All Comments on 'The Shooting at Our Merciful Lord'

I agree with Ib-Says about the flaws in the storytelling. They are all fixable as the author refines their craft. The story itself is stark and compelling. Most of the characters (all except Father Mike?) are very flawed people. I particularly despise the adulterous doctor. As a surgeon myself, I have met many doctors just like him- and didn't benefit from the knowing. The character arcs are well thought out and believable. With practice, Malraux could become an excellent storyteller. Please keep writing. Listen to the critics and learn but don't take what they say to heart. Many of them are mean-spirited bastards. You can still learn from their opinions (rants?). Thanks. JPR

Reminded me very much of Colonel Boy's OODA fighting philosophy.

John Boyd was a USAF fighter pilot who spelled out what may seem obvious - the OODA loop - Observe, Orient, Decide, Act...Observe...

Boyd ended up in the Pentagon and some Marine officers there became aware of the briefing on OODA Boyd had developed. Subsequently this philosophy was adopted and taught at Marine Officers training.

It seems kind of intuitive as any football player, or even tennis player or boxer just knows: despite one's game plan or specific sports skills or strengths you STILL have to react to your opponent and what they do in real time - and it continues until the game is over. It's just a lot more serious in a dog fight or any small unit armed encounter with OPFOR's.

Overall a very nice story and thank you.

those things you kept telling us about AFTER had me worried about what you WEREN'T telling us.

Nothing you said up until the final confrontation with Yas told us what happened to him... But since he was the bad guy, as long as what happened wasn't good, I didn't care...

And as the story progressed, you told us things about more and more who would be alive after... I just never felt like anything you'd said guaranteed John was alive after...

I worried this was one of those stories where our narrator was relating the story after their death... Glad that wasn't the case...

And I loved that Maria found her momma lion (protecting her family no matter the risk)...

Loved this story...

I have lived in the southwest Ohio region and am extremely familiar with the real places mentioned in the story. I have tried to figure out geographically where Sky Grey is but haven't figured it out. Perhaps in Butler County or Preble County? I originally thought it was supposed to be NE of Cincinnati like in Warren or Clermont counties but the reference to getting a reservation in Greenville threw me off. Greenville of course is about 40ish minutes NW of the center of Dayton. I would love to know where the fictional Sky Grey is located in your stories.

I think some things may be missing, or I could have just missed it. Such as why did Karen Ann marry him in the first place? It didn't take long for her to completely alienate John and lose all respect, assuming she loved him at one time. Was she a mercenary from the beginning? How could she have been seduced so easily, so quickly during the honeymoon phase? Why did she do what she did so quickly and then keep deceiving John? Why stay married let alone get married? Why did she have such disrespect behind John's back? What happened to Yasin? What happened to Karen Ann?

Very good story. I don’t care for stories this long, but you still kept me interested. Thanks for a good read. Heck, you didn’t have enough detractors to get up a good circular firing squad.

Re Ximand With all respect due, are you sure you didn’t see something of yourself in the Karan Anne character of this story? Now before you blow up, please hear me out. Your own words concerning John caring for the children condemn you. You obviously have a problem with true love. As a Grandfather and Father of 4 daughters and many Grands, including 3 adopted or Step-Grands, I here to tell you that any right thinking person will fall in love with those helpless little creatures almost at first sight; only a cold hearted person could live and play with children for even a few months, as John is said to have done, and not love them. He might react as John did in the heat of battle, but alone at night, at the time he’d normally be playing with them, it wouldn’t be too long before a tear would come to his eyes.

I say this as a Great-Grandfather who lost 2 Great-Grands, just about the same age as the children in this story, due to divorce. I’m in SC and they are in CA and I’ve only seen then twice in about 8 years, and I’d still welcome them with open arms. By the way, due to the Step-Son situation, these kids are no biological relation to me. I guess that’s what love is all about.

Hope you experience that kind of love before the cold winds of age chill your body to the point you can’t cash in on a good thing.

5* straight up. Loved it all, the character, the plot, the story. Great work.

