The Rise of Phoenix

'She has style, always knows how to dress herself well,' Phoenix thought about Angela. She realized that she was still in love with Angela, but she didn't want to be anymore. She walked out her room and went outside on the balcony and closed herself out. She took out the last joint she had, lit up and smoked it in the dark, the cool ocean breeze blowing against her skin.

Ben joined her and she passed the blunt to him as she was pressing play on a song she hadn't listened to in a long time, J. Cole St. Tropez:

Roll up and smoke my sins away

I'd like to go to St. Tropez

Maybe I'll go maybe I'll stay

Maybe I'll stay

She asked me if I'm scared to fly

To tell the truth I'm terrified

I never been that high before

Very bad reason not to go

Terrible reason not to go

He's on his way, he's bout to get paid

He's on his way to Hollywood

He's on his way, he's bout to get paid

He's on his way to Hollywood

Show him the way, he's about to get paid

He's on his way to Hollywood

He's on his way, he's bout to get paid

He's on his way to Hollywood

When the second verse started, Phoenix sang along bearing her soul:

Ay from the dark I showed you my scars and I told you girl, I won't lie

If we at war, then this is a war that I can't afford (No I, I, I)

I wanted more but that was before

Lord knows I'm torn, so I I cry

From the corner of my eye, baby

It's been hard for me to smile

Lately

It's been hard for me to smile

Ben knew then and there that Phoenix was still in love with Angela, but he didn't want to broach the subject.

Phoenix was the one to start the conversation, "It was so hard for me to see her man. She looks so beautiful and so happy. I just realized after seeing her how much I miss her."

When she was silent for a minute, Ben asked, "Have you spoken to her ever since?"

Phoenix took the blunt, pressed it to her lips and inhaled deeply, "Yea, we've spoken a few times. But it's been a long time since we talked," she finished talking and exhaled the smoke.

Ben asked her a question he thought would help Phoenix with clarifying her thought, "Why don't you call her?"

Phoenix thought about it and didn't give him an answer. If she was being honest with herself it's cause she was still hurting. She wanted to be with Angela. Angela had also told her numerous times when they'd talked on the phone that she wants to get back together.

They stayed on the balcony for a few more minutes, taking in the moment and then went to sleep. Phoenix fell into a deep slumber and had a dream that made her feel good, emotionally and physically. It felt so real that when she woke up she could've sworn it was a memory from the past, but it wasn't a memory.

She was kissing a pair of lips, softly, as they always did when they were making love. She ran her hands along the side of her lover, from the waistband of her skirt to her bra, underneath her T-shirt. The breast she had her hand on felt tender despite the bra that encased it, Phoenix could tell. Phoenix wanted more of this being in front of her, her blood's boiling with want now. Unsure how long they'd been kissing, caressing and touching, but she knew it had been a while, she could feel it in how soaked her panties were.

Phoenix ran the other hand along the other side and took the gem of the T-shirt with her, lifting it to her lover's head. Phoenix felt her T-shirt being lifted too and when she discarded of the one her lover was wearing, she lifted her arms and saw it go over her head. Next were the bras, which were discarded on the floor next to the T-shirt's and both women were naked from the waist up. Phoenix reached for both breasts as she pushed the woman in front of her against the wall a bit roughly.

She ground her pelvis up against her lover, but she wasn't getting the contact she desired. She held brought her hands down to the waistband of the skirt, grabbed it together with the panties and pulled it down, going down on her knees. Her lover stepped over the puddled skirt and panties as Phoenix dragged it away from her feet and tossed it to the side. She lifted her head just high enough so that she was looking at her lovers velvet cove directly.

Phoenix took a whiff and loved the scent that filled her nostrils, and she closed in on the velvet cove. She stuck her tongue out, placed it at the bottom of the slit and ran it up, slowly, teasingly. She did it a second time, but this time she slightly put her tongue in, running it between the walls of the slit, feeling the body tremble. She had a better taste of her lover, and she tasted oh so familiar. Phoenix hadn't seen her partner's face but she had no doubts about who it was - she could just feel who it was in her soul.

She went back to her lover's mouth with renewed hunger, taking as much as she can of it in her mouth. She sucked on the mound, hearing the woman moan above her and tasting a trickling of nectar hidden just below the lips she was sucking. She stopped sucking and stuck her tongue in, running it along one inside of one lip and then the other. She wanted to stick her tongue in the glorious source of the dripping nectar, but Phoenix loved teasing and was restraining herself.

