The Strangeness Within Pt. 05

..........................*** Chapter 27 ***...........................

Esther closed her eyes and gripped Abuela's hand. Nicola's warm body pressed against her back, one arm around her stomach, the other woman's physical presence calming the part of her brain that would otherwise refuse this task.

When Abuela's onslaught came, it swept right over her, a hot wind lifting her light veils away, carrying her completely out of her body.

It had been easier every day. When she floated above Abuela's strange map of the world, she sensed a little more than yesterday.

Today Abuela held them still, centered above the node she understood to be Abuela and Esther. A single point for the two of them, and all their uncounted complexity inside. It was a compression, the type brains were so good at. Take a complicated object and abstract it, until it became a single idea. A single point. But all the detail was waiting within, should Abuela decide to examine it. Down to the atomic level, if Abuela had the skill Nicola did.

The map shimmered as one path or another momentarily sharpened or blurred. Abuela was listening, her subconscious traveling down the forking paths at tremendous speed. It was what she spent most of her time doing: collecting information with every ounce of her attention. Allowing her intuition and experience to filter and redirect her searching, following strands, mostly to dead ends. A chance alignment of branches allowed a sound to travel much further than usual. A chipmunk was scared by a distant car, and its call startled a flock of birds.

Countless bits of information, all of them meaningless on their own, but if selected with tremendous precision, they could add up to something far more. That was what the connections between nodes stood for, in Abuela's map: sets of circumstances relating one entity of interest to another. And even the entities represented by nodes were themselves constantly shifting. A room, a tree, a pebble, a person, a small region of air. It seemed impossible that any one mind could do this, and perhaps it was magic, or a miracle. Yet Abuela was doing it.

Esther felt a shudder at her back. Nicola found something about this experience unpleasant, but so far she'd been too stubborn to explain.

Finally Abuela ended the session, and Esther sagged back against Nicola, who took a ragged breath of her own. They had been nearly two hours in meditation.

"Describe what you experienced," Abuela demanded, and Esther began the recitation. She knew she'd made great improvements this week, but Abuela seemed unhappy.

"Too slow," she muttered. "I will have to think about this. Very well, my child, you may ask your questions now."

Nicola had learned her lesson to stay silent in this time. Abuela had grudgingly accepted how much easier her presence made the process for Esther, and by extension Abuela herself. But Abuela's entire focus was Esther now, and whatever it was that Esther felt would speed her understanding.

"When you are searching for butterflies, are you doing this one at a time or all at once?"

Abuela thought about that. "A combination, I suppose. There are far too many paths to search one at a time. And yet I must restrict my view drastically in order to hold all the necessary information in my mind. I suppose the restriction is the part that requires the most conscious attention, while my intuition and unconscious mind do the searching."

"Like an intuitive parallel processing," said Esther.

Abuela smiled and nodded. "There are many new ideas in the world, ones I wish had been available when I was groping my way to these skills. It is another advantage your young mind will have over mine.

* * *

After a snack, they walked slowly back to the cabin. Mark was outside chopping wood, his body as always a machine designed for the task. No wasted motion, every stroke perfect. Esther smiled at him, but he was intent on his task.

Once inside Esther flopped on her bed.

"I can't understand any of it," Nicola said softly. She lay back on her own bed, staring at the underside of the upper bunk.

"Any of what?" Esther asked.

"What it is you and Abuela see," she said. "Yes, I get swept away by Abuela as well. But everything is murky and chaotic. I can't make sense of a fucking thing. I thought I could learn, that Abuela misjudged me. But she didn't. I'm too stupid, Esther. My brain just can't follow where you go."

"You're one of the smartest people I know," Esther said. "Abuela is trying to teach me, not you. All of what she does is focused on how she thinks I'll best be able to see. There's no reason to think our minds should work the same way. I think mine just works more like Abuela's, so she has a better chance of teaching me."

Nicola faced her with a scowl. "Why do you have to be so fucking nice? I'm trying to feel sorry for myself here, and pissed off at you. The least you could be is an arrogant prick like me. Instead, I spend hours holding you, knowing that the best thing I can do is help you go places I'll never visit myself. It's killing me, Esther."