Loved the story, didn't even notice how long it was. Who wants a good story to end? Great job, looking forward to reading your other submissions. Thanks!

One of the top five stories on this site.

Obviously a stellar (5 of 'em) story. I swerved into it from else ware and intend to peruse some of your other offerings.

Very well presented study of personalities with a large portion of philosophy.

A reluctant hero who is emotionally and physically damaged. An unfaithful wife who is cast aside and abandoned. Two innocent children who become collateral damage in the divorce, in an off again, on again relationship with a nonbiological father and his parents. A diminutive and beautiful recluse slowly emerging from her protective shell.

Meanwhile, two benevolent aging Jesuits, gently prod, push, nudge, encourage, pull strings, and stear their wards into fully integrated roles in society.

But to end there leaves too many unresolved issues.

Do the children regain contact with their estranged grandparents?

Does he finish his Master's and assume leadership of the new department?

A successful rehabilitation?

Children of their own?

and

and

and

Well written!

An engaging story with good character development, plot and setting.

Your stories are proving to be some of my all time favorites on this site. I hope to see more in the future!

i agree with ximand though , her family and her influence on the kids would prevent me from having anything to do with them at all from there on out. id want nothing to do with any of them, after the disgusting way they acted. the kids aren't his he has no legal or moral obligation to that wretched bunch . feel bad ok, but get on with your life, they aren't your responsibility.

life changes who we are, how we think and about what we think is right or wrong. It makes no sense at all to have the high moral ground and not use it to your advantage. ..Really like your writing thank you …R.W.

Life is usually not black and white. Mostly shades of Grey. All parts of this story were enjoyable. Great ending. Thank you.

I particularly enjoyed this one.

I could easily see it converted to film.

I enjoyed this story. However, a couple thoughts that I just couldn't understand;

It never explained why the first wife hated this guy. The way she divorced him and treated him throughout the story was not about falling out of love with him, but actually hating him....with a passion. As others have said, why did she marry him in the first place. The first wife had no redeemable characteristics. (I shudder to think that she would be teaching children.)

Now I really enjoyed the time with Maria and her family. Two broken individuals meet and repair each other with love and honesty....can't get better that that.

The ending left me a little confused. Why this woman that hated him all of a sudden turn to the person (that she hated) and ask for his help?

Overall, Thank you for writing an interesting and entertaining story.

Absolutely bloody excellent.

Well done.

Karen gets maria and john to watch the kids. She packs and heads off to rehab for 2 or3 months. On the way out of town, she runs by the bank and picks up the kids money from "daddy lover bpy" and then she just disappears.. leaving john with the kids and np money.

It's who she is.

Your stories are very solid. Good plots, although somewhat repetitive, good character development, moderately good dialog and very entertaining. They run a bit long, but that gives you the time to fill out the story. You're obviously enamored of this community, the marines, catholicism and teaching. If you could expand your base you'd probably get out of Literotica and write a novel or two and make some money out of your pasttime. In any case you have a devoted audience here and I'm sure that many of us are working our way through your current list of stories hoping for more. It would be really pointless to nit-pick the details of this and your other stories and I'm glad to see there are very few boors who do that at all. Does anyone really rate these tales below 5*?

The body count is too high for a small town hospital. Seriously, you'd be lucky to see 37 people at most small town hospitals including doctors, nurses, and cops acting as security.

Sure it's a good yarn, but there be flaws.

I enjoyed the story quite a bit. However I found the timeline hard to follow. You interjected the non-main characters at difficult times to have them relate properly to the story. This resulted in repetition of details that didn't need it.

I enjoy your stories. They are always entertaining, with interesting, thought provoking, and emotional story lines.

You use a frustrating device of leaving your stories without a definitive conclusion. I understand it’s value, but it sure can be disappointing to those who like a clean conclusion.

I have noticed that several of your themes center around Sky Gray, Ohio. Have you ever considered including chacters from other plots?

I was raised in Cincinnati, and recognize some of the places to which you refer. However, it occurred to me that “Sky Gray” might be a reference to Indian Mound, outside of Columbus. Is that right or wrong?