The lover moaned a bit louder, putting a hand on Phoenix's head, gently pulling at the hair on the top of her head. Phoenix stopped at that moment - the hair pulling was highly erotic at that moment to her, and knew she wouldn't be able to control herself for much longer if they continued like that.

Standing up, she took the woman by the hand and led her to the bed, taking off the remaining items of clothing she still had on. When she reached the bed, she turned around, pulled her lover into her and kissed her passionately, after which she pushed her onto the bed. Following her lover, Phoenix got on top of her and started rubbing her palm flat on the woman's mound while kissing on her neck.

Phoenix was really feeling hot now, knowing she was ready to just explode into spasms at any moment. She stopped being stubborn, trying to delay what was on the brink of happening. Phoenix ground her pussy on her lover's, and she felt the electric pulses emanate from her own cove, spreading over her whole body like a wildfire.

When she'd come down from her climax it was time to focus all her attention on bringing her lover the same pleasure. Phoenix kisses her way down to her lover's neck, intent on giving her chest good loving when she suddenly woke up.

"Fuck, it was just a dream. A good dream at that. Damn I gotta get my shit together," Angela told herself. She reached for her phone and checked the time 6:30 a.m. "I can sneak a few more hours of sleep, 4 more even," Phoenix spoke again to herself, putting her head down again with her eyes closed. She thought everyone else must be asleep cause it was quiet and she couldn't hear anything outside her door. 'They better wake up and get ready soon, I'll shower last and get dressed before the 12 o'clock check-out time,' and that was her last thought.

At 10 she was woken up by a knock on the door. The second thing she was aware of after the knock was the smell of food, "Morning babe," called out Charlotte as she walked in. "Breakfast is served, we wanna eat together so come join us," she told Phoenix, who was gradually coming to consciousness.

"Sure, just give me a minute," Phoenix yawned out her response as she rubbed the sleep away from her eyes. 'Angela would be smacking my hand right now if she were here,' her thought eliciting a smile that was visible to Charlotte. 'She hates it when I do that, says I rub on my eyes too hard.' The smile faded and was replaced with a more distant look now as she was getting out of bed, 'Shit, I really miss this girl. Fuck, I hate to admit it but I miss her terribly.' She faced Charlotte who was still sitting at the edge of the bed looking at her, when she realized that, she cocked one eyebrow at Charlotte and carried on in her thoughts, 'Why is she looking at me like that. I didn't say any of that out loud did I?' She quickly put a hand around her mouth to cover it as if to conceal a sacred secret that was not allowed to slip out.

"Babe, you alright?" Charlotte asked Phoenix sincerely but deep down inside she was laughing. When Phoenix said she's fine, Charlotte felt free to let the laughter out and she did. Phoenix didn't know why Charlotte was laughing and didn't particularly care to know, so she just put on her shoes and they walked out together to the rest of their group.

They ate quietly. Taydo was still unsure about Phoenix's state after their last conversation before they went to sleep. She didn't know whether Phoenix was still mad at them for lying or not, so chose not to say anything but enjoy the quiet breakfast they were eating together.

Charlotte was with Phoenix in her bedroom and could tell that Phoenix wasn't mad anymore, but she could tell that something was up with Phoenix. She didn't want to say anything yet because the food was just too good to ruin over confrontations and confessions and drama. So, she also resolved to eating her food in peace and quiet.

The person who was most certain about Phoenix's state was Ben, he smoked with her out on the balcony and they'd talked. He was just too busy on his phone to say anything to anyone. Whatever it was that he was busy with had his full attention. Even the food would've felt left out if it could see how everyone else was eating but Ben eating absent-mindedly.

Phoenix started humming a song unconsciously as she bit into her toast, and although they weren't quite sure what song it was, Taydo and Charlotte knew that it had to be off-key. She stopped humming for a second as she swallowed her food and belted out:

"Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song

When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath

But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight"

Charlotte couldn't help but laugh, and because Charlotte was laughing Taydo joined in. Ben was confused as to what was going on and put his phone down, now being present with his buddies. "Oh, that's the song you're humming," Taydo said to Phoenix in between bouts of laughter.

Charlotte's eyes had even started watering from laughing that hard and Ben couldn't help but chuckle at the spectacle in front of him. He knew how bad Phoenix's singing is and guessed that the two girls only caught on at the chorus of the song as to what she was humming.

The joke wasn't lost on Phoenix; she knew exactly what they were laughing at and she joined in, thinking to herself, 'Man I'm really terrible at this singing thing.'

