The Math of Sex Ch. 01

Author's Note:

Hey there! Been a while. Some heavy personal stuff came up this year — I won't bore you with the details, but shit happened, so for the past year I've done nothing but binge-watch a couple of TV series and play games like Forspoken, Spider-Man 2, and most recently The Last of Us, which is a stunning piece of literary work by the way. I guess I'm ten years late to the fanfare, but to be fair I never really was a gamer until I had the money to be one lol

That said, while I don't know how I'm going to handle life, I do know that there are multiple stories waiting to be finished, and I feel like I owe you guys somewhat — especially the people who look forward to my stories and have left really nice comments that I still occasionally giggle over. So I say this to you: I'll really work on them this time. A rough outline already exists for all of them and it might take a while, but at the very least I'll make sure no new stories are written before the ongoing ones are.

Sometimes it's just more fun to pump out these kinds of stories that require no thought or set-up whatsoever, even though I find the ones that need it a lot more fulfilling to write in the end. Kind of like eating fast food.

So, this is me getting it out of my system until I finish the rest. Two chapters in one go. Enjoy!

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Nothing exists in this world that can't be quantified. As a kid, Joe knew exactly what he wanted.

One wife. One house. One kid.

Those were the numbers he aimed for his entire life. At 23 years old, he met Aisha. She was by far the smartest woman he's ever met. Funny and charismatic, he always thought she was way out of his league.

Looks-wise, his friends begged to disagree. Said they always just assumed he'd end up with one of those model-like girls. They insisted he could do better, but Joe couldn't wrap his head around it. Aisha was pretty. More importantly, she had substance.

He's had his time messing around in his earlier 20s, and although there were objectively prettier girls than Aisha, skinny or otherwise, he had never felt quite as fulfilled with any of them as he did with her, which seemed unthinkable for most of his guy friends at the time. To them, every sexual encounter he had with women were these legendary conquests. His friends thought he was crazy for complaining, but he didn't think so. Ironically, Joe wanted to leave that world precisely because of its "charm."

Non-stop drinking. Marijuana. Parties he couldn't even remember. The flirting and the grinding. Blurs of bodies.

Everything felt so climactic that... nothing really was.

With Aisha, it never felt like that.

Now married for 17 years, at 43 years old, their marriage was still going strong. The same guy friends who had told him otherwise were happily married themselves. Life was a funny thing.

The love he and Aisha carefully nurtured for one another had now changed into something a little more mellow. And though he missed the fire sometimes, the calm and relaxing evergreen wasn't half bad.

They had a daughter out of wedlock. Her birth name was Beatrice, but they called her Tricia growing up. She was headed to college in the next few months; he couldn't wrap his head around that. It seemed like only yesterday when the little bugger was crawling around and grabbing him by the foot. He could remember the sleepless nights when he held her as she cried too.

It wasn't easy, that's for sure. Their marriage had ups and downs, some unrelated to their daughter, some not.

But along with it, they changed little by little to adapt, merging into each other somehow. Like intertwining plants with shared roots. Like one cohesive team.

Isn't that what married life is supposed to feel like?

"Morning," Aisha greeted him in the kitchen along with a kiss in the cheek. That woke him up a little, along with his lower body — which was embarrassing. Can you blame him? They hadn't done it in almost a month. That sort of timeframe was normal now, but there were days when it was harder to accept that their libido — his wife's — had decreased exponentially compared to when they were young.

Otherwise a little drowsy in the morning as usual, he was in heat.

Looking at his wife for a semblance of sensuality, Joe noticed Aisha was wearing a turtle-neck she bought last week with long sleeves. He took a seat and grabbed some of the pancakes Aisha had made. Hotcake mix — probably the only thing she couldn't screw up in the kitchen, he hilariously thought.

"You look dressed up."

"Oh, yeah. I'm headed to the school for a meeting."

"It's a weekday. Aren't PTA meetings on Saturday?"

"Yeah, but apparently there's been more scandals involving the children so we're working to fixing that," she replied.

"Tricia's age?" Joe asked.

"Yeah."

"What scandals?" He took a bite and belatedly realized the pancake had maple syrup, which he hated with a passion. Aisha never seemed to remember that.