Keep up the good work.

After reading "Save One Love" I didn't think you could top that one. Maybe you did but is a close call. One result of an excellent author is that small editing crumbs are not noticed because the writing is so good. The same applies to the length. This is one where there wasn't any urge to look and see how much more to the end. What happened to Karen and the kids at the end was an interesting twist - didn't expect that. I thought the bad guy would go after John and Maria but you had already established that the bad guy was dumber than a sack of rocks and didn't do his homework. The "be careful" comment and John's reaction was really good.

There is good emotions and action that was well told. Your characters were well developed as you do in all of your stories. You take the time to develop them and provide excellent background.

The end of the story (the last line) is perfect - they are equals. What a beautiful touch of a master storyteller. What you did with Karen Ann at the end was also a nice touch. However, there was one clear mistake near the end about why John would have nothing to do with Karen's parents. Earlier in story he was correctly upset with them because they knew what Karen was doing, including the divorce - small gnat on the wall in a concert hall.

This is more than a 5 star story. Thank you very much for taking the time to write and share with us. Very well done!

This was one of the best I've read, damn good !!!!

And with an appropriate reference to one of the more chilling scenes of the Cantos in "Inferno"; that of Ugolino, perpetually devouring Ruggieri's brain from behind. Leathernecks quoting Dante! Not something you read every day here in

Literotica!

Your recent story you ending with out a conclusion. This one ended flat. Did she make it out of rehab. You left that door open.

You are probably one of the better writers here. Unlike some of the other complaints of leaving lose ends, I prefer that. It lets my imagination go wild. Besides no one's life ever in reality does end credits.

Cannot wait for the next one!!!!

Hooked on your work now. Going back to read more of it.

He should have told his ex wife to get stuffed. Why was he even talking to her?

Honestly, I skipped about 12 of the 14 pages. It became repetitive, ridiculously wordy and filled with unnecessary filler.

2 stories here first 4 or 5 pages belong in LW, then theres the Romance story would have been a lot better that way. but yeah can skip about 10 pages and still have a good read

Due to the efforts of the better authors, Literotica at its best is an interesting mixture of well-written stories that grip by the depth of their characterisation, the intricacies of narrative, and the sensitivity with which the eroticism buried in all of us is expressed and detailed, those where crudity dominates or is meant to shock, and others where limits of sexuality are explored or tested. This author has the ability to write well on the sexual content but also to build his characters into a well-written and engrossing story. I have read several from Malraux, all interesting and very well written. Thank you.

I got a lot more out of your story the second time around. I had been awhile since I had read it the first time. The second time I found myself getting into the characters more. I found myself doing what any writer wants, getting lost in the story. I really enjoyed this one.

It wii be harder to give a 5* since reading your stories. On a ten point scale this would be a definition of what it takes to get there. Other very good stories would be in the 8range.

Thanks and looking forward to more.

Folks, you should really open a book for once in your lives, if you consider this to be good writing.

This is good writing.

Very well written story and hard to stop reading once started....my only suggestion would be for you to write a chapter 15. The story ended a little too soon...like what was in the envelope?....how did the summer go?...and what happened to the terrorist? Still a *5*

He hasn't seen his parents in a MONTH? He's been dating Maria for SEVERAL months and apparently hasn't even TOLD his parents, let alone introduced them??

His share of the equity is only $5K? That means they only had $10K equity? They probably put at least that much down! Plus, shouldn't he share in any increase in value?

John is obviously willing, but his "guarantee" to raise any children Catholic is unenforceable.

" She wondered at the "fuss," implying that it could not have been significant because John had done it" - Whatever her doubts about John, the significance couldn't be ignored!

@njlauren 04/15/17 Re: "Well written" Apology - Yes, she COULD have said something like, "I was so wrong about you. You ARE a hero, I'm so sorry."

I was wondering why such a brilliant surgeon, who could go anywhere, with a wealthy family in Connecticut, wasn't working in Boston or New York.

