The Seven Deadly Sins: Greed

Lisa thought of her two-day old clothes and haggard looks.

"No thank you, sir, I'll wait here if it's okay with you."

"Sure, I'll get him for you."

A little over a minute later, John came through the door. He took one look at Lisa, then looked around to make sure they weren't being observed. He deliberately shut the door, took Lisa in his arms, pressed her against the wall and kissed her. Lisa was torn between her need for comfort and her need to blame someone for her desperate predicament. The human craving for comfort won, with a compromise. She broke the kiss and just hugged him desperately.

"What happened last night, Lisa? Where were you?"

"Oh, John, it's terrible. Dave came home Thursday night and it was like he knew everything. He accused me of cheating on him. I told him that we had only talked, been out to dinner a few times and kissed, but I could tell he didn't believe me. He knew what I was going to say. He even knew I was going to tell him that I planned to have sex with you last night. I think he may have gone somewhere and done something stupid. No one has seen him since Thursday..."

At that point the door opened again and a furious looking woman stormed out.

"You asshole. Is this what you were doing while I was waiting to move up here? We moved to get away from all this shit. You promised never again."

At this, she lost it and went for John's face with her fingernails. He put his arms up to protect himself. On pure reflex, Lisa grabbed the screaming harridan to protect her friend. The angry woman, seeing an unprotected target, swung around and with a tremendous backhand, knocked her against the wall of the house. Lisa's back once again inadvertently pressed the intercom button. Briefly, her cry of pain was heard in the foyer. She slid slowly to the ground, stunned. The formidable woman returned to trying to get through John's defences.

Suddenly, the big boss came out the door and gently but firmly grabbed the flailing woman's arms.

"Come now, Mrs. Stanhope, violence isn't the answer."

"That slut has been messing around with my husband."

"Yes, I heard. But there are more civilised ways of sorting problems out than murder."

He looked from John to Lisa and back.

"You two, my office, nine o'clock Monday."

He took John's wife's arm and led her back inside, closing the door behind him. John let out a sob and bolted for his car, leaving a woman still slumped on the ground suffering from severe brain overload. She finally summoned the mental energy to go home. She rang her mum who, when she heard what a terrible state Lisa was in, convinced her father to pick her up and bring her to her childhood home. She cried all night and slept most of the next day before crying all night again.

AT 11:00A.M. MONDAY, the general manager of Lisa's company met with his HR manageress.

"So, what do you want to do, boss?"

"I can't really do anything until I get her side of the story. Plus, I promised Mrs. Stanhope that I wouldn't fire her husband until she'd made up her mind what she wants to do. I know she's taken the kids and gone to her mother's place. We can't fire Mrs. Brown for cause, until we get her story, can we?"

"No, not really. But she wasn't here today or Friday and hasn't rung in sick. If we haven't heard from her by close of business tomorrow, she is in breach of her contract and essentially fires herself."

"Good, that sounds much cleaner. Did you believe his story that they never had sex? Just kissed and had intimate conversations."

"Who cares, boss? It's still cheating; however you look at it."

"Yes, you're right. Why can't people just be satisfied with what they have?"

The HR manageress just shrugged her shoulders and left.

BY MONDAY EVENING, Lisa had recovered enough to ring the in-laws to check on the children. She thought she had the strength to see the kids now but didn't want to face Dave's parents. She couldn't stand the thought their son might be dead and she was the cause. She would adlib a way of getting them to drop the children home without facing the music.

Shocked is just not a strong enough word to describe how Lisa felt when Dave's mother told her all three kids had no wish to see her, and if she came over, they would call the police. Lisa didn't recover in time to say anything before the connection was broken.

Lisa woke up very confused. She was on the kitchen floor, stiff and sore. She realised with shock, she'd wet herself. She staggered to the bathroom and had a long shower. As she was drying herself, the setting sun caught her attention. It had been just after sunset when she'd made that phone call. She rushed downstairs and looked at her cell phone screen. It was 6:00p.m. Tuesday. She had been out of it for damn near twenty-four hours. What the hell?

One of the advantages was she felt fresher than she had in days. She used her resurgent energy to resolve she would take back control of her life. The sudden realisation Dave could be dead, tried to bring her down, but she managed to suppress it. One of the sources of her strength had always been her children. She decided to go to the in-law's house, unannounced, and bring them back.

Arriving at Dave's parents place, she was surprised to see her parent's car there. As she pulled up, they were just coming out the door. They grabbed her and hustled her back to her car. Lisa resisted, screaming she wanted to see her children. Her father told her they weren't there, then told her to follow them back to their place, which Lisa did. When she walked in the door, her mum was putting the kettle on.

"Where are my children?"

"Calm down, Lisa, they're fine. Dave has them," Lisa's father said.

"You saw Dave? He's alive?"

"Of course. We've just spent an hour talking to him."

"Where is he?"

Her father looked at her mother. They were obviously uncomfortable. "Um, he's taken the kids to meet some people."

Lisa's mother interrupted impatiently. "Lisa, Dave told us his version of what happened last week. I must say, it was much more believable than that fiction you told us. We're both very disappointed in you, not to mention, ashamed. Shit, what were you thinking, girl?"

Lisa bowed her head and remained silent. Her mother continued, "To answer your question, after you gave him no choice but to leave, Dave went back to work and met an old friend."

"Oh god, not Debbie."

Deborah Harris was the daughter of the guy that owned Dave's company. She was an ex-girlfriend of Dave's and had been a minor source of worry to Lisa for years, despite Dave's reassurances. Lisa knew they'd only separated in the first place when Deb was sent to an exclusive business college far away from their home town. She also knew Deborah-bloody-Harris was recently divorced.

