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"So, what happened?" Frank asked, now intrigued by the ghostly tale.
Madame Legendre shrugged mildly. "The child died unexpectedly. That is not the natural order of things, so when dealing with the death of a child, one must enlist the miste of Baron Samedi. I called upon him to take the child back, but his price for doing so was to strike a bargain with me. In exchange, I relinquished my mortality."
"You mean, you died?" Frank scoffed.
"I mean, I traded my mortal existence for one of immortality," she retorted sharply. "I am not, as I led you to believe, Madame Legendre," she admitted reluctantly.
"Then, who are you?" Frank piped, eager to hear her answer.
"If I tell you, will you agree to abandon the idea of pursuing your friend?" she asked. "I ask this for your sake. In exchange, I will tell you all you wish to know. You can remain here, with me, and I will be your guide. I will teach you all that I know. But, you must agree to remain in New Orleans and not to pursue your friend, Ian, to the other world."
"Sure!" Frank agreed readily. He didn't believe a word she had said, but it made for an entertaining story, at least. What harm could there be in agreeing to her terms in order to hear the ending to a mildly amusing tale? Maybe Ian could turn it into a book, he mused. When he hooked up with his missing friend again, there was going to be hell to pay, he vowed to himself.
Madame Legendre smiled at his answer. "Understand the terms of our bargain, before you answer, Mon Cheri. You will remain here with me as my lover, and in return, I will make you a very wealthy and successful man," she said with an edge of cunning. Frank nodded his consent and understanding.
"So, tell me the punch line, now, will you? I can hardly wait to hear it," he coaxed, tongue-in-cheek.
"I am Madame Paris," she said.
Frank looked somewhat puzzled for a moment.
"You can call me Marie," she purred with contentment. "Marie Laveau."
- COMMENTS
JJMemaw0623over 7 years agoI have always wanted to visit New Orleans. I love the basis of the story and love the descriptions you used to visually take us there. Great work, keep writing!
jack30341over 7 years agoLoved the atmosphere and setting. Rich. Vivid. I agree with the other commentator who noted these were likely your strong suits.
The characters could be tweaked, and I think this could also ratchet up the tension. But this isn't made as a major criticism. More a suggestion from my own humble opinion.
Keep up the great work. Will look forward to your next offering.
Anonymousover 7 years agoThe atmosphere is fantastic, and you can almost imagine being in voodoo-land while reading this story. It has an ominous air about it, as if nasty spirits and ghosts are just waiting to pounce on you from the screen, and from your prose I can vividly envision exactly what the place looks like. Atmosphere and probably period pieces are definitely your strong suits.
If I must nitpick, I wish you had used this awesome setting for a longer and more complex story. I didn't really find the plot super engaging and the characters didn't make me care much about their fate (except for Madame Legendre - make her the main character of your next one). It wasn't bad in any way. Just not quite up to the setting you've created for it.
In summary, the result can only be a 5. Well done. I think I need to go check out some more of your stories.