Five stars, but probably more Romance than LW, the John/Maria story dominated over John/Karen Ann.

with sbrooks103 not a Loving Wives Tale. more a Romance since that was the Dominant part. But a story I read until done not like some i read 1/2 page and click back to search.

No chance I would help her. No need to speak to her at all.

An unfinished work can't get a 5, so a 4. Finish it, maybe tie in some of the other Sky Grey characters from other stories. The ending issue isn't will he agree; to not do so would be fully inconsistent with how you developed John's integrity and character. It's about the maturing of Karen, Maria's growing self confidence, Karen coming to grips with just how badly she messed up, and Maria finishing her education with her and John becoming an important part of the community through their service.

The ending is good: I wouldn't want it to dribble on. Stories are about imagination and this ending allows us readers to exercise ours.

Good story. Good ending.

I especially like the positive use of minority characters. Many authors denegrate black ppl or omit them completely.

Very well written I look forward to reading more of your work

An insightful , well written story with a great plot. Excellent character development. It would be hard to find a woman more cruel and unappreciative of a kind and caring husband, than the horrible Karen Ann! With no other options, in the end she turns to the one dependable man she knows, her ex-husband. What a bankrupt human being she turns out to be. 5*s for a great story.

Extremely well written. It’s the kind of story that I couldn’t stop reading, and didn’t want to end. It’s down-to-earth, and it’s all too believable.

There are some ‘professional’ writers on Lit, who also publish to Amazon, Smashwords, etc. despite lacking basic sentence structure, not checking grammar or spelling, and certainly weren’t proof-read or seen by even a volunteer editor. ‘The Shooting at Our Merciful Lord’ has a polished, professional feel. I thank the author for sharing, but encourage more formal publishing to outlets like Amazon, Smashwords, iBooks, etc. I think it’s THAT good, that I’d want more people to read it.

The site is called literotica..not dramaotica

I thought this was a very good story. I do think that, at times, it was excessively wordy. Maybe ‘Flowery’ overly wordy. Still, it was a great story. Oh, and one thing:

Homeland Security guy: Erik Remarque? Really? Not Erich? Jeez!

Well written and thought out the sex scenes are from top drawer this is best suited for a movie script. Do it now and remember me in your paradise.

Another very well-written story.

Thank You

73

HP

what a stupid call, I certainly wouldnt care that some child who isnt mine went missing, I'd be wondering why the fuck she called me and not the cops, this is the stories weakest plot point - why would a mother refuse to call the cops but rather call her ex husband who she reviles to ask him to help find a child she ensured he could never see?

And once getting to the house I certainly would not risk my life and my childs future to help someone who worked so diligently to harm me

I damn sure would never let my pregnant wife put herself and our unborn child in jeopardy

As for the child arrangement I'd have told her to get bent, and set her parents letter on fire. If her parents thought he made such a great father they shouldnt have done nothing about her affair - and who cares if her mother is sick and her father is emotionally distant

She has access to 500K, she can pay for someone to watch her bastards

Not even for the pleasure of denying her parents access to their grand kids would I do it

That was a stupid request and it would have been a no brainier to refuse dinner on the grounds of 'I have no desire to talk to you much less help you've. Why does it always come down to 'you have to do it for the kids'. Bullshit. Life's a bitch all around. Like was said, take some of the blood money she got from Dr. Asshole and hire someone to take care of them.

This story could have been told in a third less pages if he didn't keep repeating his story over and over and over again and again and again. I also don't understand why a $5 word is necessary when a 50¢ word will work. There were more big, unrecognizable words in this story than a politicians retirement speech. Big words don't make you look smarter or well read, they just confuse 90% of your readers and make for an uninteresting read.

There were some plot holes, but by and large it was well done. About the only thing I would change would be the ex wife never showing the least bit of remorse. Or her parents, who presumably knew of her plans. Other than that, I thought it was terrific.

Title says all. 1 star.