"You've been amazing support for me, Nicola. But I feel better every time. I think I could do it without you. There's no need to torture yourself."

"Don't you get it?" Nicola said. "Abuela's not giving me lessons anymore. She seems desperate to get you up to speed, and that can only mean one thing: she doesn't think she has much time left. This is my last chance to learn something from her, and all I'm getting is static. I'd rather at least do some good by helping you, and maybe my thick brain will eventually get something out of it."

The door opened, and Mark came in.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop. Is it really so desperate with Abuela?"

"I don't know," said Esther. "She doesn't seem any worse than recently. But Nicola's logic makes sense."

Mark sighed unhappily and sat on the bed with Nicola, absently putting his hand on her leg.

Nicola sat up and kissed him, hard, on the lips.

"Please," she murmured, running her hands down his back. "Let's just feel something good for a while."

Mark leaned into her kiss and closed his eyes. He always looked so much younger in these moments when he surrendered to Nicola. Nicola was trying to undo her clothes even as she kissed him, and Esther figured it was time to go.

"Stay," Nicola whispered. "If you like."

It would only be frustrating. But the truth was she liked watching them even in the dark. She'd never seen them in the light of day. If she went elsewhere she'd be thinking about them anyway, and the temptation would be even greater to spread out her senses in the way Abuela kept warning her was dangerous.

That what she told herself, anyway, as she sat down again on her bed.

Nicola took a quick break to pull her shirt off over her head, and Mark immediately unclasped her bra, moving down to kiss her shoulders and cup one of her beautiful breasts.

Nicola flashed Esther a surprisingly nervous smile, then pushed Mark down on her bed, unsnapping his jeans and pulling them right off with his underwear.

He was rock-hard, as he always was once they'd started. Esther suspected it was something else he had conscious control of. She wondered what that would be like. Could Nicola do some of that? Getting herself physically aroused just with her mind?

Nicola began to kiss him gently, tongue and lips working from the tip of his penis all the way down to the bottom of the shaft, and into the fur on one of testicles, and then back upwards. She was following the spiral pattern of spots, and Mark was obviously enjoying it.

Javier didn't have those spots on his penis, but his whole shaft was so sensitive. Surely he'd like it if Esther did this for him. Esther watched carefully, imagining it was her mouth and Javier's penis. Or perhaps Mark's. She flushed again at the fantasy.

She'd thought Javier always orgasmed quickly, but she was starting to wonder if that was more because of her rush to make him feel good. Nicola did that sometimes for Mark, but today she was taking her time. And she was showing off, Esther realized. Carefully positioning herself so Esther got a good view. Her breasts hung enticingly, brushing against Mark's legs as she moved.

Slowly but surely Nicola intensified her attentions, eventually taking Mark's shaft into her mouth. This was a familiar technique for Esther, particularly when Nicola added her thumb and forefinger to help stroke around the base of Mark's beautiful organ. Mark grunted, and then his eyes opened and he met Esther's.

He quickly sucked in his breath and looked away, out the window. Nicola slowed slightly, and Esther realized Mark was losing his erection. Was he so upset to have her watching? Surely he knew she did that sometimes in the dark.

Nicola stroked his face and kissed him, pulling off the rest of her clothes, and then helping him off with his shirt. For a while she lay at his side, rubbing his chest lightly and murmuring in his ear. No, she was singing very softly. Esther decided she really had better give them privacy after all.

When she moved past the bed, Nicola's hand reached out to hold hers for a moment. Esther nodded and smiled, and then she left them. For once, she was not even tempted to eavesdrop. As Nicola said, they deserved to feel something good for a while.

* * *

"I'm glad we got a chance to sit down for dinner," said Mamá. "I'm sorry you're leaving so soon, but I'm sure it will be an exciting move for you."

Kat smiled as she helped Javier corral the dishes. "If you're ever in San Jose, I'd be happy to host you. You too, Javier, if you want something other than dorm food next year."

"Thank you," Mamá said. "And thank you for being such a mentor for Javier. I can't tell you how excited he is to be learning so much about computers. I can hardly tear him away from it."