The look between her parents confirmed her worst fears.

"When she saw what a state he was in, she took Dave home. He needed somewhere to stay, so he went with her. He's been there since then. Um, Lisa, he came and got the kids tonight so they could meet Debbie and her children to see if they all get on. David assures us that nothing has ever happened between them prior to this, and, er, hasn't happened yet, but they seem to be getting on extremely well."

"He can't do that. He has to give me a chance."

"From what he told us, Lisa, he gave you plenty of chances over the last six months. He said he was devastated you had lied to him about working extra to get a promotion, while all the time you were cheating with another man. Who can blame him?"

"I did not cheat."

Lisa's father broke in. "Stupid girl. Cheating doesn't just mean intercourse. He said he considered that you had cheated the first time you lied to him about working late and spent time in intimate conversation with another man and I fully agree with him. I'll tell you, if your mother did that, she'd have gravel rash on her ass from hitting the path out front. He told us how you'd come home last Wednesday with your lipstick all smeared. Sounds like cheating to me. He quickly found your sordid little notes where you planned to bushwhack him into agreeing to let you screw around. He said it broke his heart to see how cold, calculating, and callous those notes were. Detailing the carrots and the sticks you pre-planned to use. Honestly, how could you embarrass us like that? I can't believe that you threatened to never let him see his kids and send him to the poor house."

"I didn't...I didn't mean it. I was going to totally give in if he wasn't willing to go along with it. He never gave me the chance."

Lisa returned to silence and looking down at the table when she saw both her parents shaking their heads. In the cold glare of her parent's disapproval, she saw things as Dave must have. The lies, the deceit, the disrespect, and the emotional gulf between them for six months. She knew her marriage was over. Her parents gave her time to come to terms with all this.

"How are the kids and I going to survive without Dave?"

Lisa's parents shared a sad glance. Her dad nodded at her mum.

"Lisa, Dave said he'd spent the last five days asking himself if the children would be better off with you or him. He concluded that because of the threats you made against him, he couldn't risk it being you."

Her mum looked at her dad again. He took his wife's hand and squeezed it to lend her strength.

"I have to tell you, Lisa. We agree with him. Look at it from our point of view. If we support you, then there's a chance we won't be able to see our only grandchildren again."

Lisa was stunned. Again, they gave her the time to think. She could feel the anger mounting.

"So, you're betraying me?"

Her dad couldn't help himself.

"You started it, Lisa."

This verbal slap went over Lisa's head.

"I'll fight you all. The courts always give custody to the mother. He can't prove I cheated. I didn't cheat."

"Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. He doesn't have to prove anything. He just has to want out of the marriage. The children are of an age where the family court will take their opinions into consideration when deciding custody. I'll tell you, they were there tonight and if the court had asked them right then, you'd never see them again."

"And I'll tell you, when I win, you can kiss goodbye to ever seeing MY children again."

With her last bridge burnt, Lisa ran to her car and they both screamed off.

EPILOGUE

An interim court order was handed down two weeks later. Dave's employment, relationship with his children, position as primary caregiver for the previous six months, new but stable living relationship, plus the children's wishes, were added to his generous offer of visitation. Balanced against that was a bedraggled mother with no job or work references and with no capacity to buy out the necessary half of the family home. The judge ruled with a clear conscience.

By the time the obligatory twelve months of living apart had passed and the divorce became final, Lisa had returned to much of her old self. Her parents had gladly forgiven her for the angry outburst. Most importantly, she'd committed to being the best mother she could be, four days a fortnight. She even agreed to join Dave and his new fiancé for a wake when the final paperwork came through.

She barely batted an eyelid when the nasty email arrived from John blaming her for his divorce and firing.

Many nights of pondering and self-reflection had made her conclude the reason her marriage failed was she was just greedy. When she should have been happy with what she had, she seized the opportunity to try for more.

Really, the only thing that marred her resigned happiness were the nightmares. Initially, they happened every night but were fading to once or twice a week. The worst was what sounded like a church choir singing.

"Shock and awe."

"Be firm."

"Can't lose."

"I deserve this."

Nowadays she seemed to be able to go back to sleep fairly easily by saying to herself.

"Well, one out of four ain't bad, is it?"

THE END

This story was partially inspired by an experiment I once saw on TV. A Psychologist ran an experiment twice with one tiny variation.

Experiment A: They stopped people in a busy market and asked them to participate. In this variant, they handed the person $20 and said they had two choices. They could walk away with the $20 or they could risk it on the spin of a roulette wheel. If their colour came up, the experimenter would add another $30 and they would walk away with $50. They then took the $20 off them.

Experiment B: They offered the same deal but didn't give them the $20 to hold. About 60 percent of the subjects in experiment B took the $20 and walked.

Something like 70 percent in experiment A gambled. It was a complete turnaround. The only difference was that in A, they'd held the $20. The Psychologist used that to demonstrate that once humans have held something of value in their hands, they will fight to get it back.

Lisa, in the story above, had held something of value in her hands. The warm, fuzzy feeling of being desired and flattered. When it was withdrawn, she fought to get it back. Just a pity that her definition of cheating was different to Dave's. That happens. If you and your partner have a deal that neither cheats, then it is a good idea to define cheating.

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Misogynist humour

How many misogynists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Let the bitch cook in the dark.

Misogynist philosophy

If a tree falls in a forest and there is only a woman there to hear it. What the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?

Remember, it's fine to find the above jokes funny. It's not fine to believe them.