06 both have their own style and I have really grown to appreciate especially their later work. All three of you are good story tellers and I appreciate what each of you do.

I liked it a lot.

Thank you so much.

This story was amazing! I couldn't stop reading it.

I couldnt take my eyes off this all day, all four chapters. I loved the development of Mark and the realisation of what his family truely were, even with their own flesh and blood - political monsters.

But Mark and his nephew, Sandy and Clarice... Amazing characters that kept me in wrapt attention to the distration of my job (I work for my husband) and I think he's gonna give me a spanking like Sandy got haha.

Amazing... loved it :) 5 Stars!

It was wonderful. Your stories have a true arc to them that many writers on this site fail to capture. You focus on the characters and their stories and it ends up being a beautiful work.

Thank you

I found this story about 3 hours ago. It's now finished and I could but wish for another 20 or so chapters. Engaging characters inside a well written story thank you for sharing.

I liked it overall. I'm kind of disappointed that the parent's didn't suffer any real consequences for what they did, especially Mark's mom. Losing their kids isn't much considering they didn't see them as anything but pawns or props for their political gains. I thought Rebecca was a very two dimensional character , if anything she came across as extremely selfish. I would have liked to get more details around Clarice's rape, what Steve was doing after the rape that caused his death? Was he running in fear of what he did? Was he just an asshole going out for a drunken/or drugged up drive after the rape. Was he trying to run to establish an alibi, maybe running for mother? What kind of guy was Steve and his general state of mind and how did his mother factor into it?

Real feelings. Sexual and other wise. Thank you

Real depth. Amazing work. Couldn't stop reading it and I'm gonna pay for it tomorrow. Should have been in bed a couple hours ago. Loved the Zevon reference. RIP Warren. Enjoy every sandwich.

Loved the story, really got sucked into Sandy and Mark's lives!

You know I enjoy your writing and your thinking for that matter -

This was a winner - thanks so much for it even the second time -

I have waited to comment until now - with few exceptions the writing was clear and concise - the actions direct and effective - really well done. The few issues are the type a content editor should have picked up for you - name shifts by mistake or lack of punctuation to keep a point on target.

Nothing of significance that I can put a finger on. The story line is unpleasantly plausible even likely in the "good ole' South" there has always been a female driven, managed power base there just as there has been in New England with the matriarchy they just don't usually go so far into manipulations like that - train the girls to do what she did yes but not betray their son's quite that way.

Not too long but certainly not short - thanks again for your work and for sharing it -

So far, I've read about half of your stories. I was hooked with the first chapter of the first story. I don't hand out compliments like candy, but I will tell you I plan to read all the rest. You have skill and style. You might consider adding plot twists and surprise endings to your arsenal. Not criticism at all, just an old writer passing along an idea.

Plenty of great writing, though I laughed at 'with his bear hands' (should have been bare).

Keep it up!

Amazingly well written. Seldom have I read such a good story on this site.

Aright, so it was very well written. However, this man was the but of every joke, comment, and derogatory statement one could think of in his families circle. His wife knew he didn't know of the arranged marriage and treated him like shit behind his back. Yes he got the girl he always wanted, but at what cost? His pride as not only a man but as a human being was torn apart, cast down, and burned by people that were supposed to love him. He should have gone to the press and told them all of what transpired from start to finish and ruined both sets of parents. You should have let him divorce his fake wife and find someone that would actually love him for him and not because they were put up to it. His biggest mistake was being insecure, that could have been cured by a real wife.

The situation was too screwed up to just lump Sandy in with the parents.

She is manipulated by her parents into an arranged marriage.

She originally thought he was in on the deal.

She fell in love with him.

She began to suspect that he didn't know about the arrangement, but didn't dare tell him because she thought she'd lose him.

She had a half-assed affair because she thought he was dumping her. And with all the crap that had gone on, this isn't like some woman believing her husband's "old buddy" that he saw the husband with a blonde in Vegas. I think she can be forgiven for being screwed up in the head, under the circumstances.

When she realizes he wasn't pulling away from her, she ends the affair immediately and does her best with their marriage.

She comes after him when he runs and is willing to break with her family and give up their previous lifestyle to be with him.

I think she's forgiveable without an irrevocable loss of manhood on his part.

Easily one of the best written stories in Lit...bar none. I may not be much of a writer, but I know my reading. Now I got the rest.

