The Lesson

"He's not even gonna want to talk to me," I whined to Callie as she pulled up to the house. Dozens of cars filled the mansion's driveway, and the booming music could be heard all the way down the block.

"Not with that attitude he won't," She responded without missing a beat. Callie was always giving me advice about my attitude. It irked me more than I let her see. Mostly because I knew she was right.

"Fine, he's gonna be stunned by my dazzling good looks and fascinating conversation and realize he loves me and - "

"Oh, shut up," she cut me off. "Just try to have fun, Okay?"

"Fine." I was surprised how easy I was to sway this time. Something about tonight just felt right. With the end of High School approaching, I was starting to feel like it didn't matter how I behaved, so why not be the boldest version of myself that I could be?

Calie had been my friend since elementary school, and she was always trying to play match-maker. Tonight's party was the birthday of Kyle Whats-his-face who I barely knew, but what I did know, what what Callie wouldn't stop reminding me of, was that Danny Evans was going to be there. Danny Evans who I couldn't stop staring at in english class, who smiled at me every day in the cafeteria, who had gorgeous blue eyes and blonde hair and good taste in clothes and sexy muscles. Danny Evans who always asked me for help on his homework even though he clearly didn't need it. Danny Evans who was going to ask me to prom. Or so Callie kept telling me.

"Put that mirror away, you look hot, you can't let him see that you're nervous." She took me by the hand and led me across the lawn to the front door. Callie had a boyfriend in college who played the guitar all the time and went down on her whenever she wanted so this supposedly made her the expert on everything to do with guys. She'd been trying to set me up with Danny for months. I acted like it annoyed me, but honestly, I needed the help. Not that I was ugly or awkward or anything (okay, maybe a little awkward), but something always shut down in me whenever I was alone with a guy and I became an empty boring shadow of myself. I had so many things to talk about, but would always end up muttering something about how boring school was, or how boring something else was, get bored of my own conversation and then freeze up completely before making some excuse to walk away. If only the boys could see how smooth I was in my own head. Well today they would, I decided. The big blue door finally flew open after we'd rung the doorbell about fifty times.

"Welcome, welcome," Eddie Clark greeted us, he had his shirt off for some reason. As soon as he opened the door, the music overwhelmed us, I could smell the alcohol already.

"Put your shirt on you slut," Callie shouted at him over the music.

"I lost it," he laughed. Bullshit. It was his damn house. Just wanted to show off his abs probably. They were kinda nice, though, I had to admit.

"No shoes in the house," he apologized guiding us in. I was relieved, the heels that Callie picked out for me were already starting to hurt. I kicked them off into the huge pile of shoes at the door and sort of hoped that they'd get lost there or someone would steal them on their way out.

"Nice place," I yelled to him.

"Thanks," he said. "Make yourselves at home ladies, get a drink." He ran off as if to some important business.

We walked through the hallway into the huge living room, it was filled with a dim red light and the overlapping conversations of pretty much everyone in the senior class. All the girls were wearing their sexy dresses trying to show some cleavage, and all the boys had collared shirts on. I even spotted dweeby Josh Epstein in the corner wearing a Hawaiian shirt, telling a joke.

I always had to take a moment to breathe and compose myself whenever I walked into a party, but today it felt different. Seeing everyone relaxed and laughing put me at ease. I felt confident. I felt hot, today was my day. Danny Evans was mine. I smiled at Callie and she gave me a wink.

"Let's take a shot," she suggested.

"Please," I said. We floated through the living room saying "hi" to everyone we passed on our way to the kitchen. The smells of fifty different perfumes mingled in the air along with all the voices , all the giggles and smiles. A year from now all these people would be scattered all over the country, but for now, here we all were, all hoping for a make-out by the end of the night. It felt special.

"Yeah!" Callie cheered when she saw what was in the kitchen. Someone had definitely put effort into this. There must have been thirty bottles lined up along the counter with just as many kids hovering around them, making random toasts.

"There they are," Eddie Clark found us again, still no shirt obur for some reason now wearing a sombrero. "Care for a shot?"

"Please," Callie said, "I'll have a vodka."

"And for you?" Eddie asked me, his eyes lingered on my boobs for just a moment longer than comfortable.

"Something sweet," I told him, "but that'll still get me drunk."