It's easy to hate the cheater. I find it impossible to hate an innocent child who has no say or control of their circumstances. A child should never suffer punishment for the sins of the parent, but too many times they do because of hardhearted people who would rather stand in judgement regardless of who it hurts. I'm in a different but somewhat similar situation, and I will not turn my back on those children because of their parents. Doing what is right for the child is the whole point here in t his story, regardless that it helps the parent. I will be a positive in the children's lives by being accepting and loving them. Turning one's back on a child is the most hateful and hardhearted act a human could ever do.

Child Protective Services is a nightmare these days, and their name is an oxymoron, because for the most part they don't protect, they dictate what is best for CPS, not the children. In some cases what they do is as bad or worse than what the parent did.

Just spent the last 4 hours rereading this tale ( skimming actually ) & still thought it was very well written although extremely long, was that necessary, not sure but I did enjoy it. Anyway congrats for a worthwhile tale. 5*****

You write very well, and despite the comments on using 'long' words, I think if you have a good vocabulary then why not use it?

However your pacing leaves a lot to be desired. Any good story of this length need waves and troughs, with each wave raising tension a little higher and troughs relieving it again. However the troughs here are extraordinarily long, almost to the point of boredom before the next wave comes along and we see some action/tension/cliffhanger. You could do with some really pointed editing on this one.

Where was the anger at finding out your wife deliberately got pregnant by someone she's been fucking for 3 years? He had to think about signing the divorce papers?😂😂 . WTF was there to think about? John was just ---ughhh. He came off wimpish. He was still "oh Karen, oh I miss you" what exactly was he missing? The lies? The betrayals? The cum she had him eating out of her pussy?--- what? I can no longer go by the score of a story on Literotica. It can be 4.78 and sucks sweaty balls. John's reaction to the cum sluts hatred and betrayal just didn't match.

I don't often write comments on the stories posted here. Usually they're so poorly written, there just isn't any point. However, since I discovered your stories yesterday I've inhaled 3 of them.

Your stories are well thought out, the characters are believable, your choice of prose excellent. I especially appreciate how well edited they have been.

Please keep up the good work. It is much appreciated.

Semper Fi

WHAT a fucking cunt.

Just my 2 cents worth here. Not worth much, but I found the weakest part of the story was the non disclosure of what happened that day. I know it was a plot device, but it stuck out a bit for me, mainly because you kept on coming back to it. The other part was your choice of words in a few instances. Found it interrupted the flow for me, I don't know anyone that speaks that way. Could be that i am a uneducated lump, that fine. Still all in all, a nice read.

I've read this story four or more times. It still amazes me. Unique, engaging story line. Careful, in depth character developments. Unanticipated twists and turns. Extremely gifted sentence structures.

A winner, by any measure, in any arena!

Best line in this tale...” I had that most terrifying of wives: an equal “.

"I was advised that I had little legal foundation to sue for custody or even visitation. My wife threatened to allege that I had abused them or her." - Fear of the abuse threat may preclude him doing anything, but I disagree that he has no grounds to sue for visitation. How many times have we seen the ex have to pay for kids fathered by the lover because he was the acknowledged father having raised them for a significant period of time. He IS their father, and deserves visitation if he wants it. Of course, he would then be hit with support, but maybe that's an exchange he would welcome.

"It occurred to me that if I'd become famous before the divorce maybe she would have loved me." - Yeah, but do you want that kind of fake love?

Regarding getting what we "deserve," On the television series Babylon 5, a character had a GREAT line: "You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe."

even though this is just a story shows good reason for the general public to have C W L's .I have mind an carry all the time . in Texas where they have an open carry law , but no one in Walmart stepped up. this man went above & beyond in this story. Semper Fi.

Bore 2 kids by another and another miscarried

Get a life

Found another and now pregnant with YOUR child and Marine Corps and you go in house without club etc with weak right hand?!?!

Glad you weren't Lt in my company

she really was a piece of work, wasn't she?

Damn that was boring. Even though well wrote.

Thats just because of how I am. I love neat tidy endings. This definitely stands however.

You are really really good.