Thanks.

No, mate, it's way past just erotica (though there were some good bits).

It's literature.

Over the 4 parts, there was the odd occasion where the wrong name was used, and once where it moved from 1st person to 3rd...

But who gives a flying fuck about silly little technical errors? Who's perfect?

You breathed life into some great characters, and after reading all 4 parts in 1 sitting, I know I'll come back to reacquaint myself with it again sometime, and probably sooner than later.

5 stars all the way.

Now I gotta just go back and see if that idiot DWhore-Knock left his usual drivel so I can laugh at what an ass he... or she... is.

Dan

*****! great story great ending. Thanks!

Great story. Well-differentiated characters. Smooth dialogue. Nice scenarios. And good use of the language. Except, the proper country expression is: Rode hard n' put up wet. Put "away" wet is way too genteel; sounds like something you'd hear at the dressage gymkhana. Seriously, thanks for an enjoyable, well-told yarn.

Great story, good character development, engaging plot, feel good ending. More please.

Look fwd to seeing you on the shelves in those fancy bookstores!

:)

Great story, thank you. Each character is a thread in a fascinating pattern, and I couldn't wait to see where each thread would end up!

my first comment on this site and i gotta say you are one terrific writer

Terrific story ! The dialog is crisp and flows naturally. The characters are so real I can see them in my mind . Even the filler prose is not just filler and throw away, but sets the tone and mood for the following exchange and scene.

I've only just discovered your work and can't wait to read the rest.

By the way, call me soppy, but I love the happy ending.

simply awesome...u r a terrific writer..thumbs up!!

Work of art -Fantastic

a good read...well turned

It's truly sad that so many consider this great writing. You folks need to get off the site and visit a library.

This would make a good movie.

Get to work on the screen play.

Just read this story back to back, my first time posting a comment. An absolutley amazing read. Keep up your terrific work.

First time to read your writing. Enjoyed all of it. Write a novel.

BORING

Thanks Rehnquist for a great read. It was good to have a happy ending.

But I feel that they needed to divorce, some type of closure to the past to start on fresh slates with a that was our old marriage and now we start new and better kind of attitude.

I know I'm not making much sense and am kind of rambling, anyway thanks for this great story Rehn

Great work brother. Read all four back to back. Quite realistic portrayal of broken dreams and shattered perceptions. Your main character, Mark, is a good choice. Not an alpha male but strong in important areas. Love the symbolism of his 'ripped body' under the soft clothes exterior - his strong character under his soft caring persona.

A tour de force. Thanks for the read.

Good story, believable, couple of twists and turns.

Anybody who says this is boring must be reading a different story. This a great read with strong characters and a very real storyline.

I only spotted one mistake. I think it was in part 2 where Mark was with Rebecca and had mentioned Sandy. The next dialogue part you had Rebecca as Sandy. Lol. But your story was simply sublime. It reminded me of my own failed marriage in the sense that you really don't know what your loved one is thinking of. Not ever!!!! Untill it's usually too late to repair. Thank you for such a terrific ride.

Real good story.. Very creative and realistic story line.. Nice work dude!

I read that somewhere...

Thanks for the brilliant story. Well written and crafted to evoke a reaction in readers, a variety of reactions actually. Thank you.

This should be a published book. great read keep up the enjoyable work.

I wrote it was boring

I do write it again.

it was boring. my fault, obviously: english is not my first language.

what really I don't like is the suppression of my comment.

if only positive comment are accepted, you can say it.

Lead us one way, take us another. An old story line brought in with a new twist. As always, well conceived, well constructed, great character development, and despite the length, never a dull moment. My only issue (and its really ticky tacky, I know): does he have to be so perfect? Brilliant lawyer who always stands up for the little guy, always does the right thing, perpetually dedicated husband, good looking, good cook, musician, songwriter, incredible physique (everywhere), mysterious, amazing lover, etc. He's but a motorbike away from the perfect romance novel cliche. Still, spectacularly done. 5* is your minimum score with me for every story you've submitted here.

Loved it! It should be a novel..

I am an avid reader of books and love twisted or complex plots (like Steig Larsons triology). This is the first time i've ever posted a comment but felt I had to. Keep writing as you have a natural talent. I can see why this is in the Hall Of Fame, Keep up the great work!!!!!!!!!!