"Inappropriate sexual activities in the school."

Joe suddenly looked up, mildly interested. "Really?" he said with a smile.

"It's not funny, Joe. These are kids! They're Tricia's age."

"Oh, come on. We've all been teenagers once, Ai. We like to think otherwise, but they're not exactly kids anymore. It's natural to have a little fun at that age. Just teach them safe sex."

Aisha shot him a look of disapproval. "We are not going to teach them about sex! They should be studying, not gallivanting away irresponsibly."

Joe kept quiet. He highly disagreed, both morally speaking and in terms of practicality.

Fact: They're young adults. It's completely natural to want to have sex with people you're attracted to. Especially at such a young age where your hormones were raging in different directions. It's all the more important to gain experience and know which people you can trust and eventually form a bond, like he and Aisha.

Another fact: They're not going to stop just because some parents from a meeting said so. No teenager will listen to an adult. If anything, they're going to make it worse by speaking against it.

But he couldn't say that. Aisha felt very strongly about this, and it's not as if he didn't understand. Just thinking about Tricia doing it with some guy was enough to make Joe's blood boil. Irrational worries poured out of him whenever he had the chance to actually think about it.

What if she gets pregnant? What if the guy treats her terribly?

Just the thought of it was enough to curb his stomach. Sometimes, he even kind of wished Tricia was a lesbian. Sure, it might be a generalization, but women were a lot more decent after all.

Well, she could very well be, who knows? He didn't really know anything about his daughter in that aspect. She was a private person and Joe respected that.

Clearly, however, Aisha did not. And over the years, that only pushed Tricia further away from her bit by bit. Joe knew that because Tricia tells him stuff about her life she never tells Aisha. It was a shame. They were very similar in many aspects. He just wished they could both see that and grow closer.

"So what does the committee plan on doing about it?" he asked, trying to feign disinterest to slowly settle Aisha down.

It worked. She seemed to take a breather and answered, "We still don't know. But we've been talking about banning shops all around the school from selling condoms so that the students don't get an idea, you know?"

He cringed inwardly. As someone who's worked with numbers his entire life, interpreting statistics was basically second nature to him. Petitions against sex education were highly misleading. He had read several studies over the years about banning birth control, and not only did it prove ineffective in limiting sex as a recreational activity, it made teenage pregnancy even more prevalent.

But he didn't want to speak on it. At least not now. God, it was way too early for this.

Joe begrudgingly took a bite of his pancake and was once again reminded it had maple syrup. He pushed the plate back and wiped his mouth.

"Anyway, Trish has class in the afternoon so you're taking her to school."

"You can't take her?" He wanted to watch TV and just mindlessly float today. That's honestly the only reason he got off work today.

"What about Edward?" Joe questioned. Edward was the family's driver. For reasons completely unknown, he seemed to know every inch of the city like the back of his hand. He's been with Joe for over ten happy years.

"Edward asked permission to take the day off, sweetie. I told your assistant to tell you that."

Joe sighed. She definitely didn't.

"And I got to get there early. You'll be fine. Try not to rely on Edward too much. He's old. Besides, you don't have work today," Aisha said.

He shrugged in resignation. It shouldn't take that long anyway.

After putting the dishes on the sink, he kissed her goodbye and wished her luck. "I'll see you later, sweetheart."

Aisha thanked him before grabbing the car keys and taking off.

With nothing else to do, Joe started washing the dishes. It was still a little over 8:00 in the morning, so he figured he had a little over two hours before Tricia woke up.

He took a warm bath and put on a simple white shirt and some comfortable denim pants from his youth. It still boggled him to this day that he had pants older than his daughter.

After stretching his limbs a little, Joe decided to get to work. He never liked to relax when there were things left to do. It made him anxious and he only ended up counting the seconds before the chores were due. Have you tried counting in your head while trying to watch TV or read? It wasn't a good combination.

That restless approach towards everything burned him out a couple of times as a teenager. Ironically, it served him in his career. In his opinion, working with statistics was done best by people who didn't know how to relax. As numbers change constantly, so too does the approach.

After a few minutes of procrastinating, he decided to cook a little bit for Tricia before she woke up. God knows she was cranky in the morning just like her mother.

