The Tickle-Fuck Symphony

Standing in my lounge room, I centred myself right in front of the couch where my best friends Malax and Aiden had taken seat. Malax, to my left, raised an eyebrow behind his thick rimmed glasses and mouthed the word "what?" in my direction. My eyes lowered to the floor, where I could see my feet hiding behind their tiny blue socks, and curling up into the carpet.

"Sit down already," Aiden insisted with a grin and waving his hand dramatically in the direction of the couch. I let out a little exhale, which had been caught in my throat, and my eyes darted from one man to the other. They wanted me to sit between them, while watching some TV show, about serial killers, and to just relax and unwind between them.

"I just wasn't sure," I mumbled, "how to sit exactly." I knew I was blocking the TV but upon seeing the tiny space between these two guys I just didn't feel confident enough to permit myself such a position.

Malax shook his head and said, "Just sit here," he patted the centre, "what are you talking about? You don't think about sitting, you just do it. We-go-through-this-every- single-weekend."

I turned around and allowed myself to sit on the edge of the couch and keep my back stiff. Both the boys grabbed a shoulder each and pushed me back into my seat properly then, and I gasped at the sudden contact. They were completely unaware, I thought, of how I was feeling in this moment. Between the serotonin, oxytocin and sheer edginess of my own disposition, I desperately wanted this moment to last forever.

Malax, who I adored dearly, was an all knowing master to my every secret. He knew, for example, that simply by running his fingers though my hair I would close my eyes and all the tension would dissipate. He knew that the words, "good girl," would leave me blushing at the satisfaction of his approval. He knew that nothing made me happier than the affections of my closest friends.

Most secretly, however, he knew my biggest weakness.

I didn't dare utter what my weakness was. The T word, I would refer to it as always, because truthfully the word had so much power over me. If I would say this word, then I feared people would see the blush in my cheeks and figure out the secret. I feared they would embarrass me, tease me, and decide I was silly and weak. Yet, I also longed to be embarrassed, teased and weak. I wanted to disappear into my desires and be freed from the anxiety that riddled me so.

I spent time highlighting paragraphs in self-help books, colour-coding my homework, working into the dead of the night. My anxiety levels increasing and decreasing depending on simple daily events; I felt exhausted. I didn't enjoy the label anxiety disorder either. I was anxious, but it was necessary to my professional drive. I was in control, I was all powerful- and then- I would halt because of a simple word.

The T word.

I felt the thighs of Malax and Aiden warming each of my legs on either side. I closed my eyes to allow this. So you might ask; was I intending on making a move on Malax or Aiden? Did I have a fetish for three-ways? After all, "three-way" was a phrase that began with a T... and who was to deny Malax and Aiden if they advanced?

Yet, no, I loved my friendships deeply. I knew I was utterly devoted to them forever. Yet, I especially loved their lips. Malax's were so soft and pink and I imagined in this moment, between the two men, sliding my tongue between Malax's lips and begging in this gesture. Aiden had a brilliant smile- so warming and cheerful; I could not deny my indulgence in him either.

Tongue; tongues started with a T. My mind travelled between Malax and Aiden; Aiden who often poked out his tongue and flicked it around suggestively- as a joke- and yet suggestively nonetheless, seemed to have quite a rhythm for this movement. I thought then of Malax's hands holding me down, as Aiden's tongue protruded in my most intimate areas-

"WHAT THE HELL?!" I jolted as Aiden shouted with his hand out to the television, "What's that guy thinking? There is clearly a killer in there!" Malax chuckled at the comment and I placed a hand tentatively to my chest area, allowing my fingers to travel up to the back of my neck, and rub apprehensively.

Anxiety. That was not a word that started with T, but it was certainly a word that plagued me day and night. Guilt seeped across my skin as I looked down at my feet, which I swung gingerly back and forth over the couch's edge, because I was aroused. I was aroused and it felt good. Those were my states, it seemed, I was either anxious or I was aroused- and I was tired of being anxious, I was.

My heart raced either to the beat of fear or the beat of an ever burning fire that tingled across my skin and left me blushing against its heat. I knew it was wrong, to feel only between these two states, and the implications it would hold in the face of friendships. Relationships I would never betray; I pledge my body as faithfulness and beg for forgiveness of my mind.