Right amount of angst lawyer with

A heart? Only in fantasy

but i was wrong. i'm going back and hitting 5 for each chapter.

After I read the first installment of this I thought I wouldn't bother reading the rest. After all, I come here to read about sex and there wasn't much in it. I return often to the Loving Wives section, since that's what I'm currently attracted to. I noticed that segments of this serial were repeatedly in the top ten of rated stories, so I decided finally to sit down and read them all.

And I enjoyed them a lot. Like everybody here says, the writing is top notch. I identify with Mark and with you too, since I am also a lawyer with a little interest in writing. All the characters were interesting and all of them are ones I want to know more about. Nicely done.

This is one of the best stories on here, and others have said, we typically come here to read about sex, but man, this was..purely amazing. Keep up the great work! Loved it!! 5 stars...would have given it more but..ya know lol

Great Job!

I thought they were extinct!

What a superbly written story - once I started to read it I couldn't stop.

Very well done - without doubt one of the best reads on this site!

Wow just so great, so very well done just a totally great read. Thanks. Jean

Was surprised to find such a great piece on this site. Reminded me of Erich Segal's Love Story for some reason. Thoroughly enjoyed reading this - Thankyou!

Thought I'd just dip into this story before retiring. Ended up reading it all until 4:00 am. Excellent. Extremely good character development, along with thoughtful plotting makes this just an outstanding read. Very nice work.

Well Done, Bravo! Excellent! I think that pretty much sums it up.

Thank you for greate pleasure.

At the end of story heart was

filled by warm and joy - something close to be a catarsis.

once again your writing leaves me in awe

Not sure why it was on Literotica. I'm new to this site. Maybe I don't understand it yet. Anyway, thanks for a great read.

...and I still think this is equal to "Goin' back home again" - well, almost!

This is an extremely close second to GBHA Rehnquist. I would like to follow HDK's exhortation to criticize you and make you grow, but I can't fault this or GBHA so I can only compliment you on your storytelling skills.

This and GBHA join DQS1's "Separate Vacations" and GaryAPB's excellent "Back to Bristol" as my favorite repeat reads!

It's wonderful to have such excellent reading available for free!

Thanks once again.

Norm

Just kinda using a Sandy-ism, this awesome story was the awesomest I've ever read at this website. You must be a published author! Yes, I know there were plenty of hiccups along the way, but the story line was splendid. Now I'm forced to read all of your stories...well...nobody is holding a gun to my head. Keep posting more stories. BTW, you got a 5 from me--foregone conclusion.

I loved this story. Brought tears to my eyes at times. That is quite an accomplishment.

This story is worthy of wider publication. I enjoyed it and hope you follow through with your talents and find a way to get your work in front of a more diverse audience.

In one of your stories the comments after was a nasty one calling you a dirty brit.most of your stories revolve around the chicago area therefore I think your american.It doesent matter though your tales are great. ron from the usa

I really liked this story, the characters were really relatable, and the story was more complex and interesting that most I've read on the same theme. Keep up the good work!

Now have to apologize to wife for being so late to bed.

Why is it that the second read is always better than the first? No rush to see what you envisioned is what I could see? Diminished expectations or at least a release of tension knowing the ending? The ability to read through your writing to see the toons as you portrayed them? Wonderful piece, masterfully written. Thank you for sharing your vision with us. You truly are a talented writer, i hope that getting this down on paper allows you to sleep...

I thought it was great, you really showed how hurt he was, but in the end he and Sandy were victims or the quest for power. I even found myself pleased that the little boy's wasn't his Dad's. Genuinely it was a great story, thank you for sharing it with us.

your character development and plot evolutions are remarkable. i have not read all of your work but i will. yes i am an english/literature major.

This is the second time I've read this story and I enjoyed just as much as the first time. I may have already commented but skipped reading through the nearly 300 comments to find my ravings.

As usual your stories have very well done characters, a good plot, and some gentle twists that grab and hold a readers attention.

In many ways, when I write a story, I try to emulate the way you describe and flesh out your characters.

Thanks for the hard work and hope to read more from you in the future.