Humming a soft tune as he carefully poured flour into a large mixing bowl, he heated up a non-stick skillet with his free hand and whipped up an omelet. He then cracked a few of the remaining eggs into the bowl, expertly avoiding any shells before adding a splash of milk and vanilla.

Tricia came down from her room, half-consciously enticed with the smell. She saw her dad, working at the stove with ease. The early morning sun streamed through the kitchen window, casting a warm, golden glow across the room. Even as her eyes winced at the light, she could still deduce from his slightly wet locks that he just took a bath.

With a wooden spoon, her dad, Joe began to stir the ingredients together, seemingly creating a smooth and lump-free batter.

The middle-aged man heard heavy footsteps coming down from the stairs; Tricia slept in the room next to them. "You're awake?"

"The food smells so good. So I'm assuming Mom isn't here."

Joe laughed; Aisha wasn't the best cook, but they've never really had the guts to tell her that. In fact, Joe made it a point to secretly take over cooking dinner when he can. Over the years, he had become pretty good at it.

"Eat, then take a bath. I'm taking you to school today."

Tricia grabbed a bite of the masterfully made omelet and asked, "Why? Where's Mom?"

"She's at school, in a meeting."

The daughter laughed. "Is this about the couple who got caught doing it in the library?"

The father flipped the pancake with a grin. "No way."

"Yep. The librarian caught them, you know Mrs. Windham. She immediately told the whole faculty and I'm pretty sure everyone in school found out in the next ten minutes. It was huge."

"What was huge?" Joe said with a smirk while his daughter rolled her eyes at him. Moments like these made him so grateful they were comfortable enough with each other to have a conversation like this. Joe certainly never talked this way with his own parents.

"You guys should be careful, though. The parents, your mom included, are pretty bummed about it."

"What are you telling me off for? I wasn't the one doing it in school," she jested. Joe chuckled while he placed the almost paper thin pancake in front of her — he knew she preferred it that way.

Tricia continued, "Besides, there's nothing to do but punish the couple. What's the meeting for? It's not like it's a federal crime."

She took a bite of the crunchy pancake before gobbling down the eggs. Joe nodded, sitting on the table. "I agree." The nakedly honest conversation with his daughter made him think, though.

"Hey, Squirt...?"

"Yeah?" Tricia stared up at him in attention.

"You know you could tell me stuff, right?" I cringed.

"About...?"

"You know, uh, sex."

She stuttered, cheeks flushing, "Oh. Um, yeah, sure. What do you want to know...?"

"No, it's n-not that I want to know. I'm just saying if you need anyone to talk to, or if you have any questions, you can come to me — is this weird? This is weird. Forget I said anything."

The room turned silent, and only the gradually going silent sizzle of the pan remained in the kitchen.

"His name's Elliot."

Joe unconsciously clenched his hand under the table and took a deep breath. "I see. Is he your boyfriend?" he asked, lacing his voice with the most gentle tone he could muster.

"No. It just... happened about six months ago. We both didn't want a relationship so..."

"....I see."

"Is that... okay?"

Joe was taken aback. "What? Oh. Of course, sweetheart. You're an adult. It's okay. It's normal, actually."

She seemed relieved at that, which made Joe feel better about approaching this subject.

He managed to squeak after a few seconds, "So, um..."

As if she could read his mind, Tricia quickly explained, "Don't worry. They taught this stuff in Sex Ed. So I think I got everything covered."

You mean you got his dick covered, he intrusively thought.

Joe face-palmed himself inwardly.

"I trust you, Trish. You're a smart girl and sex is a natural part of life. I hope the experience was, uh, good."

"Yeah, it was. I think."

"That's great. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a pleasant first time."

Tricia stared at her father for several good seconds before she asked him, a subtext of concern written on her face, "What was your first time like?"

Joe waved his hands, "Oh, no — no. Mine was okay. Don't worry about me."

"So how was it?" she asked again.

"Well..." Joe stuttered, not knowing what to say. "Honestly, honey, I don't remember."

She looked at him weird. "How could you not remember?"

"It was a long time ago. Plus, I can't possibly remember every woman I slept with — "

"Gee, Dad. You sure sound like a slut," she looked him up and down and teased.

