The Waterfall

This is my first publication; constructive criticism is welcome, and comments much appreciated. I hope you enjoy:

*

Dear Reader:

I've waited months to share this story with someone. I still can't believe it happened. You would think the details would have faded over time, but fortunately the events I want to share with you are vividly imprinted in my memory. I have never felt anything like this before in my life, a warm, fuzzy, tingly feeling deep inside of me and bubbles with happiness. I didn't even dream such a feeling was possible. Since it's a holiday, and I don't have to go to work, I'm taking advantage of the time to put these events to paper, or the electronic equivalent anyway, and sharing it. Thinking about what I'm about to tell you makes me feel all warm and fuzzy; the thought of sharing my story with all of you, magnifies the feeling tenfold.

I'm not even sure where to start.

Well, first I should tell you that my name is Joanna. I could have been a beautiful woman, except that early in my life I suffered terrible abuse at the hands of someone I should have been able to trust. That abuse has left my body covered with scars, scars that I am extremely self-conscious about. I tend to wear long sleeves and long skirts, anything that hides my flesh so the world can't see my secret; my shame. I have long, raven black hair; it goes halfway down my back, and deep blue eyes with pale skin. My scars have made it hard for me to be social, especially with men. I lost my virginity in college, in the dark of my apartment with a guy that I liked, but I refused to have any lights on while we were intimate. The relationship didn't last long after that. Most relationships in my life with men didn't last long. That is, until I met Matthew. Matthew is a natural born charmer, handsome like a classic Roman statue. We met at a museum by chance, admiring the same piece on the wall, and ended up in the food court talking about our favorite works. A friendship formed quickly, and we became intimate about six months after we met.

Matthew and I have had an on-again, off-again intimate relationship since that night in the Sweetheart Suite at a hotel in Chicago. It was entirely my fault. My fears rose up, and I needed to back off - and I began to think that I never wanted anyone else to ever touch me again. But Matthew wouldn't give up on me, he was extremely patient and understanding, letting me set the lead and following it. It was Matthew who pushed back against the walls I had put around my heart after so many bad experiences in my life, and it was exactly what needed to be done, I think. I'm still overly conscious of my scars, and keep myself covered as much as possible. When we are being intimate, I keep the setting very dark or stay under the covers so he can't see too much of me. I know, I should be able to trust him with the truth of what I look like, but it's been hard for me. Most of the time still, once the intimacy starts, I freeze up. I can touch him OK when we're just cuddling and snuggling, but once he gets inside me, my limbs just lock up and I can't move. He hasn't complained about it or anything, but I get very sad. I feel like I'm letting him down.

After a really tough week at work, Matthew wanted to go to Shangri-La. It's the nickname for an acreage he owns nearby where he likes to go when he needs his solitude. For the first time since we became involved, he invited me to go with him. He told me to pack something for swimming so we could enjoy the lake. I couldn't believe he suggested we take a swim in the lake. It took a lot of planning for me to come up with something that could pass as swimwear without making me too self-conscious. After we arrived and he took in our bags, he showed me to a guest room and suggested we head right for the lake to freshen up. So I changed my clothes for a one-piece, modest swimsuit with a sarong skirt and beach jacket, and he changed into shorts and we headed for the lake.

Once we got to the lake, we started swimming. I waited until he headed into the lake before quickly shedding my skirt and jacket and following him. I felt safer under the water, it's a nice dark blue lake, and you can't see more than a few inches below the surface. I felt like my scars were as hidden as they were under my clothes or under the covers, and I was able to enjoy myself, swimming around, dunking each other playfully. Eventually, we began to tire, and he suggested we go rest in the lagoon over by the waterfall. The lake is his favorite location on the acreage, and he made a few modifications to it to make it more relaxing for him. There is a small hill that blocks most of the wind, making a calm pool where he likes to sit on the rocks and listen to the water lap against them, it's quite relaxing. The hill is built up a bit higher not far away from the lagoon, and an artificial waterfall is there to act as a natural shower. He explained it to me over dinner one night, there is a small pumping system that takes the water from the lake to the top of the hill and lets it drop in a gentle waterfall. The system even warms the water during the process.

Anyway, as we headed that way, Matthew placed his hands on my shoulders. I expected he was going to dunk me and took a deep breath, but instead he pulled the straps of my swimsuit to the side and pulled down, diving under me and taking my suit with him! I was in such shock I just barely was able to tread water, petrified to find myself naked in the water. He brushed up against me on his way back up, and I realized he had lost his shorts somewhere, so now we were skinny dipping. It scared me to death at first, but Matthew put his arms around me and while treading water for us both, began kissing and touching me. After the initial shock, I began to relax and for once I wasn't feeling self-conscious about my scars because I realized that they were hidden under the water. I could focus my attention on what he was doing... what it felt like... what he felt like. I don't understand how something can be gentle and yet so passionate at the same time. This is all so new to me.

