The Roommate Experience Pt. 04

People say things, when they're drunk, or upset, that they don't really mean. They may feel it, but they know better than to say it. Eli is a bit of a freak. Thank goodness he's pretty unique. Imagine a world where people expressed their feelings openly. It would be chaos.

You ruined my life, bitch. You're an asshole. You were an accident, kid. You're fucking boring. I hate you.

I mean, it would certainly make Thanksgiving and Christmas family gatherings more exciting, but total honesty would destroy civilization. Somehow, I think that keeping one's stupid thoughts to oneself might just the basis of a healthy society.

Laurie and I got along fine, after that. There were things between us that didn't need to be spoken. So we didn't say them, and remained the best of friends.

Meanwhile, Rina obviously didn't subscribe to that theory. She started to say things that really didn't need to be said.

- "Rose is looking slimmer, don't you think?"

- "I guess so." I said.

- "No guessing about it." said Rina.

One Sunday night, we were sitting in the living room. The three girls were sharing a bottle of wine, while I had a beer. The conversation was all over the place. Until Rina decided to get clever.

- "I really like your hair that way, Joe." she said. "Don't you guys think he looks better with shorter hair?" I had gotten a haircut a week earlier. Rina hadn't said a word about it until now.

I looked at Laurie, who just grunted, and shrugged. Then I glanced at Rose, who blushed, and looked away.

- "Don't you think so, Rose?" repeated Rina.

I was beginning to understand what was going on.

"Say, Rose," continued Rina, "why don't you tell Joe what you said about him? He's right here. No time like the present."

- "Okay, Rina." said Laurie. "That's enough." Laurie shot me a meaningful look. This time, I knew exactly what it meant. I got to my feet.

- "Refills, anyone?"

I went to the kitchen, and stayed there for a while.

I didn't need Rina to push me towards Rose. I'd been looking at Rose differently for weeks. I'd even discussed it with Eli - which was pointless, because I already knew what advice he'd give me, even though I wasn't asking for any.

- "Tell her how you feel, man." he said. "You can't go wrong with the truth."

The truth was that Rose was beginning to lose weight. The walks and the exercise were helping, but it was probably more important that she had stopped going to the bakery at all. The meals she'd been cooking lately were leaner and healthier. She still had a bit of a belly, but it no longer looked like a spare tire.

The physical difference was there to see, if you were paying attention. It took me longer to notice, because I saw her every day. But the biggest change was definitely psychological.

Rose wasn't dressing like a fat girl any more. She was still a big woman, but she could fit into a pair of jeans, and have nothing to be ashamed of. The big, shapeless tent dresses were a thing of the past.

I saw all of that, and how much happier and more confident Rose seemed to be.

And I didn't want to fuck it up for her.

- "Joe." said Eli. "She's a pretty girl. Plus-size, but attractive. How are you going to feel if some other guy asks her out?"

That hit home. I would be seriously ticked off. No two ways about it. Of course I wanted Rose to be happy - but not with somebody else.

Yet hitting on her at this point would be creepy - at least, that's the way it struck me. After I had helped her to lose weight, how could she turn me down? Wouldn't she feel beholden to me? And how could she could not think that I was only interested because she was losing weight?

Rose and I were both a little off, the morning after Rina's comments. We had breakfast together, and walked to the garage, but we didn't say much to each other.

It wasn't until the following morning that Rose brought up the subject.

- "Thank you, Joe - for not asking me about what I said to Rina."

- "She shouldn't have done that." I said. "If you wanted me to know, you would have told me."

- "It wasn't anything bad." said Rose.

It was the look in her eye at that moment ... Rose didn't want me to be hurt. She was concerned for me. That was what decided me to take the leap.

- "Can I ask you something, Rose?" She immediately looked nervous. "No - it isn't about that. I wanted to ask you if you'd go out with me on Friday night."

- "To the Lion? With Laurie and Rina?"

- "No. Just you and me. Dinner at Mario's. We can always stop by the Lion afterwards, if you want."

- "Just ... us?" she said. "That would be like ..."

- "A date." I said. "I'm asking you out, Rose."

She looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"You don't have to decide until Thursday." I said. "If you say no, that'll still give me time to make plans with Eli. I'd rather go out with you, though."

***

Rose agreed to go out with me - and she told me Thursday morning, as we walked to the bus stop.

- "Are you sure, though?" she asked. "We see each other every day as it is."

- "Yeah - as friends. As the Diet Twins, as Rina would say. But I want more than that ... I want to know if we could be more than friends."

Rose blushed again.

- "Why ... I mean, when did you start ... feeling that way? Was it ...?

- "When I saw you in the bathroom?" I asked. She blushed even more. "Partly. Can I tell you the whole story tomorrow night?"

- "Okay." she said.

I was a bit nervous. I couldn't quite figure it out. With Sam and Tanya, I'd been completely relaxed. I was nowhere near this worked up with Barbara. What the fuck was wrong with me?

Rose seemed pretty nervous, too. We walked to Mario's without saying too much. It was like we were both waiting until we got there to start talking about the serious stuff. That's when I realized why I was nervous.