"He's a great student," said Kat. "Honestly, he could probably get a job already with what he knows. Better than fast food, eh, Javier?"

Javier blushed. She hadn't given him such direct praise before. And it was true, he didn't have a summer job lined up yet.

When she was gone, Mamá gave Javier a hug.

"I see why you like her," she said. "Smart, funny, and pretty. I'm sorry she won't be around."

"Yeah," Javier said. "She's a good friend. And the guy she got to take over at the computer lab isn't nearly as pretty."

Mamá laughed. "Maybe he's my type. We'll engage in a cyber love affair, free from society's gaze."

Javier snorted. "On my computer, I assume."

It was nice to hear Mamá make adult jokes with him. Another tentative step toward whatever they would have when he left for school.

He hoped Mamá found someone. She hadn't seriously dated in years, and even back then she'd only introduced him to a handful of men. But lately she seemed more relaxed about the prospect. Mamá needed more company than just him.

He went up to his room and finished some homework. When he was ready for bed, he sighed and turned on his modem.

Dear Kat,

Miss you already. Hope the move tomorrow is easy.

For a while he poked around on his remote connection to the school computers, editing some simple programming scripts he'd written. Then his screen beeped with the new mail notification.

Javier,

Miss you too. I wish I'd met your mother earlier. I like her a lot. But I'm relieved to be getting out of here. Today I found another pair of María's underwear in my drawer. I hope that's the last of her things I'll have to toss.

The apartment's so empty it feels as though I'm a visitor. Everything's packed except my two favorite vibrators. I'll need those tonight.

-Kat

There was something oddly exciting about reading her blithe banter on the screen. Even more than when she'd made masturbation references in person. The Kat behind the screen might already be in her underwear the way Javier was. She might already be fantasizing about María, or whatever her fantasies were these days.

He felt his erection grow. He really shouldn't be thinking about her this way. But he found himself pulling off his boxers.

He read her e-mail again as he stroked his dick. He wondered which were her two favorite vibrators. And why did she need two? Two at once?

Heart pounding, he typed in a reply.

Kat,

Lucky I do just fine with my hands.

You deserve to find some brilliant, funny, hot girl in San Jose. I hear that's where they're all going. Good luck tomorrow and I'll see when I can get out to visit.

He sighed, and was about to shut down the connection when a new mail came in.

Javier,

Make sure you do a good job with those hands. And because you're so incredibly sweet, I'll be dedicating my first one to you tonight. Now I'll sign off so I can use both hands.

-K

Javier's mouth fell open. She'd implied she was already masturbating, just as he was. A few miles away, Kat was getting herself off.

He couldn't think of any reply to that e-mail, so he shut down his computer and went straight to bed, his hand never leaving his erection. Five minutes later he erupted all over the hand towel. And it was only as he lay there catching his breath that he thought to wonder what Esther was doing.

* * *

"How far away can you affect events?" Esther asked. "How many like us are you trying to protect?"

Abuela nodded. "It varies. I may have difficulty finding a path to something a few paces away, even while I can find one for an event hundreds or thousands of miles distant. But those very distant paths are extremely rare. Or perhaps they are common enough, but the haystack is so much larger at those distances that I cannot perceive them. If I could, I would protect all of us on the planet. In practice, the protection I can provide is more limited, perhaps to those within the western half of this nation."

"So Nicola was one of the furthest people you have pulled to you?"

Abuela nodded. "As Nicola guessed, it is easier to reach out to a sensitive person than it is to affect most physical objects. Humans are exquisitely sensitive systems, always balanced among choices. Our actions and thoughts depend on our senses, and the right adjustment in sensations can produce changes in action."

"That's how you are able to extend your senses to me," Esther said. "It's how you could affect Anthony's actions so dramatically."

Abuela closed her eyes. "Yes," she said quietly.

"Abuela," Esther said slowly. "Is this why you are so concerned about consent? How often do you influence people's decisions to achieve what is needed?"

Abuela opened her eyes again and held Esther's gaze.