Matthew was gently guiding us towards the lagoon when we heard laughter coming from the waterfall. I turned around in his arms and looked up, and was shocked to see Andrea and Thomas were showering in the waterfall together. Thomas is Matthew's best friend, and Andrea is his wife. We've gone out with them several times in the past on double dates. Thomas thought Joanna was too prim a name for me, and started calling me JoJo. Matthew hadn't said a word to me about them being here as well. I immediately tensed up and tried to push Matthew back the way we came, but he wasn't moving. He pulled my head back to rest on his shoulder and whispered in my ear, "Hush love, just watch..." and while I floated there in the water, he kept touching me and whispering things to me while we watched Andrea and Thomas together. Oh, they are both so beautiful. Andrea's curves are in just the right places, and free from any scars, and Thomas is strong, like my Matthew, but prettier to look at. Matthew kept whispering how he'd like to touch me like that, or he'd like me to touch HIM like that. I think the water in the lake must have been boiling, it felt so hot laying there in the water with Matthew touching me, and watching two passionate lovers embrace and be intimate with each other. I closed my eyes, embarrassed at watching even as much as I had to admit to myself that I was enjoying it, and just focused on Matthew' voice. I have no idea how much time passed. Then I heard Thomas say, "The two of you look so hot down there. I want to play with JoJo too."

My eyes flew open, and Andrea and Thomas had stepped out of the waterfall, were standing on the edge of the lagoon, and now THEY were watching US in the lake. I could feel my body blush and tried to cover myself. I realized when I had relaxed, I had started floating so close to the surface of the water, I knew I was more visible than I was comfortable being. Matthew caught at my hands and Thomas & Andrea dove into the water to join us. I wanted to swim away and hide, but Matthew wouldn't let me. When they surfaced, Matthew told them we had come to soak in the lagoon, and would they like to join us. They did, so the four of us made our way into the lagoon and got comfortable. Rocks had been placed around the perimeter to serve as benches like in a hot tub. I sat in front of Matthew with my chin at water level, trying to keep the rest of me out of sight. Andrea sat on Thomas' lap and they were cuddling & making out. Thomas asked me why I was so shy and hiding my luscious curves from him and Matthew. I muttered, "None of your business" but Matthew spoke over me, "She's conscious of her scars, and even though I've told her a thousand times scars have no impact on how one feels about another person, she won't believe it's true." I was horrified that he had so openly told them my shameful secret.

Thomas set Andrea down and moved our way, and before I knew what was happening, he had reached under the water, put his hands around my sides, and pulled me up out of Matthew' grip to sit on the side of the lagoon in plain sight of the three of them. I was mortified and wanted to get up and run, but Thomas slid his hands down to rest on my hips, holding me to the ground, and I couldn't kick my way free without hurting him. There I was, sitting on the side of the lagoon, naked, with the three of them watching me, my scars visible to everyone, and I was helpless to do anything about it. Andrea swam over and pulled herself out of the lagoon to sit next to me.

"Look, we've got the same body type," she said, and I made myself look over at her. We were about the same size, but where I saw myself as fat I saw her as curvaceous, and there wasn't a single scar on her body while mine was a crisscross of white marks. I covered myself as best I could with my hands and started to cry. God, I hate crying, but I was just so ashamed, not only Matthew but Thomas and Andrea could see all my ugly scars. I knew for sure Matthew would leave me now that he had seen how ugly I really am. That's when I felt someone licking at my chest above my breasts. Assuming it was Matthew, despite my intense shame, I lowered my arms for him. But then I felt another set of lips at my chest. I opened my eyes to see both Matthew and Thomas were licking the water from the lagoon off of me, and commenting to each other things like, "Does she taste any different where there is a scar and where there isn't one? I can't tell a difference." Andrea shifted to kneel behind me, rubbed at my tense shoulders, and whispered, "It is okay to enjoy yourself, let yourself go and just enjoy yourself. You deserve it, Joanna; more than anyone, after what you've been through, you deserve it."