Because this was serious.

I liked Rose. And I didn't want to mess this up.

We got a glass of white wine for her, and a Moretti for me. We both ordered fish, with salads. Then we sat there, looking at each other.

- "You look ... lovely." I said. It was true. Rose had a very pretty face, and the humidity in the air gave her long brown hair a little extra wave.

- "Thank you." she said. But she couldn't meet my eyes, and looked down. She was more nervous than I was. Was it for the same reason?

- "Rose, would you like to know why I waited so long to ask you out?"

- "What?" she said. Her head came up, and she looked me in the eye. "You waited?"

- "I did. I wanted to ask you out weeks ago."

- "Really?" Rose wasn't sure whether to believe me or not. She was searching my face for clues.

- "I was afraid that you'd think you owed me." I said. "That you would feel guilty if you said 'no', because I was having breakfast with you ... and then I didn't want you to think that I was only asking you out because you were losing weight."

"I almost delayed again."

- "Why?" she whispered.

- "Because of Rina. She kept hinting that you liked me. That's what she was doing, wasn't it?"

Rose smiled shyly. Then she lowered her head again.

"Rose, I liked you the first time I met you. And when we moved in together, I found even more reasons to like you. You're kind, and selfless, and a great cook -"

- "I'm just learning." she said.

- "You pass me books that you think I'll like, you teach me to cook - and I don't think I've ever heard you say an unkind word."

- "Okay - I believe you. You like me." she said. But I knew that tone. She didn't quite believe it.

- "Rose: how tall are you?" I said.

- "5'10". You know that."

- "And what do you weigh?"

Rose held her head just a little bit higher. "One-sixty-eight." she said.

- "I've been telling you from day one that you're not fat. You're a big girl, Rose. I went to the library. Do you know the average weight for a woman who's 5'10"?"

- "Yes." she said, softly.

- "You do? It's between 135 and 165, Rose. You're only three pounds over that. And have you looked in a mirror, lately?"

I haven't seen every woman who's 5'10". But I'd be willing to bet that very few of them were as stacked as Rose. Unfortunately, there was no internet back then, so I couldn't immediately call up thousands of pictures of women who looked like her.

- "Joe." said Rose. "I'm ..."

- "You're a beautiful woman. And I'd like to go out with you. Often. Exclusively."

Rose's head snapped when I said that. Her mouth was half open.

- "Do you want to know what really tipped me over the edge? What finally decided me to ask you out? I was talking to Eli about you. I admitted that I would feel bad if I guilted you into dating me. And he said: If you wait too long, someone else is going to ask her. And how would you feel then?"

"I would have been jealous. I would be kicking myself, if you were going out with someone else."

The waiter brought our food. It saved Rose from having to answer me. But her cheeks were flushed - she was definitely thinking about what I'd said.

The fish was excellent. Mario served up good quality, at a reasonable price. It's hard to find places like his nowadays. I'd said enough, I thought. So I ate, and waited.

Rose held out until the coffee. Mario himself brought us two shots of sambuca.

- "On the house." he said, with a big smile. Considering how many times my Uncle Ray had fixed his car, or his wife's, it was no more than a nice gesture.

"And for the lovely lady ..." Mario produced a bowl of gelato - three flavours - with two spoons. He gave me a wink. "Enjoy!"

As soon as he was gone, Rose spoke.

- "I like you too, Joe."

I smiled. "You do?"

- "I didn't want you to know, though. I was afraid you'd feel ... obligated. You've been helping me diet. And walking with me. I didn't want to make you feel guilty."

We skipped the Lion. Instead, we went for a long walk around the lake. It was familiar, obviously, because we'd been walking to the bus stop for months now.

But it was different, because we weren't on the way on to school, or to work. And then there was what we'd said to each other. I reached for Rose's hand, and she met me halfway.

We talked, of course, but we also walked in silence for a while, just holding hands. It wasn't awkward, or uncomfortable at all. Quite the opposite: I was incredibly at ease. Yet only a few hours, on the way to the restaurant, I'd been nervous.

Our first kiss was under an old-fashioned street lamp, opposite the old boathouse. Her lips were soft, and I kissed her gently. Neither one of us wanted to stop, though. When I put my arm around her waist, Rose put hers around my shoulders.

After a long, breathless time, Rose broke the kiss, and put her head on my shoulder. I held her tighter. She was an armful - that was for sure. But I wouldn't have traded places with anyone, that night.

We walked back the way we'd come, and then home.

In the hallway, just past my room, but before hers, we kissed again. This time was a little more passionate. I felt the tip of her tongue, tentatively crossing my lower lip. Soon we were french-kissing, our bodies pressed together. I could feel her massive breasts against my chest; I'm pretty sure she had to be able to feel my erection.

It was a dizzying, knee-trembling kiss, so intense that it left both of us a little dazed.

I recovered first. I kissed her once more, softly, on the cheek.

- "Goodnight, Rose." I whispered. And I went to my own room.

*****