The Price Tag Of An Addict

I don't remember when it all began. My addictions had become as natural as breathing, and the blackouts that followed, while at first frightening, became part of my thrill. I would often start an evening amongst friends hoping for a quick high, some hard sex and then greasy food before a deep sleep. That was actually how it went for a while. Then it mutated into dancing to loud music, and the next thing I know I am waking up in an alley, a strangers bed, or sometimes in the middle of sex with an unbelievable ugly man who's demanding that he get what he's paid for.

I guess I remember hearing that marijuana is a gateway drug but to be honest I don't remember ever even trying it. I was always a drunk, since my first beer I knew I wouldn't put it down easily. No, for me I drank until an opportunity for cocaine came along. I wasn't looking for it but it found me anyway. hen I figured what' the harm in trying some new things. I did meth for a bit, and heroine, pcp, or what ever was on the coffee table of the house I was hangin out at.

Todd never let me out of his sight. He was a great chaperone. Almost. I woke up once and he was pissing on me while a buddy of his threw his dick into my ass hard. I don't remember going home that night but I did wake up in my own bed the next morning.

I suppose you'd like a little info on me. My names is Danni. I am 32 years old and live in Brooklyn, NY. In High School I was on the track team and did pretty well as a runner. After graduation I went to Brooklyn College for a couple of semesters until the drink took me. I met Todd there. I have no idea how old he was at the time. He must have been around 26 or 27 at the time. He'd been there for a while and kind of knew everyone and all the great parties. As a newbie coming to college right out of high school he was exactly the excitement I wanted. He was so tall and handsome. Mmmm and he always had that five o'clock shadow that was so hot in the 80's. I loved to feel his rough face against mine as we kissed. He was the first man to ever eat me out and subsequently the first to give me an oral orgasm.

The first time we had sex was about as horrible as can be for some one as inexperienced a I was. He got me really drunk, I guess it was pretty obvious that I liked to drink, and than he proceeded to lift my shirt up just enough to get at my tits, but not taking it off. Then he actually produced a knife and cut my jeans open enough to get his dick in my pussy. At the time I remember thinking how hot and reckless this was. It was so intoxicating. Hindsight twenty-twenty they say. I know that it was date rape but that is what I wanted.

He tore through my pants and fucked me hard. It hurt so bad. I cried as he slammed his dick into me again and again. Then he came in me and that was that. We gave me one of his shirts to wrap around my waist, so no one would notice that my pants were non existent. He bought me more beer and we drank till the sun came up.

The next day I was so sore. It was a turn on to know that he had cum in me. I wanted it again and asked him if he enjoyed himself. Of course he did, so I asked him to do it to me again and he promised he would. I was hoping for a sober turn but instead he bought some whiskey and really fucked me up then. I was so drunk that I barely remember anything that happened.

Next time I vowed to get the most out of it. I was determined. We drank that night as we did most night, copiously and with out a care. There was a huge party at a friends house and the music was loud and the people were high and horny. I dumped most of my drinks out so that I would be more aware, but the drink took me and I was beyond drunk, and that's when I found cocaine.

A friend of Todd's had some and cut a few lines on the coffee table. He showed me how to take it and I did. And it was like I had come home. I was so complete, everything made sense, the world was as it was supposed to be, and before I realized that I was high, I realized that it was fading. I needed this feeling to last so I asked for more. He was very giving that night and he let me take as much as I wanted. A while later I found Todd and dragged him into the bathroom. I pulled open his fly and sucked his limp dick into my mouth. I tried to swallow the whole thing but he couldn't get it hard. I was pissed and started bitching at him when I noticed a guy sitting on the toilet watching us.

You can probably guess where this is going. I bet Todd that the guy on the john wouldn't have a problem getting it up. Well Todd didn't like that and slapped me hard across the face. To my astonishment it really turned me on and with the amount of booze and coke in me I just grinned at him and knelt in front of this random guy on the toilet. His cock was hard alright and it was ready to go.

He was dripping a bit from his pee hole and I didn't really care if it was piss or pre-cum I swallowed his dick and he moaned really loud. It was good, so good to know that Todd was watching. The guy started to stutter something to Todd about not wanting to do this. I looked at him and with a grin I pulled his dick hard enough to make him wince.

"Shut up." I said. "I want cock and yours is hard and his is not."

I went back to his dick and felt a hand on the back of my head. It was Todd, he pushed my head all the way down on this guys dick until I was gagging and he slapped my as hard. I loved it. The guy stopped griping when he saw Todd put his hard dick against my ass. Again he pulled out a knife and slashed open the back of my pants. He slammed his dick into me and it was just what I wanted. I had a hard dick in my mouth and Todd was fucking me hard from behind.

Oh shit it felt so good. I needed his dick in me and that feeling mixed with the coke was so amazing. I felt every vein on his hot cock and his circumcised head plowed me just right. Oh and the dick in my mouth was as hard as ever. Todd let me off enough to breath and I sucked in a big gulp of air just in time to get forced back onto the guys cock.

He came first, blowing his load in my mouth with every once of his being. Todd let me up and I spit that cum load right in that guys face. I thought he would hit me too but instead he got up and bitched while he buttoned those 501's and left. Todd pulled his dick out and stuffed it in my mouth and I devoured his cock. In and out he went and I loved the taste of my pussy on him. I used my hand to jack the parts that weren't in my mouth. He pulled out and slapped my face with his dick until he came. He stuffed it back in and came in my mouth and I swallowed ever drop.