And, well, I did. I am not sure how I did it exactly, but I could feel myself just let go. My head fell back onto Andrea's shoulder and the tenseness just melted away from me. Matthew and Thomas kept licking moving down to each take a nipple in their mouth. Instead of tensing up, I relaxed even more. Matthew must have felt the change because he gently pushed me back onto my back and crawled on top of me, and slid into me so smoothly it felt like I was waiting for him. It was the first time we had ever been intimate outside of a dark room, not buried under the covers. I had temporarily forgotten Thomas and Andrea were there until Thomas stood up behind Matthew, and reached around him to tweak and rub at his nipples. "He really likes to be touched here, JoJo, you should try it." I don't know how he knew that - I don't think I want to know - but I slowly reached my hands up and rested them on top of Thomas' hands for a moment before he pulled his hands away and I was touching Matthew's chest while he was slowly loving me. I had always found it hard to touch Matthew when he couldn't freely touch me - it never seemed fair.

I think he must have really liked it a lot, because he picked up the pace and his eyes got so fiery. I lost sight of everything around me. It's like I forgot that we were outside, lying on the ground, with an audience watching us having sex. All I could think of was Matthew on top of me, in me, around me, and suddenly I felt a connection with him, stronger than anything I've ever felt before. He leaned down and kissed me, and I wrapped myself around him and we both exploded together and there was a release of energy that was almost magical in its intensity. By the time I came back to my senses, I could hear Andrea and Thomas next to us, coming together as well, although she was on top of him. I couldn't help but watch, I've always wanted to ride a man like that but I could never do it with Matthew because then he'd be able to see me. They looked so happy, so joyful, so full of pleasure, and they shared an orgasm together with an intensity I've only read about in books. When they caught their breath, Andrea suggested we wash up in the waterfall, so we all go to our feet and moved towards the waterfall. My hands kept trying to cover myself, I've never been nude around anyone before, but Matthew kept pulling my hands away. It's a large enough waterfall we could all four fit under it. We weren't under the water very long though before stray hands found their way to stray breasts and penises and in the water & mist, you really couldn't see who you were touching or being touched by very well. I should have been so self-conscious, no one but Matthew has touched me like that before, in a nice way, a gentle way. After receiving several gentle touches, I found I couldn't help myself from reaching out and stroking whatever skin I found at the end of my fingers.

I don't know how it happened but Matthew picked me up and slipped inside of me, and I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist. When I tried to lean forward to hold on to him, I found Thomas up against my back. He wrapped his arms around me, stroked my breasts while he held me up, and I could feel Andrea's hands on my stomach, my butt, my back. Then I could feel her underneath me, I could feel her hair on my back, and I'm sure she had taken Thomas' penis into her mouth, even with the water rushing by I could hear her moaning and feel her head moving under me. The sensation of her wet hair against my butt and back was unlike anything I've ever felt before. I was scared and yet so aroused at the same time, my body was on overdrive. Every nerve ending was alive, the feel of the water on my skin, Matthew inside me, Thomas touching me, Andrea under me pleasuring Thomas so he pleasured me which make me pleasure Matthew. I didn't know something like that was possible. I didn't know sex like that existed.

Afterwards, Thomas and Andrea washed off and left the waterfall, leaving me with Matthew. He gently brushed at my skin, cleaning me under the waterfall as I slowly came to my senses. Afterwards, we walked back up to the house, still naked, and he held my hand the whole way, and he led me to the master bedroom. It had by then sunk in that I had let Matthew see me - really see me - for the first time that day. Two other people had seen my ugliness too. That's when the tears started flowing down my cheeks. Even as I cried, he kissed every single scar on my body and said he was sorry. I told him he didn't need to be sorry, he didn't cause them, but he curled up with me on his bed when he was done, and said he was apologizing for not being there to prevent them from happening to me. Now when we're apart, I can sense him, I feel his love for me wherever I am. Every scar has been covered with a band-aid of Matthew's love for me. I can feel it right now as I'm writing this, and he's impatiently waiting for me to finish writing because he wants to go swimming with me. RIGHT NOW. Apparently knowing that I was writing about our first time under the waterfall has gotten HIM all hot and bothered, and he's eager for a repeat performance. Who would have thought it, Joanna has a sexy side to her? I'm still self-conscious about my scars, but not with Matthew.

I hope Thomas and Andrea accepted his invitation to join us for the 4th of July celebration this year. I have been so involved in writing I haven't heard them, but perhaps, they headed straight to the place where my view of myself changed forever. Maybe they're waiting for us even now at that waterfall.

Thank you for reading, whoever you are. I hope you enjoyed it, I really need to go now, Matthew is calling me, and I don't want to keep him any longer. I don't think I want to wait any longer myself.

Joanna