I allowed my eyes to peek over at Aiden, as he exclaimed again, in his warm rounded voice that the killer was hiding behind the benches. His voice left me feeling nothing but a yearning to listen, because it was so warm and so gentle, it soothed. I understood this to mean attraction- I was attracted to my friend. I was often attracted to my friends. I realized also, that this was wrong.

Aiden caught my eye and winked. I bit my lip and turned back to the screen, while sinking further into the couch. I felt so happy in this time, because I felt cared for and loved. Malax reached out to play with my hair, and my eyes closed naturally to allow him in this moment to ease my tensions. Aiden coughed gently, pointedly even, and I opened my eyes to look in his direction.

"You know you want to, come on," he said, while patting his thighs gently. I looked at Malax, as I often did, for approval.

"Don't look at me, sit how you want," he said with a smile, and so I allowed myself this one tiny pleasure; to rest my head on Malax's lap, and my legs across Aiden's. Now Aiden placed his hands over my shins fixedly, and Malax continued to caress the skin of the back of my neck. I was secretly feeling the height of comfort and arousal, and dared not let anyone know it.

Aiden was not one to act out of turn and touch a woman in a way she did not desire, and I respected this greatly because I did not wish for temptations to plague me. It was safer to be aroused without the pursuit of things that would destroy the basic structure of our relationships. It was safer than to be pursued, and then need a hasty defence- a lust lawyer to salvage whatever is left of your friendships.

"Tickle torture!" My ears heard the words as though someone had thrown the dart at the centre of my eardrum. My legs tensed, bending slightly from their relaxed state, and I looked at Aiden to see if he had noticed. The TV show they were watching was not about serial killers, no, this episode was specifically about a tickle fetishist. Tickle. Tickling. Making his victims squirm until their central nervous systems became overwhelmed.

Malax looked down at me and grinned knowingly, a glint in his eye and he stifled a laugh at my vulnerable response. I felt a tingle of sensation around my pussy, as it clenched involuntarily, while the T word was repeated several times in this single scene. My toes curled in their blue socks, and Aiden looked at me with a playful expression I both hoped and feared was the indicator of a cunning plan.

"You know," Aiden turned to me carefully, his brown eyes softly observing me, "I once had this girlfriend who was incredibly ticklish. I mean, I tickled her really, really well." I gulped.

"Yeah?" Malax grinned in my direction, "interesting story."

Of course, naturally at this point, I sat up stiffly and considered leaving the room. Shame filled my cheeks as I realised I was a bad-bad person for feeling such a wrong lust. How horrible I was, to desire so intensely... the affections of not one- but two people at once. I found myself nestled against the edge of the coffee table, staring at the floor, and clenching my knees awkwardly.

"It is interesting," Aiden began, "she very nearly peed her pants."

"That's disgusting Aid," Malax responded, placing his hand against my back. I jumped a little and then relaxed again, "but if that's what you're into."

"Ha-ha-ha," Aiden sounded sarcastically, "actually last time I checked, you were the one into weird-ass shit."

I considered this phrasing for a moment. It was interesting because, while Malax knew all of my personal secrets, I did not know all of his. I knew very few things- except for that these two boys loved their classical music. They would spend hours practicing their favourite instrument; the piano. Every day they would play runs of scales up and down the grand piano in their home. They lived together- and I would visit them every weekend- but I did not know what they did during the weeks.

I had only known these two boys for the last six months. However, in my loneliness, I fell head first into their metaphorical embrace. They often poked fun at me, for one thing or another; however, I had never felt as safe as I did in the moments where I was with them. Malax and Aiden; the most amazing friends I had ever had.

"I'm not the one tickling my one-night-stands until they pee all over my bed Aiden," Malax prodded my side- making me jolt upright- and gasp, "you gotta get a new hobby."

"Actually," Aiden began, "I feel like tickling is possibly the best exercise for my fingers outside of actually playing the piano. After that week I spent with Natalia... I won the silver medal in Handley's Piano Academy."

I listened to them go on, and on. Only Malax realizing that with each and every phrasing of the word, the word I could never utter... my whole body became primed for arousing attack. I crept further and further to the edge of the couch, tempting myself to fall onto the floor in an effort to withstand what would normally produce some heavy breathing and fluster-filled expressions.