"As little as I can. And yet, it is so difficult to avoid. At the largest distances, the great majority of butterflies I have available involve the choices of humans, particular those with heightened senses. I always search for other ways, but in the end I must choose the least poor option. We are always influencing each other with our words and actions, and therefore my goal is to spread my own influence as weakly and widely as I can, so that it is little different from all the mundane influences we feel."

"You made me come here, though," Nicola blurted. "I knew that, but you've been manipulating us more than that, haven't you?"

Abuela turned her gaze on Nicola. "I have made every attempt to let you live your lives as freely as possible. You must understand, keeping people like us safe and free includes keeping everyone safe from our own kind, especially from those like me with subtle capabilities. If there is one principle I abide by, it is that we should never use our abilities to harm others. That is why Anthony's actions were so intolerable."

Nicola couldn't hold her tongue. "So if he'd just slapped me around like a normal asshole rather than Hulking out, he could have stayed?"

"Do not mistake me," said Abuela. "I kept Anthony as long as I did in hopes I could teach him control. I failed him and you both, and for that I am profoundly sorry."

Nicola clearly wanted to say more, but Abuela shook her head.

"I must clear my head and continue my own meditations. Perhaps you begin to understand why I so rarely give you my full attention. Every instant brings uncountable changes to our world, changes that I must grapple with. And I am fallible as any human."

* * *

"I hate it," Nicola said. "I hate thinking she could have been manipulating us. It's been the elephant in the room all these years. Mark trusts her like family, because that's what she and Keith were to him, but I've never been so good at trusting."

"I believe her, though," said Esther. "That she has tried not to push us around, at least not with her powers."

"Even so, you didn't see what she did to Anthony," Nicola said. She shuddered. "Of course he deserved it, but the power to do that to someone is terrifying. Think of what Mark could do by accident if he ever lost his concentration for an instant, and now imagine that for Abuela."

She stopped and suddenly grabbed Esther's wrist.

"Esther. When you learn these powers, promise me something."

"I would never use them on you," said Esther. "I never want to use them at all on people."

Nicola shook her head. "No, you heard Abuela. You're going to be faced with the same decisions she is, and you'll have to learn how to use them subtly. I trust your judgment, but you must promise me: afterwards, tell me. Tell me if you realize or even suspect you've nudged me to do something. I never want to be constantly wondering about you the way I am with Abuela."

"All right," said Esther. "When I had my orgasm, I lost myself for a moment. In my desperation I reached out to everyone most important to me, trying to pull them close. I didn't know what I was doing, but I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure that was all I did to you."

Nicola stared at Esther. Finally she sighed.

"Like I said. We're goddamned lucky that you're who you are."

..........................*** Chapter 28 ***...........................

"So," Kat said. "Like the new place?"

Javier nodded. It was already starting to have that lived-in look. Kat's science fiction and technical books spilled off of her bookshelves, and most of the furniture in the studio apartment had stuff piled on it already.

In the month since Kat had left, Javier's urge to visit had grown steadily, and when Memorial Day weekend came he'd taken the overnight bus. He'd been tempted to pull his sedan out of storage, but he wanted to reserve that for when he was going incognito.

"Thanks for letting me come stay," said Javier. "I needed to get out of town. With senior prom coming up Clara's making gestures in my direction again, and I just couldn't handle it. I did tell Mamá I'd do some job hunting while I'm here, just so you know."

"Well, good for you," said Kat. "I'll see what I can think of."

After spending the afternoon out sightseeing, they got take-out Chinese and settled into chairs in front of her computer.

"All right, so here's the big news," she said. "You know how I've been trying to get into the Fresno site's computer system. Human resources was easy, but the rest of their security is much better. I finally broke my way into another system, though I can tell it's still not connected to anything central. But here's the thing: someone else had already broken in!"

She showed him the telltale signs.

"They're good, but not as good as me," she said with a smile. "So I've started watching them. I might even be able to figure out where they're coming in from, depending on how sloppy they are."

"You think these are the people who've been sabotaging InfoCorp?"

"I hope so," said Kat. "I want to figure out what their game is. I bet they know more than we do."

"We should be careful," said Javier. "You know what Raj said. They might be dangerous, and we don't know their agenda."