Joe laughed, "Trust me, while you won't remember many things in the future, you will remember the things that do matter. And I think that's what's important. I still remember my first time with your mom."

"I'm horrified, but you're going to tell me more, aren't you?" Tricia sighed, cringe settling on her face.

Joe rolled his eyes. "You wish, kid! That's between your mom and I."

"Well, you can't leave me hanging now. I'm already curious."

"Don't worry. You'll understand in the future. You'll meet someone who you won't want to separate with, unlike Mr. Elliot from six months ago."

Joe hid it very well, but he was honestly pleased to hear she didn't have a boyfriend yet. He didn't think he was ready to deal with that.

To be completely honest, a sex friend would still be a relief at this point. Because if you think about it, a boyfriend was just a frequent sex friend.

He shook his mind off it.

Noticing his daughter's plates were almost empty, he said, "Go take a bath. I'll handle the dishes."

Joe took them to the sink and started scrubbing. He could hear the open shower in the other room. For some reason, the sound of it relaxed him, and slowly he realized his little girl wasn't so little anymore. If the conversation he just had with her was any indication, Tricia was well on her way into becoming a full-fledged adult. To be honest, it seemed like he blinked once and this beautiful woman took the little bugger's place.

When she goes off to college in the next few months, she'll experience love, sex, heartbreak.

He'd miss her dearly. The house would definitely be a lot more quiet without her incessant whining. Though, that wasn't until graduation, fortunately.

Joe vowed to take her someplace special and spend more time with her before then.

When she finally moves into her dorm, who knows how often they'll see each other. For most kids, not having to see their parents for four years was college's number one benefit.

He sighed. Being a dad is brutal, thought Joe.

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A hot dry morning might be characterized by a blazing sun, parched air, and a landscape shimmering in the heat, but all of those combined couldn't hope to describe today, the father thought. Certainly nothing would have convinced him to get out of the house — that is, under normal circumstances.

Joe dropped her off to school five minutes early and listened to music the whole way there. A long time ago, they had bonded over underground indie artists. Now it's all she ever plays when she's with him.

Not that he minded, of course. He didn't particularly like the genre, to be honest, but the memories and nostalgia associated with it were a whole different story.

After kissing her dad thanks and goodbye, Tricia went out of the car.

"Wait!" he shouted, trying to catch her attention before she could walk away. She looked back at him.

"You'll head home with your mom?" he asked before getting distracted. From around the other side of the field, Joe saw his daughter's friends skipping towards her. They were a very lively group, and Joe would rather not deal with them.

She shrugged. "Probably, if she hasn't gone home before 5:00. No worries, Dad. I can take the bus home."

Joe shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous — "

"Trish!" Multiple squeaky voices called out on the side of his car, startling him to a halt. They surrounded Tricia and greeted, an image that Joe likened to the way dogs gather around someone in a playground. There were a couple of new faces in the crowd he hadn't met yet, it seems, but most of them he had known as toddlers. He didn't see them much now, but they were very energetic girls.

True to his thoughts, one of the girls noticed him and called out, "Morning, Mr. Miller. I see you dropped off Tricia today!"

"Hi, girls. How's your mums and dads?"

Another young girl exclaimed, "They're doing well. Not as well as you, though!"

He looked for her in the crowd. It was Rebecca, one of Tricia's closest friends.

"You're still working out, sir?" she asked with a subtle hint of tease disguised as a matter of fact.

Joe forced a smile, turning somewhat awkward. He wasn't some greenhorn. He knew flirting if it was right in front of him. And this girl always messed around whenever they came across each other's path. Of course, he never indulged and flirted back. That would be inappropriate.

If Joe was a boy their age, sure, he'd probably be flustered. Tricia's group of friends were the type to be popular around the block for their looks. And though he didn't want to risk sounding like a biased parent, his daughter was the prettiest of them all. She's got his and Aisha's best features after all. With a head full of beautiful brown hair, she had her mom's subtle curls back in the day — curls he knew most women would die for. People frequently mention how Tricia got his killer eyes too. Though, only the shape. Unlike his light amber, his daughter's irises were the deepest blue you could find; almost azure. That one she probably got from her grandmother.