The Waiting Game

Standing by the window with my legs spread shoulder width and with my hands behind the small of my back, palms facing outwards and open, I wait knowing my lover, my Master, will soon enter. The seconds seem as hours as I wait. A small shiver runs through my body as my mind races. Oh, why does He do this to me, I wonder. He knows it drives me crazy to have to wait, not knowing, for He knows my mind thinks of too many things. He knows I drive myself into a frenzy when left to my own thoughts when called by Him and left alone for so long.

My mind running through so many things, as I have been called to serve, but not knowing what was to be required of me, as He gave no indication in His email to me. The shear curtains were billowing in the warm spring breeze making me aware of my fully aware of my nakedness as it danced across my flesh. I was standing with my back to the door, looking out the window as instructed. My nipples erect, my heart thumping wildly, waiting for Him to enter the room to find me waiting.

Then it dawned on me, I could be in trouble, maybe I did something wrong or displeased Him, and did not know it. I think and think as I try to think of anything that I might have done to displease Him. Thinking of nothing, I still roll everything over in my mind, for I would never on purpose disregard His words, but what if I misunderstood an instruction, what if… oh no, I stop myself, and take a few deep breaths to calm. As I do I remind myself that He is good and understanding Master and will ask me what I was thinking and why I did as I did before getting upset with me. Telling myself that I know He will not be mad after I explain for He is a good Master and a caring One. "God, I hope I have not displeased Him." I whisper out loud, "I hope I have not let my Master down."

Then I think of the different things that He wanted me to attempt. He wanted me to push my limits for Him… I again shiver as I stand there waiting for Him and think back to what He told me a few days ago… and I wonder which limit He wants me to push. Shutting my eyes, so scared to push some limits, more willing to push others, knowing I will attempt as He asks, just because He asks me to do so.

As I stand here, my mind racing, I listen for every sound, but the one I hear the loudest is within myself. I hear my pulse pounding in my head as my heart sends my blood throughout my body. It alerting my body that I stand here waiting to serve my Master, the adrenaline already entering my body in anticipation of the meeting.

I hear the door open and my heart leaps, knowing Master has arrived. Willing my body not to turn until I am granted this privilege. My heart skips a beat and my breathing quickens.

I listen and hear no more sounds other than the door closing softly. I wait. It seems like hours I wait, knowing it is only moments.

Then I die inside, wondering if that is Master that entered, wondering if someone else has walked in. Wanting to ask, wanting to hear His voice, wanting to look, I just stand there, wishing to crawl into myself.

Hoping if it is another in the room, if I stand still enough and quite enough, maybe I will not be seen nor heard. My heart beating so loudly in my ears, I know that the one that entered the room must be able to hear it also, but I stand still as directed.

'Oh God' I think so loudly to myself and then try to stop thinking so I can hear. Oh, this is worse than being blindfolded, for I am just as blind to what is happening inside the room as if I was blindfolded, but it is self honored, self inflicted just because Master ordered it.

My breathing going faster as I wait; it makes so much noise as it enters and leaves my body. I shut my eyes trying to listen, trying to obey, trying to endure this time of silence. Trying to calm my breathing.

It is then that I hear my Master's voice asking, "Are you ready?" I almost jump from His voice, as I find it is Master. I ponder His question for a moment as my thoughts race as I wonder what I am supposed to be ready for. And then I realize, that does not matter 'the what for' and I softly answer, "Yes, Master."