Having fun finding new (to me) authors after scrolling through hall of famers came across Then Surely We which was an extremely satisfying read i think because the payoff finally happened at the end, and it was a simple one but the conflict and struggle to get there made that story hang together well. This has a similar formula with one exception, the most interesting character in the tale, the so called Loving Wife basically goes off stage after the shooting. And like the female LW in Then Surely We she flips and becomes TERRIBLE HORRIBLE a MONSTER. And I love a good villain, a Darth Vader, a Hannibal Lecter but the villain needs to be around enough to move the story along. And while John's journey is noble and has merit, as a story there really doesn't seem to be a lot of conflict once Karen is off stage and the conflict just isn't there. I know the terrorism bookends the story but this isn't a story about terrorists, it's about someone escaping from the true villain of his life and she incomplete. Not like the Villain in Then Surely who, as is revealed throughout gets worse and worse and even calls out the US Marine Corp. members as having no honor. (Those characters in the story) Anyway it did live in my head for two days so there's that and I kept wondering why she did that to him int he first place.

The story developed well and the characters seemed real. Even though I am in LW, I generally skip the sex scenes because how many times can you read about couples coming ten times during one night in the greatest rough or loving sex. Writing characters that you can feel is a harder and more critical craft, and Malroux has done it well in this story. Could have been a bit shortened, but I can live with that.

Gatsby I agree with you needs a final chapter with John & Maria & their child being born . after having 2 he thought was his only to find out what a B___H his ex was !

Ended too quickly though. There needs some closure with Marie having the baby, and does he get to keep the other kids? Nice thing about marrying a 30 year old virgin is she can't compare your dick size and she's too frightened by other men to ever cheat!!!

Great story. In my humble opinion, Karen Ann should face far more pain.

Of your stories I have read, the first being 'Then Surely We'. I haven't commented on that story yet as I'm still reeling from the betrayals. You certainly have a way with downright evil women and tiny angels! Perhaps more than the latter should understand that quiet and unassuming doesn't not always mean a weak or cowardly person, in this case a Marine. I was not in the Corps but I would never consider any of the numerous ones I have known to fit in that category. Don't know that I, myself would be too willing to take on the duties of caring for Karen's two children, but then he's a better person than I am. With Maria by my side there is no doubt in my mind I would. For me the more complete reason I would never have anything to do with Karen's parents is the simple fact they Knew she was cheating, it stands to reason that they also knew the children weren't his. It made the circle of deceit by that entire family complete.

Only one quibble with the story. Sky Grey really needs a professional police force, the first responders should not roll up on a possible hostage situation with sirens, but then again it is Ohio.

Signed: BTW

the spleen & your gall bladder are to organs that you can with out. oops the appendix is 1 also . when i had my gall bladder removed they appendix also once your appendix is exposed to air 6 months it goes bad

I like your writings, but i find the endings to your stories leave an empty feeling, like there is more, but we are just not getting it in this story. Other than that great writing.

A fucking bonafide cunt. I so rarely use that word because I can't really stand it but sometimes no other word fits. She also has to be the dumbest bitch on the planet.

I know women do shit like this and it always makes me want to scream. I swear to god if that was my son who went through this, I would drive over to the bitches parents house and kick that aunt's mothers ass. You best believe.

I quite liked the story but the telling was endlessly meandering and your habit to foretell information that hasn't happened yet as if it was done is confusing. You talk about things in the present and push the events forward and mention what happens in 18 months time (for example), then when you continue the story the reader is left wondering when the story is. If that makes sense? It's hard to keep track of what is happening and what hasn't happened yet in the story and sadly I see it all too often on this site.

What I can't understand is how Karen Ann didn't know her lover was married.They carried on for three years,during which time he must have left to go home to his family,so how did he explain those absences?.

4*, due to the story was well over 5 pages too long, and it meandered all over the place never getting to a conclusive end. It needed some proof reading/editing too. I was hoping the terrorist would take Karen Ann out and the kids go to John (as John's name is on both their birth certificates as the married husband at birth - DNA may prove otherwise but the legal document is what matters).

