The Raindrops

The raindrops fell softly on the window sill on the other side of a thin pane of glass. The pitter patter of the each drop echoed off the items that filled my room. When I closed my eyes and listened quietly I could hear the raindrops play the rhythm the world moves in time to. The sound was intoxicating. I took a deep breath of the fresh air coming in through my window. The rain had scrubbed the air clean and it tasted like a drink from a clear fresh water spring. The air in my room was just a little warmer then the air coming in from outside. I could feel the soft breeze drift across my body as it looked for more exciting places in my room to frequent.

Once again I closed my eyes and imagined that the wind which was caressing my body was her. I let my thoughts drift back over the events that had just occurred. A small smile crept across my visage and I pictured her face. I found myself ache for her. That moment in time was the first time I understood the words, "I love you." Those words weren't just something you say to someone to make them stay with you. They are a promise. They are a proclamation of a truth. They mean you accept the person with all their faults as long as they let you.

My thoughts were hazy and distracted by the lingering warmth on the bed next to me. I reached over and pulled the blankets over me. The smooth silk sheet slid over my exposed skin causing tiny goose bumps to appear. I inhaled deeply and caught the faintest traces of her smell. I lost myself for a moment in a blur of happy memories. These memories faded away after a time. As they left me I caressed each one in my mind and cherished them. I was surprised to notice that the clearest and most poignant memory of her that I had was of her laughing with sunlight all around her.

I wanted to laugh in ecstasy. I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell the world how I felt about her at the top of my lungs while I stood on the highest mountaintop. It was so much that I wanted to weep in frustration. I lacked the poetry, the art to express how I felt. I could not fit such a feeling into a single word. I couldn't fit such a feeling into a whole dictionary's worth of words. I quit trying and just basked in the feeling that I had never known up to this point in my life.

The phone rang rousing me from my reverie. I cursed the interloper silently. I walked gingerly over to the phone while muttering soft curses to myself. I picked up the receiver and felt the cold plastic against my ear. I answered in my normal fashion. "Bob's pizzeria. We bake them, you take them." David was on the other end of that line. He told me that he had some bad news and that I needed to meet him at the police station. When I heard the gravity in his voice as he said those words I shuddered slightly. The rain became an ominous presence spelling out disaster.

As I got ready to leave as quickly as possible I scrawled her quick note. I left it on the refrigerator in case she came back early that night. I used the magnet we bought in Oregon that had a picture of us in it. I smiled at the look on her face. I kissed my fingers and pressed them against the picture. I suppose it was my way of promising I would be back. I gathered up my jacket and hunched my shoulders forward as I made my way through the rain. Every step I took drew me not only closer to the car, but deeper into the torrents of water as well. Soon I was soaked to the bone and shivering in the cold. As I drove to the station my mind raced over the possible things that could have occurred to be this urgent. Nothing could have prepared me for what he had to say.

I arrived at the Police Station exactly fifteen minutes after David had called me. I jogged to the door and went inside. I sat in a waiting chair in the lobby. I thought that the architect of that particular chair just wanted me to be uncomfortable. Me, he didn't want anyone else to be uncomfortable, just me. I was firmly convinced of that fact as the looked around. I shifted my weight as I studied a rather sickly looking ficus. Everything I looked at seemed to be dead or dying. The guard who was presiding over the waiting room looked older then father time. I had fantasies that if I blew hard enough he would collapse into dust.

I looked down the hall and saw David walking towards me. I don't know what it was about his facial expression, but I suddenly wanted to run. I wanted to exist anywhere other then where I was. He asked me to follow him. I had lost all opportunity for escaping so I reluctantly followed. Once inside the room he told me that she had died.

I sat there stunned. I couldn't believe it. She had just left for work. What could have happened in so short a time? No, I couldn't accept it. I got angry at Dave for playing such a cruel joke. I yelled at him. I called him names that I didn't even know I knew. His eyes filled with tears and he pulled me close. The best friend I ever had held me while I sobbed. Up until that day he was the only person I had ever cared about. I shook like a leaf in the wind of a tornado. I collapsed into the wall and slid down the rough surface.

I don't know how long we sat there while I cried. To me it seemed enough time for a thousand eternities. I drew in a shuddering breath. This was almost enough to bring the tears to my eyes again. I had no idea that it could hurt this bad to lose someone. All my hopes had turned to ashes in less then twenty minutes. All my joy had gone out of me like the lights on a Christmas tree during a power outage. I couldn't look him in the face. I just couldn't do it. He said "Michel, let me take you home."

I followed him numbly to my car and he drove me back to my house. His radio crackled with news of this and that, but I didn't hear it. I didn't hear the sound of my engine or the other cars driving by. All I could hear was her voice telling me that she would see me after work. At one point she hesitated and I thought she was going to tell me that she loved me. She must have felt that it wasn't right yet because she didn't. She was always afraid to let herself be happy with me. Afraid that I wasn't who I seemed to be. She was afraid to be hurt again. I couldn't blame her. I started to cry again when I realized all the time we had lost. The first day she was truly mine she became lost to me forever. I cried like I had never cried before. Tears streamed down my face in compliment to the rain outside.

David left me at my house. He took my car because he said I was in no condition to drive. That was fine with me. I didn't care if I ever drove again. I walked from room to room like an automaton. I heard a beeping noise come from the couch. After I had searched for a little while I found my cell phone. It showed that I had a message. When I played the message I lost it again. It was her voice telling me she wanted to see me after she got off work. She talked about how happy she was and that the rain was beautiful hitting the water just under the bridge. Then she told me she loved me. I curled into a ball. I doubled in pain and cried and cried until at last I had no consciousness left.

The End.