"Really?" Malax exclaimed, "you tickled your way into a silver medal?" He clasped my shoulder and pulled my whole body back onto the couch. They spoke over me like this often, while I would fall asleep smiling to myself about the lucky break I had received in earning their company. My silence was not abnormal, but Malax knew better of it this particular time.

"Yes," Aiden looked down at me and winked, "so you better watch out!"

I gulped and moved to stand up and exit the room. I made it about two centimetres off the back of the couch before both boys pulled me back down. I frowned at this moment, noting that something was strange about their advance. All eyes on me; I bit my lip and looked across the room.

"I thought you would both want to go rehearse in the back room, I could watch," I suggested helplessly.

"We do need the practice," Malax smoothed my hair with his palm thoughtfully, "but I don't really feel like getting off this couch- what about you Aiden?" My eyes widened as I stared up at Malax. My chest began to rise and fall as the air filled my lungs in the infamous moments of; surely this isn't going where I think it is?

"Emma," Aiden drawled, "how ticklish are you?"

The silence was deafening.

"Come on Aid," Malax spoke protectively, "She isn't going to be cool with that kind of thing."

"What kind of thing?" I spoke nervously.

"Well," Aiden leaned in to whisper, "Malax and I... we"-

"AIDEN!" He interrupted suddenly, pushing his glasses up his nose, and placing a protective hand onto my knee, "she's too weak to play with."

I wasn't sure what was happening. Beyond the rumble of lust and onslaught of my own heavy breathing- these two boys were discussing my viability as a plaything as though I wasn't even there; as though I did not have an opinion or right of my own... they continued. I between them, listening to my friends, felt absurd.

-"Emma," Aiden pinched my chin and forced my eyes to stare deeply into his, "would you like us to play with you?"

More silence from my dent in the couch. What was happening?

"Emma," Malax interrupted, "he wants to tickle and tease you, if you say yes; you will be expected to become completely vulnerable to us." I continued to stare into Aiden's eyes, thinking, listening to my heart beat.

Six months I had been visiting these two boys every weekend. They would feed me, let me sleep on their couch, and they always gave me good advice. Yet here I sat with- Aiden's hand on my thigh! -- and Malax's breath whispering in my ear, "if you don't say no soon... I'm afraid we will have to assume you give your consent."

I felt my body respond without my permission. My eyes closing as their hands began to run over my skin in gentle caresses. My eyes closed to their rhythm, and I felt myself being swept away in their combined scents. First Malax placed his hand firmly against the back of my neck, inspiring in me a gasp, which they both laughed at.

My cheeks had gone red. This was the price of allowing such deviousness to entertain my innermost desires. What could I do but allow their hands to tub, first gently over my inner ribs... then down towards the small of my back. Fingers curling both from the left and right of me, through my hair and over my ears; I bent my knees as though curling myself into their embrace in turn.

Aiden said it first, "we want you to be relaxed," he tapped my knee suggestively to unwind my anxious form, "almost sedated."

"I'm not very good at that," I whispered.

"We know," Malax reassured, "that's why we are going to help you. You can have a real surge of dopamine- a hit- of pure happiness."

Aiden and Malax each took one of my legs to spread them apart. My legs were now hanging over the couch, each one nervously pinned down with legs of their own. Their hands pressed my shoulders against the couch. My breath caught as I heard Aiden say, once more, "You're going to feel sedated. Obedience is pleasure Emma, just do what we say."

And how strange it was, to hear these phrases, again and again... sedated... obedience... pleasure... sedated... obedience... pleasure...

"You're going to be a good girl," Malax soothed, his five o'clock shadow scratching against my neck seductively. I looked at him with uncertainty, my brow furrowing at the notion; could I be a good girl and allow this to happen? I watched as he reached into his pocket and removed a length of black fabric, Aiden reached out to take one end, and they both moved to blindfold me with it.

"Wait," I spoke timidly, "I'm not sure about this."

"We won't hurt you," Aiden assured, threateningly crawling his fingertips across my thigh, and then back down to my knee. I bit my lip in an effort not to giggle.

"But our friendship," I gulped, pushing my long brown hair to the side of my neck, watching Aiden's lips as he responded and hating myself for doing so.

"What about it?" He seemed curious.