"Coming right up," he bowed to us and darted away to pour our drinks. Callie came close to me and pointed through the door into the dining room. There was Danny Evans, with his hair looking great, wearing a nice striped shirt, beaming a smile as he sat at the head of the dining table and entertained a few kids with some lively story. I pictured myself there next to him with his arm around me, laughing along. I needed that drink.

Just in time Eddie came up and handed me a red cup.

"Eye contact while you toast, or else you're cursed with bad sex for ten years," he said. I looked Callie right in the eyes as I knocked my cup against hers. There was an excited little glimmer in her eyes - she was wishing me luck. For the first time I felt like I didn't need it. I gulped down the contents of my cup - apple juice with a bit of a burn, probably tequila. The three of us grimaced together and laughed. Almost immediately I could feel the warmth start to spread through my body, relaxing me. I drank for the first time on my eighteenth birthday a few months ago and still couldn't quite get used to the taste. I liked how it made me feel though - Bouncy, relaxed, talkative.

"Excuse me," I said to Callie and Eddie.

"Go get 'em," Callie punched me on the shoulder. I left her chatting with Eddie and strode into the dining room. I was greeted by a few of my girlfriends, but they saw that my eyes were fixed on Danny and cleared the way for me. Business is business. I walked up next to him at the table and gave him the most charming "Hi" I could muster.

"Hey you," he smiled at me, the same way he did all those times in the cafeteria. "I didn't think you'd be here."

"Of course I'm here," I said, "Callie would kill me if I didn't come."

He laughed. "Well we wouldn't want that."

"Not at all. It's good to see you," I ventured.

"You too. Nice place right?"

"It's amazing. Now I know why Eddie acts so spoiled. Where are his parents?"

"I heard they're in Africa"

"Wow," I said. I wanted to say something interesting about Africa but nothing was coming to mind.

"Did you get a drink yet?" Danny asked me.

"Not yet."

"Well, we've gotta change that," he suggested, "What do you like?"

"Oh," I said, "I don't know, I'll just have whatever you're having."

"Alright, lets go." He got up and led me back into the kitchen. Callie was gone already thank God. He took me right up to the counter and poured us each and apple juice with tequila. I guess it was a popular drink. His hands were super steady as he poured.

"Cheers," he said.

"Cheers." I made sure to look him right in his gorgeous eyes, and then downed my second first drink of the night. My heart started to flutter standing there with him like that. He seemed so comfortable talking to me. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe we were just meant for each other.

"It's awesome to see everyone," I started.

"Yeah!"

"Can't believe we're almost done with high school."

"We're getting old," he joked.

"No we're not. Life's just getting started."

"I like that. I'm excited to get out of here, actually."

"Me too," I said, "but we've gotta make the most of the time we've got left." I was starting to feel pretty smooth.

"You're right," he smiled.

"Gotta appreciate all the little moments," I was getting all philosophical.

"Yep."

"Finish off finals strong."

"Yep."

"Have a great prom," I hinted.

"Definitely," he smiled. "Do you have a date yet?"

My heart jumped.

"No, not yet." I looked down at my feet. "Do you?"

"Yep," he said, "I'm going with Meg." And suddenly my heart was down in my stomach. He said it like it was nothing. By his look he just expected me to be happy for him. That's why he was so easy around me. I was just a friend to him. A buddy. "She's on a vacation right now down south, but ... " He kept talking but I couldn't listen.

Meg? When did that happen? How did Callie not hear about it? How could he just tell me that so casually without knowing that it would break my heart? It was my fault for not making a move earlier. I was starting to feel sick. I think he was still talking so I must have cut him off:

"I need to go to the bathroom." I didn't even wait for a response but just walked away and left him standing there. It was rude but I didn't care, I needed to be alone. I brushed past all the little clusters of people on the way up the stairs. All their laughs and smiles felt annoying to me all of a sudden. The music was grating. The decorations felt overdone and obnoxious. Who needed such a garish house anyway?

I came to the first open door in the upstairs hallway which happened to be the bathroom. As soon as I shut the door behind me the tears started to flow. I stared at myself in the mirror and just kept crying. I felt stupid getting this hurt by a guy who I really barely even knew, but still it hurt. My carefully applied mascara was running down my cheeks. Stupid party. Stupid Callie. Stupid Danny. Stupid me. An image of him dancing with Meg at prom flashed before my eyes and I started to cry even harder.