/

But with complications of Karen coming back 2/3/4 months later to rip the kids away from John/Maria (just after the kids bonded with them) - is going to far. John would be a fool for not getting legal custody documents to thwart the divorce decree. We can only hope Karen abandons the kids after rehab allowing John/Maria's to keep custody. As Karen is the selfish bitch we all love to hate with no redeeming qualities.

/

Side note: I live near Ft Recovery, so the story geography is most interesting. Hooyah, salute!

I second the opening comment of KRD19254. It is a very good story with an original plot. It is just too long with details that do not add anything to the story. 4*

Simply enjoyed your work as I have all your stories.

Needed a bit more at the ending but thoroughly enjoyable.

Great reading, hard to stop until the end. But the story doesn't appear to be finished? I expected more to be explained about Karen's aversion to John. Reading between the lines it appears her parents disrespected him behind his back and the Doctor picked up this after her first miscarriage, insinuated himself into her life. Most probably stating "John was not man enough to impregnate her properly." I anticipated a scene in the school lunchroom after John visited to warn her about the press release. She shook her head. "Sure, sure you did." Especially her parting words "He has delusions of ..." I expected the author to write something along the lines of: 'Half an hour after John's visit a teacher enters the lunchroom saying "they have released a high definition video of the man who took down the terrorists at the hospital." All gathered around the computer screen to view the video. "Wow," says one of the female teachers looking at Karen, "Your ex-husband is a hero!" Maybe then she finally realised what a mistake she had made.' Regardless, she never apologised verbally. But perhaps asking John and Maria to be guardians of her children was a roundabout apology! Definitely, needs a second chapter.

He’s not like any Marine I’ve ever been around and that’s a lot. You should have made him Air Force or something that’s not as highly combative.

Have you ever thought about a timeline for all "Sky Grey" stories? Maybe they all happen when they happen. Maybe there's a sequence.

Very well written, good plot, plenty of drama and held my interest tio the end. Please keep writing!

A truly magnificent story!

Well done!

...outstanding! Easily a five star ⭐️ effort . Thank you storyteller!!

I had lost faith that any author other then qhml stangstar or Iverson could write a 5 star story. Very impressive I will be reading all of your work now!

but there is one thing that really bothered me. I've read all the previous, but nobody else has commented on it. Maybe it's different in the US (I'm a Brit), but his desire to avoid publicity, which appears to have been successfully maintained, would not last minutes here. There were so many people at the Hospital who knew him, if not personally at least by sight. The Brit press would have traced him and doorstepped him relentlessly. His act was off the scale for heroism! No rest for the famous.

Apart from that, I'm not as big a fan as most. Someone else said it should have been 11 pages. Funnily enough, although I didn't read the comments until the end, I did start rapid scanning by the end of page 11.

Unnecessarily long, but still worth four stars.

This is a fairly good story. Such as it is... When do you foresee giving it an ending ? This, was not an end.

Of course this is just my personal opinion, but I thought that the story was excessively long. Maybe 25 to 35 percent could have been edited out and still maintain a good story, which this was. After a while, I started to skip paragraphs and still keep up with story. One thing that I don't understand at the end was why the MC refused to see the ex in laws, but still kept talking to his ex. Yes, the in laws kept their daughter's affair from him, but the ex was the one that did him extremely and evilly wrong. Why continue to speak to her? She cuckolded him almost their entire marriage while using his own bed, denied him children by using a diaphragm - but yet had another man's children and passed them off as his, and showed him total lack of faith and respect. Why keep speaking to her for any reason. Just demand your share of the house equity and walk away.. I was hoping that somehow she ended up getting killed because she was just a total evil scumbag who deserved to receive karma in spades. I'm not a woman hater, it's just that some scumbags (men and women) don't deserve to walk the earth even if they are a fictional character. LOL

Another I couldn't stop reading! I hope you write more!

There is No ending? is there going to be a Next Part?

It was a very good story, and would have been 5* but for its boring length. There was just too much filler in the story.

I have to agree with others that the ending of this and other stories is abrupt. Your stories are very good, but the preponderance of Marines in this little town makes me wonder why they don't know each other.