Malax cleared his throat, seeming to understand my concerns, and answered for Aiden, "we will always be your friends Emma."

I gulped again, chewing down on the riskiness of it all; if I ever lost my relationships with Malax and Aiden... I would be so lost. I didn't want anything to change. I didn't want to risk the fun relaxing weekends I had grown so reliant on for my happiness. I loved Malax and Aiden, each in their own ways, and I ...

"Is that what you're worried about?" Aiden laughed, "Emma, we aren't going to fuck you."

I blushed. "What?" My hands clenched at my sides, "I didn't think you were going to... do that." I lied.

"Well," Malax sighed, "I think you did."

"So do I Emma," Aiden shook his head, "this is unacceptable."

I shuddered at my own stupidity. Of course they weren't going to be sexual with me! They were going to be playful... but not seductive. They had never mentioned sex, kissing, fingering, fucking. It was all in my head- I pulled at my legs to remove myself, but they would not let me. I attempted to jolt myself away- but even as I pushed with my entire body- neither of them was moveable. They were both incredibly strong.

"Take a deep breath Emma," Malax began as my heart rate quickened and the humiliation of it all transpired before us, "take a deep, deep breath and let us play with you."

"I had no idea you wanted us to fuck you," Aiden tutted, "I thought you just wanted to be tickled."

I shivered. Yes. I did want that. But-

"Malax?" My jaw tensed, "did you tell Aiden about my"-

"That you desperately want to be tickled?" He finished for me, "Yeah I might have mentioned it."

"Tickling," Aiden chimed in, "we will do easily- fucking... you have to beg for. The idea that you just expected sex..."

"No!" I exclaimed breathlessly, "No! I didn't expect anything. I would never! Please, please don't think that of me."

Malax traced a finger across my neck. I bit my lip again. Aiden slid his hand between my thighs and just seconds before making contact he looked over to Malax and said, "Can you believe this girl? As if we would just fuck her."

"I'm sorry," I felt myself withdraw in the shame of it all. They both laughed at me, and so I looked down to the ground, letting my thick brown hair cover my blushing cheeks.

"Shhh," Malax said, "we're just teasing," and he and Aiden both placed the blindfold over my eyes. I let them do it. I let them take me toward another room- perhaps their rehearsal space. I wasn't sure as I ended up on the carpet somewhere in deep-seated confusion. I let them, because I felt so worthless, and so filled with shame.

"Aiden," I said tentatively, moving my hands up to remove the blindfold- yet my wrists were both captured by strong arms- and I could not tell whose. "Malax... I don't want you both to think I'm a... like I'm someone who just wants to have sex with you. I never expected you both to sleep with me, please believe me!"

"We believe you kiddo," Aiden's voice sounded and I felt a pat on my head.

"We were just playing around," Malax said, "you're so easy to wind up."

"You really do just believe anything we say to you?" Aiden teased while wriggling his fingers underneath my chin. I giggled and tried to turn away, foolishly squealing as I was unable to escape.

"So you don't think I'm selfish and greedy?" I gasped just as Aiden stopped torturing me, "You don't think I'm a slut?"

There was a silence. A silence filled with nothing but darkness as my vision was blocked and I lay helplessly pinned to their floor. As the silence deadened me, I felt a gentle caress across my stomach, fingers gliding over the skin, begging me to forget the torments and insecurities... and to just react- with giggles.

I blushed and squirmed in the opposite direction. I was ashamed to be filled with such joy beneath their strong hands and all-seeing gazes. "You're the greediest girl I've ever met," Aiden spoke sarcastically, jabbing my rib cage and then my neck.

"You're the only girl I've ever met- who wants her friends to use her- like a play toy," Malax wriggled his fingertips against my toes.

Suddenly, I felt their hands all over my body... wriggling and poking where they shouldn't be. Holding me still and forcing me into submission, I moaned uncontrollably between gasps and giggles. Again I heard the words ... obedience ... sedated... pleasure... strangely causing my body to feel all the more vulnerable. The sound of each of their voices filled my ears with perfectly pronounced phrases-

"Is this what you wanted?" one of them said, "to be tickle-fucked?" My pussy clenched at the T word. They kept saying that word in a particular way, allowing it to roll off their tongues easily, knowing the impact it would have on my body.