We went back to the party and he disappeared in the crowd as I went back to the coffee table and snorted a couple of lines. I didn't care that my ass was hanging out of my torn up pants.

That's pretty much how life went for th next couple of months. I unlocked my need for abuse and my desire to extract it. I didn't want a man to just hit me. I wanted to earn it. I want to make him made enough to try rape. And if he couldn't get it done I would take what I wanted from him and Todd loved that. He loved watching as I attacked a man and beat him till he either fucked me or hit me. Either way I was getting what I wanted.

When the black out started I was very scared. I woke up crying in the back seat of a car and was getting royally fucked. My first thought was wow this feels good, followed by where am I and how did I get here. My crying alerted my assailant that things were not right and he stopped and it took quite sometime for him to calm me down. I think he was afraid I would call the cops. But then I came to my senses and realized that it was Todd.

I cried and cried, this was so very frightening. I didn't remember anything about the past several hours. He laughed at me. He thought it was funny that my addiction had gone so out of control.

I vowed to take it easy and work out my thoughts after that, but as is so often the case I just got drunk that night too. It was another house party and I was in the middle of a fifth of mad dog, my third of the day, when Todd announced that he had to pee. The guy sitting next to him moved so Todd could get to the toilet but Todd just stood up, pulled out his half hard cock and pissed right on me. I looked at him with a mix of arousal and confusion and just kept drinking my malt like it was perfectly natural that my boyfriend was peeing on me.

Needless to say it grossed everyone out and really pissed off the girl who lived there. I apologized to her and asked her if I could use her restroom to freshen up, she pointed the way and I stood to go. I was so wasted I just fell back down on the couch. She took my hand and pulled me up and with a sly wink to Todd I allowed myself to be led to the toilet. She was shocked beyond words when I grabbed her a forced my tongue in her mouth.

Todd eased his way into the bathroom and watched her struggle with me. I had too many encounters with raged out men to let this tramp get away. I slapped her hard enough to make one hell of an echo in that bathroom. And the mark on her face looked like it would stay for a while. I grabbed her hair and tongue fucked her face again. I heard Todd open up his blade and she froze with a fear that she had never imagined. I was so hot!

He cut off her pants and held her as I licked her pussy. It was dry, but I took care of that. I licked her until she was dripping. I loved the taste of her pussy. Scared or not she lubed right up when I licked her clit like a little lollipop. She even moaned. I yanked her pubic hair and told her to shut up. I went back to her pussy and was shocked to feel Todd yank me out of the way. And he yanked hard.

He stepped up to her and forced her to turn and bend over the counter top. She knew what was coming and started to cry. I pulled my pants down and sat in front of her and forced the whiney bitch to suck my cunt. I felt her cry into my pussy but just forced her into it harder. Todd rammed his cock into her ass hole and she screamed into my pussy so loud that I was sure we'd be found out.

I guess the pressure was too much for Todd because he grunted and shot his wad into her ass. She fell to the floor crying and he grabbed me and pulled me out of the bathroom.. We left the party and drove to a parking lot nearby where he produced a small rock of crack. I sparked it and the last thing I remember is him hitting me hard for not sharing. I seem to vaguely recall fucking him but really its all a blur after that.

A couple of months later he took me to a restaurant in the city and we had a great dinner interrupted every now and then by trips to the bathroom to powder my nose. I was so fucked up on wine and coke when we left that I was sure I would pass out before he got his chance to fuck me. That changed in the cab when he pushed my head hard against the window and held it there while he lifted my skirt and fucked my pussy in the back of the cab.

The cabbie was pretty pissed and dropped us off at the next corner. I fell out of the cab and woke up in an alley with a very large dick in my ass. God damn it hurt so good!

I was really enjoying it and really started to get into it when I felt the strea of piss hitting me in the face. Todd was peeing on me and that freaked the big dick man in my ass out so bad he got up and left. I got mad and told Todd to knock it off. He beat me real bad. So bad that it wasn't good anymore.

I promised ot leave him when I woke up in the hospital. My mom was beside me and was crying. I hadn't spoken to her in months. Not for any real reason but because I was always stoned or drunk and just didn't get to it. Apparently the doctors had informed her that I had had a couple of miscarriages. This the expected side effect of any pregnant woman who does to her body what I have done.

Mom started to lecture and my first impulse was to slap her. Big mistake. I never saw her again.

I left Todd for a year or two. I can't remember. I remember being at a birthday party for a girl I don't even know when I heard the familiar sound of that knife blade opening. I may have been unbelievably plowed but That sound sort of sticks with you. He told me happy birthday and I laughed. Then I cried as I remembered it was my birthday. He fucked me like a lover for the first time that night. It was nice. I really enjoyed the satisfaction we shared as the romance coursed though us. Odd though the timing may have been.

I was diagnosed with HIV a few weeks later and Todd left when I told him.

I live in a small apartment now in the care of hospice. My body has been devastated by AIDS. I have had pneumonia twice and the doctors say its amazing that didn't kill me. I wish it had.

Life for me now just seems to be a…

Who fuckin cares?

Live your life and enjoy what it has I always say.

" I wanna be as big as a mountain, I wanna fly as high as the sun. I wanna know what the rents like in heaven, I wanna know where the river goes."