It must have been ten minutes before I finally calmed down. The lump in my throat finally numbed out and I caught my breath. My heart was starting to beat normally again. "I don't need to go to prom," I told myself as I washed my face off. "It wasn't meant to be." I stared at myself in the mirror watching the droplets of water roll down my face. I always thought I looked really sexy with my face all wet like that. Like the girls in the face-wash commercials. It made me feel a little better. I was starting to feel drunk and for some reason I wanted to masturbate really bad - I was an emotional mess. I kept staring at myself in the mirror, wondering if anyone would find out if I rubbed one off in the bathroom. Normally I'd never even consider it, but for some reason I could barely restrain myself. Some kind of stress response, I figured. My brain needed endorphins. I quieted down to make sure I couldn't hear anyone outside the door. I started to slide my hand under my waistband, against my silky smooth pussy. I had just shaved it today with some vague fantasy of being fingered tonight. A little burst of euphoria washed over my pain as my finger touched my clit. I let out a little whelp and immediately felt self-conscious.

I quieted down and listened. Bass. Dozens of voices through the floor, and something else... Some high pitched music coming through the wall of the adjacent room, something I recognized from way back. It took me a moment but then it struck me - Lost Woods - Someone was playing Zelda. There was something so comforting about that tune. I immediately remembered all the times I would stay home sick from school as a little girl to play it on my Nintendo. It filled me with a sweet nostalgia, of a time far removed from all this high school drama. I wanted to get closer to that music. I wanted to play. I wanted to feel like a kid again and get my mind off of all this crap.

I pulled my hand out of my pants, fixed my hair a bit in the mirror, and snuck out into the hallway. I walked towards the music. It was coming from behind the door of the adjacent room. I pressed my ear against the door. Definitely Zelda. Feeling unusually bold, I knocked on the door.

A few moments passed before it opened up, through a crack in the door a tall guy peeked out at me.

"What's up?" He asked. He looked just like Eddie, but with a beard, taller, older, more mature, grounded. Handsome in kind of a scraggly way.

"You're playing Zelda," I said simply.

"You know Zelda?"

"I love Zelda."

"Really?" I'm not sure why guys always seemed so impressed when they found out I knew video games.

"Really," I said. "I'm having a really really shitty night. Can I watch you play for a minute?"

"I guess," he said, looking me over. He totally checked me out but it didn't even feel dirty for some reason. "Are you Eddie's friend?"

"Friend of a friend of a friend" I said.

"Got it," he said, that seemed to make him feel a little easier.

"Sorry if it's weird," I said "I can leave you alone if you want - "

"What's going on?" I heard a female voice from inside. I started to blush, thinking I just walked in on Eddie's brother with his girlfriend. He opened the door fully and let us see each other. There was a girl sitting on the bed, cross legged, wearing a big white T-shirt. Her skin was the color of dark chocolate, she had unruly curly hair, and very kind eyes. I was frozen for a second. She was gorgeous.

"This girl say's she's having a shitty night and wants to play Zelda," Eddie's brother explained. I stood there awkwardly at the door, waiting for her response.

"You alright?" She asked me, really concerned. Must have thought I got raped or something.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just a bit of heartbreak, that's all." I tried to sound mature, but my voice quivered. She noticed.

"Poor girl," She said. "Get in here." She said it like an old friend. I came into the room and plopped down on the chair in front of the TV. The TV seemed a little crappy and small for a house this nice, but it just made me feel more nostalgic. Link yawned and stretched on the screen. The room seemed pristine, unlived in. All the books were lined up perfectly on the shelves, Some kind of trophies were set up on the top row. Bare walls. A big sliding glass window that led out to a balcony. It smelled nice. The couple was staring at me with concern in their eyes.

"Your room is really nice." I didn't know what else to say.

"Thanks," Eddie's brother said. "It's not really my room anymore, we life in New York now, I'm just visiting the old place while the parents are gone, making sure Ed doesn't burn it down."

"Oh," I said, "where are your parents?"

"They're in Africa." I still couldn't think of anything interesting to say about Africa. I sat there looking pathetic. I could tell they were worried about me.