Woodmanone

i know that you havent written a story in along time and i dont know if you check the comments or the feedback on this site but i will write this comment anyway, I liked the way you write very much, i like several aspects of the story and especially its originality but I didnt like the husband character very much, i understand the need to pull yourself away after discovering such betrayal, but the way he did it without lashing out at the people who betrayed him is wimpy, also suspecting her affair and saying nothing about and bring it back after three years in such anger makes it hard to believe that the three years were really happy with all this anger, and finally the discussion he had with the two female lawyers with one of them pushing him back to his marriage, well wasnt he taking advise from a former cheater?

i forgot to add, in all his conversations and most of his actions the husband sounded and seemed so wimpy to the point that he would fit perfectly in one of JPB cuckold stories,

in our cartoon graveyard...

Anyway, nice piece - I do think you are one of the best writing here. Here's hoping you still give us the free bit every now and again.

I do think that the characters in this one are still a bit... too perfect, as someone else said. Trying for archtypes, as DQS is prone to do? Don't know... but even the funny looking guys like me kinda want the cute chick, now and again.

Green-something

(but should funny looking guys get the cute chick? And would they be happy if they did? Which is sorta the question that DQS was getting on about... amongst others.)

This is prolly the best story I've read here. The story line is consistant the characters fleshed out and rounded and the events believable in the context of human behavior. Why are you not writing books?

Finding stories such as this is a great reward.

The characters & their development is great. The pace perfect.

Thank you!

I keep hoping that you'll grace us with any story soon!

I had the honor of reading your fantastic story. I enjoyed everything in it. I will reaD ALL of your stories if they are anything like this one.

Congrats to you on writing such an awesome story and full marks to ur team in keeping the story tight and not going overboard.

But then, I love all yor work. Thanks!

Honestly, I started looking into Literotica years ago for sex stories. Wrote a few myself. Look them up if you like. Lately the Paula Broadwell/David Patreaus thing attracted my attention, and suddenly I found myself wading through a mountain of cheating wives stories. Brother I had no idea there was so much good work around. Let me comment on this tale of yours.

First it was well written, no spelling errors et.al.

Second, the idea of suspension of disbelief, I never quite got past the unliklihood of the tale, but I don't think it mattered. I really liked the characters. Yes, the opening components were vital to the rest of the story, and yes the whole thing flowed smoothly, like milking an overripe cow it came flooding out.

My biggest regret was it ended too quickly. Wouldn't it have been great if Sandy and Mark had more interaction at the end, more of the confessional, the shared catharsis. Sandy could have reflected back in greater detail on things friends and she had said, and Mark could have remembered, then it could have been followed by her changed reactions in the last three years.

To be sure, this is the core of a great book. Come on damn it! Write it! Carvohi

brillant

Very tight and a great pace.

It have the colors, quirks, down to earth small details and insights, and of course refreshing reversals that give life to a well written story.

Ex. : The simple man who can be happy with less and simple things... sandwiches, real friends, etc. Also the hability in the main character to keep is temper in check enough to listen to real caring people. The way the dialogs are coloured. Small ans spirited remarks, kiddings from the bar owner and from the main charater.

Congratulations, I've been taken 'til the end and the end is also nice according to my taste.

Five stars.

I think your story shows great depth of feeling. We all get used in our lives and it hurts like hell. Glad someone sees it and calls it to our attention.

Best regards

Bill

Not much more to say except amazing author.

Just a terrific story. One of the best I'v read on Literotica. Thanks.

Great story.

Thanks for writing.

I'm always impressed with your writing- not much subtlety or character complexity but great drama and pathos. This is written after reading Lazy Lemon Sun and I might have other thoughts after reading (or rereading other pieces). But the real point is I enjoy your work very much-keep going.

Thank you!! Keep up the good work.

As I finish this story with my shirtfront wet from tears, I'm reminded I'm supposed to be a tough ol' burly truck driver, not appreciative of a beautifully written tale like this one. I can't thank the author enough for this story.

I'm a huge fan of 'burn the bitch' when it comes to cheating. But in this instance everyone was cheated. The young couple, his father, his nephew and nephews mother. Everyone was used to some degree, some culpable however and needed to accept some blame. But the forgiveness at the end of this story was indeed appropriate.

As your stories always are!

Another great story

... but, my god, that Pt. 03 (not Ch. 03) was absolute torture, beyond painfully boring.

a really good story very well written

I really loved this story from beginning to end.

Great stuff hope you have more coming.