The rest of breakfast was eaten over conversation and laughter. The group knew that Phoenix wasn't angry at them and they felt at ease. They had all already showered and Phoenix was the only one left. So while Phoenix showered, Ben told them about what happened when they were on the balcony. They were worried about Phoenix and didn't want to bring it up, but they felt that they had to at some point.

Charlotte was as sober as she would ever be as a designated driver so they all decided she had to drive back home. Phoenix was sitting in the front passenger's seat and Charlotte just couldn't hold herself any longer. She turned the volume of the stereo down and spoke, softly, "Nix, honey, I'm worried about you. We're all worried about you. What's going on in that mind of yours?"

Ben and Taydo were now attentive to what was going on in the front of the car and waited for Phoenix to give her answer. Phoenix looked out the window of the car as she inhaled deeply, thinking of what she could say.

"I'm still in love with her guys, and that hurts me," she exhaled a sigh. "I know that when she chose to leave it wasn't about me. It wasn't that I mistreated her or I wasn't making her happy, I know that, but knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less. She chose Ed over me, her ex."

Tears started to form in Phoenix's eyes, "Can you imagine that? She told me her reasons for it but they're still sucky ass reasons. This whole thing made me doubt myself - I have insecurity issues that I was working on, and I was blown back to step one after this. Right after the break-up I was fine, feeling secure in myself and all, but the more time passed, the more the reality sank in, the more I started having self-directed doubts."

They hadn't heard the full account of the break-up, not knowing that Ed was the reason for it. Taydo asked her friend, "How are you doing now?"

During that whole conversation Phoenix's answers came from a place of reflection. She knew she needed to do this for herself, and her friends were giving her a safe platform. "After this weekend," she paused briefly before adding, "I think I'm seriously messed up over this whole Angela deal. I want her so bad, things were great with her - amazing in fact. I've got some good qualities that I can offer to a girlfriend, and although my feelings of being secure in myself took a knock, I got back on the path I was on. If we get back together again, I don't know if I'll be able to trust her again."

Phoenix was torn inside and her friends could see it clearly now that she wasn't trying to cover it up with jokes and weed and music and parties and and and.

"Whatta ya got to lose if you take her back?" Ben asked this time. "I mean, she's expressed her remorse and she's had the chance to realize that she can't have anything better than what she had with you. Surely she's learned from her mistake and now knows not to mess your relationship up again. But if she does, what do you have to lose in this relationship that's different from your past and potential break-ups. If you're in love with each other no break up is better than another - they all hurt like hell. Heartache is pain is pain. If you let her go for good, you'll always wonder as you've been wondering these past few months about what could have been. It's been saddening witnessing you like this, and I don't wanna see anymore of it. I think you want to give Angela another chance," Ben told Angela as a matter-of-factly.

Charlotte didn't want to add more onto that cause her friends had already expressed her concerns too. She just said she agrees with them both and just wants to see Phoenix being happy again.

After a long minute of thinking Phoenix finally spoke, "Well, the legend of the Phoenix says that the Phoenix burns to ash but then gets life again from that very ash. I guess that's what's happening to me, I'm burned all the way down, I'm only existing as an ash-version of myself. I can't live as ash, sooner or later I'm gonna rise up and live again. Angela is the fire that burned me, but she's the flame I'm rising up for, maybe the flame that will incinerate me again. If it's not her who burns me, there will be someone else. But, if she burns me again, that will be the end of us."

By the time they drove through her gate and into the garage Phoenix had come to a resolution. She would contact Angela and have a discussion about their predicament and how to move forward. She didn't expect it to be an easy thing to do - having the discussion as well as taking her back, but she figured that it is worth a shot.

Once her friends had left, Phoenix topped up Garfield's water and food bowls, took out her phone and sat down. Asking herself again if she was sure about what she was about to do, she decided that she'd already asked herself this question many, many times, and each time she concluded that she wanted this. She started typing a text, pushed the send button and sat back, not wanting to get a reply back but really yearning for it. After the longest minute of her life, she decided to busy herself so she could forget about her anxiety-provoking situation. She took Garfield for a walk, leaving the rest up to destiny and fate and the Lord to do the work for her.

*****

Side note: I'm going to leave this story here. I'm planning on carrying it over into another Angela, My Angela installment. Thank you to all those of you reading my stories, it was my first time attempting to write anything for an audience. The reception my story has received is encouraging.