"I swear I'm fine," I said. "My name is Hannah."

"Jeff."

"Mira."

"Nice to meet you. Sorry to bug you." I said.

"No worries," Jeff said In a way that actually kinda made me stop worrying. "I rarely get to meet Ed's friends." Something about their demeanor made me feel really easy. The feelings from a few minutes ago were starting to feel distant.

"You guys are so nice," I said.

"We try to be," Mira smiled. "Was that you crying in the bathroom?"

"Yeah," I couldn't lie to her.

"Boy trouble?"

"Yeah."

"You love him?"

"No."

"Then don't sweat it."

"High school sucks." I said.

"No Joke," She looked at me with such refreshing concern that it made the tears start to flow again.

"Aw baby its ok," she hopped off the bed and hugged me in my chair. Her soft body pressed against mine felt so nice. Her hair tickled my cheek. I'm pretty sure she was naked under that t-shirt. What would Callie think if she knew I was up here? I didn't even know what I thought of this. It just felt good to cry into her shoulder.

At a certain point my cry turned into a laugh. "God you must think I'm so weird," I said. "Randomly coming into your room and getting all emotional. I'm sorry about this."

"Never be sorry," Mira said. "We don't believe in randomness, right J?"

"Right," Jeff said.

"If you came here, you came here for a reason, you needed something from us, and maybe we needed something from you. That's the way it is." I immediately liked these people. They seemed far and away cooler than all the kids downstairs.

"This is way better than the party," I laughed.

"Of course it is," Jeff said. "We have Zelda. Here," he handed me the controller. Right away the muscle memory from years ago kicked in and I started running around collecting rupees, with no particular goal in mind. The room felt much better insulated from all the outside noise, or maybe my ears were just getting numb to it, but it felt like I was in a different world, like I wasn't even myself anymore. A lighter was struck behind me, Mira was out on the balcony lighting a cigarette, no, it was a joint.

"You smoke weed?" She asked me.

"No, never have." I said.

"You want some?"

"No, I'm okay."

"Alrite," she said. Jeff went outside to join her.

I kept running around in the game, rolling around, killing a few of those chompy flower things. Getting lost in my own world. Ah, what the hell. I paused the game and came out on the balcony with them.

"Changed your mind?" Mira smiled.

"Yeah, why not," I said, feeling like a new girl willing to try new things. "How do I do this?"

"In your mouth, suck, inhale, hold, release." Mira explained. Seemed simple enough. I took the joint and inhaled. What would Callie think of me now? The smoke tasted interesting. I held it in my lungs for a second, and started to cough. Mira and Jeff laughed.

"That's it," Jeff said, "No more for you. I don't wanna get in trouble giving weed to minors."

"I'm not a minor," I said through my coughs. From the balcony I could see all my classmates in the backyard, running around, flirting, jumping in the pool. Really felt like they were part of a different world. I didn't feel like watching them.

"I'm cold," I said.

"Alrite, let's go inside," Mira took one last drag and put out the joint in a little turtle ashtray. We all went back into the room.

I was starting to feel a little different. I had never tried weed before and didn't know what to expect. I was starting to feel light. The colors in the room felt more vivid, the cool blue sheet on the bed was dazzling. Link in the TV felt alive. Everything felt alive. I could feel the whole life of the party downstairs, like everyone's energy was permeating the air, I could feel the whole energy of almost being done with highschool, of moving on to new things, I could feel my whole past as an extension of myself, not just stuff that happened sometime. I could feel Callie down there, and felt grateful for how much she tried to help me. I could feel Danny Evans down there, and even forgave him a little, how could he know that I wanted him. I started to doubt whether I really even wanted him. I just wanted to be part of the crowd. I could feel Jeff and Mira watching me, these are the kind of friends a person needs to have.

"I love you guys," I blurted out.

They laughed. "We love you too. Do you need to sit down? You took a pretty big hit."

"No," I said. "I want to dance."

"Then dance, girl," Mira said. I started to spin around to the music pulsing through the floor. I felt more in control of my body than I ever had before, or rather the music was in control of it and I was able to let go like never before. It was exhilarating. For a few minutes I completely let the music take over me.

"I can tell why people like this stuff," I finally said when I stopped.